Gramps - Chapter 27

 

Gramps

By Karen Singer

 

Chapter 27

 

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six…  How many things in our lives seem to evoke some kind of countdown towards an event?  Rockets going off.  New Year’s Eve.  And of course, the event in question here, Christmas.  It was Monday, and the countdown stood at three days before Christmas.  Christmas, an event I now feared more than anything else.

Kimmie and Ash…darn!  Mommy and Grandma had assured me that we weren’t going anywhere for Christmas.  We would be staying right here at home…her home, not mine.  But Grandma was quick to add that she couldn’t guarantee that some family members might show up even though we weren’t going to be part of any kind of family get-together.  Family was family after all.  It was possible that one or two might want to drop in, just to check on us and say merry Christmas. 

Since Thanksgiving, Ash had spent a lot of time decorating her house for the Christmas season, including a full-size fake Christmas tree in the corner of the living room where my toys were once again scattered.  The tree gave me less room to play in, but there was no kind of actual boundary to keep me from spilling into or playing in the rest of the room.

With my days consisting of mostly enforced “playtime,” playing with the baby toys was about all I had to do.  I’m pretty sure I mentioned not long ago that it was either learn to actually play with those dumb things or literally die of boredom.  Lately, it was the dollhouse that that seemed to grab my attention the most, after that, believe it or not, that stupid singing doll.  With nothing better to do, I would press the buttons and listen to her sing stupid kiddie songs to me for hours at a time.  Trust me, it was a far cry from listening to the usual kind of music I liked, but it was all I had.

Monday morning brought about a slight change in Kimmie’s usual routine to get me dressed.  In the process, she removed my earrings, cleaned them and my earlobes, then stuck the things back in my ears again so I could “enjoy” them.  How could I enjoy them?  Not only could I not see them, but whenever I laid my head down too far to the side, the posts in the back dug into me and hurt.  Some enjoyment.

Once again it was baby food for breakfast, baby food for lunch, and then I got fed a decent (and delicious) meal the same as everyone else for dinner.  No company at all that day.  Hooray.  The entire day was really nice, if you don’t count going nuts having nothing at all to do but play with baby toys.

But all that changed as soon as dinner was over.  Suddenly Ki…Mommy was all action as she got me redressed nicely.  I got a big bow in the back of my pulled back hair.  And I got taken out of the house into public again.  Why did they feel it was so necessary to do that to me every day?  I’ll never know.

This time, instead of shopping, we went to a church “living tree” Christmas concert.  The music was really nice.  The looks from the million or so people who saw me weren’t nice.  I don’t understand why Mommy and Grandma didn’t notice that at all.  Were they blind?  At least once the lights were turned down and the program began, nobody was paying any attention to me and I could actually enjoy it.  Like I said, it was really nice.  Better than I expected.

The best part?  We went straight home after that.  I was so glad!

 

Five, four, three, two…  Two days to go.  Tuesday.  Change my diaper.  Clean my ears.  Dress me in another skirt outfit.  Sit on the floor and play with the same old toys.  Baby food for lunch.  Play with more toys.  Take an enforced nap.  Play with toys again.  Have a good dinner like everyone else.  And go berserk when the doorbell rang.

My daughter Jenny and her daughter Madison walked in.  They said hi and Merry Christmas to Ash and…shit!  I mean, they said hi and Merry Christmas to Grandma and Mommy, then headed straight for me sitting on the living room floor in the middle of my toys.  Jenny bent down first.  “And how is little Diane today?” she asked in a sickeningly sweet voice.  “Give Aunt Jenny a big hug and kiss.”

Oh great!  Did she have to do that?  She hugged me and kissed me, then it was Aunt Madison’s turn.  She couldn’t stop laughing the entire time she hugged me.

Fortunately, we didn’t leave the house.  But a little while later, I got to join them in the kitchen while Grandma, Mommy, Aunt Jenny, and Aunt Maddy drank coffee and talked…WHILE I got to sit there with my hands spread out so Aunt Maddy could change my perennial pink nail polish to red for the Christmas season.  My fingernails had been a consistent pink for so long now that I had finally gotten used to it.  Now they wanted to change things up and make it even more difficult to not notice what color they were?  Darn women!

 

Three, two, one…  Wednesday.  The day before Christmas.  Christmas Eve.  It had started snowing the night before and we woke up to an inch of snow covering everything and it was still coming down.  My thoughts about it were that hopefully it would keep everyone, including my family, away from me tomorrow, Christmas day.

Mommy had other ideas.

After lunch she found me in my usual spot near the Christmas tree.  “Diane,” she said excitedly as if she was talking to a real toddler.

Uh-oh.  Where were we going now?

“It’s snowing out.”

Brilliant.  How did she figure that out?

Um…remember that Disney song from Frozen, “Do You Want to Build a Snowman?”  Guess what her exact words were to me.  Yup!  “Diane.  Do you want to build a snowman?”

Nope!

Mommy…aka Kimmie…aka my dear sweet granddaughter Kimberly, had not yet learned the art of reading minds.  So guess where we went.  Right.  She dressed me up somewhat warmly, and out we went into the snow.  Yes, believe it or not, she and I spent over an hour out there building snowmen.  Three of them.  One named Mommy.  One named Grandma.  And one named Diane.  At least the one of me wasn’t wearing a dress.

 

And we have liftoff…I mean Christmas!

Oh Christmas pee, oh Christmas pee, how lovely are thy…  Never mind.

From the start I was dressed nicer than usual.  When Mommy cleaned my ears that morning, my pink earrings got changed out for red ones that would not only match my nail polish, but the dress she planned on making me wear later.  Um…they matched my red shoes too, but we won’t bother mentioning that.

Except for changing my earrings, my day started off the same as every other day since we arrived, including the baby food for breakfast and lunch.  But after lunch Mommy undressed me  and put me into another new dress.  One that evidently she had ordered over the internet, just for me to wear on Christmas Day.  The dress was similar to the one I had worn on Thanksgiving, except instead of being pink and white and far too short, this one was red and white and far too short.  Was my diaper showing?  Trying to see around the full skirt of the thing made it difficult to tell.  If nobody was supposed to come, why had Mommy dressed me the way she did?

Wearing the dress and a big red bow at the top of my head, I again got plopped down in front of the Christmas tree with my toys.  While I played, Grandma and Mommy started pushing me further away from the tree as they started placing nicely wrapped Christmas gifts around the tree.

Grandma and Mommy were just discussing opening our gifts when, you guessed it, the doorbell rang.  So much for nobody showing up.

“Merry Christmas,” I heard someone calling as Ash opened the door.  A moment later, Aunt Jenny and Aunt Madison walked in carrying gifts.  Everyone got greeted, including both of them spending too much time ogling…I mean gushing over how cute I looked.  Yeah right!  Five minutes later, we were all sitting down and opening gifts.  And yes, they each had a gift for me.

I opened Aunt Madison’s gift first and rolled my eyes…I mean I removed the pacifier from my mute mouth and thanked her profusely for giving me another toddler’s dollhouse complete with more toy dolls to go in it.  Oh boy, now I had two of them to play with.  Looking at it, I realized that it was one of the items from the toy list that Mommy had made me create a few weeks earlier.  It looked like Mommy wasn’t the only one in the family who saw that list.

Aunt Jenny’s gift was a lot different.  Um…um…um…  No!  I don’t want to tell you.  Shit!  Okay, okay.  When I opened the gift, it took me a minute to figure out what I was looking at, but when I finally realized it, I nearly died.  Remember those spiked booties I had found on the internet?  Yup!  But she had bought me not only the spiked booties that could lock onto my feet and keep me from being able to stand up, but she had also bought me a matching pair of bondage mittens that would make using my hands pretty much impossible.  Jenny, what were you thinking?  While I stared at them in disbelief, the others, especially Mommy, were all laughing hysterically over the things.  Mommy said she couldn’t wait to try them.  I considered taking them out and burying them in the middle of one of those snowmen we had built so nobody would find them until spring.

I opened a gift from Grandma next.  You know the dress I was wearing…and the dress I had worn at Thanksgiving that was similar.  Well, my gift from Grandma was another dress.  And then I realized that this one was very much a more babyish design than the ones that Mommy had bought.  When I held it up all the way, I was pretty sure it was shorter too.  In fact, in some ways, it reminded me of the baby dress that Mommy had put me in for that baby shower.  Mommy grabbed it from me and all the women went nuts over it.

In the middle of that, the doorbell rang again.  If people didn’t stop coming, the house would soon be packed with people.

“Merry Christmas!”

Oh shit!  A male voice.  And in walked Kimmie’s brother Keith.  He greeted all the women, but when he looked over at me, he shook his head, sneered, and muttered, “F***in’ hell!”  He immediately turned so he wouldn’t have to look at me.

Um… Keith’s idea of gifts was a bit different than the ladies, including his gift to me.  And yes, I got one from him too, all wrapped up in a very plain envelope.  All of us got the exact same thing, one Maryland lottery scratch-off ticket.  It took me a moment of looking at it to realize that the tickets he had bought each of us were probably the most expensive scratch-off’s the lottery offered, because the winning prize was advertised to be five million dollars.

Keith didn’t stick around long though, obviously because of me.  Besides, he was on his way over to Mike’s house for Christmas there.  He soon left, and Jenny and Madison left right behind him.

I still had more gifts to open though.  There were three that Mommy had gotten me.  The first two contained more toddler girl toys, I realized that just like Madison’s gift, each of them had been on the list I had given her.

I was about to open the final gift when the doorbell rang again.  Allison hurried in and wished everyone a quick Merry Christmas, including me.  She was worried about getting over to Mike’s house for Christmas with the rest of the family, but she just wanted to drop her gifts off here first since we wouldn’t be there.

We all quickly opened her gifts.  I got two from her, a kitchen set made for three-year-olds, and another footed sleeper to keep me warm.  Nice!  Um…when I say nice, I’m not talking about the kitchen set.

Allison left quickly and it was my turn to open my final gift.  Mommy had already given me a few more toys, and that’s what I expected.  I should have expected that this gift would be different…and it was.

Um…when I was putting my lists together for Kimmie a while back, do you remember me mentioning a pink pair of Mary Jane shoes with bows on them that were…dare I say it…lockable?  Yup!  The shoes that were named Sissy Trainers, that’s what was in the box.  I knew Kimmie would love them, just for the name alone.  They made me wet my diaper just looking at them.

With the gifts passed out and everyone who had shown up so far now gone, Mommy removed my nice dress and stuck me back in bed with a bottle of formula for my afternoon nap.  It seemed like every time I thought about the kind of gifts I had gotten from everyone, I wound up wetting my diaper.  Every time!  Everything had been made for a toddler girl, or…for an adult baby…like me.  Everything!  I wasn’t looking forward to wearing those Sissy Trainer shoes out in public…or maybe I was.  Just the thought of it was making me more horny than I already was.  How long before we could go home and Mommy could remove that damn chastity thing?

Much later, after a really nice Christmas dinner that Grandma and Mommy had created together, before getting up from the table, Grandma brought over all the envelopes that Keith had given us containing those scratch-off lottery tickets.  Grandma gave us each a spoon to use to scratch them off with.

“I won!” Grandma soon shouted happily.

“Let me see!” Mommy said.

“Look!” Grandma said as she held out the ticket.  “Twenty dollars!”

“Wow!” Mommy said, then she turned to me.  “How about you Diane?  Need some help?”

I shook my head and kept scratching.  Nothing.  Nothing.  Nothing.  I finally shook my head and pulled the plug from my mouth.  “Doesn’t look like I got anything.”

“Aw.  Too bad,” Mommy said as she took my ticket to check it over.

“How about you?” Grandma asked Kimmie.

Mommy went back to scratching things off.  When she was done, she just stared down at it.  I saw her swallow before she said.  “I don’t think I understand this.”

“What’s wrong?” Grandma asked.

“I think I may have won something.”

“Oh?” Grandma said excitedly.  “How much?”

“I’m not sure,” Mommy replied.  “Look.”

She handed the ticket to Grandma, who also looked confused.  “Kimberly.  It looks like…somehow…”  She looked up right at her daughter.  “You might have won the grand prize.”

I wonder if either Mommy or Grandma slept at all that night.  I did, but then I didn’t win anything except some very embarrassing Christmas gifts.  I was betting that Mommy didn’t sleep a wink though.

 

Friday morning things started a little earlier than usual.  Get me up, clean my ears, remove my diaper, shave, get in and out of the shower, get dried off, get dressed by Mommy in another skirt outfit, then get breakfast that consisted of baby cereal.  I noticed that neither Mommy nor Grandma were eating anything.  I didn’t have to ask why.

Shortly after breakfast, I was bundled up in my coat and was stuck in the backseat of the car along with my teddy bear and singing doll for company.  Off we went to the nearest gas station where Mommy had already found out that Keith had purchased all those expensive tickets.  When we got there, I was hoping to stay in the car.  Nope!  Didn’t happen.  I was pulled out and dragged right into that store.  Grandma handed the man behind the counter her ticket.  He stuck it in the machine, then congratulated her and soon handed her a twenty-dollar bill.

“Check this one first,” Mommy told the man next.  He put my ticket in the machine, then shook his head.  “Sorry.  Didn’t win anything.”

“Now this one,” Mommy told him as she handed over her ticket.

The man put it into the machine, and the machine started buzzing.  I noticed a light flashing on the top of it.  “Holy…!” the man started to say.  He turned to Mommy.  “Ma’am, you won!  I mean, you won it all.  Five million dollars.  Congratulations!”

Yeah, Mommy and Grandma both jumped up and down with excitement and hugged each other.  Me?  I was so amazed I shit my diaper.  Well, how else was my body going to react?

The excitement through the entire family was high once they heard the news.  I’m not sure about Keith though.  Since he bought the tickets in the first place, I’m sure he felt gipped and was wishing that he had won instead.

For the rest of the day, family members kept dropping by to congratulate Kimmie.  Just for the occasion, Mommy had locked…and I mean locked with small padlocks…those spiked bondage booties and the mittens on me just to make playing with my toys more frustrating…I mean enjoyable.  Trust me, if I even attempted to put any weight on the bottom of my feet, those spikes hurt like crazy.  Not only could I not stand let alone walk, but the only thing I was capable of doing with my hands was to hold a baby bottle if I used both hands to do it.

And I was supposed to play with my toys that way?  Nope!  I couldn’t even press the button on the hand of my singing doll to let her sing to me.  Um…the booties and mittens didn’t have any affect at all on my ability to wet and mess in my diaper.  That was about the extent of the fun I was capable of having while wearing those things.

 

Despite being suddenly rich, we drove home on Sunday.  Mommy was certainly in a good mood.  I was happy for her.  Very happy.  She even let me sit up front for the entire trip.  This time she talked a lot, but she wasn’t actually asking me much of anything.  Instead, she spent time dreaming about what she could do with all that money.  I, of course, had to remind her not to count too many of those chickens before they hatched.  She wasn’t exactly happy when I explained how much money both the federal government and the state government was going to get, and I wasn’t sure which state was going to be involved, Maryland or Tennessee.  Tax season hadn’t come up yet and the last place Kimmie had filed was in Maryland, even though she now lived in Tennessee.  We were going to have to get a ruling on that.

Still, I assured Kimmie…I mean Mommy that she would get a lot of money in the end.  Several million for sure.

 

A few days after getting home, I expected to be able to stay up and greet the new year with Kimmie, but she insisted that babies didn’t do that and I got put to bed instead at my usual eight-thirty bedtime.  Oh well.  I had noticed though the bottle of champaign that Kimmie had out on the kitchen counter.

A thought hit me when I saw it.  “Is your boyfriend coming?

She looked at me quizzically for a moment, then replied, “Baby, Kyle is history.  I dropped him when he kept suggesting that I should leave you.  I don’t want to leave you.  I love you too much.”  She sighed, then added, “The truth is, I really love dressing you up every day.  It’s one of the most fun things I do.  And I even like changing your diapers for you too, even when they’re messy…which face it, is almost always!  Baby, I’m not leaving you for anything. Ever!”

I hugged her.  “I’m sorry,” I told her.

“For what?  I’m happy.  There’s lots of men out there, and right now, the only one I want to be around is you.”  She laughed.  “Even though you’re now my little baby girl instead.  And Diane, I’m having so much fun with you.”

I had no doubt.

 

The following morning, I noticed that Mommy wasn’t exactly feeling very well.  She dressed me, but barely.  Then she got me a baby bottle before going back to bed.  I discovered that the bottle of champaign was empty.  She had finished the entire thing by herself last night.  No wonder she felt the way she did.  Was it something I said?  Or was she simply excited about having so much money coming in soon?

But that was the day, New’s Year Day, when my entire world turned upside down again.

Kimmie was feeling a lot better by lunchtime, but I could tell she still seemed to be sad about something.  Had my question about her boyfriend really upset her that much?  It was the only reason I could think of.

After lunch, Kimmie stood looking out the window at the backyard.  It had snowed while we were away and the ground was covered in white.  She turned to me and said, “Gramps?”

Calling me Gramps again was lately out of character for her…and me.  I got to my feet  “Yeah?”

She motioned with her head that she wanted me to come over to her.  Fearing something was wrong, I went.  I stood next to her, looking out at the snow-covered yard.  “What’s wrong?” I asked softly.

She sighed.  “We’re done,” she said simply.

I wasn’t sure what she meant.  “Done?” I asked.

“Done.  Done with all the baby stuff.  Done with the sissy stuff.  All of it.  I’ll unlock all the bathroom doors in a few minutes.”

I tried desperately to take that in.  “What happened?” I asked.

She shook her head.  “Nothing.  But it’s been about four months now that I’ve kept you in diapers and I think it’s time for us to take stock of where we are and what we want to do.”  She sniggered.  “And you’ve got a ton of new baby and sissy stuff to play with whenever you want.  And Gramps, after what we’ve been doing, I don’t think you have to be shy about me seeing you playing with any of it.  Ever!”

“Um…probably not,” I conceded.

I tried to take it in.  Done.  No more forced diapers.  No more baby bottles.  No more enforced naps.  No more playing with useless baby toys.  No more…anything.  I briefly wondered if I would even be able to go without wearing diapers anymore.  Something told me it would probably be impossible.

But now we were done.  I was shocked to discover what a letdown the simple concept of done was.  I was also shocked to discover something else.

“Kimmie,” I said softly, still looking at the snow.  “What if…”

“Yeah?”

“What if I don’t want it to be done?  What if I want to continue?  What if…I like it?”

She turned and looked at me.  “Gramps?”

“Yes?”

“Are you sure?”

I had to stand there and consider that.  It was a few moments before I answered.  “Kimmie, I think I am sure.  I do like it.  I like it enough that, believe it or not, I don’t think I want to stop.”

She stared at me again, then hugged me tightly.  “Gramps,” she whispered.  “I love you so much.  Being a mother to you and teaching you to be a baby again has been so special to me.  I don’t really want to stop either.  I loved doing…everything with you.  All of it.  If we stop…I’d…miss it.  A lot!”

“So?” I asked.

She looked into my face.  “So…as long as you’re willing, are you sure you want to continue?  Just keep going from where we are now and see where it takes us?  Together?”

I nodded.  “Yeah Kimmie.  I’m agreeable to all of it.  Together.  To wherever it takes us.”

She hugged me again.  “I love you Gramps.  I love you so much!”

“I love you too Kimmie,” I replied as I hugged her back.  A thought hit me.  “What about when you have friends over though, or another boyfriend?  If you do, would I need to worry about how he’s going to fit in with things?”

Kimmie seemed to consider that, but only for a moment.  “Gramps, yeah, I may have boyfriends from time to time, but none of them will every tear me away from you.  I promise!  I love you too much Gramps.”

I nodded.  “Maybe that’s good.  So I guess it will be back to everything again.”

“Yeah,” she agreed.

“There’s just one thing I’d really like to change.  One thing that I hate more than anything.”

“What’s that?”

“Only letting me change at two o’clock every day.  It’s just too long!  I’m too much of a mess all the time, especially after all those bottles you keep me drinking.”

She chuckled.  “Poor Gramps,” she teased.  “Afraid of sitting in a little bit of shit?”

“Afraid?  No.  I’ve had too much practice with it.  Sitting in it doesn’t bother me at all anymore.”

Before I could continue, she laughed again, only louder.  “Well,” she said.  “I guess that worked!  You’ve got no problem sitting in it all day now, which to me means that you’ve got no reason to complain.”

Ugh!  Foiled again!

We both turned to look out at the snow again.  “So,” I said.  “Have you figured out what you’re going to do with all your money yet?”

She turned to me again and I noticed that sly smile of hers on her face.  “I think I’m going to get you something.”

“Me?  What?”

“Something that’s every little girl’s dream.”

“What’s that?” I asked.

“A pony.”

“Kimmie…”

She laughed, then said, “And it’s not Kimmie anymore Diane.  Remember?  It’s Mommy!”

Darn woman!

 

The End

 

Gramps - Chapter 26

 

Gramps

By Karen Singer

 

Chapter 26

 

Hoping for something doesn’t mean you’re going to get it.  Praying for it doesn't seem to be much more successful.  And trust me, begging for it doesn't mean you’re going to get it either.  In my case, I hoped, prayed, and actually begged Kimmie to not go back up to Baltimore to visit the family for Christmas.  Or at the least, she should go, but leave me home here in Tennessee where I belonged.  I certainly didn’t belong up there, nor was I wanted.  But all my hoping, praying, and actual begging fell on deaf ears when it came to Kimmie.  She wanted me to go, and as far as she was concerned, I had no say in it.  Did I ever mention that she liked using the old “babies have no say in anything” routine?  Guess which one of us was the baby.  Not her!

Let me tell you something right now.  That morning when we left, was the morning that my entire life turned not just topsy-turvy, but it rolled over, died, and was buried upside down!  Right from the start I didn’t know which way was up anymore.  Why, you may ask?  Geez!  Where do I start?  I guess we better start at the top of the day.  The beginning.  So what was the beginning?

I had been afraid she was going to do it.  I had feared it from the time I knew we were going back to Baltimore.  As soon as I got out of the shower that morning, all my worst fears came true.  Kimmie laid me down and stuck that darn, stupid, blankety blank flat chastity device on my cock, rendering it not only useless, but for all intents and purposes, gone!  When I started to complain she quickly told me, “Little girls don’t have those ugly things on their bodies, and now, neither do you!”

End of argument.  Darn woman!  It was on and locked, including the tight strap that went all the way around me, keeping the entire thing as close to my body as possible.  Too close!  It wasn’t until it was on that she finished getting me dressed.

Oh no!  Do I have to go through this again?  Okay, okay.  Just hold your horses for a minute and I’ll get this over with.  Diaper…yes, even though it goes without saying now, Kimmie stuck one on me, right after she tried to kill me with too much baby powder, and right after…um…we’ll get there in a minute.  Now, where were we?  Oh yeah.  Diaper, pastel blue plastic pants, light blue tights, white frilly little girl style socks with blue accents, and a dark blue bra (why, I still have no idea).  Then she added, not a skirt, but a very short blue and white dress (at least it had long sleeves).  Have you noticed that once again there are a lot of very, very short skirts and dresses in the stores?  I have.  Kimmie was more than happy to point them out to me whenever we went shopping.  “Wouldn’t you love wearing that?”  Nope!

Uh…where were we again?  Okay.  Got it.  Still getting dressed, which was right after…  Like I said, we’ll get there.  That was the dress, which leaves my hair next.  No pigtails with ribbon bows.  Hooray!  But the hairclip she put at the top, after pulling the entire front part of my hair backwards so tightly I thought it would rip out, was a flowery concoction of blue and white ribbon that couldn’t be missed.

And…and…and…on my feet, those red little girl Mary Janes with the decorations on the buckle that Kimmie had kept away from me since Thanksgiving.  With all the light blue I was wearing, the red Mary Janes stuck out like a sore thumb.  Um…Kimmie thought those shoes looked divine with the rest of my outfit.  I simply wanted to stay home!

But I’m overlooking something that crashed my entire brain, just so I could get the clothing bit out of the way, and it started before I was fully dressed.  Okay…backing up again.  Shit!

I woke up (obviously).  I waddled my way into the bathroom where I shaved my face (Kimmie had given me a bath the night before where she had again shaved my entire body bald).  I removed my soaked diaper and stuck it in the diaper pail trash, then I jumped into the shower.  I didn’t want to get out.  Not because I liked it in there, which I did, but because getting out would bring me closer to having to leave to travel north to see the family.  And I didn’t want to go!  I think I mentioned already that my pleading hadn’t worked at all.

Anyway.  I got out of the shower and Kimmie was already there to help me dry off.  She took me by the hand and led me back to my bed where that new changing mat was laid out.  I got on it and like I said, she tried to kill me with the amount of baby powder that she used.

“Stop looking so glum!” she told me.

“Wouldn’t you?” I asked.  “This trip is a bad idea, and you know it.”

“Diane Alice!”  How dare you tell me that something is a bad idea.  I’m your mother.  You’re a baby.  A two-year-old baby, not at adult.  How would you know what a bad idea is?  You don’t!  So no more complaining.”

I stared up at her in disbelief.  What had she just said?  I really wasn’t sure, even after I had heard it.  “Uh…” I started to say as I searched for the words.

“Aren’t you going to tell me you’re sorry?” she suddenly asked, cutting me off.

Again, I stared at her in disbelief.  Huh?  Tell her…  “Sorry?” I asked.

“It’s sorry, Mommy!” she told me in a very stern voice.

I knew that somehow I had to be either still asleep and in the middle of a bad dream, or I had somehow been transported into another dimension.  “Mommy?” I asked.

“Yes dear?  What is it?” she replied as she finished putting the diaper on me.

“Um…”  I searched for words.

She looked at me, then stuck the big pacifier in my mouth.  “Sorry Diane, but sometimes your baby words are a little hard for Mommy to understand.  And I’ve got a lot to do this morning before we leave.  So just suck on your baby paci and let me get you ready.”

Mommy?  Diane?  What world had I woken up in?  Since I had been completely muted, and it was obvious that she didn’t want me asking questions, my mind went into la-la land as it tried to cope with all the sudden new changes.  She hadn’t even warned me!  Not one bit!  A little warning or especially a nice conversation about it would have been nice.  But no.  It was suddenly Mommy and Diane.  Diane?  Where the hell had that come from?  Had she said Diane Alice?

Before long, I was dressed.  Before long, I was given a bowl of cereal to eat for breakfast.  Before long, I was given a baby bottle of milk to drink with my breakfast.  Before long, my diaper was wet because too many things had already triggered my need to try to pee and poop.  And before long, I was put into the car and Kimmie buckled my seatbelt herself.

Since I’d be in the car, I wasn’t allowed to wear my coat to cover anything up.  “You’ll be in the car Diane,” Kimmie told me.  “You’d be too warm with that coat on.”

I’d be a lot more comfortable, is what I’d be.

The car was loaded with not just our luggage, but also with the gifts we had bought on a few different humiliating shopping trips.  Once again I was allowed to sit in the front seat with Kimmie, and once again she told me I didn’t have to have the pacifier in my mouth.  Yes, yes, yes!  Except…the longer it was out of my mouth, the more I seemed to want it there.  Shortly after we pulled out of the driveway, I grabbed the pacifier and stuck it back in my mouth.  Kimmie didn’t say anything.  She might not have even noticed.  Every time I wanted to say something, I would have to pull it out, but something told me I’d be putting it back after we talked.  What was wrong with me?  But the pacifier stayed in my mouth for the entire trip.  Except when I was talking or eating of course.

We had barely left the house when Kimmie asked, “Do you need a bottle baby?  Do you need something to drink?”

I had just had a bottle with breakfast, and I was already wet.  I pulled my plug.  “No, I’m fine,” I told her before putting the paci back and sucking again.

Kimmie’s response was fast and stern.  “I’m fine…Mommy!” she said as if she was angry.  “If you’re going to lean to talk, you’re going to learn right.  And little girls need to learn to be polite!”

Learn to talk?  Polite?  She had just jumped down my throat for answering her question.  No, she had jumped down my throat for not using the “M” word.  “Um…Mommy?” I asked.

“Yes baby?”  She looked over at me and smiled.  “What is it you want?”

I shook my head.  “Nothing,” I said.

“It’s nothing…Mommy!” she reminded me.

Oh boy.  The baby pacifier went back into my mouth immediately.  Something told me that I would be better off never speaking again.

For the first few hours, we talked a bit, never really saying anything important.  I soon figured out that I wasn’t supposed to even ask about the new names (or was it roles) for each of us.  She just expected me to understand and get it right.  No explanation needed.  I was supposed to call her Mommy every time she asked a question, and she was replacing Gramps with Diane.  At least, that’s the impression I was getting.  With the way things were going already that day, I couldn’t be sure of anything.

Other than the Mommy and Diane bit, we somehow managed to talk a bit, almost like real adults (if you don’t count me calling her Mommy).  We certainly didn’t talk a lot, I was too afraid to say much of anything, but we talked.  We spent more time listening to music than anything else, which gave me more time with my pacifier in my mouth, and more time to try and figure out what world I had woken up in.

The worst part was whenever anything happened around me or even started to happen…oh look over there (I tried to pee and poop).  Did you hear that (I tried to pee and poop).  Kimmie said something (I tried to pee and poop).  Diane…(I tried to pee and poop).  Diane…(I tried to pee and poop)  Diane…  Yeah, you get it.  Every little thing still had me trying to pee and poop in my diaper, especially every time she used the “D” name for me.  Annoying!  But I couldn't seem to help myself.

Yeah, my diaper was a real mess when Kimmie took me into a restaurant for lunch.  I’m not sure if the skirt of my dress covered my sagging diaper or not.  I was an even worse mess by the time Kimmie stopped for gas and then finally changed my smelly diaper.  And of course, afterwards, every little thing had me peeing and pooping again.

I could just scream!  But that paci in my mouth kept me from doing that.

After changing me, like the first trip, I got stuck into the backseat.  That was good.  No, that was great.  No more talking.  No more Diane.  No more Mommy.  I sucked on my pacifier and did my best to take a nap, despite things occasionally having me trying to pee and poop again.

To make a long story short, we arrived.  I still hadn’t figured out what world I was living in again.  Ashley greeted Kimmie with a loving hug outside of the car while I waited and sucked my pacifier inside.  Kimmie unbuckled me and pulled me out and Ashly wrapped me up in a big hug and said, “Hi Diane dear.  It’s so good to see you again baby.  Grandma has missed you so much.”

Grandma?  Yes, I wet my diaper again.  In fact, I almost pooped in it.

So I was Diane now, and Kimmie was Mommy, and Ashley was Grandma.  My daughter had somehow become my grandmother, and my granddaughter had become my mother.  My head was spinning trying to just place everything and everyone.

It was all games, games, games.  But those kind of games can have a huge mental impact on you.  I know they did for me.  I felt more like a child than ever.  Maybe it’s because I suddenly wasn’t myself anymore, and Kimmie had done it in such a way that it had all hit me with no warning at all.  Like a double whammy.  Couple that with the fact that I was out and around so many people, and in public, wearing a short dress and little girl clothes, possibly with my sagging diaper showing, and there was no way for me to get out of that situation anytime soon, and my head was so confused by everything that a real toddler probably had more of a grasp on reality than I did.

Before I knew it, I was again spending most of my time on the floor of Ashley’s living room, surrounded by my baby toys, of which I had more than I wanted.  Especially since they expected me to actually play with them.  I was learning though, or trying to.  When you’ve got absolutely nothing else to occupy your mind, your brain has to reach for something.  And the only somethings I had to reach for were all baby toys.  Play, play, play, or die of boredom.

The day after we arrived, I expected to have a relatively quiet day with just Ashley and Kimmie.  Not to be!  I expected that we wouldn’t be going out anywhere.  Again, not to be.  I also expected that it would be just the three of us.  Also, not to be.

I spent a nice relaxing morning playing with my toys (the ONLY thing I was allowed to do) while wearing my nice warm, footed sleeper.  Yes, Kimmie had changed my diaper before I had my baby food breakfast, but once changed, she had put the sleeper back on me.  I was happy with that.  As I said, it was warm and comfortable.  It wasn’t until after my baby food lunch that I got a hint that maybe something else might happen that day.

My diaper got changed.  I had noticed on the Thanksgiving trip that I was getting more diaper changes than usual each day.  I hoped it would continue on this trip too.  But after getting a fresh diaper, I didn’t get that comfortable sleeper again.  Instead, I got a bra, some white tights, a girly blouse, a super short skirt (all my skirts were super short.  Do you think Kimmie would let me have anything else?).  My red Mary Janes, and pigtails with two ribbons in my hair.

“Gee,” Grandma said as she looked at my hair.  “Her hair is long enough now that you could almost call them proper pigtails.”

“Yeah,” Kimmie had agreed happily.  “I can’t wait until it gets a bit longer.”

I don’t know what other plans Kimmie had for my hair, but I already dreaded them.

I was back playing with my toys when a little while later the doorbell rang.  Panic time!  I wanted to run, but I already knew that wasn’t going to happen.  Ashley answered the door and a minute later, Jenny’s daughter Allison walked in.  She greeted Kimmie then came over to me on the floor.

“And how’s my little niece Diane today?” she asked before bending down and giving me a hug. 

Niece?

Allison turned back to Kimmie.  “Ready?”

“I’ve just got to get our coats,” Kimmie replied.

They were going out?  Nobody told me.  But then, I was a baby…or I was supposed to be.

But Kimmie didn’t get her coat…first.  She got mine and put it on me.  Zipping the thing up for me.  I definitely wet myself then.

“Got your diaper bag?” Allison asked Kimmie.

Kimmie held up the large bag that I thought was just her purse.  “Right here,” she confirmed.

Before leaving the house, Kimmie just had to finish me off by brushing some blusher over my cheeks.  She turned to Allison.  “I’d add a touch of lipstick too,” she told her, “but it would be useless since that pacifier is staying in her mouth.”

Bewildered, I was quickly herded out the door and buckled into the backseat of Allison’s car.  Kimmie got in the backseat on the other side and Ashley sat in the front with Aunt Allison.  I had no idea where we were going.  I only knew I didn’t want to be going anywhere at all…except maybe home to Tennessee, but that didn’t appear to be happening.  Once again it was public humiliation time.  It never seemed to end anymore.

Oh the crowds!  It was the Sunday before Christmas and the entire world had descended on the city of Baltimore just to see me out shopping while dressed as a girly toddler.  At least, that’s what it seemed like to me.  Allison took us to a mall, and let’s just say the crowds were enormous.  I was constantly trying to pee and poop in my diaper, and I wasn’t the least bit concerned about stopping.

We walked…slowly…all around as they shopped.  I say slowly because with all the people there we couldn’t move very fast.  It wasn’t long before I was wondering if my diaper was showing beneath my skirt yet.  I knew it was sagging and I was waddling enough.

And then Allison had to go and ruin the really good time I wasn’t having by saying, “Here it is.  This is the place I told you about.”

I looked at where they were leading me.  A jewelry store.  More gifts…or so I thought.  Nope!  Well, I guess that’s wrong.  The gift we were getting there was for me.  Ten minutes after walking in, I was sitting and sucking my pacifier with a fierceness I had never done before.  I was also trying for all I was worth to both pee and poop in my diaper as…you guessed it…some lady I had never seen before was piercing my ears.  Ouch!  Um…make that two ouches.  Just that fast, I had pierced ears and I knew there were some kind of earrings stuck in them.  Just that fast, my stomach was threatening to heave all over the place.

“Oh, they’re so pretty!” Allison gushed as she looked at what they had done to me.

“Aren’t they?” Kimmie agreed happily.

“She’s going to love them!” Allison added.

I noticed that nobody was asking my opinion.  I had no idea what those earrings looked like, especially not in my ears.  Have any of you noticed how difficult it is to see your ears without a mirror?  And just then I was fresh out of mirrors.

With both of my ears stinging a bit, I was soon led out of the jewelry store and back into the mall proper that was full of cattle…I mean people.  Dressed like I was, and now with earrings decorating my earlobes that I would bet were probably sparkly, I felt more embarrassed and humiliated than ever.  And still I had no way out of it.  No way to do anything but follow Mommy, and Grandma, and Aunt Allison all over the place so that too many people could get a good look at me.  Yeah, my diaper was getting awfully wet…and messy.  And I couldn’t help it!  Blame Kim…I mean Mommy.

“Eww!” Aunt Allison said in one of the stores as she got a bit too close to me.  “I think somebody needs a diaper change.”

“Probably,” Kim…I mean Mommy agreed.  She looked around at all the people  “I’d change her now but there’s just too many people.  And I have no doubt that the ladies’ room is packed.”

“I don’t even want to imagine how bad that wait would be,” Grandma agreed.

“I could change her in the car,” Kim…Mommy said, but since we’re going home soon anyway, she’ll just have to wait till then.  Don’t worry, she’s used to living in messy diapers for far longer than she should be wearing them.  When I’m at work, she messes herself and then refuses to change them right away.  She waits practically forever in her messes.”

I what?  Hey!  That’s not right!  She won’t let me change!  Ugh!  Butwith that pacifier in my mouth there wasn’t much sense in trying to argue.  In fact, even without the pacifier I doubt I’d get far trying to correct the situation.

Yes, my earlobes were still stinging a tiny bit several hours later when we got home.  My pride was hurting far worse though.  To make me feel better, Kimmie put me down for a nap with a nice warm bottle of baby formula.  I was used to the formula now, but I still didn’t like it.  I also didn’t like those earrings I had yet to see.  As I laid in my bed, whenever I turned my head too far, the posts behind my ears stuck into me.  Earrings are a pain.  Both when they pierce your ears and then whenever you try to sleep with them.  Why were all women so insistent that they had to wear them?

 

Gramps - Chapter 25

 

Gramps

By Karen Singer

 

Chapter 25

 

Whether or not you worry about the weather is up to you.  Whether you let the weather affect you is another matter.  Whether or not you try to track the weather in advance is your choice.  Whether you try to plan for whatever weather is coming your way is another matter as well.  In some ways, I considered the fact that Kimmie appeared to be so concerned about what weather we would face on our trip to be a very good thing.  In other ways, not so much.  I guess it depended on whether or not I appreciated her solution for me.  Which I guess I did…overall.

Remember those shopping trips Kimmie liked to take me out on, just to overly humiliate me in public?  Well, let me tell you.  It was Christmas shopping season and there was more public out in the stores than I could deal with, and trust me, dealing with the amount of public who had seen me before was already more than I could take.

But it was December now, and we lived in the hill country of Tennessee.  Guess what.  It got cold up in them thar’ hills.  Now, also remember that all the skirts Kimmie kept dressing me in every day weren’t exactly long, or warm.  I considered tights to be a godsend, especially the few pairs I owned that were a bit thicker than the others.  But they all weren’t that way.  In fact, most of them were pretty thin material.  So thin tights, plus a skirt that barely covered my diaper…in fact, when my diaper was full and sagging, they didn’t cover it very well…meant that every time I went outside, I froze my ass off!

Yeah, it was cold enough out that Kimmie let me wear a winter coat every night now when we walked the yard.  But she didn’t like my winter coat.  In fact, she often said she hated seeing me in that thing.  I didn’t just like my coat, I loved it.  It was warm.  Nice and warm.  But Kimmie hated that coat so much, she wouldn’t let me wear it the next time she took me out of the house for our Saturday shopping/humiliation sprees.  In fact, she wouldn’t let me wear a jacket either.  Nothing!  Just my bra, diaper, tights, a girly top, an overly short skirt, and of course my black little girl Mary Janes.  That’s it.  And it was cold!  Oh yeah, I had a pacifier in my mouth too, but I don’t know if we should count that or not.

Believe me, I felt every bit of that cold blistery air that day when she again dragged me out to the local shopping mall.  I especially felt the cold whenever the wind was blowing, which it seemed to be doing non-stop.  Yes, Kimmie was aware of how cold it was.  She was aware of how cold I was too.  And believe it or not, she didn’t want me to suffer…that way.  She did want me to suffer more humiliation being out in public dressed the way I was in front of crowds and crowds of people.  But suffering from the cold wasn’t what she wanted.

Um…have you ever seen a grown man…forget that he’s dressed ridiculously like a little girl.  Forget that completely…for now.  But have you ever seen a grown man, trying on coats made for girls?  Not women!  Girls!

“Here Gramps,” Kimmie said.  “This one looks like it might have more room in it.”  Or, “I think the sleeves in this one look a bit longer.”  Or, “No Gramps.  I don’t like that style at all.  Take it off.”  I hadn’t even gotten it on yet.  I tried on every winter coat in the largest size available in the girls’ section of four different stores.  All to no avail.  None of them were really big enough.  Oh, a few actually came close and Kimmie was tempted to buy them, but in the end, she didn’t.

Do you know how long it takes to try on that many coats?  Especially when the stores are crowded?  A long time.  Now, multiply that by four stores.  I was actually glad by the time Kimmie gave up.  But I misunderstood her intent.  She dragged me into the women’s departments instead and we started all over again with me trying on winter coats, this time made for women.  Oh no, don’t think for a moment that Kimmie would let me buy something we found from the first store.  Nope!  Don’t forget, her intention was to keep me out in public for as long as possible dressed the way I was.  Four stores of women’s winter coats, then we finally walked back to the first store and bought one there.  Darn woman.  I really was going to kill her that day.

My new winter coat was nice.  It was certainly warm since it was puffy and had fake fur around the collar.  But it only came down just past my waist.  No further.  It would do nothing at all for the lower part of my body where I really needed it, and where it could help hide whatever embarrassing thing I might be wearing.  Nope.  No chance of that at all.  But at least the upper part of me would be warm.

And of course, then Kimmie decided I needed colorful rubber boots as well since there was a good chance we could be facing snow soon.  “Yeah.  I didn’t just pee, I pooped.  Not to mention, my entire body was pooped from all that shopping.

Speaking of pooping, not only did I try on coats for much of the day, but Kimmie kept reminding me to poop as well.  My cellphone would ding, and if she didn’t see me obviously trying to mess my diaper, she would say, “Gramps, are you pooping in your diaper?”  Uh, yeah.  She said that out loud where everyone could hear her.  The only thing I didn’t have to do while we were out was my pacifier videos.  I couldn't imagine having to sit around in the mall and film my face sucking on a pacifier for thirty minutes.  I guess Kimmie couldn’t imagine me doing that in the mall either.  She humiliated me with trying on little girl coats instead, that she probably knew in advance would never fit me.

I didn’t get to wear my new coat until just before we walked out of the mall and into the parking lot.  Boy was I ready to get out of there and go home.  Darn woman.

That evening, I got to wear my new winter coat as Kimmie and I got in our usual daily exercise walking around the backyard.  I didn’t think we needed to do it that day since we had spent so much time walking around the mall, but Kimmie insisted we still needed to do it.  So the two of us walked the yard in our winter coats, and I did everything possible to not complain about how cold my legs and feet were.

I stopped thinking about how cold my lower body was after a few minutes though when Kimmie suddenly said, “Um…Gramps?  How would you feel about…  Oh, never mind.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“What?” I asked again.

“It’s just that, one of the gifts I got at that baby shower was a collection of earrings that Allison gave me.  I was wondering how you might feel about having your ears pierced.”

I was shocked!  I was about to answer when she suddenly said.  “Don’t answer that!  It’s not your decision anyway.  You’re a baby.  I don’t even know why I told you.”

I now had something new, something worse, to worry about.  Yeah, my legs were freezing, but I now had something more cold-blooded to worry about than the cold weather.

In the middle of December, we got hit with a bit of an early snowstorm.  Nothing that infrequent for where we lived, but it still reminded us that winter was upon us now.  As if the cold temperatures weren’t enough to do that.  Kimmie and I still walked the backyard every day, with me trying to poop every fifteen minutes.  God I hated that.  I did get to put my new colorful rainboots to good use though.  That much was fun, until I realized that the boots actually made walking more difficult for me.  Once I realized that, the fun in wearing them was over.

Kimmie kept a strict watch on the weather though, not just for where we lived, but also up in Maryland where we were going.  Maryland had gotten hit with the same snowstorm that had hit us, but about a week before we were scheduled to leave, they got hit with a bigger storm.  For a while there I was hoping our trip would get cancelled, but even I knew the reality of that wasn’t going to happen.  It seemed like no time before they weren’t even mentioning road problems in the area anymore.

And then something strange happened.  Something that made me happy.

We were going to Baltimore for an entire week.  Christmas was going to happen on a Thursday, but we were leaving for Baltimore on Saturday, five days before Christmas.  We were going to come home the following Saturday.  The something good for me that happened, happened on Sunday, six days before we would be leaving to head north.

Kimmie had just finished getting me dressed for the day, when she stopped me before either of us got out of the room.  “Okay Gramps,” she said.  “No more pacifier videos.  Can you live with that?”

Huh?  “Yes!” I literally shouted as I raised my arms up in the air.

“And there’s one other thing too,” she said

I waited for something worse to take the place of those videos.

“Instead of trying to poop every fifteen minutes, I reset your timer so you can do it every twenty minutes instead.  That’s only three times every hour instead of four.  But Gramps, trust me.  I better see you still trying to pee and poop in your diaper all the time.  And I mean all the time.  No holding back at all.  Or else…”

Yes, I danced around, happy as a lark.  It was only a little bit of a difference, but it certainly seemed like a huge improvement to me.  Funny thing though, I still found myself pushing with every little thing that caught my attention.  But still, my phone dinging only every twenty minutes was a huge relief.

And then Monday came.  Five days before our trip.  Kimmie got me dressed then laid her new requirements on me.  “Gramps,” she said.  “I reprogrammed the timer on your cellphone again last night.  It’s only going to go off every thirty minutes now for you to try to poop instead of every twenty minutes.  But trust me, if I don’t see you constantly trying to pee and poop in those diapers you’ll be back to every fifteen minutes before you know it, and it’ll stay like that, even on our trip.”

I was flabbergasted with happiness.  Only every thirty minutes now?  Only every half-hour?  Whee!

“Just don’t forget,” she warned me.  “If I don’t see you trying…”

“Yeah,” I replied.  “No problem,” I told her.

Once again, every little thing that caught my attention had me realizing that I needed to pee or poop, but most of the time as I was realizing what I needed to think about doing, I also realized that I was already doing it.  But hey, that was a good thing, right?  I didn’t want to have to go back to worrying about it every fifteen minutes.  I only had to push for fifteen seconds every half hour.  It was like total freedom!

It wasn’t until Tuesday, four days before our trip, that I realized there was a pattern to what Kimmie had been doing.  She got me dressed as usual, then said, “Gramps, I did some adjusting to your cellphone again last night.”

This time I was hopeful for what she might say.  I was anticipating it breathlessly.

Yup!  “You only have to try to pee and poop in your diaper once every hour now,” she told me.

Yes, yes, yes!  Mana from heaven.

As she was giving me her usual warning about she better see me trying to do it all the time, I was already hoping that the next step would be to never have to worry about that little dinging sound again.

All day long, my mind was thinking about her requirements for me possibly ending completely.  It would be such a relief.  Yes, I was conscious to try to stop as often as possible so her surveillance videos of me would show me trying to do what I shouldn’t in my diaper.  And I did that despite the fact that I still found myself peeing and trying to poop at the least little distraction.

Three days before the trip, On Wednesday, Kimmie handed me the best present possible. 

“No more pushing schedule Gramps.  None!  Your cellphone won’t be going off today at all, unless it’s a phone call or text message for you.  But don’t forget…”

“Yeah, yeah,” I told her happily.  “I need to keep doing it anyway.”

She smiled.  “Right!  Don’t forget, I’ll be watching.”

I already knew she would.  But I was happy.  I was free.  Free, free, free!  It was like the best feeling in the world.  Oh, I did remember to try to pee and poop as obviously as I could, even though I was already doing it not so obviously every time something caught my attention.  But I wasn’t always aware that I was doing that.  It happened so often that it was starting to become an unconscious reaction.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.  Oh dreary life, oh dear.  On Thursday, just two days before our trip, Kimmie changed it all again.  “Sorry Gramps she told me, but you’re back to trying to pee and poop every fifteen minutes again.”

I was crestfallen.  “But I did keep trying to do it.  I promise, I did.”

“I know you did,” she told me.  “And I’m very happy about it.”

“Then why?”

“Because that’s the way I want it.  Babies don’t need any more explanation that that.  It’s because I said so, and that’s it.”

Yeah, I was really depressed.  It was back to the old grind.  Every fifteen minutes.  There was no freedom at all anymore.  No way to ever relax.  There was only misery.

And Friday, the day before our trip was no better.  I had been hoping she would take the requirement away again, or at least relax it some, but she didn’t.  And she confirmed that when she said, “Every fifteen minutes Gramps, and don’t forget it.”

How could I forget it?  I wanted to throw my phone out the window and hope it got buried in the snow – permanently!  Darn woman!

Um…we’re going to fast forward just a tiny bit to Saturday, the day of the trip, just so that I can tell you that that day, Saturday, Kimmie told me that once again there would no longer be any requirement for me to keep trying to pee and poop in my diaper every fifteen minutes.  There would be no reminders for me to do that at all on our trip.  Not as long as she continued to see me trying to do it all the time by myself instead.  I don’t have to tell you how anxious I was to agree to that.

It wasn’t until I was in the car and we were on our way back to Disaster City that I figured it out.  Sending me right back into the worst possible nightmare of constantly having to poop in my diaper was her way of trying to reinforce the fragile habit that she had tried to instill in me.  A habit that was so newly formed it would be somewhat easy for me to overcome.  But it was a habit she didn’t want me to overcome.

Heck, I was so sick of her little exercises I was ready to do anything to get out of them.

Darn woman!