Gramps - Chapter 21

 

Gramps

By Karen Singer

 

Chapter 21

 

The looming still loomed.  The reason for that looming, was looney.  It was Wednesday.  Trip day.  Disaster day.  In many ways, the day started out normal.  In many ways it was anything but normal.

I woke up at my usual time, and hurried into the bathroom to brush my teeth, shave, remove my soaked diaper, and jump into the shower.  The reason I hurried was not because of the trip or because of Kimmie.  I hurried because I was cold and couldn’t wait to get my body under the nice hot shower water.  Since Kimmie hadn’t put anything on me to wear to bed other than my fat nighttime diaper, and the weather had turned downright chilly, I needed that warmth.

Kimmie was there as usual to “dress” me.  Believe me, I expected a lengthy dressing session.  I was very surprised to get nothing but a bit of powder, a daytime diaper, and my old sweatshirt again.  Nothing else.  Was she sending me out in the car for the entire day with nothing to cover my diaper?  I wouldn’t put it past her.  I had once heard one of her students refer to her as a badass, and yeah, that was my Kimmie.

Once I was diapered and had my sweatshirt on, Kimmie told me to go watch cartoons until breakfast was ready.  And don’t forget your baby pacifier!” she reminded me.  She was gone from my room before I could get off the bed.

Pacifier in place, when I walked into the living room the first thing I noticed was that all my baby toys were gone.  Every last one.  Kimmie was still fussing with the TV, and soon it was playing the most ridiculous babyish cartoons imaginable.  I hated stuff like that.  I knew it was supposed to be good for real babies and toddlers, but I hardly fell in that category.  Something told me though that mentioning that to Kimmie would only get me an argument from her, and I’d still wind up having to watch them.  Especially today.  I had easily picked up on the fact that Kimmie was going a bit crazier today than I had ever seen her.

Kimmie was off in the kitchen fixing breakfast where she couldn’t see me.  There were no toys around on the floor.  I headed straight for my beloved recliner and sat in it.  Ah!  Much better than spending hours at a time down on the floor.

During breakfast, Kimmie kept going back and forth from the table to the laundry room.  How could she still be doing laundry?  She had to have washed every piece of clothing in the entire house, twice!  Maybe three times by now.  I said nothing about it.  I just ate my breakfast cereal and drank from my baby bottle full of milk.  Yes milk, I didn’t always get baby formula. 

After breakfast, I climbed into my recliner again to continue watching whatever the cartoons now on TV had changed to.  I had a pacifier in my mouth, but what I was really wishing for was a cup of coffee.  Especially if I could get that coffee in a real coffee cup instead of a bottle.  I had noticed over the last few days that Kimmie had been giving me only baby bottles to drink from for everything.  Drinking anything from those things was tedious.  I was very used to drinking from them now, but I still longed to drink from something else.

I kept expecting Kimmie to tell me it was time to leave, but she didn’t.  She just kept doing this and that.  Packing and…I didn’t know what else.  I sat in my chair and relished the relative normalcy of it.  I relished it more because I knew what awaited me…soon.

And then Kimmie was standing in front of me.  “Gramps,” she said.  “Get your sneakers on.  We’re going out back for a bit of exercise.”

I was surprised.  Exercise?  Now?  Okay.  Anything to delay the inevitable.  I put those sneakers on and headed out the door.  I was stretching a bit and getting my body ready to go walking, when Kimmie came up to me.  “Gramps.  I want to try something for a few minutes, and I know you’re not going to like it.  But I promise, it’ll only be for a few minutes.”

I tried to ask what, but I forgot about the pacifier in my mouth.  What came out instead was, “Mm?”  And then something in what she had said registered in my brain.  I wasn’t going to like it.

Kimmie reached into her pocket and pulled out a length of heavy cord, almost like thin rope.  But it was what was at the end of that cord that really concerned me.  That nose clamp!  “Uh!” came out of my mouth as I tried to tell her no!

Kimmie reached out and grabbed me around the back of my neck.  “Relax Gramps,” she said.  “I just want to try this for a minute before we go.  I’m not going to hurt you or keep this thing on you.  This is just to try something.”

Once again I tried and failed to get a proper no out of my mouth.

With one hand holding my neck firmly, her other hand stuck that clamp in my nose and began twisting to tighten it.

“Uh!  Uh!” I cried, trying to say ouch.

And then she took her hand away and that thing was stuck right where she had put it.  She grabbed the other end of the cord, turned, and with no warning, started walking away from me.

“Uh!” I screamed as the cord tightened and my nose went crazy with pain.  I had no choice but to follow to keep it from hurting worse.  “Uh!” I complained again, but either she didn’t understand me, or she didn’t care.  Maybe both.

All the way around the backyard she pulled me.  I was in tears by the time we had walked for less than a minute.  When we got back to the house, she stopped and turned to me.  “I think that works pretty well.  What do you think?”

I didn’t answer.  I don’t think she was looking for an answer.  She came close to me and put her face close to mine.  “Gramps.  You know how much I love you, but this trip is important to me.  I want you to behave like my little baby girl the entire time we’re gone, right up until we get home…and even after we get back.  My perfect…little baby girl,” she emphasized.  “I’m going to have this nose clamp with me all the time, and trust me, the moment you start to give me any trouble you’re going to find yourself in more pain than what I just put you through now.  So remember that.  You’re not a man anymore.  Start thinking of yourself as a little baby girl.  My little baby girl.  And you love acting like a little baby girl.  Always!  Or else!”

She stared me in the face for a moment, then finally removed that clamp.  My nose hurt!  My soul hurt.  Everything hurt.  “Come on,” she said.  “Let’s start getting you ready to go.”

I was still recovering from the ordeal she had just put me through, but even still, the dread of what she was about to make me go through next crashed heavily down on me.  And it all started with her taking me into my bedroom and having me lay down on that plastic tablecloth that she always put under me when she changed my diaper.

My diaper wasn’t very wet, so I was very surprised when she took it off me.  What surprised me, and angered me, was that she quickly started putting that damn flat chastity device on me.  “Uh-uh!” I tried to tell her, wanting her to stop.  I wanted to argue that I had been good and there was no need for that thing, but the pacifier had other ideas.

“Quiet Gramps,” she said sternly.  “Babies don’t play with themselves the way you like to.  And baby girls don’t even have the equipment to play with themselves that way.  So we’re dealing with it now.”

Before long, I was wondering if we would have time to call the police to put out another missing person’s report on my cock.  That thing could disappear at the worst times!

When she was done with removing my cock from existence, she put more powder on me, followed by a fresh diaper.  A pair of pastel yellow plastic pants came next to cover the diaper.  I expected another pair of tights to come next since I had so many of them now, but instead she just slipped a pair of those pretty little girl socks on my feet.

The incongruous bra came next.  I never understood why she insisted I had to wear one all the time whenever she dressed me like a toddler.  It was so out of place.  But Kimmie insisted and the bra was always on.  A soft pullover shirt came next to cover the bra.  After that, Kimmie buckled those black little girl shoes on my feet.  She had me stand up, and step into one of my new short miniskirts that barely covered my diaper.

But she wasn’t done with me yet.  My hair came next.  I sucked my pacifier in silence while I stood there and let her play with it, pulling it this way and that, in directions I had never combed it.  Then she held it all in place with some colorful childish hairclips that had big yellow bows that couldn’t be missed if you tried.  Were the yellow bows supposed to match my yellow plastic pants?  Probably.

Kimmie finally stood back and looked me over.  “Okay Gramps,” she said.  “Go sit in your chair…and try not to get dirty!”

Get dirty?  Me?  How?  Feeling totally stupid.  Feeling the dread of the upcoming trip more than ever.  And still feeling the soreness in my nose from her latest torture session with the clamp, I went out to my chair and sat.

Was I really going to do this?  No!

Was I really going to go up and display myself in all this insanity in front of my entire family?  No!

Was I really going to pretend that Kimmie was my mommy and I was her baby girl for days and days on end?  No!

Half an hour later, Kimmie came into the living room.  “Okay Gramps,” she said.  “Let’s go.”

I got up from my chair and followed her.  On the way to the car, I pulled the plug from my mouth.  “Can’t I wear a coat?” I asked.  “It’s cold out and it’ll be a lot colder up in Baltimore.”

“You’ll be fine,” she told me.  “You don’t have any coats that are appropriate for what you are now, so we’ll just wrap you up in blankets when you need something.”

The blanket idea sounded good, especially if it would keep my embarrassing state from being seen by anyone.  Something told me though that I wasn’t going to have that luxury very often.

I was surprised when Kimmie held the front door of the car open for me.  I expected her to put me in the backseat like a toddler, but I gratefully sat upfront.  Before I could buckle my seatbelt, Kimmie leaned in and did that for me, pulling it secure and tight.  She left the car but was back a moment later to hand me my teddy bear and that singing doll.  Only then did she close the car door and go around to the driver’s side.

My stomach gave a major lurch as she pulled out of the driveway, and we left the safe confines of my house behind.  I was dressed like a little girl, and everyone would be able to see me through the car windows.  My family all lived just north of Baltimore, Maryland, about a seven-hour drive from Johnson City.  Eight hours if you spent much time eating or doing anything else.  It could be an even longer drive if there were any accidents or other delays.  The clock on the dashboard said it was just after ten in the morning.  Kimmie hadn’t rushed to leave any earlier.  We had a long drive and a long day ahead of us.  It would easily be dinner time when we got there.

We had only been driving for a minute, and I only wanted to go back home.  Why was I doing this?  Was I simply too afraid of Kimmie?  That had to be the reason.  I couldn’t think of anything else.  Fear!  Fear of my own granddaughter.  I had no doubt though that the fear about having everyone else see me this way was destroying my stomach.

“You can take that paci out of your mouth if you want,” Kimmie suddenly told me.  “If…you want.  Up to you,” she added.

What weird thing was she going to throw at me now?  I balanced the singing doll on my lap and pulled the plug from my mouth.  With the same hand that now held the pacifier, I grabbed the doll again so it wouldn’t fall on the floor.  My other hand was busy holding the teddy bear.

“Are you excited to see the family again?” Kimmie asked me.  “It’s been quite a while for you now.  Since Grams died.”

Yeah, it had been a while, but I certainly didn’t want anyone to see me like this.  “Excited?” I replied.  “That’s not exactly the way I’d put it.”

She smiled and briefly turned her head toward me.  “Worried about what everyone is going to think about you?”

“What do you think?”

She nodded.  “I’m sure you are.”

“I’m not going to deny that.  I’m very, very worried.  This is all stupid.  It’s a bad idea.  And…”  I sighed.  “I can’t believe I’m actually doing it.”

“I know,” she told me.  “But Gramps…”  She looked briefly at me again before finishing.  “I really appreciate it.  I really do.  And just keep remembering.  I love you to death.”

“To death?  You’re going to be the death of me yet!  Especially if you keep doing things like this to me.”

She chuckled a bit, but said nothing about that.  We talked.  Almost like two normal adults.  She asked a few questions, and I answered.  I asked a few things and she answered.  Like two adults.  Almost.  I didn’t appreciate it when while she was driving, she carefully reached into a bag in the backseat, and pulled out a baby bottle.  With one hand she removed the cover over the nipple before handing the bottle to me.  Once again I had to do a balancing act with all my newfound “friends” in my lap.  I knew I’d have no choice but to drink that thing where everyone on the road could see me doing it.  I just hoped that the number people who actually noticed me was as few as possible.  Or none!  That would be much better.  I put the bottle to my lips and started drinking.

“Answer me truthfully,” Kimmie said while I drank.  “When you’re sleeping, do you wet yourself at night without knowing it now?”

I pulled the bottle from my lips to consider that.  “Truthfully?” I replied.  “No.  Not really.  Most of the time I wake up realizing I need to pee, but when I do, it doesn’t seem like much comes out of me at all.  The stranger thing is that when I get up every morning, my diaper always seems to be a lot wetter than I think it should be.”

She nodded.  “So do you think you could be peeing sometimes in your sleep without you knowing it?”

I considered that.  “Maybe,” I admitted.  “But like I said, I’m still waking up every night knowing I need to pee.  I usually let it out right away so I can go back to sleep.  Maybe I’m just not remembering all the times I wake up knowing I need to pee.”

“Could be,” she admitted.

I expected her to ask about my daytime wetting, or pooping, but she didn’t.  When she didn’t say anything else, I chanced saying.  “Can I ask you something personal?”

She looked at me, then back at the road.  “Go ahead,” she replied.

“Do you get off on doing all this?” I asked.

Once again she briefly turned to me.  I saw that wicked smile of hers again.  “Of course, Gramps,” she admitted.  “I’m sure that’s a major part of all this for me.”  I had no doubt.  It wasn’t until a minute later that she added, “But getting off on it isn’t the only reason.”

I thought about that for a moment then remembered why she had started doing it in the first place.  “You still feel sorry about keeping me from my…personal bit of fun, when you first moved in.”

She considered that.  “Yeah.  But still, that’s become just a small part of it for me.  There’s a bigger reason, and I’m not sure I can put it into words.  Not to mention, it’s a little hard for me to talk about.”

“Would you tell me if you could put it into words?”

She seemed to consider that before answering.  “Maybe,” she said.  “It’s no big secret.  It’s just that…maybe I’m not ready to talk about it yet.”

It was my turn to consider her words.  I drank from my bottle and tossed it around in my mind.  Then I said, “I’m guessing it’s something to do with that hysterectomy you had to go through.”

I didn’t miss the troubled look on her face.  She didn’t answer directly.  She did give a small nod of her head though.  I said nothing else about it, but I could almost guess the rest.

My bottle finished.  “Can I just throw this empty in the backseat?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she agreed.  “Fine.”

Was she still thinking about her resulting problems because of that hysterectomy?  I could only assume that.  I decided on another question that I hoped would be lighter and pull her out of that funk.  “Tell me,” I said.  “A while back, in the grocery store, I remember one of the girls there calling you a badass.  Does anyone ever call you that anymore since they all seem to know what you do with me?”

Her face brightened.  “Not usually to my face,” she said.  “But other teachers have told me that the girls often refer to me as Badass Miss Kim, the dominatrix.  I can tell you though that I rarely have any trouble from any of the kids, and I think it’s because of that reputation.”

I couldn’t help but smile.  “Badass Miss Kim, the dominatrix.”  I let out a loud mock sigh.  “Yeah, that fits.”

She laughed.  “Yeah,” she agreed.

Now that I had finished that bottle, I think it triggered something else inside me.  Something that would be a much bigger problem.  Not to mention, smellier.  I moved around a bit uncomfortably, but nothing seemed to help.

Kimmie noticed me moving around.  “If you’ve got going on what I think you’ve got, then don’t you dare hold back.  Do it!  Now!  Push!  I know for a fact you can do it while you’re sitting.  I’ve seen you do it in your chair a number of times.  Push Gramps.  Do it!”

She needn’t have said anything.  Only a brief moment after I first realized I had to go, my body was already pushing.  By the time she finished her last, “Do it!” I had already done it.  I settled myself back down in that awful mush.  How long was I going to have to sit in that mess?  All the way to Baltimore?  I hoped not.

Kimmie simply looked over at me with that wicked smile of hers.  “Good baby,” she said.  “Good baby.”

I could just kill her sometimes.

When lunchtime came, Kimmie pulled into a fast-food restaurant and parked the car.  I started to panic.

“You’re going in, like it or not!” she told me in no uncertain terms.  “And don’t even think about giving me any trouble over it.  How many times have you been out shopping dressed just like you are?  This is no different.  Now just take either your bear or your doll and let’s go.  And keep that pacifier in your mouth!”

I didn’t want to get out…except maybe to have my smelly diaper changed, but she didn’t seem to be giving me much of a choice.  I didn’t want to take the bear or doll inside with me either.  I just sat there in fear.  Before I knew it, Kimmie had opened my car door and was leaning in to unbuckle my seatbelt.  She took my teddy bear and set it on the floor, leaving just the doll in my hands.  She took my pacifier and pushed it into my mouth.  “Suck!” she ordered.  “Properly!”  Then she pulled on my arm and before I knew it, I was out of the car.  Exposed!

Kimmie held my hand like a little girl and led me and my messy diaper right into the restaurant…which was packed with people.  I wet myself just walking in there.  We had to stand in line behind a number of those people, and soon there were other people in line behind us.  All of them looking at me.  If I hadn’t just wet myself, I would have done it again.

When it was our turn to order, I never even thought about removing the baby pacifier from my mouth.  Kimmie ordered me a kid’s meal, and a few minutes later, Kimmie carried the tray of food while she led me to a table.  I half expected her to pull a baby bottle from her bag to pour my drink into, but instead she just stuck a straw in my kid’s cup as if I was just another toddler.  Hooray!  I could drink from a straw like everyone else!  I felt so grown up.  You know, that’s a sad thought.

I was about to start eating my kid’s chicken nuggets, which I already knew wasn’t going to come close to filling me up, but I was interrupted by Kimmie struggling to pull the plastic off of a two-inch plastic princess doll, my “special toy” that had come with the meal.  She stood the doll up where I could see it while I ate.  I didn’t feel so grown up anymore. 

When we were done, she held my hand and led me back to the car, but before she opened the door for me, she stopped me, pulled up my skirt, stuck her hand down inside my plastic pants, and did a thorough diaper check on me.  She said nothing at all about the state of my somewhat wet and messy diaper before she opened the car door, buckled me into my seat, and closed the door again.  I was more than happy to be back in the car.  I just wasn’t happy about our destination.

Once back on the road, we talked a bit again about this and that, but the talking was more sparce than it had been before lunch.  A few hours later, Kimmie pulled into a gas station and filled the car while I stayed buckled in my seat.  After filling the tank though, Kimmie pulled the car into one of the parking places in front of the building.  She got out again and went into the back seat.  I couldn’t quite see what she was doing from where I was buckled tightly into the front seat.

She opened my car door for me and pulled me out.  Then she led me to the rear door and pushed me inside.  I saw she had spread out that plastic tablecloth she used whenever she changed me.  “Lay down,” she told me.

A bit fearful, I laid on my back stretched across the backseat.  I couldn’t believe it.  She was about to change me right here?  In public?  Where anyone could see?  She pulled my skirt off first…and I pulled the plug from my mouth.  “You’re going to change me?  In public like this?  Kimmie, people can see me.”

“So what?” she replied firmly.  “Gramps, you’re a baby now.  Get used to it.  Babies have no shame.  They have no concept of it.  They’re perfectly fine running around totally nude.  You’re a baby, so stop worrying about it.  Worrying about things is for adults.  That’s my job.”  She pointed her finger at me.  “Do we have to discuss who’s the baby here?”

Instead of answering, I stuck the baby pacifier back in my mouth and laid my head back.

My plastic pants soon went the way of my miniskirt and my messy diaper quickly followed.  It seemed to take her no time to clean me up, get a fresh diaper under me and fastened tightly around me.  The plastic pants came back, then the skirt.  She pulled me out of the car for a minute while she cleaned everything up and put it away.  Then she stuck me back in the car, this time in the backseat.  A minute later, she had buckled my seatbelt for me, and I had my bear and my doll to keep me company.

“No more talking,” she told me softly.  “You’re a baby.”  She started to pull back, but stopped.  “And I expect you to be sitting in another messy diaper before we get there.  Don’t worry about telling me about it.  In fact, on this entire trip don’t tell anyone about how bad your diaper is.  You’re a baby, it’s not your job to tell us things like that.  It’s our job to find out and take care of it.”  She looked at me for a moment more, then repeated, “Remember.  No more talking.  You’re a baby now, so act like it.”  She closed the car door and a minute later, we were back on the road.

Hour after hour she drove.  Occasionally, she reached back into a bag on the floor and extracted another baby bottle that she threw onto the seat next to me before saying, “Drink that baby.”

I had gone from being almost treated like an adult for the first half of the trip, to being reduced back to a toddler.  A baby.  Trust me, I felt it.  I also felt it when a few hours later my diaper was once again mushier in the seat than I wanted.  But she had made it clear she didn’t want me to tell her about it.  What would she do about it anyway?  She was driving.

About an hour from our destination, she suddenly pulled off the highway and into another gas station.  Like before, she filled the car with gas, and like before, when she was done she pulled the car into one of the parking spaces.  Without a word, she removed me from the backseat, spread out that tablecloth she used for a changing mat, and had me lie down on it.  Once again she changed me like an infant.  It was all done quickly and silently.  Soon I was buckled back in my seat with my doll and my bear that I didn’t want.

“Remember,” she said softly right next to my face.  “I love you.  I love you very much.  But I need you to be my baby now.  And I need you to act like a baby and like you love being a baby…which Gramps, we both know you do.”  She kissed my cheek.  “Love you,” she said again.  Then she backed out and closed my car door.

As soon we were back on the highway, she pushed the buttons on her steering wheel and told the car to phone her mother.  I soon heard my daughter Ashley’s voice filling the car.

“Hi Mom,” Kimmie said.

“Hi Kimmie,” Ash replied.  “Where are you?”

“We’re about an hour out.  I just wanted to let you know.”

“Still that far?  Okay.  I can’t wait to see you.”

“Me too, Mom,” Kimmie told her.  “See you soon.”

An hour out.  An hour before I would have to start facing my family.  The looming disaster.  The illness in my stomach returned.

Eventually we pulled into the driveway of Ashley’s house.  A nice house.  Most of the family had nice houses.  Now that Kimmie and Keith, her brother, were grown and had moved out of the house, Ash lived alone.  Ashley was out the door the moment Kimmie had parked her car.

“Stay there,” Kimmie told me quickly.  “I’ll undo your seatbelt.”

The baby game.  I could already see Ashly trying to get a better look at me through the car window.  Kimmie got out of the car, went around and hugged her mother.  I couldn’t hear what they said.  I didn’t really care that much either.  I was more worried about myself.  And then Kimmie opened my car door, leaned in, and unfastened my seat belt.  She made sure I was still sucking on my baby pacifier, stuck my bear in my right hand and my doll in my left, and carefully drew me up and out of the car.  I soon had no choice but to stand like that in front of my oldest daughter, Ashley.

“Hi Dad,” Ashley said as she looked me over carefully.  “You look…um…darling.”

I pulled the plug from my mouth.  “You mean stupid and ridiculous.”

She stared at me again for a moment before saying, “Yeah.  You do.  But still…darling.  Definitely darling.”

Could she tell I was wetting my diaper again?  I’m sorry.  I couldn’t help it.

“Paci,” Kimmie said softly, and I stuck my baby pacifier back in my mouth.

“Let me help you with your things,” Ashley told Kimmie.

The two of them loaded up with a few bags each.  Neither of them seemed to even think about handing me anything.  I soon followed them up the front walk and in through the front door.  Kimmie pointed to the floor.  “Sit and play,” she told me.  “I want to hear some of the songs your doll sings.”

My doll.  My stupid singing doll.

She started to continue on toward her bedroom with the things she was carrying, but she paused long enough to say, “And don’t even think about sitting on any of the furniture…ever!  Not with a wet diaper.  Not unless someone tells you, you can.”  She left me to my doll.  I pressed the button in her hand and the singing commenced.  Ugh!

We had arrived late enough that it was soon dinner time.  My bear and my barely tolerable singing doll got left gratefully behind on the floor while I followed Kimmie to the table.  She put me into a chair and shocked me by tying a dishtowel around my neck.  I was shocked, but with that pacifier still filling my mouth I couldn’t say anything about it.  What would I say anyway?  Nothing.

Neither Ash nor Kimmie talked to me.  They only took care of me.  Ash soon set a bowl down in front of me along with a teaspoon.  I looked into the bowl and was completely puzzled.  It was full of glop.  Or mush.  I didn’t know what else to call it, but it was green and orange.  I pulled the pacifier from my mouth.  I couldn’t eat with it there anyway.  “What’s this?” I asked.

Ash looked at me strangely.  “It’s baby food Dad.  Baby food…for a baby.  Now eat it.  Or do you need me to feed you?”  She smiled.  “I will if you like.  It’s up to you.  Whatever you prefer.”  I picked up the spoon in self-defense.

“Aw!” she said.  “I shouldn’t have given you the choice.  Next time, I’ll just feed you.”

Heaven forbid!

While Ash and Kimmie ate real food, I dipped my spoon into the bowl of…mush.  Half the bowl appeared to be green mush, and the other half appeared to hold orange mush.  I tried just a tiny bit of each and absolutely couldn’t tell what either of them were supposed to be.  They both just seemed to taste strange.  Kimmie set a baby bottle in front of me that held white stuff.  I couldn’t tell if it held milk or baby formula.  Since it was white, I was hoping it was just regular milk.  Taking a big breath for courage, I stuck my spoon fully into the green glop and ate some.  Nope.  Not a clue as to what it was.  I tested the baby bottle.  Milk.  Hooray.  I continued to eat in silence while Kim and her mother talked and ignored me.

After dinner, I was put back on the floor of the living room again, this time with a plethora of my toys to play with.  Kim and her mother cleaned up the kitchen and then sat and watched TV, but mostly they just talked.  I tried to ignore them both and just sit there and watch what was on the TV.  I was glad it wasn’t cartoons.

At eight o’clock.  Kimmie got up from her seat, pulled me to my feet, and took me back to the room where I would be sleeping.  I noticed a bunch of my things in there.  She undressed me completely.  Changed me into my night diaper.  Stuck me into that footed sleeper, and then let me go back to the living room to play again on the floor.

I heard Ashley laugh.  “He’s darling Kimmie,” she said.  “Darling.”

I knew Ashley was happy.  “I’m glad you think so,” she replied.  “How are the others doing though?”

Ashly shook her head.  “I won’t lie to you.  There’s still a bit of a war going on between the guys and the girls.  Like I told you, all the women seem to be fine with it.  Most of them are more curious and interested in seeing what you’ve done with him than ever.  It’s just all the guys who are still angry about it.  Don’t worry!  They’re fine.  I made sure.  They all agreed to put up with it while you’re here.  Nobody is going to say a word.  And if they do, trust me, me and Jenny will take care of it.  Not you!  And especially not him!”

Kimmie nodded then leaned over and hugged her mother.  “Thanks Mom.  This means more to me than I ever thought it would.”

“I know dear,” Ash told her.  “I know.”

It seemed like just a few minutes later when eight-thirty arrived.  But it wasn’t Kimmie who stood up and got me to my feet.  It was Ashley.  She grabbed my hand with one hand, while her other hand picked up both my bear and my doll.  Feeling like more of a fool than ever, I let her lead me back to my bedroom.  She put me into the bed and pulled the covers over me.  Then she sat on the side of the bed to talk.

“Dad.  As weird as all this is…and trust me, it boggles my mind.  I’m sure it boggles your mind too.  But I just want you to know that I think it’s good that you’ve got someone taking care of you now.  I know that Kimmie is not only company for you, but she’s making sure you eat right and that you get some exercise, which face it, you needed.  When you retired, you retired to a chair in your living room and you stayed there.

“Now, Kimmie has, well, given you a bit of life back.  No, it’s certainly not anything normal.  Not by any stretch of the imagination.  But it’s more life than you had before.  And Dad, that much is obvious to all of us.”  She smiled down at me before saying, Jenny though keeps wondering why Kimmie doesn’t have you calling her Mom, or Mommy instead of just Kim.  To be honest, I’m kind of wondering the same thing.  But I guess you and Kimmie have talked about all that already and made your decisions.”

She leaned down and kissed my cheek.  “Goodnight Dad,” she said softly.  “Enjoy yourself while you’re here.  Be young again.”  With that she got up from the side of the bed and headed for the door.  Kimmie came in.  She made sure both the bear and doll were snuggled under each of my arms.  She removed the pacifier from my mouth and handed me a warm baby bottle.  The light was turned out and I was left alone.

Call her Mom or Mommy?  Kimmie had never mentioned anything like that.  Should I?  Did she want that?  I had no idea.  For now, I’d rather not even consider such a thing.  She wasn’t my mommy.  She was my granddaughter.  Although from our relationship, you’d never know it.

I put the nipple of the bottle to my mouth and took a drink.  Baby formula.  Ugh!  Even here.

Darn woman!

 

Gramps - Chapter 20

 

Gramps

By Karen Singer

 

Chapter 20

 

Looming is an ominous word.  I don’t think I’ve ever heard the word used in connection with something good happening.  I’m sure many of you have, but for me, I can’t think of a single case.  Of course, maybe it’s because I had something looming over my near future now.  Two somethings in fact.  And neither of them was anything good.  At least, not for me.

Yeah, Kimmie had told me that everyone in the family knew all about what she and I were doing, which was a situation that in itself I wasn’t happy about.  How do you tell your kids that you spend your life learning how to piss and shit freely in your diapers, and that you spend more time drinking from a baby bottle than anything else?  I can’t even conceive of that conversation.  But now, thanks to Kimmie, it sounded like that conversation was about to be forced on me whether I wanted it or not.

Looming.  I could only see disaster and heartache looming over my head.

That conversation with Kimmie had happened on Thursday, exactly one week before Thanksgiving.  Now it was the following day, Friday.  According to Kimmie, she had to teach on the following Monday and Tuesday, but after that, on Wednesday, the school would be going into recess for Thanksgiving, and like it or not, we would be leaving for Maryland to see the entire rest of our family.  We were going so we could see them, but I think it was more like so they could all see me…and probably berate, and belittle, and condemn me.  It was Friday, we were leaving on Wednesday.  Only six days away.  Six days until…looming disaster.

Kimmie told me that she and her mother had started discussing it at the beginning of November.  She had just waited until now to tell me about it.  Purposely!  What was going to happen when we got there?  How was I going to handle it all, when we got there?  How exactly was everyone going to treat me…when we got there.  We hadn’t even left yet, and I was making myself sick with worry.

Evidently, according to Kimmie, she had bought two “special” dresses over the internet for me to wear up there.  One to wear on Thanksgiving Day, and the other for when they held the baby shower.  Kimmie though, was determined to keep both those dresses hidden from me, so I wouldn’t be allowed to see them until then.  “Oh Gramps,” she had said.  “You’re going to just love them!”

Dresses?  Something told me that loving them wasn’t exactly the way she should have put it.  And yes, my stomach grew a bit more ill when she told me about them.

Remember the way Kimmie’s security system gave her the ability to talk to me, and she could hear me too?  Well, that Friday, she put that ability to use once again.  I had just sent off another of those pacifier videos, when all of a sudden her voice from nowhere seemed to be coming from everywhere.  It surprised me enough that it actually scared me until I realized what I was hearing.

“Gramps,” her voice suddenly filled the room.

It took me a moment to calm myself down to reply, “Kimmie?”

“Yeah Gramps.  Who else?”

“What’s the problem?  I sent the video.  Did I do something wrong?”

“I haven’t seen it yet,” she told me.  “Gramps.  I want you to spend some time playing with your toys now.  I want you playing instead of watching TV until it’s time for lunch.  And Gramps, it’s slow here at school right now, so I can sit and look at my phone more than usual.  So play!  And have fun.”

“Fun?” I asked, incredulously.  I waited for a reply, but I didn’t get one.  “Kimmie?”  Nothing.  “Are you there?”  Still no reply.  Was she watching, or wasn’t she?  Like it or not, I lowered myself down to the floor in front of that…thing from hell, and I began reaching out to randomly touch things.  Oh, the stupid sounds that thing could make.  It was all so stupid.  But something told me that Kimmie was indeed watching.  My eyes went briefly to the corner where she liked to hook my nose so I couldn’t move.  Nope!  Didn’t need that kind of pain.  I spun the colorful shapes on top of the toy instead.  What fun, what fun.  I think I needed a better definition of fun.

That little play session wasn’t the only time I had to face that monstrosity of a baby toy.  As always, I changed my diaper at two, but after that, Kimmie’s  “ethereal” voice forced me to take another nap…along with the dumb bear of course.  When she allowed me to “wake up” from not sleeping at three o’clock, it was only so that I could try and poop in my diaper again before sitting forever and almost really falling asleep while I filmed myself sucking the way she thought I should.  Boring!  Once that was done, her voice from hell sent me directly out to spend time “playing” with my toy again until it was time for her to come home.

Yeah, my life was still going downhill.  Straight downhill to hell!  And it felt like the only thing I could do about it, was to sit there and piss in my diaper.  Some protest that was.  It didn’t seem to make any difference to Kimmie at all.  But hey, I enjoyed doing it.  Don’t tell Kimmie!

 

And then it was Saturday.  Saturday, Saturday, Saturday.  Can we just forget about Saturday and the shopping trip?  Okay, maybe we better not.  Big breath…and here we go.

Baby powder.  Diaper.  Plastic pants.  White tights.  Bra.  Black little girl Mary Jane shoes.  The dress Kimmie made me buy a few weeks back.  And two ribbons in my hair again.  Oh, and we can’t forget the purse she made me carry.  I’m not mentioning my pacifier.  That goes without saying, right?

She couldn’t seem to make up her mind as to if she wanted me to carry the stupid teddy bear or not, then she finally decided no, I should leave it home.  She was too afraid I might “accidently” lose the thing.  Plus, one of the stops she planned on making was in the toy store again where we had originally bought the thing.  Carrying my bear in there might cause a bit of an awkward situation.  As if me, by myself, wasn’t awkward enough.

Dressed so prettily and daintily, and feeling happy and grateful that God had let me be born as a little girl, I danced my way out of the house and into the car.  Um…it didn’t go quite like that, in case you’re interested.  Either way, we were off to once again visit…the mall.  (Insert dramatic music here).

You know, I’d swear I never saw any kind of construction around that place, but it seemed to look bigger to me each time we went in.  Oh, and yes, we did go in.  And around.  And up.  And down.  And literally everywhere.  Just so everyone could ogle me.  Er…that’s my opinion.  According to Kimmie, we were there so we could shop for our upcoming trip to visit the family.  I was the baby, and she was the adult.  Guess whose opinion won out.  Not mine.  We didn’t actually have that discussion though.  I didn’t say much of anything all day, as usual.  That baby pacifier I sucked as we wandered all around that place wouldn’t permit it.  But those thoughts were certainly on my mind.

In case you’re wondering, yes, we shopped and bought more girly clothes for me, including tights in white, pink, and blue, more short, short skirts, and another dress.  And yes, we went into the toy store and walked out with toys.  Baby toys.  An entire collection of toys that I “couldn’t wait” to play with.

During that mall visit, for some weird unknown reason, Kimmie suddenly became very interested in something different…for me of course.  Hair accessories.  All kinds of different hair stuff.  And I’m not talking about wigs.  Ribbons and bows.  Hair clips made for kids.  Headbands.  You name it, Kimmie had to look them over and select more than a few to buy.  Particularly the ribbons and bows.  While Kimmie saw pretty things that she would just love to see on me, I only saw embarrassment on an entirely new level.  By hey, pretty things and my embarrassment were just two ways of saying the same thing, right?  I think they were as far as Kimmie was concerned.

I spent more money on that shopping trip with Kimmie than I had on any other trip yet.  And it was all for me, just so I could feel more stupid in front of my entire family than ever.  As if my new life wasn’t bad enough.

I was literally worn out by the time we got home, so Kimmie let me rest by sticking me on the floor surrounded by not just that toddler toy from hell, but all the rest of the toys we had just bought too.

“Now you’ve got lots of pretty new toys to play with Gramps,” Kimmie had said brightly.  “Aren’t you happy?”

Happy?  Yeah.  First I needed a new definition for fun, and now I needed a new definition for happy.  Obviously, I had those two things wrong my entire life.

I looked at the baby toys scattered around me.  Yes, that monstrosity from the black lagoon was there, taking up a lot of space.  Yes, my beloved teddy bear was there to watch me playing too.  But now those things were joined by a set of colorful stacking rings, a fairly large soft material doll that literally blew my mind since it could say a bunch of different phrases and sang four different songs.  A wooden puzzle with eight whole pieces that I was sure would take me hours to put together, and a doll house that came complete with three little weird people, a tree, a swimming pool, furniture, and…okay, here it comes…the house also made noises, spoke phrases, and played songs I could learn to sing.  At least the puzzle and stacking rings didn’t make any noise at all, unless I pounded the pieces together in frustration.

So many things (I didn’t want).  All of it for me.  Oh joy.  And there was Kimmie, looking on with such a loving proud look on her face (yes, believe it or not, she did).  Kimmie was waiting to see me play.  I looked around again.  What to break…I mean play with first?  Remarkably, the plastic doll house won out.  I laid down on my stomach in front of it and began putting the furniture and people inside and the tree and swimming pool in the nonexistent backyard.  And of course, I pushed the buttons that made it say things and sing songs at me.  When I looked over to see Kimmie’s reaction to what I was doing, she was gone.  I didn’t see her at all.  But with so many toys that made noise, I had no doubt she’d be listening for what I was doing.

I stayed there and “played” until Kimmie grabbed me and changed my diaper, before giving me another bottle to drink when she put me down for my afternoon nap.  I was just glad for a reason to get away from those toys.  But not all those toys, While I was sucking on the bottle, Kimmie just had to stick my teddy bear and that soft singing doll in bed with me.  I had a king-size bed, but if I had to share it with many more toddler things, I was going to need something even bigger.

 

The sky is falling.  The sky is falling.  I think the sky actually fell.  Sunday came, and everything went topsy-turvy on me again.  My head was beginning to spin.  The trip to Maryland to see the family was now looming closer than ever.  It frightened me more than ever too.

If you’ll remember, and if you don’t there’s got to be something wrong with you, Kimmie and I went grocery shopping every Sunday – not because we need the groceries, which we really did, but just so that Kimmie could embarrass the hell out of me.  At least, that’s the impression I got from all those trips.  But this Sunday, the world had tipped over again and I wasn’t exactly prepared for the changes.

Okay, it started out the same as always.  I woke up (maybe I shouldn’t have).  I got myself out of bed and went into the bathroom where I brushed my teeth, shaved my face, and wet my soaked diaper, making it even more soaked than it was.  After a minute though, I couldn’t tell the difference between the before and after.  It was usually like that every morning.  Getting out of that footed fleece sleeper wasn’t the easiest thing in the world, but it wasn’t difficult either.  My biggest problem was going from being snuggly warm inside the thing to the cold air hitting my body.  My diaper soon went directly into the diaper pail trash can, and I hurried my butt into the shower.  Ah, warm water.  As always, I was slow to get out.  When I decided I had better finally face the world, I turned the shower off, grabbed my towel, and dried my body.

As always, Kimmie was waiting in the bedroom to dress me.  An abundance of baby powder, followed directly by her pulling a diaper up between my legs and taping it firmly.  And that’s when the world began to change on me again.  Instead of dressing me like a little girl, or even like a big girl with high heels, all she did was hand me one of my own sweatshirts to put on.  No bra under it.  No tights.  No little girl socks.  No little girl shoes or heels.  In fact, no shoes at all.  Nothing.  Just that old sweatshirt of mine and the diaper.  Oh, and my pacifier of course, but we’re not counting that.

You’d think I’d feel strange walking around like that with my diaper fully exposed, but Kimmie had kept me with nothing to cover it for so long now that having nothing over it seemed normal.  Much more normal than being able to wear something over it like she had allowed me to do lately.

“Go out and play with your toys.  I’ll turn the TV on for you until breakfast is ready,” she told me.

I was so shocked I pulled the plug from my mouth.  “Play?  Now?  With nothing else on?” I asked.

“Yes!  You’ll be warm enough.  Get used to it.  And get that baby pacifier back in your mouth.”

A minute later, plugged and muted, I was sitting in front of my toys.  I was plugged and muted, but my toys weren’t muted at all.  Uh…except for the puzzle and the stacking rings.  I hadn’t come across any way for them to start singing at me yet, but if they did I wouldn’t be surprised.

As she promised, Kimmie turned the TV on for me.  But she didn’t tune it to any station I wanted to watch.  She didn’t walk off until the thing was playing the most babyish cartoons she could find.

Kimmie finally announced breakfast, and I got up and headed to the kitchen.  I paused though on the way as a realization hit me.  I hadn’t yet heard the ding from my cellphone announcing that it was pooping time.  I checked the clock.  Nearly eight-fifteen.  I guessed I had been so “engrossed” enjoying those cartoons on TV that I had missed it.  It’s amazing that Kimmie hadn’t caught the problem and let me know.

After breakfast, it was back to the toys and cartoons.  None of which I was interested in.  Kimmie cleaned up the kitchen, and a while later I realized she was doing laundry.  Okay, we were going on a trip soon.  That only made sense.  What didn’t make sense was having to play with stupid singing toys, and watch stupid singing cartoons on the TV.

The realization came slowly.  Or maybe it was just that being a baby my intelligence level had dropped more than I expected.  But before lunch, I realized that not once had I heard that darn cellphone ding to tell me it was time to poop in my diaper or film myself with the baby pacifier.  And not once had Kimmie mentioned either thing to me.  What was going on?  Not that I was complaining.  Trust me, I wasn’t going to complain about that for anything…as long as Kimmie didn’t punish me for missing those deadlines.  Did I need to watch the clock and show her I could keep to my schedule without being told?  I didn’t know what to do.

By lunchtime, I was still on the floor with the toys and cartoons and Kimmie was still doing laundry.  Being so worried about my usual schedule, the minute I was allowed to pull my pacifier out so I could eat, I asked her about it.

“Don’t worry about it Gramps,” she told me.  “While we’re in Maryland you’re not going to be able to do any of that…except trying to poop of course.  I’d really like it if you kept trying to do that consciously whenever you can.”

Yeah right.  Like I was really going to do that.  I was just glad to hear that for the first time in a long while, I had no schedule and none of the usual required exercises she had forced on me.  Somehow though, I still found myself trying to push something out into my diaper, even when I had no need to do it.  Had doing that become some kind of habit?  I hoped not.  But still, my diaper was more than ready to be changed once two o’clock came around.

That afternoon, when Kimmie and I walked the yard, the only things she allowed me to wear other than my sweatshirt and the diaper I had on, was my pink sneakers and a jacket.  I told her I was worried about how cold my legs would get, but she told me I’d be fine, and I needed to get used to it.

It seemed like there were a lot of new things in my life I needed to get used to now.

 

Monday and Tuesday were carbon copies of Sunday, only without Kimmie being around.  She did make my life interesting once in a while though when I would suddenly hear her voice telling me to play with the toys and that the TV had better be playing cartoons and nothing else.

Both days, Kimmie still seemed to spend more time doing laundry than usual.  Why?  Okay, I knew she’d probably wash all those new clothes we had bought at the mall on Saturday before she let me wear them, but why everything else?  Was she planning on us staying up there for the rest of our lives?  It seemed like it.  There was also the number of diapers she had piled up for us to take.  A lot!  And I mean both day and nighttime diapers.  We were only going to be gone for five days and four nights.  That’s four nighttime diapers, and ten daytime diapers.  Nine if you don’t count the one I’d be wearing when I left home.

By Tuesday, I was surprised to find that I was still trying to randomly push out some poop into my diaper, even when I didn’t feel the need.  And when the need did barely hit me, I was already pushing before I realized what was happening.  And don’t talk to me about peeing.  I was wet most of the time.  End of story.  Yes, I usually felt the need hit me, but I had no reason in the world to wait before letting it out.  At least, that’s the reasoning I held onto as to why I was peeing so often.

Tuesday evening after Kimmie got home from school, she seemed to be a whirlwind of activity, but she still took time to drag me twice around the backyard just before dinner.  Then after dinner, she made me sit down as she sometimes did and she redid my seemingly permanent pink fingernails.  I didn’t have to ask why.  Besides, I had that baby pacifier in my mouth forcing me to not ask anything.  Not to mention, knowing Kimmie and the mood she seemed to be in, she’d probably launch into another of those “talks” about why was I asking questions.  Babies don’t ask questions.  And just who’s the baby here anyway?  Yeah, I just let her do it.  Not that I seemed to have a choice.

It came as no surprise to me Tuesday night.  Before putting me to bed, Kimmie often stuck me in the bathtub just so she could shave my entire body.  As I said, this time it came as no surprise.  When she put me to bed though, it was in my nighttime diaper and literally nothing else.  Nothing!  Uh…yeah, the bear and the singing doll were there, but I wasn’t wearing them.  That alone made the looming disaster that was about to happen seem not only more imminent, but real.

I had a trip looming over me that would start the next day.  And just the thought of the family seeing me like this scared me to death.  Yeah, I was worried about the drive up there too, not to mention the drive home.  How many people would see me then?  But it was the family seeing me that really scared me.  All those worries gave me a good reason to pee like I did.  And laying there in bed, drinking my baby bottle full of baby formula, thinking and worrying about the trip we were about to make, I found myself peeing before I realized it was happening.  That was fine.  As I said, I figured I had good reason to pee like that. 

 

Gramps - Chapter 19

 

Gramps

By Karen Singer

 

Chapter 19

 

Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall.  Ninety-nine bottles of beer.  You take one down, pass it around, ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall.  Ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall.  Ninety….  Okay, you all know the old song.  It would take an entire chapter just to write it all down.  I didn’t have ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, but I did have six bottles in the refrigerator.  None of the bottles I had contained beer, although I’d rather have the beer than what was in them.

When I discovered six bottles in my refrigerator on Monday morning instead of the previous five, I noticed that three of them held white stuff.  Drinking them later confirmed my worst fears.  Baby formula.  I think you can all agree that I should have kept my big mouth shut in the supermarket the day before.

My life had been ruled by schedules before.  Kimmie had relaxed that schedule by quite a bit for me now, but it was still ruled by schedules.  And yes, some of that schedule was of my own doing because of my own habits.

I got up at seven o’clock every morning, which seemed to work out well for Kimmie so she could get to work.  Most of the time I went from my bed straight into the bathroom where I shaved my face, shed my nasty bulk of night diaper, and stepped into the shower to get my body as clean as possible.  I usually spent more time in the shower than I should, just because it felt so good.  There were a few days on the weekends when Kimmie kept me in my night diaper until after breakfast, but those days didn’t happen often.  In fact, on weekends, parts of my schedule went out the window completely, but not all of it.  Especially not Kimmie’s rules for my life.

When I got out of the shower every day, Kimmie was always waiting for me.  She made me smell embarrassingly like a baby each time by putting an overly generous amount of baby powder on me before pulling my first daytime diaper in place.  Then she always seemed to take great delight in dressing me according to whatever whim she had in mind.  Lately, it was like a toddler.  Uh…a girl toddler.

Monday morning, I was pleased again to realize she was putting me in another little skirt to cover my diaper all day, along with the little girl shoes.  Oh, and of course another pair of those sweet little socks.

At eight o'clock each day, I had to try and shit in my nice clean and usually dry diaper, just before Kimmie went off to work, leaving me alone with just her camera system all over the house to keep an eye on me.  At nine o’clock, I had to try and shit again, followed by twenty minutes filming myself sucking my baby pacifier with my cellphone.  Ten o’clock, try to shit again.  Eleven o’clock, shit and film.  Twelve, shit again, then have lunch.  One o’clock, shit and film.  Two o’clock, shit, then change my diaper (finally!).  Three o’clock, shit and film.  Four, oh shit!  Five, shit and film again.  Kimmie usually came home around then, but the schedule kept going no matter what else was going on.

Every evening, Kimmie and I walked the perimeter of my big backyard.  Sometimes before dinner, sometimes after, but usually before dinner because the days were getting shorter and it was pretty dark out there.  But Kimmie still forced me to get my exercise, even in the dark.  We just carried flashlights if we needed them.

At eight o’clock, right after my pooping exercise, Kimmie cleaned me up, put me in my night diaper, and dressed me for bed.  Instead of that lightweight pretty nightgown thing that didn’t even cover my diaper, I was now dressed overly warmly in the fleece footed pajama thing.  Yeah, it was certainly soft.  But darn it was warm.  Especially with a wet diaper underneath.

My schedule ended at eight-thirty every night when she put me to bed.  Being relieved of the schedule was like a huge weight lifted from my life.  Unfortunately, it came back every morning when I woke up.  The truth was, there was no relief from it.  Not as long as Kimmie had me continuing to dance to her tune.

I remember it well, just like I’ll never forget the things that happened afterwards.  It was the third week in November when it all started for me.  For Kimmie it had started at the beginning of November, I just hadn’t known about it.  Remember that last time, early in November when Kimmie sat herself down in my lap?  (The pony conversation!  Remember?  Ponies.  Come on people, keep up here).  Well, it was the third week of November, exactly one week before Thanksgiving, when Kimmie suddenly turned off the TV on me and forced her way into my lap again.

She hugged my neck tightly, and kissed me on the cheek probably harder than she ever had.  “I love you Gramps,” she told me.  “I love you so much.”  Then she squeezed my neck again.

I pulled the baby pacifier from my mouth so I could talk.  “I love you too Kimmie,” I told her.  “Very much, but I’m still not buying you a pony.”

“Oh Gramps!” she whined  “Please?  Pretty please?  Pretty please with sugar on top?”

“No!” I told her with finality.

“But Gramps.  We could go riding together every day.  And wouldn’t a couple of pretty ponies in the backyard be soooo cute?”

“No!”

She laughed.  “I’m going to wear you down one of these days, she teased.”

“No!” I said once again, and she laughed.

“Gramps,” she said, much more seriously.  “I need to discuss something with you.  Something important.”

I looked at her, so close to me.  Her face was as serious as I’ve ever seen it.  I just sat there and listened.

“Remember, about two years ago when I got so sick?”

“Yeah Kimmie,” I replied softly.  “I remember.  It took you a while to get better.  From what Grams told me, you had a lot of trouble for years with…your body.”

She nodded.  “Yeah, I did.  What we didn’t tell everyone, because I didn’t want everyone to know, is that the last time I was in the hospital for it, they went in and did a partial hysterectomy on me.”

I was shocked.

“Gramps,” she said.  “I can’t have babies.”

I stared at her, then hugged her tightly.  “I’m so sorry Kimmie.  I didn’t know.”

“I didn’t want anyone to know,” she repeated.  “Even Grams didn’t know.  Mom knows, and I’m guessing that she may have told all my aunts, but I’m not sure.  I didn’t want even them to know.  But the way they’re all acting over how I treat you…well, I have to wonder now.”

I wondered exactly what she meant by that.  But she had told me before that the entire family knew about me.  But the family knowing was something that couldn’t be undone.  “You didn’t ask her?  You talk to your mother all the time.”

She nodded.  “I’ve been too…I don’t know.  I just didn’t want everyone to know.  Not being able to have a baby, that’s like…letting the entire family down.”

“Kimmie!  No it’s not!  Who would ever…”

“The women Gramps.  It’s a woman thing, okay?  Trust me.  But it’s something I feel really bad about.  Women are supposed to have babies, and I wanted one someday.  Now, I can’t.  The only good thing about it all is that since the operation I haven’t had any more problems.  None.”

“That’s good,” I told her.  “In fact, it’s great.”

She nodded again, but sadly.  “But it’s not so great.  I wanted to have a baby someday,” she said again.

I hugged her.  “I’m so sorry for you,” I told her.

She hugged me and kissed my cheek.  Then she took a big breath and sighed.  “So Gramps, I think that’s why I seem to love dressing you up so much every day.  That’s why I don’t mind changing your diapers every day, even when they’re full of shit…which is almost always.  That’s why I like loving on you so much.  Gramps, I think you’re like the baby I can’t ever have.  You’re becoming like the child I’ll never get to raise.  And Gramps, I not only love you more than I ever have in my life…which was a lot to begin with…but I love taking care of you too, just as if…you’re mine.  And you are mine,” she added a bit more brightly.  “You’re my Gramps.  I just want you to know how much I love you.  You’ve always been important to me, but now…Gramps, you’re more important to me than ever.”

What could I say to all that?  I hugged her again.  “I love you too Kimme.  You know that.  Very, very much.”

She hugged me again.  “Good!” she said before taking another big breath.  “Because I need you to do something.  In fact, I’m going to insist you do it.  And Gramps, I’m so serious about this, that I’ll go out of my way to make sure you do it, whether you like it or not, which I’m already guessing you won’t.”

I looked at her suspiciously, trying to brace myself for something horrible that I couldn’t imagine.

“Gramps,” she said.  “It’s all arranged.  Everyone is planning on it.”

“What?” I managed to get out of my mouth, although how I said even that one word is beyond me.

“I’m taking you home for Thanksgiving, and I promised everyone that you would be my baby girl the entire time.”

My mouth dropped as I looked at her in disbelief.

“And they’re all expecting to see you that way for Christmas next month too,” she added.

I wanted to say something.  Anything!  I think my mouth worked, but nothing came out.  Too late, Kimmie kept going.

“So Gramps,” she said softly as she rested her forehead against mine.  “I need you to learn how to act more like a baby than ever.  I need you to get used to it so you’ll have no trouble while you’re up there.  Especially around the entire family.  And Gramps, that’s going to have to include everyone, even Uncle Mike and Aunt Marie’s kids.”

It was one unimaginable thing on top of another.  The kids!  My son Michael’s two kids.  I think their names were Ben and Emily, but I wasn’t sure.  It’s hard to remember so many names.  But Ben had to be only about three years old, and I was sure that Emily had turned one shortly before Ruthie died.  The others well, they were all Kimmie’s age or older.  I thought anyway.  As I said, it’s hard to remember the details about so many people.  At least it was for me.

Could I go up there like I was?  Could I go up and act like a total fool…I mean baby, in front of all my kids and grandkids?  The thought simply wouldn’t register in my mind.

Kimmie kissed my cheek, then looked me straight in the eyes.  She held that position until I was looking straight into her eyes.  “Like I said Gramps, this is important for me.  More than you’ll ever know.  So whether you like it or not, I’m ready to force you to do it, so get used to the idea.  Besides, just remember, everyone up there already knows all about you.  And everyone up there is already expecting you to show up dressed and acting like a baby girl.  And I know some of them up there are even looking forward to it.”

I shook my head.  “That’s hard to believe.”

“I know,” she said, “but it’s true.  In fact, Mom decided she really is going to hold a baby shower for you while we’re there.  Won’t that be fun?”

I was aghast.  “A….”

Sitting on my lap, could Kimmie feel that I was wetting…soaking my diaper?