Too Old to be Young - Chapter 11

The vast majority of this chapter is something I wrote a long time ago.  It is a slightly altered and cut-down version of my No Control Mantra that I had written to turn into a hypno-style recording – but never succeeded.  It was also never meant to be something to fully hypnotize someone.  It’s not really that kind of thing.  I categorize it as an anomaly.  Don’t wet yourself!  (Unless you’re wearing a diaper.)

 

Too Old to be Young

By Karen Singer

 

Chapter 11

 

The meeting with the girls went remarkably quickly.  Mostly, it was just to make sure everyone was still on the same page.  There was one small surprise that was brought up that was quickly approved by all the girls, but that was it.  Most of the time they spent just talking with each other about this and that.  An hour later, Jackie was saying goodbye as they all went out the door, looking forward to their bridge night tomorrow.

As Jackie watched Pam and Lisa climbing into Lisa’s golf cart together, her mind went back to what they had discussed.  She had told them everything about what she had discussed with Jim…except for one small thing.  One personal thing for Jim.  That, she would hold in strict confidence…for now.  Except with him.

It was the middle of the afternoon when she walked over to his house.  When she arrived, she found a thick plastic package sitting outside his door.  She picked it up and looked at it, unable to tell what was in it.  After the things they had discussed on Sunday, she was tempted to knock, but he had told her this morning to just barge in on him again – so she did.

Jim was working on another of his old stories when he heard the door opening.  He rushed out of his office to see Jackie coming in.

“Hi Jim,” Jackie greeted him.  “I found this sitting outside.”

Jim took the package and carried it back to his office.  He found his scissors and cut the end off of it.  When he pulled out what was in it, he found several things with childish designs all over them.  “Uh-oh,” he muttered softly as he grabbed the top one and held it open.

“Oh!  How precious!” Jackie said as she looked on.  “Your onesies!  Aren’t they darling?”

Jim didn’t reply.

“Try one on,” she told him.  “No, wait!  I’ll be right back.”  She hurried from his house and back to her house where she grabbed the package that had arrived in the mail earlier that day.  Inside the package she had found a pack of three small locks.  She removed one of them from the package and opened it, then she hurried back to Jim’s house…with the lock, but not the key.

Back at his house, she watched as he removed all his clothes and changed into a fresh diaper.  Then she watched as he pulled the onesie up his body.  These onesies didn’t have a crotch opening to make diaper changes easier.  They had a zipper up the back instead and two fasteners so that they could be locked.  She zipped the back of it up for him, then leaned around and showed him the open lock.

“Where did you get…”

“Shh,” she hushed him as she held him still to keep him from turning around.  A moment later, she clicked the lock closed.  “There,” she said.  “All done.”

Jim reached behind him and felt the lock.  He tried to pull down the zipper, but he couldn’t.  he was…stuck!  He felt his still sore cock give another twinge of excitement.

“Oh, you look adorable in that thing,” Jackie told him as she stood back to view the results.

Jim was sure he didn’t look adorable at all.  He probably looked ridiculous.

“Is it better than my bathing suit?” she asked.

“Much!” he said as he took the time to realize it.  It’s still a little tight in the crotch, but not nearly as tight as your bathing suit, and it’s not killing my shoulders.”

“Good!” she replied.  “I was sure you would find it a lot more comfortable.

“But why do I need it if I don’t have any toilets in the house?  I’m stuck using the diapers anyway.”

“Because…I want you to know that not only can’t you use any toilets anymore, but you can’t even change yourself unless I let you.  Those decisions are no longer yours, they’re mine.”

“Isn’t this one of those things we talked about where you stepped over the bounds?”

“Maybe,” she admitted.  “In fact, yes, probably.  But quite frankly, I don’t care.  And if you don’t like it, then tomorrow is Tuesday, and I’ll just use this to make your life more miserable anyway.”

He shook his head.  “Screwed, one way or another.”

“Pretty much,” she agreed.  “Now follow me.”

“Now what?”

Grab one of the chairs from your table and bring it onto your office.  I’ve got a little project you may find interesting.

“A project?  What?”

“Jim, get me a chair!”

A minute later, she had Jim sit in front of his computer while she sat next to him.

“Find that thing you showed me earlier.  Your no control mantra.

“That?  But…”

“Jim!  Do it!”  She waited while he found the file and opened it.  “Now turn away from the computer and don’t look.  Just close your eyes and sit there.”

“But I wasn’t going to do any of this right now.”

“It’s as good a time as any,” she replied.

“But what if I don’t want this?”

“But the point is that you do want it since it’s another of your little fantasies.  So why not have fun and explore it like we’re doing with everything else?”

“But…”

“Jim!  Relax and enjoy it.  Go with the flow.  We’re already playing with your other fantasies, adding this on top of it may only increase your fun.  It’s one of your fantasies, remember?”

He looked at her skeptically.

“Now turn away and close your eyes.”  It took a moment, but once he was ready, she began reading aloud from the document he had titled, No Control Mantra.  Her voice was soft and slow, almost a whisper as she read:

 

Relax.  Relax.  No control.  No control.  

Relax.  Relax.  No control.  No control.

 

Your dream, your desire, is to have no control at all over your peeing, and no control at all over your pooping.  No control at all.  No control over anything.  No control.  No control.  The only way you can achieve this is to relax all those muscles that control those functions, and keep them as relaxed as possible, all the time.

 

Relax.  Relax.  No control.  No control. 

Relax.  Relax.  No control.  No control.

 

Every time you hear the word relax, you need to try hard to relax all those sphincter muscles that control your peeing and pooping as much as you possibly can.  Continually strive to relax them more and more, even when you don’t think you can possibly relax them anymore, there are always more levels of relaxation for them.  You need to constantly strive to find those new levels of relaxation.  Relax.  Relax.  Let those muscles go and relax them.

Relax.  Relax.  No control.  No control. 

Relax.  Relax.  No control.  No control.

 

Every time you hear the words no control, it will remind you of what your goal is.  This is what you want.  You want no control at all over your peeing and pooping, so relax and be reminded that this is what you’re after.

 

Relax.  Relax.  No control.  No control. 

Relax.  Relax.  No control.  No control.

 

If you should feel like you might need to pee or poop while you’re listening to this, then concentrate on those feelings and enjoy them as much as possible, but still strive to relax even more as you feel them.  Enjoy the feelings of needing to pee and poop, and having it happen right then and there.  This is what you’re after.  This is what you what.  So relax.  Relax.  No control.  No control.

 

When you’re not listening to this, every time you notice yourself tightening up, just think these words in your head and relax those muscles again, taking you back to where you want to be.  Letting everything happen naturally, with no control at all.  No control.  No control.

 

Relax.  Relax.  No control.  No control. 

Relax.  Relax.  No control.  No control.

 

Relax.  Relax.  Close your eyes, and relax.

Your goal, is no control.  No control.  No control.

Relax.  Relax.  Let your body, relax.

What you want, is no control.  No control.  No control.

 

Relax.  Relax.  Let your body, relax.

Relax.  Relax.  No control.  No control.

Relax.  Relax.  Feel your body relax.

No control.  No control.  Relax.  No control.

 

Relax.  Relax.  Just float, and relax.

Feel your body, relax.  No control.  No control.

Relax even more.  Relax.  Relax.

No control.  No control.  Relax.  No control.

 

With each breath you take, relax even more.

Even more relaxed.  Relax.  Relax.

No control.  No control.  Relax.  No control.

No control.  No control.  Relax.  Relax.

 

Each time you breathe in, relax even more.

Each time you breathe out, relax more again.

Relax.  Relax.  No control.  Relax.

Relax.  Relax.  No control.  No control.

 

Breathe in and breathe out.  Relax.  Relax.

Relax more and more.  Relax.  Relax.

No control.  No control.  Relax.  Relax.

You want no control.  Relax.  No control.

 

Feel your groin open.  Relax.  Relax.

Opening wider.  No control.  No control.

Feel yourself open.  Relax.  Relax.

Opening wider. Relax.  Relax.

 

Opening more.  Relax.  Relax.

Opening wider.  Relax. Relax.

You want no control.  Relax.  No control. 

Opening wider.  No control.  No control.

 

No control.  No control.  Relax.  Relax.

You want no control.  Relax.  Relax.

No control.  No control.  Relax.  Relax.

You want no control.  No control.  No control.

 

Opening wider.  Relax.  Relax.

You want no control.  No control.  No control.

You must relax more.  Relax.  No control.

You must open wider.  Relax.  No control.

 

No bladder control.  No control.  No control.

Not any control.  No control.  No control.

Opening wider.  No control.  No control.

Relaxed and wide open.  No control.  No control.

 

You want no control.  No control.  No control.

You cannot control.  No control.  No control.

You can never control.  No control.  No control.

You will not control.  No control.  No control.

 

You want no control.  No control.  No control.

You will not control.  No control.  No control.

You cannot control.  No control.  No control.

You can never control.  No control.  No control.

 

Your muscles are open.  Relax.  No control.

So very wide open.  Relax.  No control.

You cannot control them.  Relax.  Relax.

So very wide open.  Relax.  No control.

 

You cannot control them.  No control.  No control.

You will not control them.  Relax.  No control.

You can't ever close them.  No control.  No control.

You can't even feel them.  No control.  No control.

 

Your muscles are open.  Relax.  No control.

You have no control there.  Relax.  No control.

You want no control there.  No control.  No control.

You will not control them.  No control.  No control.

 

You don't want to feel them.  No control.  No control.

You don't want control there.  No control.  No control.

You want to stay open.  Relax.  No control.

You don't want control there.  Relax.  No control.

 

You have to stay open.  Relax.  Relax.

You have no control there.  Relax.  No control.

You want no control there.  Relax.  Relax.

You cannot control there.  Relax.  No control.

 

You want to pee freely.  No control.  No control.

You want to not feel it.  No control.  No control.

You want to poop freely.  Relax.  No control.

You have no control there.  Relax.  No control.

 

You will not control there.  No control.  No control.

You will go whenever.  No control.  No control.

You love peeing freely.  No control.  No control.

You love no control there.  No control.  No control.

 

You will never know it.  No control. No control.

You won't ever feel it.  No control.  No control.

You won't feel your bladder.  No control.  No control.

You won't feel it filling.  No control.  No control.

 

You won't even realize.  No control.  No control.

When you have to go now.  No control.  No control.

You love peeing freely.  Relax.  Relax.

You love no control now.  Relax.  No control.

 

You will never know it.  No control.  No control.

You'll just go whenever.  No control.  No control.

You won't even worry.  Relax.  Relax.

It will not concern you.  Relax.  No control.

 

It's not your concern now.  Relax.  Relax.

It's just going to happen.  Relax.  No control.

It's all for the best now.  Relax.  Relax.

It's just what you want now.  No control.  No control.

 

You won't ever feel it.  No control.  No control.

The need will not hit you.  Relax.  Relax.

You go without knowing.  No control.  No control.

The need won't exist now.  Relax.  No control.

 

You cannot control it.  No control.  No control.

You won't ever know it.  Relax.  Relax.

You just feel relaxed there.  Relax.  Relax.

You just feel wide open.  Relax.  No control.

 

You have no control there.  No control.  No control.

You just let it happen.  Relax.  Relax.

The feeling’s so good now.  Relax.  Relax.

To just stay wide open.  Relax.  No control.

 

Your body feels good now.  Relax.  Relax.

To pee and poop freely.  No control.  No control.

You love how it feels now.  Relax.  Relax.

To go without knowing.  No control.  No control.

 

Your muscles are open.  Relax.  Relax.

So very wide open.  Relax.  No control.

You want them so open.  Relax.  Relax.

You don’t want to close them.  Relax.  No control.

 

It all feels so normal.  No control.  No control.

To feel so wide open.  Relax.  Relax.

You hate feeling tight there.  No control.  No control.

Relaxed is much better.  Relax.  Relax.

 

You have no control now.  No control.  No control.

You cannot control them.  No control.  No control.

It's just how it should be.  Relax.  Relax.

It's just how it will be.  No control.  No control.

 

You feel yourself floating.  Relax.  Relax.

It feels very good now.  Relax.  No control.

Your body feels good now.  Relax.  Relax.

To have no control now.  Relax.  No control.

 

You feel so relaxed now.  Relax.  Relax.

You have no control now.  No control.  No control.

You're feeling so happy.  Relax.  No control.

Your muscles wide open.  No control.  No control.

 

That's just how they'll stay now.  No control.  No control.

You can't ever close them.  No control.  No control.

You don’t want them closed now.  Relax.  No control.

You will never close them.  No control.  No control.

 

You don't have control now.  No control.  No control.

That's just how it should be.  Relax.  No control.

That's just how you want it.  No control.  No control.

That's just how it will be.  Relax.  No control.

 

You don't have control now.  No control.  No control.

You'll go without knowing.  No control.  No control.

You'll love going freely.  No control.  No control.

You'll love the not knowing.  No control.  No control.

 

Relax.  Relax.  No control.  No control.

Relax.  Relax.  No control.  No control.

Relax.  Relax.  No control.  No control.

Relax.  Relax.  No control.  No control.

 

When she had finished, Jackie sat silently for a few moments.  Finally, she said, “Jim?”

Jim startled.  “Oh.”

“What happened there?” she asked.

“I think it got boring.”

“Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure.  It’s too much repetition.”

“Mm.  Maybe.  But I think the point is still there.  If we’re going to explore this little fantasy, then I guess like the instructions said, whenever you notice those muscles not being completely loose or relaxed, then you need to think about the mantra.  Relax.  Relax.  No control.  No control, and relax yourself as your thinking about it.

“Yeah.  That was the general idea when I wrote it.  I just wrote…too much.”

“Maybe,” she agreed.  “So are you relaxed now?”

“Very!  That much certainly works.  You wouldn’t believe how you can think you’re totally relaxed and then you find yet another level of relaxation beyond that.  It’s…amazing.”

“Did you wet yourself during it?”

“No.  I never felt a thing.”

“Too bad,” she replied.

“Yeah.  I was kind of hoping I would.”

“Maybe next time,” she said as she got up from her seat.  “I’ll leave you now.”

“When are you coming back to let me change?”

She smiled evilly at him.  “Who says I’m coming back?”

“But what if I’m…uh…messy?”

“I think it’s about time you learned to live with it.”

“But I’m not even wearing one of my night diapers!”

“Do you really need one?  They all seem to hold quite a bit.  Maybe I’ll be back to let you change, maybe I won’t.  And that little lock on your new onesie doesn’t give you much of a choice.”

“But…”

She leaned in close to him.  “No control.  No control.”  Don’t forget, tomorrow is Tuesday.  “Relax.  Relax.  No control.  No control.”  With that she laughed and walked out.

 

Too Old to be Young - Chapter 10

 

Too Old to be Young

By Karen Singer

 

Chapter 10

 

What had he done?  Jim woke up Monday morning wondering about that…worrying about that.  He had been out of it.  Free!  Safe!  But last night he had gotten out of bed, walked over to her house wearing nothing but a diaper, and asked her to put it all back again.  Now he was…stuck once again.  But for now, he wouldn’t have it any other way.  He knew for a fact that once he was able to get his rocks off again, he’d think differently about it, but for now, it was what his stupid warped mind seemed to want.  Stuck.  Under her thumb.  No way out.

She had said before he left her last night that they would talk about it this morning, but already there was something in the pit of his stomach that was thriving on the excitement of it.  He had the chance to be all alone with his fantasies, but he had thrown all that away in favor of having someone else controlling him instead.  But now he realized that it was that someone else that added the extra amount of excitement that made him really feel alive.  Made him feel interested.  Made him feel…afraid!  Made him feel…young again.

Alone was fine, but having someone else there doubled the pleasure.

His thick diaper was wet.  As he climbed out of bed, the thickness made itself even more apparent.  Without her darn bathing suit holding everything so tight against his body, the thick wet diaper seemed to sag and be bulkier and more cumbersome than ever.  He could change it.  There was nothing in the world stopping him from changing, but he didn’t.  Instead, he waddled out to his kitchen, every single step not only reminding him more than ever of the thick diaper between his legs, but every moment feeling that thickness brought him pleasure.

In the kitchen, he automatically headed to his coffee maker and set it up.  Once it was brewing, he headed for his desk.  When was she going to come over?  How long before she would arrive to let him take a shower?  Since he wasn’t locked into anything to prevent him from changing himself, did he need to ask if he could shower and change?  What if he did it without her permission?  Lots of questions he didn’t know the answers to, but then she had said they would talk about it today.

Like it or not, he realized that things were going to be different now.  He didn’t know if they would be better or worse.  He didn’t know if there would be big changes or none at all.  He didn’t know anything.  He only knew two things.  He was looking forward to seeing her again, and he really wanted to hump his bed, but as much as he wanted that, his poor tortured penis was still a bit too tender for that kind of exercise.  Soon though, and he was looking forward to it.

He was tempted to phone her to ask if he could shower and change, but he didn’t.  He didn’t know how late she slept every day.  He didn’t know anything about her at all, except that for once he was looking forward to seeing her…to talk.

At his desk, he got into his computer and found one of the short stories he had written a long time ago.  The very first story he had ever written.  He pulled it up, but instead of starting to read it, he headed back to the kitchen to grab his first cup of coffee for the day.  Coffee in hand, he went back to his computer and began reading.  Right away he noticed how many mistakes were in it.  His hand reached out and grabbed his mouse.  As he read, he started correcting the mistakes.  It was a good story.  Fun.  But old.  He had written better.

He had barely started working on the story when he decided that after it, he would move onto the next story he had written.  He would go through all of them in the order he had created them and make a few improvements.  He had no doubt that before long, probably before he got finished with this story, he would be thinking of doing nothing but heading for his bed to try and get himself off.  Something he knew wasn’t going to happen today at all.  Not until his penis had healed a little bit more.  Then…fun!

 

--- §§§§§§§§§§ ---

 

Jackie carried her coffee back to bed with her.  Her pills taken, she needed to put her feet up and wait for them to kick in.  All the rain yesterday seemed to be gone this morning, but not the aches and pains.  It seemed like every little change in the weather hurt her, whether that change was for good or bad.

She held a magazine in her lap, but she didn’t bother opening it.  Her mind was on Jim instead.  They had talked a lot yesterday, but he had ended things.  Then suddenly he had come over last night wearing nothing but a diaper and changed his mind again, asking her to put everything back the way it was.  The funny thing was, as much as she had argued against it, she had been glad to end the agreement with him.  With the agreement gone, she had come home feeling relaxed, calm.  Happier.  But the moment he asked her last night to put it all back again, there had been an excitement in her that she couldn’t deny.  Could all that talking they had done yesterday about feeling young again apply to her too?  No, she was too old to be young again.  Way too old!  But still, wasn’t the excitement of all this the reason she was doing it in the first place?  She knew it was.  Playing with him was the first thing in years that had really caught her interest.  So, was she too old to be young again?  Or at least feel young…or younger?  Maybe not.

She glanced at the clock, wondering if he was awake yet.  Either way, she had no intentions of going over there too early.  Especially not until her pills kicked in.  As much as they had talked yesterday, she had no doubt they would have to talk even more today.

And then there were the girls.  She had phoned them all late last night to tell them that Jim was back in the game again.  They had all been excited too.  She had told each of them that they would talk about it more today too.  More talking – with Jim and the girls.  Separately!  But all that was fine.  All that was good.  She was looking forward to all of it.

She took another sip of her coffee and leaned her head back against her pillow.  Come on pills.  Kick in!  She was tired of aching and hurting so much.  Getting old – sucked!

 

--- §§§§§§§§§§ ---

 

With the first short story of his life finished and updated, his eyes scanned the list of other stories he had written.  They fell across another one from long ago.  Not his second, but a few years later.  The one story that wasn’t a story.  The one thing he had written that didn’t fit into any category at all.  None!  The title simply said, No Control Mantra.  Just reading the title sent a wave of thrill through him.  No control.  That’s what it was all about.  Another tiny bit of his fantasies, and now one that he had even admitted to…her.  Jackie.  He prayed she wouldn’t pass that bit of embarrassment around like she had with his other fantasies.  He was in enough trouble.  He was tempted to open it and read it, but he didn’t.  He was already in enough of a pickle, reading and editing some of his stories…while he was still too sore to even think about getting any relief.  That situation too excited him.

He was about to click on the next story, the second one he had written, when someone knocked on his door.  Panic hit him.  Who would ever knock?  Not Jackie, she had a key and came right in.  He made a mad dash for his bedroom and pulled his robe on, praying it would hide his thick wet diaper…and already knowing it wouldn’t.  The knock came again, and he hurried to answer the door.  He opened the door a crack, hiding his body behind it and peeked out.  He was astonished.  “Jackie.  Why didn’t you just come in?”

“We talked about that yesterday, Jim,” Jackie told him.  “I was overstepping things, remember?”

“Oh.  Yeah.  Come in, please,” he said as he opened the door wide for her.

“Are you just getting up?” she asked, seeing him in his robe.

“No, I’ve been up a long time now.”

She studied him.  “Jim, is that robe hiding a thick diaper?”

He pulled his robe open and showed her.

“You haven’t changed yet, but you’ve been up a while?”

“I didn’t know if I could.”

Jacki’s face fell.  “Yeah.  Something tells me we have a lot to talk about today.”

“Yeah,” Jim agreed.

“Do you have any coffee made?” she asked.

“Of course.”

“Then why don’t you get cleaned up and dressed.  I’ll pour myself some coffee and wait…in the living room.”

“Uh…okay,” Jim agreed.  He turned to head for his bedroom.

“Jim!”

He turned around.

“How much are you hurting?”

“Trust me,” he replied.  “I’m still sore.  Too sore to do any…uh…you know.”

She nodded.  “I left that ointment on your dresser.  Use it!”  She watched as he disappeared back into his room.  She poured herself a cup of coffee and wandered around his living room for a few moments.  Then she wandered into his home office.  She looked at his computer and saw a long list of files.  Reading the titles, she was guessing that maybe they were stories of some sort.  Was he downloading stories from the internet and saving them?  She was sure he was.  Things that turned him on.

She went back to his living room and opened his curtains.  Jim always kept them closed except for a tiny crack during the day.  He was too afraid of anyone seeing him, but she opened them anyway, letting in all the light she could and brightening up the entire feel of his house considerably.

It was a while before he came out, looking considerably…normal.  Disappointingly normal.  But Jackie had expected that.  She waited while he grabbed his cup from the office and refilled it.  A minute later, they were both seated in his living room.

“Where do we start?” Jim asked.

“You tell me,” Jackie replied.  “I honestly don’t know.”

“Will the original agreement we had made stay the same?”

“I don’t see why not,” Jackie replied.  “That’s what this was all about in the first place.  Playing to your fantasies.”

“But what about the Tuesday thing where you make everything worse?”

Jackie smiled slyly.  “That stays too!  Without that, I have no doubt I’d get bored with all of this too soon and we’d both probably regret it.”

“I’m not so sure about that,” Jim replied.

“And yet you were the one who showed up at my door last night wearing nothing but a diaper, asking me to put it all back again.”

He nodded.  “True.  And as much as I hate saying it, I still want it.  Like it or not!”

“Which I guess is the main point.  Like it…or not!”

He nodded, but said nothing.

“So where does that leave us?” Jackie asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Then I guess we’ll just have to see how things go as we progress.  Agreed?”

“Yes,” he decided.  “Agreed.”

“Okay.  Well, that was easier than I expected,” she replied.

“So what now?” Jim asked.

“Now?  I don’t know.  You’re diapered.”  She looked down at the flat women’s shoes he was wearing.  “You’re even wearing the right shoes, which reminds me, you weren’t when you came home from your little shopping trip.  How many pairs did you buy?”

“Two,” Jim admitted, feeling his face turning red.

“Jim, you know those shoes have to go.

He said nothing for a moment, then very softly replied, “I know.”

“But it scares you to have them gone.”

He nodded. 

“Go get them.  Both pairs, and bring them here.”

Jim got up from his seat.  He was back a few minutes later with a shoe box and the other pair of men’s shoes he had been wearing.  Jackie took them and held and set them on the floor next to her.  I’ll take them home with me later,” she told him.

As much as it scared him, Jim felt his sore penis give a bit of a twitch.  “So what now?” he asked.

“Now?  You keep asking that, and I don’t know.  All I need to do is keep you in diapers and women’s shoes.  All you need to do is stay that way.  End of story.  The rest is your life.  What you want to do.”  When he didn’t say anything, she asked.  “How about what we talked about yesterday?”

“Yesterday?  What?”

“Your other minor fantasy.  The incontinence thing.  Have you given that any more thought?”

“A little.”

“Are you going to try to do it?”

“I don’t know.  I’ve thought about it a bit, but that’s it.”

“What would it take to make it happen for you?”

“Huh!  A lot of time and dedication!”

“I would guess that would be the case.  Is there anything that can help you with it?”

“Not really.  I’ve played with some hypnotic things on the web, but the truth is, none of them really work.  They help some, but in the end, it all comes down to time and dedication.  I did come up with…”  But he stopped there.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Jim, I’m not laughing.  I’m only interested in helping you explore whatever you’re interested in so you can have some fun.”

He considered it, then finally said, “Well, like I said the hypno things don’t really work, but they do kind of put you in the mood and keep reminding you of what you’re trying to do.  That’s where they really help.”

“It sounds like you’ve got more experience with this than you let on.”

“Not really.  In fact, probably less.  I just did a lot of reading about it.”

“And fantasizing?”

“Maybe,” he admitted with a smile.

She laughed.  “So you think if we keep you listening to hypnotic…whatevers…that it will help you enjoy that bit of fantasy?”

“No.  Not that at all.”

“Then what?”

Once again he sat silently.

“Jim?” she encouraged him.

It was still a moment before he spoke.  “Something I wrote once.  A long time ago.”

“Something that you think would help you enjoy this?”

He nodded.

“What?”

“It’s kind of a…the best way I can describe it, is a mantra.”

“A mantra.  Like…Oooooommm?”

“Something like that, but not really.”

“Not really.  What then?”

He sat staring at her for a few moments, then said, “Maybe, the only way to describe it, is to let you read it.”

That surprised her.  “Sure!”

Jim led the way to his computer.  With her looking over his shoulder, he found the file called No Control Mantra and clicked on it. 

“No Control Mantra,” Jackie said, reading the title.  “I guess that kind of says everything about it.”

“Pretty much,” Jim agreed. “It’s actually kind of…half mantra, half hypno file.”

“And you’re supposed to just read it?”

“No.  I was going to make it into one of those hypnotic files like they have on the web, but I never did.  I couldn’t do any of this stuff for real while my wife was still alive.  Everything I ever did was hidden from her and…everyone.”

“Until now.”

“Um…I guess,” he replied.

“So this needs to be…what, recorded first?”

“Probably, but not really.  It’s the mantra part that’s important.  The rest is just supporting ideas and thoughts.”

“May I read it?” she asked.

Jim sat silently while Jackie started reading through it.  He watched as her hand finally had to take control of his mouse so she could keep reading it because it was so long.  Part of it was mantra, part of it was just explanation and instructions, but the bulk of it was the strangest thing.  Most of it was like a poem, rhythmic with bits of it rhyming.  She couldn’t help but notice that the rhythm and rhymes seemed to draw her in, keep her focused.  She didn’t dare tell him, but she was glad she didn’t have his inclinations.  Otherwise, she’d probably wet herself while she just read the thing…or worse!

She finally finished reading the document.  “Whew!” she said.  “I’m surprised at how long it is.  It just goes on and on.  But at the same time, I can see where it might be a good tool to help you…I guess…enjoy that fantasy.  Or maybe even achieve it.”

“That was the general idea,” he replied.

“And it’s a good one!” she agreed.  “Maybe we should think about it a bit more later on.”

“If you want.”

“No!  It’s what you want.  Only if you want it.  Something like that has to be what you might enjoy.  Me?  I’m having a ton of fun with everything else.  And like I said, I can’t wait to find out if you actually wet yourself the first time you walk into some store while wearing high heels.  I absolutely can’t wait to find out about that.”

Jim smiled thinking about that, then a moment later, he laughed.  “I might,” he agreed.  He pointed at the document on his computer monitor.  “Especially if I do anything like that.”

Jackie laughed.  “You’ve got a point.  Maybe we should tackle that sooner rather than later.  I think something like that might actually help.”

 Jackie noticed the time.  “I need to run,” she said.  “The girls are coming over in a little while to discuss…you!”

“Me?”

“What else?”

“Should I be scared?”

“Aren’t you already?”

“Yes!”

“Then be scared.  You’re probably going to have more reason than ever.”

That didn’t help Jim’s confidence at all.

“See you later,” she told him.

He watched as she gathered up his two pair of men’s shoes from the living room and headed for the door.  “Jackie,” he called, stopping her.

“Yes?”

“From now on, don’t knock.  Just come in.”

She smiled.  As she left his house, she noticed the mailman arriving at her mailbox.  She went down to open it.  Inside, she found a few pieces of mail, and one small package.  She had a pretty good idea what was in that package.  She headed into the house to prepare for the arrival of her friends.