The Housekeeper
By Karen Singer
Chapter 30 Part 2 of 2
It wasn’t ten seconds after the
service was over before Bethany grabbed Roger’s wrist, and literally dragged
him out of the row of seats. “Come on
honey. We need to catch her before she
gets out of here.”
Roger wasn’t at all used to someone
holding his hand… or even being pulled along by his hand as was the case here,
but he followed. What was so important
about meeting this transitioning… woman?
“Carlita, darling!” Bethany called
out as they got close.
Roger saw the woman turn… and he
was struck by the feminine beauty of the woman he saw. He was grateful that his cock gave him only a
small twinge of cold warning. “She”
looked somewhat Hispanic he realized, which explained a bit about the name she
had chosen. Her long black hair
reflected the lights. Her face could
only be described as feminine and beautiful.
Her smile lit up that face when she turned and saw Bethany.
“Hi Beth,” Carlita said as her eyes
turned now toward Roger.
The faint twinge of cold hit
Roger’s cock again as he locked eyes with the “woman” in front of him.
“Carlita, this is Candy,” Bethany
introduced.
“Hi Candy,” Carlita said kindly,
with another flash of a smile. “I saw
you here before, but… I have to admit, you look a whole lot better this week
than you did last week. I almost didn’t
recognize you.”
“Uh… thanks,” Roger replied.
“Carlita,” Bethany said, “we all
thought that Candy here should have a little talk with you. And I mean… a serious talk.”
Roger noticed the sudden dark
clouds that rushed over Carlita’s face.
And he saw her nod slightly… then look over at him… while trying to
smile a little more brightly.
“Do you have a few minutes now?”
she asked.
Roger looked around. Most likely, Janice would be talking with her
friends for a few minutes. “Sure, why
not?”
“I’ll just leave you two to get
acquainted,” Bethany said quietly.
Carlita motioned toward the chairs
next to them, the row of chairs she had just left. Not the front row, but only three rows back
from the front. Roger moved in and took
a seat several folding chairs over.
Carlita followed and sat next to him.
“I take it you must be thinking
about doing something… radical… to your gender?”
“Everything seems to be pointing in
that direction,” Roger replied. “I’d be
grateful for any help you might be able to offer.”
Carlita nodded. “I don’t know how much actual help I can
be. I think that Bethany back there just
wanted you to hear a little of what I’ve been through... to give you something
to think about.”
“Sounds good,” Roger replied.
Carlita shook her head. “No, it’s not good.” She looked straight at Roger, who now noticed
dark clouds in her face. “I have no
family,” she said. “And I have very few
friends. The day I came out to my
family, three years ago, they disowned me and threw me out of the house…
literally! I barely had time to grab
just a few things before my father grabbed me and dragged me to the front door,
and literally threw me out. Since then,
every time I even try to phone any of them, they hang up on me. I’m dead to them now. I can’t tell you how much that hurts.”
Roger was stunned. “What did you do?”
Carlita looked sadly down toward
the floor. “Most of my friends wouldn’t
talk to me once I explained why it had happened. But I finally got lucky with one friend who
let me stay at his place for a while. I
slept on the couch, which wasn’t so bad.
What was bad though was when he raped me.”
Roger was shocked. “Raped?”
Carlita nodded. “Raped!
Right there on the couch where I was trying to sleep. And afterwards, I ran out of there, still in
my underwear, and I never went back. I
got lucky and got picked up by the police.
I wound up in a shelter two nights later.”
“My God!” Roger breathed.
“I never did get any of my stuff
that I left in his apartment. I was too
afraid to go back.” She took a moment to
collect herself and take a deep breath before continuing. “I tried very hard to commit suicide… twice,
while I was in that shelter. And twice I
almost succeeded.”
“Why?”
“Because my family wouldn’t accept
me. Because none of my friends wanted me
anywhere near them. Because I couldn’t
find a job to support myself. And
mostly, because I didn’t want to continue having to live my life as a boy. I’ve always wanted to be girl instead… from
my earliest memories. And having to be a
boy just finally got to be too much for me.
Everything got to be too much. I
was a total failure at everything… especially life. I hated it.
Nobody loved me… or even liked me… and I wanted to put an end to the
misery. And so I grabbed a sharp knife
from the kitchen at the shelter and tried to slit my wrists. I only got one actual cut made though before
someone walked in on me and called for help.
They made me start seeing the psychologist after that.”
Roger wanted to comment, but there
were no words that would come to his mouth.
“Eventually, the shelter helped me
find a job – as a guy of course since I was a guy and had only just told
everyone what I was intending to do someday.
But I guess everyone knew I was serious about it because of trying to
kill myself over it… and… well, I did grab mostly whatever girl’s clothes I
could scrounge to wear at the shelter instead if boy clothes, but back then I
couldn’t pass as a girl to save my life.”
“But you look fantastic now,” Roger
replied. “Really… beautiful!”
Carlita smiled shyly. “Thanks,” she whispered. “But that’s only because I’ve been on
hormones for the last two years.”
“Two years?”
She nodded. “I can’t wait to have my operation so I can
be as much of a woman as possible. I
just can’t afford it yet.”
“How much does it cost?”
Carlita smiled again. “A lot!”
Roger had to accept that. “So… what happened?”
“The shelter got me in touch with
some shrinks, and some other doctors, and eventually I got put on testosterone
blockers… then eventually hormones. But
not before I tried to kill myself yet again.
And that was only because I got raped again.”
“You what?”
She nodded. “The job they got me was at McDonalds. The evening shift. We had just finished cleaning up and were
getting ready to leave. And it was just me
and the guy who was the night manager at the time. He knew of course that I wanted to become a
girl. Everyone there knew. I guess I kind of made it more obvious than I
should have by the way I dressed and acted.”
She laughed a little. “I actually
wore more girl’s clothes to work than boys’!
Well, sort of, I guess. More
often than not, I started wearing a bra under my uniform shirt and the black
pants we all had to wear were usually girl’s pants or jeans… even though I had
been hired as a guy!”
Her face clouded again. “But anyway, that night, after we finished
cleaning, he grabbed me and forced himself on him. I tried to fight him off, but… well… he was a
damn big guy. I never had a chance. So on the way home that night, I walked out
onto the highway and literally threw myself in front of a car.”
Roger was so shocked he didn’t know
what to think. “But you survived,” he
managed to say.
Carlita nodded. “Yeah.
Unfortunately… or fortunately, I guess.
The driver saw me and swerved.
But the corner of the car still hit me and sent me flying. Broke my hip and fractured my left leg.” She tried to laugh a little, but it didn’t
really sound much like a laugh. “It
still hurts sometimes.”
“So you got lucky,” Roger noted.
She nodded. “Luckier than at any time in my life. As I said, after that, the shrinks got a
little more serious with me… and sent me to some doctors… and, well, here I am
today.”
“And you look… beautiful,” Roger
told her.
She smiled at the compliment. “Well, it wasn’t always that way. It took a while.”
“So things got better once you were
on the hormones?”
“Actually, things got better before
I started the hormones. The shelter
found me another job once I could walk again… working in the stock room at a
small printing company.” She briefly
turned her head to look toward the back of the room. “Bethany’s company.”
“Bethany?”
“Of course, I didn’t know ‘Bethany’ back then.” She paused.
“Um… did Beth ever tell you her real name?”
“No, I only know… her… as Bethany.”
She nodded. “Well, I met with… the owner of the company
for an interview that lasted maybe two minutes, after which he said I was
hired. And that was even after I
explained to him that I would probably be showing up to work wearing more girls’
clothes than boys’. But he hired me
anyway, right on the spot! So I went to
work every day… and he started riding me… constantly.”
“Riding you?”
She nodded. “Carl, do it like this! Carl, think before
you act! Carl, take pride in what you
do. Carl… you can’t get anywhere in life
if you don’t put some effort into it and try!”
“Was he… mean to you in any
way? Did he try to… force himself on you
at any time?”
She shook her head. “No.
And don’t think I didn’t worry about that a lot! He just… took an interest in me. I didn’t know why back then. I do now of course.” She looked straight at Roger for a moment
before looking away and continuing. “One
of the things he hounded be about a lot, was to come to church with him on
Sundays.” She shook her head. “Yeah right!
Can you imagine someone like me… going to church? All I saw in front of me was total
disaster! But he kept hounding me and
hounding me over it, and told me he wasn’t going to stop until I at least tried
it. So I finally went, and he brought me
here.” Once again, she looked straight
up at Roger as she said, “This church is what really saved me. This church gave me the first real friends
I’d had in many years. This church was
the one and only place where everything seemed to make sense to me. And I’ve been nothing but grateful ever
since.”
“It does seem to be kind of an…
unusual church,” Roger admitted. “And to
tell the truth, I’m kind of impressed with it I think. Everybody here has been unusually nice… and
understand… and completely supportive to me.
Nobody here has seemed to judge me badly… yet!”
She smiled. “Most of them won’t,” she said. “I don’t doubt that there are a few who would
rather not see people like you, or Beth… or even me. But most of the people who come here have
their own problems that they’re trying to find solutions to, so they tend to be
a little more open minded about everyone else.
That, and the preacher does her best to foster an accepting attitude in
everyone.”
“It seems to be working,” Roger
replied with a smile. “So Beth gave you
a job and brought you to church. Do you
still come with… her… every week?”
She shook her head. “No, I come on my own now,” she said with a
small smile. Once I had saved a little
bit of money, I found a place of my own to live. That first place sure wasn’t much, and it was
a lot more dangerous to live there than I liked. But I needed out of that shelter. I had been lucky that they let me live there as
long as I had.”
“You did get lucky,” Roger agreed.
“Yeah, lucky… because not long
after that, I got put on the blockers, then eventually on hormones. And one day… the boss… came to me in the
stock room and asked if I’d like to try one of the jobs upstairs in the office
instead of working in the dirty stock room.
The job came with a small raise that I wasn’t about to turn down. But it also came with another strange
demand. He said that if I was on
hormones and wanted to transition, then I’d have to show up at work every day
as a woman – completely. It was the only
way I could have the job.” She
smiled. “You can imagine how fast I
jumped on that!”
Roger smiled and nodded.
“The job wasn’t much, just doing
this and that. Handling some
paperwork. Things like that. But… the boss… kept riding me again, just as
he had done down in the stock room.
“Carlita, you can do better than this.
Carlita, take some pride in your work.
Carlita, why don’t you attend night school and learn something about
computers?” She laughed. “Yeah right!
Me, go to school and learn something!”
She looked up at him. “But he
kept hounding me. And then he offered to
pay for one of the courses… if I tried to learn something. So I took him up on it.” She smiled briefly again. “I’ll have my associate’s degree in computers
at the end of next semester.”
“Wow! You’ve done really well for yourself!”
She nodded her head a little. “But not without a lot of help. His help to be exact.”
“Did you ever ask him why he pushed
you so much… did so much for you?”
She nodded. “Yeah.
I did wonder about that a lot.
And mostly it was because I figured that eventually he’d want to… have
his way with me too. But one day I got
the courage to actually ask him about it.
I asked him why he did things for me that he didn’t do for any of the
others. And like I said, I was really
afraid that he still might want to have his way with me someday – despite the
fact that he was still bringing me here to church every week.”
“What did he say?” Roger asked.
“Humph! He said to meet him Saturday night at one of
the bars not far from where we work. You
can imagine how I felt about that! But
every time I asked, he kept insisting that I had to go there if I wanted to
know the answer. So I finally decided to
take a chance and go… and that was despite the fact that I was still pretty
sure that he was going to make his moves on me once I got there! You can’t imagine how scared I was when I
walked into the place. I looked all
around and didn’t see him. And then
this… weird guy in a dress and wig came up and said hello to me and started
talking to me. And it was almost five
minutes before I realized I was talking to my boss!”
Roger managed to chuckle. “So Bethany came out to you.”
She nodded. “Bethany… has been trying to help me, because
he wanted to see me do what he would never be able to do. So he’s been kind of my emotional support
ever since then.”
Roger’s estimation of Bethany went
way up just then. “I’m surprised at
that. Bethany doesn’t seem the type.”
She nodded again. “Yeah, well, he is. Trust me!
The only thing is, that now he’s hounding me to start doing transgender
outreach programs, to start helping others with the same problems I have. But I’m the last person on earth those people
need to listen to!”
Roger shook his head. “Actually, I think you may be the very first
person any of them should listen to.
Just like with everything else, I think that maybe you should reconsider
not doing those programs and consider what Bethany has suggested for you.”
She shook her head. “I just don’t see it.”
“Think about it,” Roger
replied. “Bethany hasn’t steered you
wrong yet, has he?”
“No, not ever.”
“Then maybe you should think about
that some more.” He watched as she
nodded thoughtfully. “So,” he said, “now
you’re trying to save a bunch of money for your big operation.”
She nodded. “Yeah, I want it bad!”
“How much longer do you think till
you get it?” he asked.
“Huh! A lifetime!
By the time I pay rent, and now car expenses, and groceries, and
everything else in my life right now, I’m totally out of money every
month. It’s all I can do to survive. Sometimes I get pretty desperate waiting for
my next paycheck. There just isn’t
anything left over for something like that.”
Roger almost laughed. “Welcome to life, Carlita. Welcome to life!” He was glad to see the small smile that came
to her face. But now it was time for a
more serious question. “Carlita, why did
Bethany… and the others… think it was so important that I talk with you? I mean, your story is amazing. Inspirational. But right now, I need a more… physical kind
of help.”
That look of trouble crossed
Carlita’s face again. Instead of
answering, she looked toward the back of the church as she had before. “Oh my gosh!” she exclaimed. “Everybody’s gone! We better get out of here!”
Without warning, Roger suddenly
found himself engulfed in a tight but brief hug. “I gotta go!” she exclaimed as she released
him. “Good luck… Candy.”
“Uh… thanks,” Roger replied as she
retreated out of the row of seats and hurried away toward the back of the
church. He now saw Bethany standing in
the back of the church along with Janice, Carol, and the woman preacher. Carlita gave both Bethany and the preacher a
quick hug… and tossed off a quick greeting to Janice and Carol… and then
hurried out the door. And Roger was left
wondering what he had said to make her run off that way.
“What did you think?” Bethany asked
as Roger approached.
“It was an amazing story. But now I’m still wondering, why did you
really want me to hear it?”
Bethany nodded, and suddenly
Bethany’s voice was no longer the voice Roger was used to hearing. Instead, what came out of that lipsticked
mouth, was a deep, totally male voice.
“Candy, I don’t know your real name… and to tell the truth, I never want
to know it. As you can imagine, Bethany,
only exists at certain times and in certain places. Places and times that are all too few for
what my soul would really like. I wanted
you to hear Carlita’s story, because you need to be aware that life will
undoubtedly be very hard and difficult if you choose the path you were thinking
about.
“From what I’ve learned, some of
the problems that Carlita has faced can seem like almost nothing compared to
what others have had thrown at them. But
just like I often told Carlita, if you don’t work hard at something, or at
least try hard, then you’ll never succeed.
“Carlita was at the bottom. She tried to commit suicide, not once, but twice. She didn’t find any happiness or success until she committed herself to trying new things… and to commit to the advice and caring of friends… not just myself, but also the many friends she now has in this church. It’s because of those caring friends she now has, that she has found the only happiness she’s really ever known in her life. And I’m still not sure how much she realizes that.
“Carlita was at the bottom. She tried to commit suicide, not once, but twice. She didn’t find any happiness or success until she committed herself to trying new things… and to commit to the advice and caring of friends… not just myself, but also the many friends she now has in this church. It’s because of those caring friends she now has, that she has found the only happiness she’s really ever known in her life. And I’m still not sure how much she realizes that.
“But what I’m trying to say, Candy,
is that you need to learn to trust in your friends. Trust the ones who will stand by you no
matter what. Only with people like that
in your life will you ever find success… and real happiness. Actually, no matter what sex you finally
decide on.”
Before Roger could comment,
Bethany’s voice changed again – back to the more outrageous voice he had come
to associate with… her. “Well, I’ve said
more than enough I think. Time for me to
get out of here!”
Before Roger knew it, he was
engulfed in a quick hug from Bethany, before she tossed a quick goodbye to
Janice and Carol. Then she hugged the
preacher briefly before hurrying out.
“I take it, it was an interesting
conversation?” Janice asked as they walked out of the church.
“Not so much a conversation, as a
story. Carlita’s story.”
Janice nodded. “I’ve heard bits and pieces of some of
it. I haven’t really seen her since
before I went to prison, but I must say, she seems to be looking very, very
good now.”
Roger nodded. “Yeah, really good! I don’t think I could even come close to
looking that good.”
“She didn’t always look like that,
Candy. I have no doubt that it took a
lot of effort and commitment. The same
effort and commitment I expect from you – every day.”
Roger shook his head as he opened
the car door. “I’m trying. I really am!”
“I’m aware of that, Candy. And I appreciate it. But as I’ve said before, your continued
existence in humanity depends on you constantly striving toward that goal. And any backsliding or even non-effort on
your part will quickly result in you losing… human privileges.”
Roger said nothing to that. It was one of the biggest nightmares in his
waking life!
“Now, Candy, if I may make a
suggestion,” Janice said as she pulled the car out of the parking lot and onto
the road, “you’ve worn that dress to church two times in a row now. I expect you to wear something different next
week! And please don’t forget, the
sooner I don’t have to see a man sitting across from me at the table, the
sooner you may eat there. So you may
want to think about investing in other things besides just something to wear to
church. Just something to think about,
Candy. Just something to think about.”
“Momma, you mentioned something
else earlier. Did you still want to do
that too?” Carol asked.
“Oh yes. Thank you dear. Candy, when you go shopping for some new
clothes this week, if you’d like to get yourself a short nightgown to wear at
night, I will allow you to wear that. I
think the effort you’ve put into yourself this week has earned it. But the minute I stop seeing that effort,
you’ll be naked and back in the cage again immediately. Do you understand, Candy?”
Roger’s reply of, “Yes,” was not
exactly whole-hearted.
“Excellent, Candy!” Janice
exclaimed. “Now, let’s see how crowded
that restaurant is!”
The restaurant again! Ugh!
