Too Old to be
Young
By Karen Singer
Chapter 19 – Part 2 of 3
Ugh! Why did he bother trying to listen to those
hypnotic recordings? It wasn’t like they
were doing any good. He distinctly
remembered waking up three times last night to pee…a little. He always peed just a little now. After a few weeks of not holding back at all,
staying that loose all the time felt completely normal, which meant he peed
more often, which meant he peed less each time than he used to. He stared up at the ceiling above his bed. It was Friday. Purse day.
Ugh! He tossed his legs out from
under the cover and sat on the side of the bed.
As he got to his feet, he noticed his diaper was a bit more soaked than
he would have expected from what little he thought he had peed last night. But after not holding back for so long now,
he realized that he didn’t always know how much he was peeing anymore.
He
felt the need to pee as he waddled out to his kitchen to make himself some
coffee. As always, he didn’t hold back
at all. Not holding back was so easy
now. It was natural. It was normal. So was peeing into his diaper. That was feeling normal too. Just as an experiment, he clenched all those
muscles just once as if he was holding back.
Damn! It didn’t feel normal at
all. Not to mention, it wasn’t easy
anymore. How did it ever feel so normal
to keep them so tight before? He
immediately relaxed everything, and it felt much easier and normal again. The thought of it pleased him. It would please him a whole lot more if he
could go back to the bedroom and hump his bed for a while. But those damn demented women had spoiled all
his fun for the entire week…or more. It
was so frustrating! All this was
supposed to be for his fun! Instead, all
he got was locked up so he couldn’t get that fun…while they were overly
humiliating him. He could just scream!
His
bright red nails flashed across his vision as he set his coffee maker
working. They flashed across his vision
as he sat in his office in front of his computer. They continued to flash across his vision as
opened his web browser and searched the net while his coffee continued to
brew. But in the back of his mind, he
continued to remember that those bright red fingernails weren’t the only things
he was going to have to put up with anymore.
Later today…this morning, Jackie the Jackal was going to make him start
carrying a women’s purse – everywhere!
All the time. Even out to his
mailbox at the end of the driveway.
According to her, every time he went out his door, he needed to be
carrying a purse. Yeah, screaming was
what he wanted to do, even though he didn’t, especially since he really wanted
to hump his bed to relieve the constant ache in his groin…that for the next
week, or more, he couldn’t do anything about.
When
his coffee was ready, he poured some into one of his small bottles with the
koozie around it to keep it warm and his hands cool. Then he carried it back to his desk where
surprisingly, he managed to get back into his long story again. The story really was an odd one for him, but
it did contain lots of the things he liked best.
He
was deep into his writing when he heard this front door open. “Morning Jim,” Jackie’s voice called.
“Morning,”
Jim called back as he got up from his computer.
Get unlocked from the onesie, but not the damn chastity device, get into
the shower, get into a diaper, get back into a onesie, and get locked up
again. His everyday life. He hated it so much! But he loved it even more.
“Come
over to my place when you’re finished getting dressed,” Jackie told him. “You do remember what we’re doing today,
don’t you?”
“Yeah,
yeah,” he replied nervously. “It’s make
me look like an even bigger fool day.”
“You
pretty much hit the nail on the head.
And speaking of nails, are you still enjoying yours?”
“How
can I enjoy anything if I can’t get any fun?”
Jackie
chuckled. “Aw! Poor baby.
But don’t try to kid me, I know that being in that chastity device is
giving you lots of fun. Just a different
kind.”
“Don’t
remind me,” he mumbled.
Jackie
laughed and turned toward the door. “See
you in a few minutes.
Jim
said nothing, he just watched her go.
Now, what should he wear that would make him look less like a fool? What could he wear that would make him
look less like a fool? Nothing!
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“Don’t
keep your hands in your pockets all the time,” Jackie said as they walked from
her car toward the department store.
“Wouldn’t
you?”
“No! I think your nails look gorgeous. I just think you should have worn your red
heels to go with them better.”
“You’re
kidding, right?”
“No! Jim, since you can only wear women’s shoes
everywhere you go, you might as well enjoy it, right?”
“Enjoy
it?”
“Wasn’t
that why you wished for it to begin with?”
He
said nothing. She knew him too
well. He wished Jackie would walk a
little faster, but Jackie never walked fast.
Even at home. He had the
impression that she hurt…all over. But
that didn’t seem to stop her from doing anything. She just did it all a bit slower. It wasn’t that he was in a hurry to buy
himself a purse, that was the last thing he wanted. He just wanted to get out of there and go
back home again…purse and all.
Inside
the store, Jackie seemed to wander around, looking at this, looking at
that. He still just wanted to go home,
but he followed her around and listened as she mentioned things about some of
the clothes she looked at. It seemed
like an hour before they got to the purse section. The problem with having to actively look at
something, was that it was impossible to keep his hands in his pockets. He had to bring them out in the open to touch
and look through each of the purses. The
one type of purse he would be most interested in, he didn’t see. One that would be invisible as he carried it. He knew from experience with his wife that
some purses were expensive, some weren’t.
He wasn’t interested in an expensive one.
“What
do you think of this?” Jackie asked as she held one of the purses up.
“That
one?”
“Of
course, this one. I’m only holding one.”
“Yes,
it’s okay,” he replied.
“Do
you see any you like better?” she asked.
“Anything that catches your eye?”
“Not
really, and I don’t want it to catch my eye.”
“Why
not?”
“Because
then it might catch someone else’s eyes, who might notice it more then.”
“Jim! Pick a nice one! A practical one wouldn’t hurt either. Or like I told you on Tuesday, get a few so
you can try them to see which you like better.”
“I’ll
stick with just one,” Jim told her.
“That’s
fine,” Jackie replied. “Just…look!”
“I
am!”
In
the end, Jim wound up buying the same purse she had held up for him to
see. It had dark grey with gold
patterned ends, but the middle of the broad sides and the straps were red. There would be no hiding the thing, that was
for sure. As he paid for the thing, he
prayed that the cashier wouldn’t mention his fingernails. He saw her smile at them, but she didn’t say
anything. Whew! He was even happier when she stuck the purse
in a bag and told him to have a nice day.
Nice day? Not anymore. There would be no more nice days anymore for
him.
They
had just gotten outside when Jackie told him.
“Take that thing out of the bag and carry it.”
“Now?”
“Yes. Now!”
Ugh! He pulled the thing from the bag and carried
it all the way to the car, feeling like such a fool. He was such a fool! Why didn’t he buy one in a camouflage
pattern? Oh yeah, he didn’t see any like
that. And why did he have to get one
with so much red in it? He was guessing
because Jackie seemed to like the way it looked the best. Why had he gone along with her
suggestion? It was his purse. That thought alone, that it was his purse, made
him have to pee again. Fortunately, as
always, only a little came out.
“Your
red heels would have been so much better today,” Jackie told him as they headed
for the car. “They would have gone
nicely with that purse. Oh well, Sunday
we’ll see.”
Ugh!
Sunday.
Out to eat with the girls. All
the girls. He didn’t want to think how
that was going to go.
They
barely got into her car when she told him, “Empty your pockets into your
purse. That’s what you’ve got it for
now. In fact, maybe we should go back
inside and see if we can find you a few pairs of pants…without pockets, just to
get the point across.”
Heaven
forbid! Jim quickly removed his keys,
his wallet, his phone, and from his back pocket he pulled a comb and a
handkerchief.
“How
nice,” Jackie said as she saw his handkerchief.
“We need to get you something better than that though. Maybe we’ll stop at the drug store on the way
home so you can pick up a pack of tissues to keep in there instead.”
“Uh…no
thanks. I’m good.”
“No,
really,” Jackie said as she pulled the car out of the parking space. “I insist.”
She
was insisting. He had a feeling again
that he wasn’t getting much say in the matter.
A few minutes later, when she pulled into the parking lot of the same
drug store Beverly had taken him into he knew he was right. What were they there for again? Oh yeah, tissues. How bad could buying some small packs of
tissues be? A minute later though, as he
was getting out of his car with his new purse, he realized it wasn’t buying the
tissues that would be bad, it was walking around the store wearing women’s
black pumps on his feet, red fingernails that couldn’t be missed, and carrying
a woman’s purse with him that he obviously wasn’t carrying for Jackie. Embarrassing!
He felt himself wetting his diaper a tiny bit again just before they
walked through the door.
Once
again he realized that Jackie was moving slow…slower than usual as she wandered
up and down the aisles. Why couldn’t
they just get the tissues and go home?
Why did she have to shop for so much stuff now? He stood and watched as she looked at all
kinds of skin care stuff, vitamins, perfume, literally every aisle in the
store. As they wandered slowly past the
tissues, he grabbed a package of small travel size ones. Unfortunately, even though he had what he
needed and was ready to go, Jackie wasn’t.
She continued to drag him slowly around the entire store.
It
felt like forever before he had a chance to pay for them…having no choice but
to unzip the top of his purse and pull his wallet from it with his red
fingernails showing everywhere while he did it.
The guy behind the counter raised his eyebrows and stared hard at his
nails, but fortunately he didn’t say anything.
He
was so glad to get out of there! Ready
to go home. Except they didn’t go
home. In the back of his mind, he was
expecting her to drag him into a place he really didn’t want to go today – the
supermarket. But instead, without asking,
she pulled into the parking lot of a restaurant for lunch. Jim wanted to scream. Instead, he reluctantly got out of her car
with his purse in his hand…and his red nails on his fingers, and his women’s
shoes on his feet…and his wet diaper under his clothes. Even at home he felt like such a fool all the
time, but out in public it was so much worse, and Jackie was just out to
torment him today. This time, as he went
into the restaurant, he noticed the stares of the people around him as they
looked him over from head to foot. Was
his face as red as his fingernails? He
was sure it had to be.
Sitting
down at the table, Jim set his new purse on the floor between his feet where it
couldn’t be seen, and he kept his hands in his lap, hiding his red nails. He didn’t bother opening the menu, he didn’t
want his nails that much on display. He
waited while Jackie decided what she was going to eat. When she set her menu down, he said, “You’re
just out to torment me today.”
“Of
course,” she said. “I’ve got to have my
fun too.”
Her
fun! “While I can’t get any fun at all
this week.”
“You
yourself told me that being in that tiny chastity device was fun for you too.”
“Not
in the same way.”
“But
it’s still fun,” she pointed out.”
He
said nothing as the waitress came by and took their order. When she left, Jackie said, “It’s a shame you
didn’t follow up on that no control mantra thing you were using for a
while. That might have made things a bit
more interesting for you.”
Should
he tell her? It had been like his own
little secret for the last few weeks.
But… “Actually, I’ve been doing
something else instead,” he told her.
“Oh? What?” she asked, completely interested.
“Instead
of using the mantra, I’ve just been doing everything possible to stay relaxed
and not hold back.”
“You
mean, like with the mantra, only without the words.”
“Yes. Exactly.
It’s the concept that matters.”
“And
how’s it going for you?”
“Pretty
good actually. In the last few weeks,
it’s become normal for me to not hold back anymore. In fact, when I tried holding back for a
minute yesterday, it felt awkward and weird.
Difficult.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Who would have ever believed?”
“So
for the last few weeks you’ve been wetting yourself…”
“A
lot. Just not much at a time. Since I pee more often, then there’s less to
come out.”
“I
guess that makes a lot of sense,” she replied.
“The
only thing is that at night, I still keep waking up to pee.”
“Maybe
your mantra before bed would help.”
“No. I’m trying hypnotic tapes instead, but trust
me, so far, they’re not doing anything.”
“Would
your mantra work better?”
“No. Especially not while I’m sleeping.”
“So
are you going to try anything else?”
“No,
just what I’ve been doing. I already
know it’s simply going to take time. A
lot more time than I’ve given it so far.”
“She
smiled. “Well, you’ve got plenty of
time. And I have no doubt that wetting
yourself without holding back during the day will help as well.”
“I’m
sure of it,” he replied. “It’s been
interesting though learning to not hold back and feeling the small changes in
the signs of knowing when I’m going to pee.”
“Changes?”
“Yeah. Since I’m not holding back at all anymore, I
feel just a bit of notice, and then I pee.
It’s just that I think that bit of notice is less now than it was a week
ago…or maybe I’m just more used to it happening now. It’s hard to tell. But either way, the process itself has gotten
pretty easy for me.”
“Easier
than holding back like you used to,” she stated. “Since you said it was difficult for you to
do when you tried it yesterday.”
“Yeah. I guess so.”
This
wasn’t exactly the kind of conversation he’d normally have out in public, but
they were talking softly and there was a lot of noise around them. He was sure nobody else could hear them. He was glad though when Jackie moved the
conversation on to other more normal topics.
When
their food came, Jim wasn’t happy about having to bring his red fingernails out
in the open where everyone could see them, but it was impossible to eat any
other way. He did his best to ignore the
looks he might be getting from anyone else as he ate. And then paying for it was another lesson in
humiliation as he once again had to unzip his purse, pull out his wallet pay
for everything with his fingernails on display, and then reverse the procedure
by putting his wallet away in his purse and zip it closed again. Pockets were a lot easier!
Now
could they please go home? But once
again he realized the answer was no. And
there it was. The one place he really
didn’t want to walk into today with his red fingernails and his new red
purse. The supermarket. But he had known from the start that it would
be inevitable. It felt so weird having
to grab the handles of his purse as he got out of the car. It felt so weird having to carry the damn
thing into the store. It felt like a
relief when he could drop the thing into the child seat of the shopping cart
where he planned on putting groceries on top of it so it wouldn’t be seen. Now how could he hide his red fingernails?
As
always, Jackie shopped like she walked slowly.
He himself literally had no choice but to wander the aisles slowly
shopping behind her. She was the one who
had driven. He didn’t want to stand
around waiting for her. So he shopped
slowly too, picking up everything he needed.
Some of the first items did indeed get put on top of his purse to hide
the damn thing. Finally they were
done. Finally, his too red fingernails
flashed again and again as he pulled things from his shopping cart to put them
on the checkout conveyor. Finally he had
to set his damn purse down and unzip the top to get at his wallet. Fortunately, processing his credit card
didn’t require him to hand the cashier anything at all. And finally he was able to stick his wallet
back into his purse and zip the thing back up.
With
a grocery cart loaded with food, he stood past the checkout counters and waited
while Jackie paid for her groceries. His
purse was in the child seat of the cart.
His hands were in his pockets. He
had already seen enough people staring at him today, all of them alerted to his
condition by his too bright red nails.
He seriously doubted any of them had noticed his shoes…until they saw
his red nails first. Then he was sure
they had looked him over too carefully.
He
was so glad when Jackie finally drove him home, where she parked in her
driveway. Jim crossed his lawn while she
went inside to put a few bags away, then she followed over to his house where
she changed his wet diaper. Naturally,
Jim wished she’d do more than unlock just his onesie. In fact, as far as he was concerned, she
could leave the onesie locked for a while longer, if she would just unlock his
chastity device. It didn’t happen
though.
A
short while later, he was freshly diapered and locked. Jackie turned to him before she left his
house. “Don’t forget, Beverly spends
most of her time in her living room where she sees everything that goes on
through her front window, so whenever you go out your door, don’t forget your
purse now. You wouldn’t want to spend an
entire week in that spikey chastity device would you?”
Jim’s
eyes bulged at just the thought of it.
“No,” he mumbled, as he tried to imagine a week in that damn thing. With a small laugh, Jackie was gone.
Jim
stared at his new purse. He already
wasn’t looking forward to the next time he went out his door. With a sigh, he opened the package of travel
size tissue packs and dropped one inside his purse. He zipped it closed again, then turned his
back to it and headed for his office. He
wanted to do everything possible to not think about it anymore.
Later
that afternoon though, he stared at it again for a few moments, before bowing
to the inevitable and grabbing it. He
carried it down to the end of his driveway where it quickly became a major
nuisance as he took his mail from the mailbox.
He was tempted to glance across the street to Beverly’s house, but he
didn’t. He knew though that there was a
good chance she was in her living room and that she could see him. Keeping his back to her the entire time, he
carried his mail, and his purse, back into the house. A purse.
What a nuisance!
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