Too Old to be Young - Chapter 25

 

Too Old to be Young

By Karen Singer

 

Chapter 25

 

Blank.  And that was a problem.  As hard as he tried, his mind was coming up completely blank.  He simply couldn’t remember.  As he laid on his back in his bed, the headphones were still covering his ears and the voice was still droning on in the background of his head, but his mind had long ago tuned the thing out.  He wasn’t paying the least bit of attention go it.  He never did anymore.  But the voice and the headphone’s weren’t his problem.  His problem was that he couldn’t remember.

He mentally assessed his diaper again, which wasn’t exactly difficult.  The thing was bloated, soaked, and huge.  Just like it always was.  So the question was, how did it get that way if he didn’t remember waking up one single time to pee last night?  It didn’t make sense.  He remembered something similar had happened a couple of nights ago, but this time it seemed different.  He honestly couldn’t remember waking up to pee one single time.  As hard as he searched his memory for it, he came up blank.  Nothing!  What was going on?

He removed the offending headphones and threw them aside before getting out of bed.  He noticed his pacifier on the night table where he usually stuck it when he couldn’t stand it anymore before falling asleep.  He stuck the thing in his mouth before getting to his feet and waddling his way out to the kitchen.  Blank!  No.  It couldn’t have been.  No way!

He set his coffee maker working and headed as always into his home office.  A few minutes later he was back to reading his story while he chewed on his pacifier.  He really did need to remember to keep the pacifier in his mouth more often.  There was no doubt it was easier than doing that with the baby bottles, and he had no idea why he seemed to have developed the habit lately of chewing on them.  Maybe he just liked having something in his mouth.

Today was Friday.  He and Jackie were supposed to go grocery shopping today.  But this time he would be doing it wearing women’s pants instead of men’s pants.  He wasn’t going to wear a skirt!  He was also supposed to have breakfast with Jackie this morning.  Breakfast of baby food.  That was going to be a bit different.  He already wasn’t looking forward to it.

When the coffee was ready in the kitchen, he poured some into one of his small koozie covered baby bottles.  As he screwed the bottle top back on, even though the nipple was only a week old, he could plainly see where he had chewed on it.  Would Jackie make him buy more bottle nipples when they went shopping?  It was a possibility.  With is pacifier in his mouth, he carried his bottle back to his desk to keep reading.

An hour later, he realized that something seemed odd.  He checked the time.  Jackie usually was there by now.  She was running late today.  He felt himself peeing into his bloated diaper again.  It really was nice to be able to do that so easily.  Like it barely mattered.  That was what made wearing the diapers all the time so much fun.  With his coffee gone, he put the baby bottle down that he had unconsciously been chewing on again and stuck his pacifier back in his mouth.  Yeah.  Much easier.  As he lightly chewed and read, he was soon lost in the details of his story again.

Half an hour later, he checked the time.  Still no Jackie, and they were supposed to have breakfast today.  Did she forget?  He got up from his desk and found his phone and called her.  No answer.  Maybe she was on her way over.  He waited, but five minutes later, she still hadn’t come to the door.  He phoned her again…no answer.  What was going on?  What was he supposed to do?  After another half hour and six more tries to call her, he got somewhat dressed, having to wear that same loose skirt again since it was the only way to cover the bulk of diaper covering his bottom.  He grabbed his purse, put his pacifier back in his mouth, and hurried over to Jackie’s house.  He was glad to see Jackie’s car in the driveway along with her golf cart, so she had to be home.  He knocked on the door.  No answer.  He rang the doorbell.  No answer.  What was going on?  Where was she?  He was starting to get concerned.  He hurried home and called Beverly instead.

“Hi Jim,” Beverly’s laughing voice teased.  “I saw you running back and forth between your house and Jackie’s.  Lovely skirt!”

“Uh…yeah,” Jim replied.  “Listen, Beverly, have you seen Jackie?  Is she there?”

“Here?  No.  Of course not.  If I remember correctly, you’re supposed to have breakfast with her today.”

“Yeah.  That’s just it.  I am.  But she didn’t show up to change me like she usually does every morning, and I’ve called and called, but she didn’t answer.  And now I’ve even knocked on her door, and she still didn’t answer.”

Beverly was growing concerned now.  “Jim,” she said.  “Stay there.  I’ve got a key to her house.  Let me check on her.”

“Thanks,” Jim replied.  “Let me know.”

“I will.”

Beverly hung up her phone.  That wasn’t like Jackie.  Concerned, she dug out the spare key Jackie had given her in case of an emergency and headed across the street.  She rang the doorbell, she knocked, but like Jim said, there was no answer.  She used her key to get in.  “Jackie!  It’s me!” she yelled loudly.  But the house was quiet.  Too quiet.  Like there was nobody home. She went in and looked around.  Nobody in the living room.  Nobody in the kitchen.  She went down the hallway toward Jackie’s bedroom. 

A minute later, she was back in the living room where she pulled out her cellphone.  She dialed a simple number and waited.

“9-1-1,” the voice on the line came.  “What’s your emergency.”

“I was just checking on my best friend across the street, and I found her dead.  In her bedroom.”

 

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Jim was beside himself once Beverly had called and told him the news.  She had found Jackie lying on her bedroom floor, in her nightgown.  The lamp by her bed was still on, but Beverly didn’t know if she had died last night or early this morning.  It was just so sudden. 

At Beverly’s suggestion, Jim had to change himself.  He had to take a pair of scissors and cut his onesie off so he could do it.  As he did, he realized a few different things.  First of all, no matter what happened today, he still had only women’s pants and skirts that he could wear.  Secondly, as much as he had been using his diapers so freely now, he dared not go without a diaper.  And finally, and most crushing of all, it was over.  It was all over now.  The arrangement between Jackie and her friends was finished.  Never to happen again. 

He dressed as much like a man as he was capable of.  A single daytime diaper.  A man’s polo shirt.  The new black pants he had bought.  And his women’s black shoes.  In reality, the only male thing he had on was his shirt.  It hardly seemed worth the bother.

Dressed as he was, he stood in his carport and watched as the police and the ambulance were still parked in front of Jackie’s house.  A few minutes later, they came out wheeling a gurney with a body on it.  Beverly came out with them.  He saw her talking to the policeman for a minute, then she stood there and waited, watching the ambulance and the police car finally leaving.  Jim saw her turn in his direction.  She waved briefly, then seemed to break down in tears before running across the street into her own house.  Jim went back inside. 

Jackie was gone.  What was he going to do?  One thing he knew for sure.  He was going to miss her.

With nothing else he felt like doing, he sat and removed the red nail polish from his fingers and toes, while he tried to ignore the tears that fell from his eyes. 

It was over.

 

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The knock came at his door early in the afternoon.  When he opened it, he was surprised to see not just Beverly, but Pamela and Lisa as well.  None of them looked happy.  “Come in,” he said softly, then turned and led them all into his living room.  He headed toward his favorite chair then had a better thought.  He turned to the three women.  “Coffee?”

“Sure,” Lisa replied.  He nodded toward the table and the women headed there while he went to his kitchen to pour the coffee.  When he came back, he noticed them sitting at the table, but they were looking all around.  He set the coffee in front of each of them.

“You’ve still got diapers stacked all over the place,” Lisa noted.

“Jackie had me buy an awful lot.  It might be a lifetime supply.”  Nobody laughed or even chuckled.

“Look, Jim,” Pamela said as she leaned forward, gripping her mug with both hands.  “You know of course, that it’s over.  All of it,”

“Yes,” Jim replied.  “I know.”  He realized he felt much sadder about that then he probably should.

“We just want to make sure there’s no hard feeling between any of us,” Lisa said.

Jim was surprised by that.  “No.  Of course not.”  He noticed they all looked relieved.

“We don’t have any of your old things to give back to you I’m afraid,” Pam said.

“I even threw out that one pair of shoes I had taken from you,” Beverly told him.  “Sorry, but…Jackie insisted.”

Jim nodded.  “I didn’t expect anything to be left.”

“I put all the pants we took from you into the donation bin yesterday,” Pamela told him.  “But there was still that one pair you needed to wear shopping yesterday.”

“I found them just a little while ago, still in Jackie’s house,” Beverly finished.  She pulled a bag up from her lap and pushed it across the table in Jim’s direction.  “You might need them.”  Then she laughed.  “Or maybe not.  I like the ladies’ pants you’re wearing now.”

“Me too!” Pam added with a chuckle.

“It’s unanimous,” Lisa agreed.

The lighthearted mood didn’t last long though. 

“I’ll call my nephew as soon as I get home,” Beverly told him.  “He’ll be out to reinstall the toilets in your house as soon as possible.  Will that be alright?”

“Yeah,” Jim agreed.  “Great.”  But he was wondering how much use he’d ever get out of them again.  For now, he had no intention of leaving his diapers behind.  Not after all the progress he had made with them.

Without saying anything, Pam opened her purse and pulled out a set of keys. “I’m sure you know what they’re for,” she told him as she pushed them across the table.

“I’m hoping for the damn tiny chastity device that I can’t wait to get out of.”

“Pam nodded then reached back into her purse and pulled out a small box.  She pushed that across the table towards him too.  “I’m sure you recognize that thing as well.  You might as well have it.  Knowing you, you might even enjoy using it once in a while.  It’s certainly not going to do me any good.”

Jim recognized the box, but he opened it anyway and saw the Iron Maiden chastity device inside.  The torture device.  He closed the lid, not sure if he should thank her of not.  “Thanks,” he replied anyway.

“You know,” Jim said, pushing the small box aside and forgetting about it.  “I’m going to miss her so much more than I ever imagined.”

“I have no doubt!” Beverly replied.

“It was strange, these last few weeks,” Jim continued.

“What wasn’t strange?” Lisa stated.

Jim smiled.  “True.  “But all last week I was supposed to have only one meal a day with her, but instead, every single day we were together for two meals.  And it happened a number of times before that.  She and I were spending more time together than usual.”

“Jim,” Beverly said.  “You were the reason she got up out of bed every morning.  You were the one thing she looked forward to each day more than anything else.”

“Even Bridge!” Lisa added.

“Jackie wanted to spend as much time with you as she could,” Beverly continued.  “She liked being with you.  Not just for the laughs.  There was certainly that, but just for…your company.  She liked you.  She liked being with you.”

“Not to mention she got a hoot out of your predicaments every single day,” Pam added.

Beverly nodded.  “She even mentioned trying to find some way to convince you to move in where her…permanently,” Beverly finished.

“So that’s why she kept calling me over?” Jim asked.

Bev nodded.  “Jim, she liked you.  She liked being with you.”

He nodded.  “And you have no idea how much I loved being with her.  You have no idea how much I’m going to miss her.”

“We know,” Beverly replied.

Before the women left, Beverly paused one more time to talk to him.  “I’ll let you know about the funeral.”

Jim nodded.  “Of course.

 

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The word filtered down to Jim a few days later.  The official cause of death was a massive stroke.  Beverly told him she’d had several minor ones six months ago, but this one had just come out of the blue.

The only strange thing Jim wore to the funeral, was the diapers under his pants.  One of his daytime diapers that wouldn’t be noticed.  Everything else, was all male.  In the last couple of days, he had braved going out shopping wearing mostly female clothes, in order to buy himself some new men’s clothes.

After the service, at the graveside ceremony, he considered what he would do with his life now.  He had moved into his house planning on it being some place where he could get away from everyone else.  Be secluded so he could “play” privately with all is favorite things.  He would still do that.  He would go back to that plan now.  He had bought the house to be a safe place for him to play…and finally die…like Jackie had just done. 

He was sure though that it would be very rare occasions when he wore anything strange outside of his home from now on.  And only if he got very brave.  From now on, the world outside of his house would only see what they were supposed to see.  A man.  A normal man.  He would dress normally outside his house from now on, with the exception of just one thing.  His diapers. 

It wasn’t that he needed them…which he had a feeling that he did now, it was something else.  Something much stronger.  Something far more important.  He would continue to wear the diapers for the rest of his life in honor of his best friend.  Jackie!

 

The End!