My Funny Farm - Chapter 13 – The One Week Anniversary – Part 2 of 3

 

My Funny Farm

By Karen Singer

 

Chapter 13 – The One Week Anniversary – Part 2 of 3

 

“Good morning babyyyy!” Emily’s voice sang happily as she turned the light on, waking me up.

Ugh!  She kissed me on the cheek and playfully bopped my nose again.  I wondered how she’d like it if I bopped her on the nose…with my fist!  I realized she was staring intently at me.  And then I realized why.  Once again I started sucking that huge pacifier the way they wanted me to.

That damn thing had felt strange in my mouth all night.  It still felt strange.  They were either sticking a big plug in my ass at night, or a big pacifier in my mouth.  And then I realized that the pacifier might be a lot more permanent than that ass plug.  I considered the pacifier to be a big improvement over the butt plug, believe me!

Emily finally reached out and pulled that new pacifier out of my mouth.  It came out with a small popping sound that amused me.  And…she shoved the nipple of a baby bottle in instead.  She set the new pacifier down on my nightstand next to my old one, and I grabbed the bottle automatically and started drinking.  Emily again watched me closely to make sure I was doing it right.  She finally nodded and walked off for a few minutes.

Now that she was gone, and now that the light was on and I could see better, and now that that stupid new pacifier was out of my mouth, I turned my head to look at it lying there on my nightstand.  Surprise!  It was pink and glittery and girly.  And big!  Ugh!  Certainly bigger than my old one lying next to it.  As I laid there drinking my morning bottle, I wondered how the heck I could possibly hide the fact that I was sucking on it anytime we went out in public.  Of course, I had never been able to hide any of the other pacifiers they had given me.  The problem though was that this one was bigger which would make it even more noticeable…not to mention that it was shiny pink and glittery.  But that couldn’t be a problem, could it?

Emily came back in while I was still working on that bottle and pulled the covers down.  She did a quick diaper check on me and said, “Good to go till later.”  Then she pulled the covers back up over my mostly naked body. 

Caitlin came rushing in, dressed in her hospital scrubs.  “Any problems?” she asked.

“Nope,” Emily told her.  “All good.  We should discuss what we talked about last night with his diapers though.  I think it’s a good idea.”

“Yeah.  It just makes sense,” Caitlin agreed.

I had no idea what they were talking about.

“I’ve got him,” Emily told her.  “You get something to eat before you have to leave.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Caitlin told her.  “I know it’s early, but I think getting him up at this time is working out pretty well.  It gives us plenty of time every day to get ready for work without rushing too much.”

“Yeah, and it’s only been a week, but I’m starting to get used to it already,” Emily told her.

“Me too,” Caitlin agreed.  “Can I fix you anything for breakfast?” Caitlin asked.

“No.  Don’t bother.  Just take care of yourself.  I’ll get him and me.  And I’m sure we’ve got a while yet before any of the others show up.”

“Most likely,” Caitlin replied.  “I wish I could be here to help but…”

“You help enough during the week!” Emily told her.  “It’s our turn.  Now get something to eat.”

Caitlin laughed and ran out.

The others were showing up?  Who exactly did that include?  I got the impression that something was going on today.

While they had been talking, I picked up on something that I hadn’t realized until they had mentioned it.  Today was Saturday.  Today I had been in this crazy weird situation for an entire week.  I had survived it that long.  The only question was, would I continue to survive?  Of course, surviving was exactly what I didn’t want.  I still wanted to die…now more than ever.

There was one other thing I now realized after hearing Emily and Caitlin.  Something that I had discussed with Doctor Clive.  Or rather, we hadn’t discussed it because she had flat out told me it was something I should figure out for myself – the reason why they were getting me up so early.  I now knew that reason was simply because it was practical.  Emily and Caitlin had to get off to work most days.  Getting me up, fed, changed, and dressed before Mrs. Lowry showed up only made sense.  They needed all that time to take care of me.  Huh!  What do you know.  Doctor Clive was right.  I finally figured something out.  Now if I could just figure out the rest of it, like why I was still alive when I didn’t want to be.

I was fed, changed, and plopped in front of the TV with another of those really good chocolate bottles when James and his wife Jennifer walked in.  Neither of them was wearing anything nice, unlike me.  I was dressed in Caitlin’s pretty dress again, which did not make me any less embarrassed to be seen wearing it.

“Hi Em,” James greeted Emily.  “Hi baby,” he greeted me.  He had called me Dad last night.  I guess good things never last.

“Hi Uncle James,” Emily replied.  “Hi Aunt Jennifer,” she said as she went over and gave Jennifer a quick hug.  “Are you guys ready?”

“Ready isn’t the question,” Jennifer replied.  “We’ve got a lot to do.”

“Yeah,” Emily agreed.  “And I won’t be here to help you.”

That surprised me.

“We’ve got plenty of help.  Don’t worry about it,” Jennifer told her.

I immediately started wondering again what was going on.  They all disappeared into my bedroom.  I drank my bottle and watched my bedroom door instead of the useless cartoons on the TV.  Nobody came back out again.

I was beginning to think they had all gotten lost in there, when my oldest grandson Mike, and his wife Nichole walked in.

“Hi baby,” Nichole said to me.  “Where is everybody?”

I pointed at my bedroom.

“Oh.  Thanks,” she told me, and she and Mike soon disappeared into my bedroom as well.  What was going on?  Bill finally came down the stairs for the first time that day.  He looked all around, then he too disappeared into my bedroom and didn’t come out.  I was beginning to think there was some kind of black hole in there where people kept going in and would never come back.  But a moment later, I was surprised to see Bill walk out, walk right past me without speaking, and leave.  Huh!  Everybody else was still caught in the black hole my bedroom had become.

“Hi baby,” Ashley’s voice came, interrupting my wondering thoughts.  I saw her walking in with her husband Chris.  Chris looked like he was dressed for one of his construction jobs.  Ashley looked fairly nice.  Ashley came over, knelt down next to me, and gave me a nice hug.  “Where is everybody?”

Since my bedroom had become a dangerous black hole, I was tempted to not tell her, but I pointed at the doorway anyway.

“Thanks,” she whispered as she got to her feet.  They disappeared too.  The entire family had traipsed through my living room in the last few minutes, and most of them had disappeared and never returned.  Except for Bill.  Maybe the black hole didn’t like him just like I didn’t like him.

And then Ashley and Emily came out together.  Whew!  Someone in there was safe.

“I’ll be ready in a few,” Emily told Ashley quickly, and she ran up the stairs.

I wondered what she’d be ready for.

Ashley came over to me and sat down on the floor with me.  She giggled.  “I hear Caitlin’s been teaching you how to suck properly.  More like a baby.”

More like a baby?  Yeah, I guessed that much was true.  “She’s been relentless!” I told her.

She giggled again.  “Good!” she said as she reached out and bopped my nose just like Emily did.  What was it with those two?  Had Emily learned that nose bopping thing from her mother?  Like mother like daughter?

And then I saw Jennifer come out of my room.  Her arms were loaded down with the sheets from my bed.  I saw her carry them toward the laundry room.  Was she going to wash them instead of me?  For the last week, I had been doing most of the laundry for everyone in the house.  Not that I was complaining mind you.

“What’s going on?” I asked Ashley.

“Em and I are going shopping today,” she told me.  “Everyone else is…busy.  And you…” she said as she bopped me on the nose again.  “Need to stay out of the way…and be good!”  With that, she got up and headed for the kitchen.

Damn I hated being bopped on the nose.  Her answer told me a lot of nothing though, except that she and her daughter were going shopping, like I knew they did a lot…just like Ashley had been a world-class shopper with her mother.  I felt for Chris’s checking account.

And then I saw Mike and Chris carrying my dresser out of the room.  I watched in amazement as they didn’t stop there, but the two of them struggled to heft the thing upstairs.  I had to wonder what was going on.

I completely ignored the TV, I even completely ignored the bottle of chocolate something that I was supposed to be drinking.  Instead, I sat there and watched the strange goings on that started to concern me more and more.  Nichole came out of the room with her arms loaded with clothes.  She too headed upstairs.  James came out carrying one of the drawers from my dresser.  One by one, everyone came out carrying something and disappeared with it either into the laundry room or up the stairs.  Then they all went back into the bedroom and grabbed something else.  I was really starting to get concerned, especially when Nichole came out with my baby toys and set them down on the floor next to me.

“What’s going on?” I asked her.

She smiled and shrugged.  “A surprise,” she told me before walking off, back into my bedroom.

I didn’t always like surprises.  Something told me I wasn’t going to like this one.  They were obviously messing with my room!

Emily rushed down the stairs dressed nicely, and she and her mother took off.  Two less people in the house, yet the house was still full.

And then I saw my mattresses come out, and I watched as they were carried up the stairs as well.  The mattresses were soon followed by the individual pieces of my entire bed.  Was there anything left in my room?

And then I got another surprise.  Nichole came out and took my now empty baby bottle from me, and stuck that too big pacifier between my lips instead.  She took the bottle to the kitchen, then came back and held her hand out toward me.  “Come on,” she said.  “Let’s go upstairs.  This may not be the safest place in the house for you to sit.”

Not the safest place?  What were they going to do, tear half my house down?  “What’s going on?” I asked.

“They’re busy,” she told me.  “My job today is taking care of you.  Won’t that be nice?”

Nice?  She had to be kidding.  I just wanted to know what was going on.

She led me up the stairs and into Emily’s room.  Em had a TV in there and Nichole turned it to those same cartoons I hadn’t been watching.  I was put on the floor while she laid down on the bed.  Five minutes later, she got up and changed the channel.  “Sorry,” she said, “but that show is terrible!  I can’t stand it.”

I couldn’t have agreed more.  I watched as she turned it and found a different cartoon.  Sponge Bob.

“Mike and I love this one,” she laughed.  She went back to the bed to lay on it and watch.

Sponge Bob wasn’t my favorite, but it was a whole lot better than anything I had seen for the past week.  With no other option, I sat there on the floor and watched…and wondered what they were doing to my bedroom downstairs.

Sponge Bob cartoons go on forever!  I knew that from past experiences over the years when the grandkids had been growing up.  All of them seemed to be fascinated by what I considered to be one of the worst TV shows imaginable…if you didn’t count those crazy baby cartoons that Emily and Caitlin wanted me to watch.  They were definitely worse!  With little else to do, I watched the show and actually appreciated how much better it was to watch than those other cartoons.

The show finally ended, and I nearly breathed a sigh of relief.  Nichole turned around and sat on the side of the bed instead of lying on it.  She looked at me for a few moments then said,  “I guess we need to bring your toys up here for you later.  But right now, I think they said I should let you take a nap.”

Another nap.  I didn’t want to sleep.  I wanted to know what they were doing to my bedroom downstairs.

“Come on baby,” she said as she patted the bed next to her.  “Up here.”

I got up and laid on the bed.  She pulled the hem of my dress up and did a thorough diaper check.  “You’re not very wet!” she declared.  “I’ll have to let Emily know later.”

I could only hope that she wouldn’t.

She seemed to stare at me for a moment before she said, “You know, Mike and I are in complete agreement with Bill.  We think it would have been better for everyone if you had succeeded when you tried to commit suicide.  We all would have been much happier.”

I pulled that massive pacifier from my mouth and asked, “Does that mean I should worry that you’re going to kill me?  Because trust me, I don’t mind.  And if I’m dead, how can I complain?”

“Oh hell no!” she replied.  “I’m going to take the best care of you possible.  Just as if you were a real baby.  Mike and I may not like all the money they’re spending on you, but we look at it this way.  Eventually, we may be able to dumb you down to the point where we can simply get you declared completely incompetent.  We think that maybe then it will open up some opportunities for us.”

“Opportunities?  What kind of opportunities could that possibly give you?”

She shrugged and just showed me a small smile.  “Just start thinking more like a total infant, and we’ll all be a lot happier.  And I’m going to do everything possible to help you get there.”  With that, she grabbed my hand that was holding my pacifier and shoved it back in my mouth.  She watched until she saw me sucking the way I was supposed to.  “Night-night baby,” she said.  Yes, I had no doubt at all that the smile on her face was evil.

She  wanted me to be declared incompetent?  And she wasn’t the only one?  What was my family actually doing to me?  I was now more afraid of this therapy than ever.  They were all after something I had no clue about, and all I could see was more reason than ever to kill myself.  Only if I killed myself could I not have to worry about whatever it was I was worried about.  I wanted to chew on that big pacifier in my mouth so badly, but Nichole was still watching.  Ugh!

 

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