Me versus me

 Hi all!

First of all, a big fat thank you for reading my latest story.  I hope you enjoyed it.  In fact, a big fat thank you to all of you who have read any of my stories.  Like I said, I hope you enjoyed them.  I’d especially like to thank the people out there who have left me comments.  I appreciate those more than you can imagine.

One of those comment people asked not long ago if I would continue and finish Under Her Thumb and Mercy Me.  Believe it or not, you have no idea how much I’d like to finish both of those stories.  I tried though to finish Under Her Thumb while you’ve been reading this, and I managed to advance it by a grand total of one whole page.  That’s not going to work.  So until I can get interested in that story again, I’m simply not going to worry about it.

I’m seventy-two years old now.  Even at my age, I find there are more sides to myself than may be normal.  On the one hand, there’s the me who’s only real joy in life is to sit down at the computer and wiggle my fingers and churn out story text at a rate that most of you would find unbelievable.  Yes, I’ve discovered I can still do that.  I can’t tell you how much I love doing it.  Doing it makes me feel young again!

And then there’s the other me, whose only greatest joy in life is to climb aboard my lawn mower and spend a few hours cutting the grass every week.  Believe it or not, at my age, that’s one of the most enjoyable things I get to do anymore.  I bought myself a new mower five or six years ago and it goes real fast!  Get your motors runnin’.  Head out on the…um…front lawn.  Sigh.  It’s depressing being pathetic.

For the past year I had gotten back into golf again and was going out once a week with some buddies I met at the golf course, but that’s gone for now too.  I have my health problems and my wife who is seventy-seven has hers.  And right now, hers are bad enough that many days I’m afraid to leave her side for even the few hours it would take to cut the grass.  Getting old certainly comes with its challenges.  If you look at my calendar it’s a roadmap of going from one doctor to another, and that’s about the only places we go anymore.

Despite not getting much feedback, I enjoy posting stories to this blog.  I wish I could say that I’m going to keep posting, but I can’t promise you that.  I’m not going to say goodbye though.  Who knows, there just may be something else around the corner that may be gracing these pages in the coming months.  In fact, I’m writing something right now that’s been driving me nuts to keep writing for the last few weeks.  There are a number of problems with it though that I’ll mention in a minute.

As I mentioned, there are a few more sides to me than I probably should have.  There’s the Karen Singer side that you all have come to know, and there’s the real me, who’s an entirely different person.  And sometimes those sides of me clash.  Surprisingly often, they clash in the middle of the stories I write.  Sometimes I write something and have to decide if this should be a me story, or should it be the other me story.  That’s the case of the story I’m writing now.  On the one hand, the story is very much like the ones I publish in my own name.  But on the other hand, I look at it and say, no!  Not again.  I don’t dare publish this thing that way.  It’s got to be a Karen Singer story.  It’s a battle of the two me’s once again.

I finally took a good look at this latest one and decided – Karen Singer for sure!  I’ve already got a story in my own name (a three book superhero story) where the main characters, male and female, get swapped around, and they’re stuck that way until the end of the third book.  I also had another book out there where the main character was a boy who was raised as a girl, but I took it down and completely rewrote the thing, removing all those elements.  The result though is that it’s now something I hope will become another movie for me.

But this latest book that’s driving me nuts to write….  On the one hand, I don’t feel it’s good enough to be something I can publish, even self-publish.  I do have standards for that.  But on the other hand, I look at it and, damn it’s good!

So here’s the deal.  I’m not going to say I’m going to keep posting here, but there’s a chance.  Yes, a chance!  That I might be eventually posting that story here.  The only problem is that most of you won’t want to read it because it’s not…kinky (much).  I may be the only one who likes the thing, but then that’s why I write in the first place, for my pleasure.  Sorry about that.

Of course, there are a few problems before I can post it, if I do post it.  The first being, will I actually finish the thing.  I hate that I never finished Mercy Me and Under her Thumb, so I’d rather not leave a story in that state again.  Right now, I’m into chapter twenty-five of this new thing, and I’m guessing it may go to forty or fifty chapters.  But because of the format I decided on, the chapters are slightly shorter than my usual ones.

The other problem with it is, if I do finish it, should I waste it here, or should I actually try to publish the thing.  Like I said, it’s both lousy, and a really great story at the same time.  In some ways it’s not up to my publishing standard, but in other ways, damn it’s a good book!  It’s just another one of those me versus me dilemmas.

So that’s everything, and then some, in a nutshell.  I’m not saying goodbye, but I’m not saying I’m going to keep going either.  I’m leaving my options open.

Please stay safe and still put a little joy in your life – for me.

Till next time,

Karen