Considering Something

Yesterday was really just another day - made better of course by the fact that I wear diapers all the time and was able to be nice and femmy all night. Other than that, I didn’t really “do” much of anything except to enjoy being pretty in my skirt and blouse.

I had a strange dream last night. I had bought a large baby doll and I loved taking care of it and changing its diapers and feeding it its bottle. I carried it everywhere just like a real baby. I even strapped it into the back seat of the car whenever I went out and basically treated it like a real baby all the time. Except that I’m the one in diapers and I’m the one who’s acting more and more like a baby. Is that some of my maternal instincts creeping through after being en-fem for so long? Or is it a more childish little girl side of me trying to make itself known? Who knows, it was just an odd dream – but interesting to me.

Ok, I’ve been in chastity now for so long I don’t even know how many weeks it has been let alone days. And I’m afraid to count them – not that it would really matter anyway. For the last few days I’ve been trying desperately to poke myself through my diapers or to try to hump the bed – all in an effort to at least get hard and some more pleasure. I’m getting plenty of pleasure from trying all right, but plenty of frustration too. When I diaper myself, my “little thingy” gets pulled straight back and is held there by plenty of diaper material, plastic panties, and pantyhose. No matter how hard I try, it simply refuses to get harder than a tiny token. In fact, I think it kept getting smaller and squishing down when I tried to do it last night.

So I got it into my head last night that I think that something late on Sunday I’m going to take my diapers off and play with myself – and hopefully even have an orgasm. But now here’s the kicker – I haven’t a clue as to how I’m going to go about doing it. This is because normally I get up every morning and sometime before I go to work I go into the bathroom and sit on the toilet and relieve myself of that nasty sperm. But I haven’t even seen my toilets now in weeks and for some reason I’ve developed quite an aversion to them (couldn’t be the recordings I’m listening to). To make matters worse, I’m also not sure I really want to touch it with my hands. I mean, a girl doesn’t really have one of those nasty things down there. And to make matters really worse, there’s a good chance I’ll wind up peeing on the floor while I’m trying to do it.

Then there’s the other question. It’s been so long… well, do I just do it and get it over with? Or do I try to find someway to make it more memorable? Or should I try to set myself some kind of task or goal to complete so it becomes more of a reward?

All of these things are running through my warped mind right now. Yes, you can laugh. Yes, I’m an idiot. But I don’t care. I now have all day today, all day Saturday, and all day Sunday to dream about it. The anticipation will only make the waiting all that much sweeter. And I’m going to have an absolute ball keeping it on my mind!