So Many Feelings

I was planning all day yesterday to write about the many different feeling I experienced, and I hope I still can. But first I have to tell you that the main feeling I’m feeling right now - which is fear. Because at Mistress Gina’s urging, I am going to be going to work today in a diaper. This is a huge step for me. But it’s also a major hurdle on my road to seeing what it’s like to be a truly diaper dependant sissy baby. By doing this, I really will be in diapers 24/7. She is allowing me only one diaper change at lunch – which to be honest is the only time I would be able to change. Mistress Gina seems to think that I’m at a “tipping-point.” And I guess she’s right as usual. When I first read her instruction for me, I had to think long and hard about it. But I have agreed, and I will do it. Right afterwards, I was so filled with panic, that I had to go right downstairs and find my pacifier, which I sucked on intensely for a very long time. I haven’t been using my pacifier very much during this adventure like I usually do, but I seem to really need it now. One of the feelings that I really haven’t talked about much is that the wetter my diapers get, the more I feel like a baby. Why, I don’t really know. But there it is. And I crave feeling like a humiliated sissy baby just as much as I crave feeling deliciously feminine. So pray for me today, because I’m moving deeper into the water.

I wore high heels for almost the entire weekend, from Friday night till I got to work yesterday. Saturday, I mostly wore my very high heels that strap around my ankles, and Sunday I wore my pumps – which as high as the heel is on them, next to the other shoes they feel like flats. Also, whenever I went out in the car, I wore the pumps to make changing shoes easier. But the feelings I enjoyed from them were absolutely wonderful… and painful. Not really painful so much while I was walking, but… First of all, every time I was in them for a long time, then stepped out of them again, like to change shoes or to take a shower, it was painful to bend my foot flat again. Then there was the pain of trying to wear them all night long while I was sleeping (very painful). But there was another pain that I should mention too. That was yesterday morning when I got to work and stepped out into the parking lot wearing my male shoes for the first time in a while. Not that it hurt all that much, but I found I really missed my heels immediately. I’ve experienced this once before after wearing heels for a long period of time. It’s more like there’s something wrong with the shoes I’m wearing. They would feel much better if they had even a slightly higher heel. My male shoes just didn’t feel right. Such sweet agony.

When I took my shower yesterday, I washed my hair with Herbal Essences shampoo, then used Secret deodorant afterwards. I noticed the stronger, flowery smell, but there wasn’t much I could do about it. Then all the way to work in the car, I noticed that I almost exuded that flowery, fruity smell. I was really nervous that someone would notice. Thankfully nobody did – or nobody said anything about it if they did notice. Somehow, I felt good about it all day.

I’ve noticed that when I walk around the house now, I’m standing straighter and feeling more feminine in my walk and attitude. It feels so nice to be able to hold your head up and swing your arms a bit more as you move around. I know it’s just my mental image, but I feel much more like a girl. So nice.

My wife surprised me when I talked to her yesterday. Things are suddenly not going as well where she is as they expected. She’s not really sure she can come home next weekend. We’re still planning on it, but the possibility now exists for this to continue a bit longer. We’re just going to have to wait and see.