By Karen Singer
This is Billy Simpson. I know you don’t really exist, but I hope you don’t mind me writing to you anyway. Which I guess is kind of dumb because how can you mind if you don’t even exist? I mean, I’m ten years old now. I wasn’t born yesterday! I know that it’s really Mom and Dad putting all the gifts out under the tree. But still, if you don’t mind, I need to think of you as being real right now, because I’ve got no one else that I can talk to.
I guess the first thing you always want to know is if I’ve been good or bad this year. Which is also kind of a dumb thing for me to tell you, since everyone always told me that you already know if kids have been good or not. You’re supposed to have this magic naughty or nice list with everybody’s name on it. Or maybe that’s just a way for you to double check to see if we really are naughty or nice after we tell you in these letters if we’ve been good or bad. I don’t know. Anyway, I guess the bottom line is that I don’t know if I’ve been good or bad. And that’s kind of the real reason I’m writing to you.
I try to be good. I really do. I’ve always tried to be good. But lately, well, both Mom and Dad have been yelling at me a lot. All because of something I keep doing. And because of that, I guess I’ve been bad. But all the rest of the time, I really do try to be good! Honest! But anyway, they’ve been yelling at me a lot lately because I keep going into my sister Becky’s room and kind of stealing some of her clothes for a little while. I always bring them right back! It’s just that… I just want to see what it’s like to wear some of them, that’s all. Is that really so bad? I guess it is really bad because of the way Mom and Dad yell at me for it.
But Mom and Dad have both caught me doing it a few times now, and oh boy have they yelled at me! So I guess I’ve been really, really bad. And, I don’t know what to do because… I kind of can’t help myself. Becky gets to wear all those really nice and interesting things, but I guess I’m not even supposed to think about stuff like that. But I do! I can’t help it! I think about it all the time! I guess, I always have. She gets to wear nice things like that because she’s a girl, and I can’t because I’m a boy. It’s so not fair!
Becky always gets really interesting things for her birthday and Christmas too. And I always get dumb stuff. I mean, is it so bad that Becky and I both like to play with her dolls and her doll house stuff? Is it really so bad? And she has all this really cool jewelry making stuff that’s so neat! I love to create cool looking things with it to wear! But I guess that’s bad too because Mom and Dad yell at me for that too. So I’m sorry. I guess I haven’t been all that good this year after all. But like I said, I kind of can’t help it. Those are the things that interest me, not the dumb stuff I’m supposed to like.
Santa, why did I have to be born a boy? Why wasn’t I born a girl instead? I’d ask God about that, but since he’s the one who made me this way in the first place, I guess he must have really wanted me to be a boy – even though I don’t think I want that at all. I’d much rather be a girl! And so there’s only you to tell this to because Mom and Dad won’t even discuss it with me. And I guess it’s worse because you don’t even exist! So what am I supposed to do? At least it’s normal for kids to write letters to you. Although it would really help a lot if it wasn’t just one time a year! Isn’t there some way you can fix that? Sorry, I know I shouldn’t ask things like that… just like I shouldn’t be messing with Becky’s things too. I just can’t seem to help it. That’s all the stuff I like!
So Santa, I know in these letters that they’re all mostly supposed to be about what stuff we want for Christmas, and I guess I have a list. But if Mom and Dad ever found out what things I really want, they’d probably lock me up somewhere and throw the key away. So Santa, please don’t tell anyone. Please! So I guess, here goes.
Santa, if you can arrange it, I’d really be thrilled to get something pretty to wear. It doesn’t have to be a pretty dress, although that’s what I really want. But I’d be just as happy with any kind of girl’s clothes that I can wear – and that I won’t get yelled at for! Yeah, I know… it’s impossible! But I’m afraid that’s one of the big things on my list.
I know most kids always ask for toys, and you and your elves are supposed to be really good at making them, so if you can somehow manage it, I’d like to have a couple of dolls like Becky has, and maybe a big doll house to play with them in. You have no idea how really cool I think that would be! Of course, what wouldn’t be cool is how Mom and Dad would probably beat me over it. So maybe it wouldn’t be such a good idea, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want them.
Santa, would it be too much for me to ask for a pretty necklace I can wear? It doesn’t have to be big, or expensive, or anything! Just something small and pretty. I figure that if I keep it hidden under my shirt all the time, then Mom and Dad won’t ever see it so I won’t get punished for it. Please Santa, please?
Santa, Mom got Becky some really nice makeup kits last year. I know they’re just kid’s toys, but still, they were so cool! You have no idea how much fun Becky and me had with them… until Mom found out. You have no idea how much my bottom hurt after that. Do they make any makeup kits like that for boys? If they don’t, then maybe you could invent something like that. I’ll bet I’m not the only boy out there that might like something like that. It’s just an idea, so please don’t tell anyone I suggested it.
Santa, I know you can’t make me a girl. I know I’m being silly for even thinking that. Especially since you don’t really exist! Although in truth, being a girl is all I really want for Christmas. But I know something like that is totally impossible and out of the question. I guess though, that the next best thing to that would be to have Mom and Dad not yell at me or beat me so much over it all. I know it’s not a toy or anything, or even something you can buy in the stores, but Santa, is there any way at all you can get my Mom and Dad to be at least a little more understanding? I don’t like getting yelled at and spanked just because I like all of Becky’s things more than mine.
But I guess because I do like Becky’s things so much, I really am bad. And because of that, I don’t deserve to get anything or even any consideration at all. So don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine. I just needed someone I could tell all this to. And just like you don’t really exist, someone I can talk about it all with doesn’t exist either. So I guess I’m just writing to you to try to get this all out of my system.
So, thanks for listening, even though I guess that most likely this letter will never even get opened and will probably get dumped into a big trash bin somewhere and burned. Which is probably the very best thing, because Mom and Dad wouldn’t like it to hear the things I really want.
Thanks again, Santa.