Sunday, September 30, 2012

Special Treat - Guest Author!

Mike is a very talented author who has been following The Bet avidly.  Here he has put his own twist on Chapter 1 of The Bet.  But I’ll let him tell you more in his own words.  - Karen

            Hello. My name is Mike. I find that a greeting is a nice way to start, don’t you? About a decade ago I was a regular reader of Karen’s original sissy rules story site. I am pretty sure I even commented on one of the message boards. Life moved on, and so did I, and then about three months ago I found Karen’s blog and immediately started to read everything. I read every post, starting with the oldest. I absorbed the stories and then I finally reached the bet. It was already about Chapter 48 or so when I found the story and I just couldn’t put it down. Word after word after word. Eventually I caught up to the end and as so many others I wanted more. I can’t wait for Tuesday’s and Friday’s now.
            As I read, ideas formed; things I would like to see. Humiliations I wondered if Chad would ever endure. And I envisioned endings. I think most of the dedicated readers have probably pondered how it would end. Will Chad win or lose and which one is which? Well, I had my ideas and so I put them to paper and sent that first story to Karen. I know, who the hell am I and how do I have the gall? As I told Karen at the time, she’s given so much and I wanted to give something back. I gave her an out, promising not to do anymore if she disapproved. Fortunately for me, that story was well received.
            Since that time I’ve written a few more. Some are good, some not. I have pushed the boundaries of Karen’s story I am sure, usurping the canon for my own benefit. Each story I sent to Karen has been well received, or so I believe. I’m fortunate to have this avenue for my own musings.
            The story below was my most recent and Karen was enamored enough to want to post it. I’m flattered by that and consider it the highest praise I can receive from her. I hope you dear and faithful readers of The Bet enjoy my offering. It was a gift to Karen, bribery for her efforts if you will, and she kindly decided to share it with you. One day, perhaps, I’ll pen another she likes as much.
            Thank you, Karen, for the work you do. It’s truly amazing.

Déjà Vu
A Sissy Chad Story

            Is the future fixed? That is the question I’ve asked myself for a number or years now. The other question that keeps seems to haunt me is this: are people psychic? For me, the two questions are interconnected in a way that I have not been able to fully understand and I’ve spent hours trying to figure it out. I used to think that time was a river and each of us was a leaf stuck in the current. Can you picture it, that leaf? Imagine it as a young, green frond floating in an icy current, racing towards some unknown destiny. Life, like that river, has turbulent points as well as parts where the sailing is smooth and serene. Picture that leaf turning colors with the seasons, aging if you will. You start out green and young and slowly, as you age, your pigment dims until finally at the end you’re withered and brown. Where does it end? Where does that leaf stop? Your life ends when the leaf ceases to ride the currents of that river. Now, however, I am not so sure that time is so fixed; I think that maybe the currents in a flowing stream can be redirected. Now, I think, the future isn’t set at all.
            When I was eleven I was walking home from school when it dawned on me that I had forgotten my English book. I had homework to do and so I turned around to retrieve what I’d forgotten. With my book in my backpack I began to make my way home again. It was winter, I remember that much. Snow coated most of the ground, sparkling in the cold day. It has always been a pretty sight to me, the dead trees standing almost defiantly amid a blanket of pure emptiness. Peaceful.  The beauty was marred only by ugly brown splotches where the snow had been shoveled and cast aside to clear a path. I was walking home, along that shoveled lane, my now heavier backpack on my shoulders when I heard a loud crash. I looked up and screamed.
            Two cars had collided and one driver had not been properly belted in. That person, a young man I think and to this day I still can’t recall with any certainty if it was a man, blood and cuts and scrapes prevented me from knowing for sure, was collapsed out the broken windshield. Blood coated his face in a patina of red. Pain marred the lacerated face; the man looked at me, unblinking and I knew he wasn’t seeing me. He had died in that crash. It was the first time I’d seen a dead body.
            Lying in bed that night I had the strangest thought. Was that man (or was it a woman) dead because of me? Intellectually I know I wasn’t the cause of the accident, but what if I hadn’t forgotten my English book? What if I had remembered it and so I was ten minutes ahead of the accident when it occurred instead of standing there able to see the eyes that weren’t able to see me in return? I couldn’t shake the feeling that had I not been there, then the accident could never have happened. I hate to admit it, but that night I cried feeling a wave of guilt that hurt my heart.
            I think that was the first time I thought about the future. I didn’t imagine that it could be changed. That came later.
            Have you ever had psychic flashes? I don’t mean true premonitions where you know what lottery numbers are going to come up at the next weekly drawing forcing you to rush out and buy a ticket, but tiny glimpses of the future? I have. My dreams have foretold my future only I didn’t know it at the time. It’s an odd sensation when you find yourself living some event and it dawns on you with a calm clarity that everything that’s happening is something you’ve experienced before in a dream. Countless times I’ve been doing something, and it can be as mundane as getting my oil changed to something elaborate like having a party at work with dozens of people singing “Happy Birthday”, when I’d stop in my tracks and think “I’ve dreamt this.”
            It’s actually an eerie feeling when you have that sense of déjà vu wash over you and you know that you are repeating history even if you were just now catching up with that glimpsed future event and it wasn’t history you were repeating so much as you had witnessed a future you hadn’t yet reached. The leaf in the river finally caught up with the downstream dreams.
            Interestingly enough, every time I’ve stopped with the realization that I was repeating something I’ve dreamt, as soon as I acknowledged aloud that I was reliving something, then everything that follows changed. The future, my future, was only written until I knew and revealed out loud that I had seen what was coming. It had to be out loud; if I thought it, then the flowing river of time remained fixed.  I proved that before. Once I knew and acknowledged the future, then the knowing ended and my future changed. The question is this: did my future change? Remember, I am basing my ability to see the future based only on a dream, not a reality, so I can’t say with any degree of certainty that I changed my future but I swear that’s what it feels like. After all, how can you change a future you’ve never lived through?
            I’d dream, I’d foresee, I’d acknowledge and then I’d live in some new reality even when I never actually lived inside that old one. This has happened to me more than once. It’s happened often enough for me to truly believe I was glimpsing my future in those dreams; it was more than coincidence. It was premonition.
            And that brings me to Melissa.
            You see, I dreamed of her, too. My whole life.

* * * * *

            The first time I met Melissa wasn’t the first time I met Melissa. I had seen her in my dreams at least two dozen times. Of all the dreams I’ve had and realized to be glimpses of what I thought was my future, she was the only person to ever appear in more than one of them. Well, besides me, of course. I was always in my dreams; Melissa was in a third of them. When the leaf of my life finally caught up with the stream that was Melissa, I felt my breath catch in my throat. It was her and I was rendered speechless.
            The first words she ever spoke to me were, “can I help you with that?”
            My breath was still caught; I could feel my heart race. I know her was my first thought, my second was that she was a “nosy neighbor.” My real world and my dream memories were colliding.
            “Oh, that’s okay. I can get it. Thanks anyway.” What else could I say? I couldn’t really say, “Hello, Melissa, it’s finally nice to meet you. I’ve been dreaming about you for years.” No, I couldn’t say that at all.
            Her voice was exactly as I’d heard it in my dreams. She grabbed two of the smaller bags I was struggling with and in that moment another memory of my dream flashed into my conscious mind. The bag I was carrying was going to rip and my shameful secret would be revealed. It had happened in my dream and as long as I didn’t speak aloud, it would happen again. And what could I say? Could I utter the words that shattered my future in front of this stranger, this stranger who I’ve been intimate with deep in the realm of slumber?
            She followed me into my apartment and I muttered an apology, “Um… As you can see, the place isn’t quite presentable yet.” Another memory returned - a memory of a place that months later hadn’t changed much. A cardboard dresser and a blow up mattress were added and some childish artwork, my artwork, hung on the walls. And the bet. Suddenly, vividly, I remembered the dream of the bet.
            I was staring at the bag I was carrying as it ripped as if I had been waiting for it to happen. You see, I knew it was going to happen. All of this, this meeting, this conversation, it wasn’t new to me. I had dreamed about it and now I was living what had happened before. Was this my past or my present or my future? At that moment I didn’t know when in time I was; what was real? This, now? The dreams I was reliving felt more like memories than dreams; they didn’t have that hazy, unreal quality to them like dreams do upon waking. There wasn’t any sense of living in a fog. I was living what I’d dreamt. There wasn’t any other way to describe it.
            The bag tore open and the contents spilled onto the floor. I stared, red-faced, as an embarrassing assortment of items poured onto the ground. Dresses and skirts, heels and bras, diapers and plastic panties all tumbled onto the cold tile. The bottles when they hit echoed in my sparsely decorated home. My face was crimson and my head hung in shame. It had happened exactly how I had dreamed it many years ago. The only thing different was how I felt. In the dream I was elated, my secret was revealed. Now, with the reality bearing down on me, I was mortified.
            “Yours?” she asked. It was a decidedly silly question? Whose stuff would I be moving into my new home?
            My throat seemed to close and I found I couldn’t speak. Twice now, in less than five minutes, Melissa had rendered me mute. I dropped to my knees and pushed everything together before covering them up with other bags I had moved in. I could hear my pulse thrumming in my ears. My mouth was an arid desert. I reached for the two bags Melissa had carried in hoping to use them to help cover up the embarrassing spill.
            “Thank you,” I muttered. I tried to regain control of myself and the situation, “Now, if you’ll please excuse me, I have a lot of work to do.”
            She blinked in surprise, recognizing the brush off for what it was, “Oh, of course.” She held her hand out to me, “Oh, by the way, my name’s Melissa… Mel.”
            I stood, holding the two bags Mel had carried, momentarily surprised that she was telling me her name. But, of course, she hadn’t dreamed about me. She couldn’t know I already knew her name. It wasn’t until I heard her say it that I was truly convinced I wasn’t dreaming now. “Chad,” I finally managed, looking awkward and feeling uncomfortable. My home felt like an oven, oppressively warm and stuffy all at once.
            I was shaking slightly when she finally left. I have never felt more confused than I did at that moment. My dreams were coming true faster than they ever had before. Every moment of the last few minutes I had lived before in the land of slumber. I had known who she was before she uttered her name. I had known the bag would tear open before it tore. Nothing that had happened had been new to me and yet it was new. It hadn’t happened but it had in my dreams. The two seemed interconnected now, both realities coalescing into one and I was dizzy with trying to understand it.
            I spent a few hours sorting through the boxes and bags I had brought with me. My hands were busy but my mind was scrambling, trying to come to terms with the strength of my reality clashing with my dreams. I couldn’t reconcile the two. I had had glimpses of the future revealed to me in dreams before but never with such clarity. Every action, every word was identical to what I had dreamed before.
            I looked around my new apartment. I knew I’d need to make getting furniture a priority. The floor would be uncomfortable when I slept that night but could it be any more uncomfortable than how I felt meeting Melissa for the first time? Or was it the second? To her it was the first but to me it was, well, I didn’t know what it was. The fragility of time washed over me, filling my mind with confusion.
            I sat on the floor and thought of Melissa. The bet. What was it about the bet that had popped into my mind during that disastrous moment when my secrets spilled onto the floor? She and I made a bet about something. Did I win? Did she? I couldn’t remember. Did I even dream that outcome or had that outcome not been written in the current of time. My head began to hurt. What was the bet? Somehow it seemed important but I couldn’t figure out why. It was an anomia, stuck in my mind but not readily recalled.
            I was still pondering what I couldn’t recall when I heard a soft rapping on my door. Have you ever tried that, thinking about what you can’t remember? It’s a thoroughly frustrating endeavor and I was happy for the distraction of the door even though I was certain it wasn’t for me. A thought flashed into my mind, a glimpse of a dream. It was, indeed, for me. “Just great!” I thought when I realized the door was Melissa again. I just couldn’t tell if I knew it was Mel when I opened the door of before.
            “Hi neighbor,” she called out with a cheery voice. She sounded happy. “I brought you a house warming gift. I kind of thought you could probably use some about now.” She was holding up a six pack of beer.
            I realized she was being nice and that it was a peace offering of sorts. Or maybe it was an apology for witnessing my embarrassment. “Uh, I don’t really drink,” I said apologetically.
            Her eyes went wide, “not at all?”
            “Well, not usually.”
            “How about to be nice?” She was still smiling, exactly as she had in his dreams when they had had this conversation the first time.
            We chatted briefly as we drank her icy beer. “To being neighbors,” she toasted me, again. Or was it the first time? My mind was hazy and adding half a beer didn’t seem to help. I felt a little light headed after just half a beer and my mind was still trying to wrap itself around the duality of my reality mingling with my dreams, of the past vision mixing with my life now. My head spun.
            I knew it was coming. I didn’t even need to have the earlier dreams to warn me. “So, all that stuff was yours?” I knew she was going to ask when I had opened the door to see her standing there holding the six-pack we were drinking aloft.
            My face was burning when I replied, exactly as I had in my dreams, “Yeah.”
            “So you’re into all that kind of thing then – I mean the women’s clothes and things?”
            “Yeah.” I was a genius with my one word, guttural responses. What else could I say? There not mine? Hadn’t I heard that lie uttered in countless television comedies? It was not something I wanted to discuss and yet, here we were doing exactly that.
            “How about the diapers and bottles I saw? Those too?”
            As I had when this was nothing but a movie to be witnessed as I slept, I nodded. My mouth was dry and a sip of beer didn’t seem to help. I had to change the subject, didn’t I? But if I did, what about the bet?  The bet seemed important but that memory wasn’t revealed to me. My head continued to spin, how could a memory be something that had not happened yet? It defied logic but I was stuck in that confusing loop.
            That was the first time I wondered if I could change the future but not just change it, control the change. I knew if I uttered the magic words, “I dreamt this,” then everything that followed would be different but I’d have no knowledge of that future. History had proven that. Could I steer the future if I didn’t utter the words? I didn’t know and I also didn’t know exactly where I wanted to steer the future to, my mind was still too hazy. I just knew I wanted to change the subject and I wanted to very, very quickly.
            We went to dinner and I was happy that nothing was mentioned of the dresses and diapers. I wanted to keep that subject off the table. Dinner was enjoyable and I was feeling more at ease with Melissa as the meal progressed. I learned a bit about her, mostly that I liked her in person every bit as much as I did in my dream-state.
            Returning home, Melissa invited me into her home. We sat down at her dining room table and after fetching the beers we had left in my place, we began to chat. Two beers later Melissa broached the subject again. Why couldn’t she just drop it? I knew the answer, of course. It had already happened, hadn’t it? Yes, until I uttered the magic words, the stage was set, the actors in their place, and the word “action” shouted by some unseen director, Fate in her three forms, perhaps. All of this was happening exactly as I had foreseen in my dreams.
            “So, tell me about it.”
            “About what?” As if I didn’t know. She’d been anxious to get back to this conversation all night.
            “You know,” she said, reading my mind, “the stuff I saw.”
            “Ugh. I’d rather not.” But I would unless I changed it. I wasn’t ready to, not yet. The bet popped into my mind. My conscious mind hadn’t unlocked the significance of that just yet and I sensed it was important. It was on the tip of my tongue and I needed that memory to make up my mind.
            “Come on. I’m the pushy type – if you haven’t figured that out by now. I’m going to keep pestering you till I find out anyway.”
            Or until I change my future, I thought. She tried to make it sound like I didn’t have a choice but she was wrong. My future could still be altered. I was certain of that. I took a pull of the beer. It was a little warmer than it had been at first and it didn’t taste all that fresh now. The beer, like my hazy memory, wasn’t crisp. My mind seemed dulled. Was that the alcohol or my mind trying to cope with my dream world and current world colliding. I wasn’t sure. “Geez!” I snapped, I didn’t mean to, but I did. “What do you want to know? I like it. Okay? It’s complicated, damn it!”
            “Okay, okay. You don’t have to swear. I’m just asking that’s all.” She didn’t sound defensive. She sounded triumphant.
            “Yeah, sorry. Look it’s not something I’m used to talking about you know.” Yet, here we were talking about it and for me it was the second time we’ve had this conversation. My head hurt.
            “Yeah, I’m sorry, too.” She waited a few minutes watching me. I could feel her eyes on me, studying me. She was going to ask about the diapers and bottles next. It had happened before as I slept. None of this was new to me. “And the baby stuff.”
            I was calmer now; I had seen this coming or was it that I had witnessed it happening before. Ugh, my head was spinning. “Yeah, I like that, too.”
            “So… do you wear the diapers and wet them, too?”
            My memory seemed to sharpen a bit. I would admit to wearing them and then she’d ask me to tell her about it and, and what? Something. Something big. The bet. It was the start of the bet. “Yeah, sometimes,” I said. I’d said it before.
            “Tell me about it.” Exactly as predicted. Though, is it a prediction if it’s a replay? I remembered an old comic; I think it might have been an old Archie where one character bet another that a football player wouldn’t be tackled during a play. That character had lost the bet. He was offered a way out when it was revealed that the game was a replay and the outcome was already known. The character making the bet, maybe it was Jughead said he knew, he’d seen the game as well but didn’t think the player would make the same dumb mistake. That past couldn’t be changed, but could the future?
            I felt run down with all the circles spinning in my mind. “What can I say? It’s another little quirk of mine.” I paused, staring at my bottle of beer. This was it, right? The start of the bet. How did the bet end? Was that important? I seemed to sense it was, but at that moment it was still a hazy shape in the distance that couldn’t be fully made out. “I have this… friend… on-line, who whenever my wife was away for a while, would give me some… let’s say ‘assignments’ involving the diapers and dressing and stuff. They were fun. Exciting.” I kept pausing as I remembered the past, which is way easier than remembering the future, a fact I was growing to understand fully. I looked at Melissa, at my beer and back to her again, “I have this crazy fantasy where I’m forced to wear diapers so much that I actually become incontinent from it – like a baby. In fact,” I could feel the heat in my cheeks. I was blushing. Did I blush in my dreams? “The whole baby thing gets me off, too. The last time it went on for almost a month. It was great.” My voice trailed off.
            Melissa watched me, waiting for me to continue but I didn’t know what else to say. “So, did you actually become incontinent?”
            “No, not even close. I did almost wet the bed one night afterward, but that’s as close as it got. It couldn’t really happen, though. It’s just a dream.” A dream in a dream in a dream. Now my head was really spinning. Was I dreaming now? Can one dream of being asleep and then, if so, can one dream in a dream. Was now real or was this just another dream that would come to me like déjà vu in some distance place and time and if so, would that dream be shattered by uttering the words “I dreamt this?”  I have never felt more confused. I felt like I was a jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces. It felt as if I was an incomplete picture with holes covering the important parts.
            “Well, it was only a month.”
            “I don’t think it matters how much time, it’s like I have this switch in me that turns it on and off.” But was that true? Did time matter? I felt like I was in some weird time loop right now with my past, present and future leap-frogging over each other in some odd dance for dominance.
            “I could make you do it. If I wanted to, I could make you incontinent – just like a baby.”
            She was crazy, or at least that’s what my look told her. I laughed at her, just like I had in my dream. Or was this the dream? Can you duplicate dreams? I didn’t think so or Olivia Wilde would have taken up permanent residence in my nocturnal, sleep induced visions. I shook my head, “No, it’s impossible. I know myself too well. Besides, it would probably take someone who was here with me all the time to ride me unmercifully – and do it for months on end. Even then, I seriously doubt it could happen.” Now, where had I heard those words before? Of course, I’d uttered them myself.
            I knew it was coming and I loved the sound of it. Melissa laughed, “You don’t know me very well. I could do it! If I wanted to, I could make you do anything I want, and there’s nothing you’d be able to do about it. I could turn you into such a baby that you’d never be able to go without your diapers again. You’d be sucking your thumb and crying for your bottle all the time.”
            She was wrong, though. I did know her. More and more of my dreams were returning. The things she’d do to me and the embarrassment she’d cause. My cheeks burned with the memory of things I’ve not yet done. God, my head was throbbing with the circular thoughts I found traipsing around my mind.
            I knew her very, very well. More memories came to me and with them, feelings. I love her. Where did that come from? I just met her and yet I love her? That didn’t seem right yet as I tried to analyze it, the reality of it solidified; it was true. I couldn’t utter my magic phrase just yet, I had to see what happened, I couldn’t break the feelings that were assaulting me. “Couldn’t happen. I know myself too well.” I was stalling now, not wanting to lose the joy that was enveloping me. I love her.
            Yes I could, she’d say next.
            “Yes, I could!” She declared triumphantly. I laughed with her, both of us for entirely different reasons. I denied her claim, she repeated it. I called her on it; she took it as a challenge. We bantered back and forth with me looking at her with a rising feeling of love. I knew her and what she’d do and I knew where it would lead.
            “Bet I could!” she shouted.
            The bet, of course, how could I forget it? Then again, it hadn’t happened yet. Can you forget the future? “Impossible! No you can’t!”
            “Bet I could!” She repeated her assertion even louder than before.
            And she could, I remembered that now, too. Still, my words weren’t mine to choose; they’d already happened, hadn’t they? “It can’t be done!”
            We seemed locked in battle and in a way we were but not in how she saw it. She saw it as a battle between herself and me and even she described herself as pushy. I saw it how it really was; we were engaged in battle between what has happened and what was yet to come. The only true moment was the current one; the rest was opaque. But was it malleable?
            “What do you want to bet?” Her voice grew serious.
            “Bet? I don’t know. It can’t be done.”
            Furniture, she’s going to offer to furnish my apartment and in exchange I’d become her slave for a year. I’d be her maid, her personal servant, her anything she wanted me to be. That was to be the nature of the bet. I sat back in her chair, nursing a beer that was entirely too warm. The bet, that was what started it. I would take the bet and I’d fall in love with her. There was more, another tickle of memory that was still eluding me. I had to know what it was; did she love me back? That was one thing my dreams hadn’t revealed, had they? I took another sip, not because I liked the beer but because my mouth was dry.
            I felt a tickle in the back of my throat as she said, “tell you what, if I can’t do it, I’ll furnish your entire apartment with everything and anything you like!”
            Exactly as predicted, or was that happened? God, my head was spinning. “Anything? All the furniture?” I was stalling.
            Anything, she’d say. “Anything,” she said.
            “That would be awfully expensive.” Even as I said it another memory returned, she was wealthy and could easily afford it. She would have a new home made when I lost the bet and then I’d be her maid there as she entertained. Another memory stirred - a painful one. Derek. My friend would stop being my friend; Derek would beat me if he took the bet.
            “It’s okay. I’m a lawyer. I can afford it.” But I knew that, didn’t I? Of course. She’d told me that before in an earlier time while I’d slumbered.
            Stalling as more memories formed, I choked out, “I can’t match that. I’m getting divorced. I don’t have that much.” I had Mel, which was enough, flashed behind my eyes. But I didn’t have her and I never would. More memories solidified in my mind. The memory formed of Mel taking me to play poker with Ray and Derek and Mel dating Derek and them growing closer with each date. The memory of Mel choosing Derek over me and the agony that caused me. The memory of nearly being molested and Melissa ignoring that so she could have sex with Derek made me frown. If I took the bet all of that would happen again. Was it again?
            I could change it if I uttered my magic words but how would it change? Could I direct the change?
            “Okay then, how about this, if I do manage to do it… and I have no doubt I will…”
            “Ha!” I interrupted as scribed by Fate.
            “Then you’ll furnish and decorate your own apartment however I want you to. And… you’ll continue in service to me for an entire year – doing anything I tell you to. Agreed?”
            But I wanted her for more than a year. I wanted her forever. I was in love with her; I didn’t have to remember that - I felt it. I could feel my heart aching for her as we sat in her dining room discussing a bet that we’ve already made only she hadn’t lived it yet. I loved her for what she made me do. I loved her for how she made me feel and I wanted nothing else but to feel her love in return. If we made the bet, as history had it currently written, I’d lose her to Derek. But, in her time, she hasn’t met Derek yet. How could she choose him over me if she never meets him? Could I prevent that introduction? I couldn’t unless I uttered my magic words but if I did that, how could she ever fall in love with me?
            I could feel my eyes tearing up with the strength of my headache.  “That’s crazy!” I continued to stall, “You know, of course, that you’re just offering to buy me all new furniture. And I have expensive tastes.”
            “No I’m not,” she countered, “I’m getting myself a personal servant for the next year, and one who won’t even need bathroom breaks.” She laughed at the thought.
            My thoughts were less jovial. If I took the bet, it would continue as I had dreamed. I’d get every fetish I’d ever had thrust upon me with no way out. A personal heaven if I were to be perfectly honest with myself.  I’d feel shame and humiliation and pain and hopelessness and despair. I’d be despondent and angry and hurt. Thoughts of suicide would dance in my mind and through it all, I’d fall deeper and deeper in love with a woman who would reject me for a person I’d once called a friend. But, if I didn’t take the bet, we’d never interact at all.
            In my mind I could see all the things she’d have me do. I pictured her neighbor Cassie and Sandy who I could pick out of a line up though I’d not meet them for a full week and the humiliating, infantile things Sandy would have me do. I remembered the yet to happen diaper changes Cassie would kindly do for me.  I’d miss out on Gloria’s relaxation sessions. I’d miss out on Robin making work a living hell even though secretly I would love every second of it.
            I’d lose so much if I just ignored Melissa and let the thoughts of the bet fade away. Yet, if I took it, I lost her, too. Was life always so cruel that you’d always find yourself in a no-win situation? How could I keep Melissa and not let her meet Derek? Should I take the bet and utter my magic phrase right before our scheduled poker game? Would it be too late by then? Oh, and the date with Derek. Why were Melissa and Robin always trying to set me up with men? Why were my limits never discussed about that? How could I accept doing anything when anything wasn’t honest?
            How could I have Melissa and my fantasy life all at once?
            “That’s crazy,” I said, oblivious to what Melissa was thinking, so caught up in reconciling what has happened with what would. I wanted Melissa, how can I make that happen? “It can’t happen,” I said at last, despair evident in my voice.
            Misunderstanding my confusion Melissa exclaimed merrily, “Bet it can!”
            “No, it can’t.” My thoughts were back on how I could win the woman I was already in love with. I needed her; it was something that I couldn’t deny.
            There it was, the final nail in the coffin. Our discussion came down to this. Yes, I’d take the bet and I’d lose her. No, I’d not take the bet and I’d lose her. The third option was to utter my magic phrase and the future would be rewritten but I had no way to know how it would be done? Would we end up together or would I end up miserably watching her relationship with Derek grow in the way I needed it to grow with me? Was there a fourth option?
            An idea began to form. I had no idea where we’d wind up but it seemed that of the three known avenues, none of them wound up with me happy. Maybe I could have everything. Just maybe. The thoughts in my head were muddy but I was certain I was on the right path, “I have a better idea.”
            Melissa raised her eyebrow, “Oh, you don’t want to be my personal servant?”
            “Actually,” I began, setting my beer bottle on the table. My hand was shaking so much that the bottle rattled noisily against the glass tabletop, “that’s not it at all.” I dropped to my knees to kneel at Melissa’s feet. It felt right, almost like a homecoming, but I’d been there before in my dreams countless times, “I propose that you already won the bet.  I offer myself to you fully, as your servant to do with me as you see fit. You wanted a servant that doesn’t need bathroom breaks, you have one. You want me to decorate my apartment as you see fit, make it so. I offer myself to you fully, Mistress.” I spoke the word and felt relief wash over me. “I offer myself as your servant, as your slave, as your baby, as your sissy; however you want me, I am yours.”
            Melissa’s eyes went wide. I could tell what she was thinking. It had all been a fun diversion for her, she didn’t think I’d take the bet and she definitely didn’t think I’d concede before the bet had even started. “There will be no backing out,” she stated firmly, “you’re mine for a year. You do understand that, right?”
            She didn’t understand, “No, Mistress,” I corrected her, “I’m yours until you release me, no time limit. I want to be yours forever.”  I almost told her I loved her but it was too early for that. She’d never meet Derek this way; I knew that, though I couldn’t exactly voice how I knew it. I still didn’t know if she and I would be together forever the way I needed but I knew in my heart that by this one action, by giving myself to her fully now, the we’d never make that humiliating poker game and she’d never bet on a hand with herself as the prize. She’d never meet Derek. I had fixed that at least.
            I looked up at her as she stared down at me. Both of us were waiting for the other to cave first. She thought I was joking and was waiting for me to stand up and tell her I was kidding. I was waiting for her to tell me to get up and to stop being silly. I needed her to accept; I prayed she would.
            She stared at me and then she grinned. Her beautiful face lit up when she smiled, “get up and take me to your apartment. We have work to do.”
            “Yes, Mistress,” I said, climbing to my feet to lead the woman I loved into my new life.
            My dreams that night were new. I dreamed of a wedding.
            My wedding.  Our wedding.
            I never uttered the words, “I dreamt this,” again.


Another Weekend For Gina - 3


It is a rainy day here in Texas.  Between major rain bands Mistress Victoria had me take the dogs for  walk.  She had me wearing my wet diaper, plastic panties, OB girdle, and opaque pantyhose.  Not to mention male shorts and my sissy ballet slippers.  In daylight.  We had a good walk, and of course met two teenage girls. One of them smiled at me, and we kept on walking.  My legs in sheer nylons were obvious, and I just had to grin, and keep going. 

This evening is more smoking and wetting.  I find the chastity and crotch rope so effective.  I so much am cycling, but cannot release.  At some point I reach a mind set I never want to come.  This is submissive space, and prolonged chastity increases that.  She has me putting on a new layer of mascara every hour and my lashes are huge.  She wants me to go to church with the lashes, and will inform me of my attire in the morning.  She told me if I can roll a twelve with a pair of dice at nine pm tonight I can have a cummy.  Otherwise, no release until approved.

My long, black, rubber plug awaits.  

Well, time for more sissy porn.


Saturday, September 29, 2012

Another Weekend For Gina - 2


Yes, imagination is wonderful, and thanks for posting my submission.

Last evening was round after round of smoking and wetting.  Mistress Victoria did grant a dry diaper before bedtime.  She had me sleep in hose, of course, and my diaper and chastity.  About 4 am I woke up with intense clitty cycling...very much chastity torment...and that lasted for an hour or more.  I wanted to take off the tight nylon device and crotch rope, but could not as she controls me.  A shower this morning helped and she had me apply some skin lotion on my diaper rash and where the crotch rope abrades my entire lower torso.  The long black rubber dildoe was in me all last evening, but she let me take it out for sleep.

I have had my first wetting and smoke this morning.  Makeup time is scheduled shortly. She had me go get the mail last evening wearing my black hose and male shorts and shirt, but my little black sissy ballet shoes.  Same thing getting the paper this morning.

The crotch rope is perfectly tied.  I cannot possible ignore it, but I love the sensations.  Right now I also have on the tight, long, black Rago OB girdle adding strong compression to my body, and plastic panties to prevent leaks.

It will be a long, interesting day in diaper slavery.


Another Weekend for Gina - 1

My wife is away for three nights, and so my diaper slavery to Mistress Victoria resumes.  Actually all week she has had me in chastity and constant pantyhose wearing, and I mean 24 hours/day except for showers.  This morning it was back into a diaper at work and wetting and smoking for her. Getting home she granted me a dry diaper after securing me in nylon chastity.  Instead of a zip tie, I am wrapped in a long shoelace.  My afternoon nap resulted in the desired "cycling" trying to get hard in the nylon prison caressing my sissy clit.  After the nap she put me in a tight crotch rope, tied just right.  The crotch rope further "displays" my sissy clitty beneath my diaper and increases the frustrating cycling.  The long shoelace is also tied tightly into the crotch rope making the entire device just very tight in the right places.  Over all are silky black pantyhose.

She had me buy long, shiney halloween false eyelashes.  Those will be applied shortly and with more makeup beside the deep red lipstick.  I am to wear the eyelashes all weekend.  She has a fetish for eyelashes. She inventoried my girdles and the black, OB one and nylons are selected and ready for wiggling myself into at her command.  

She texts commands and demands pictures, complete micro-management.

I love it so.

So, there is the start of my weekend. 

More will come, I am sure and she mentioned inserting my long rubber, black cock-like plug soon.

She would appreciate you posting my progress to your blog, if you are willing.



Friday, September 28, 2012

The Bet - Chapter 55 (Thursday – week 8 Part 4 of 9)

The Bet
By Karen Singer

Chapter 55 (Thursday – week 8 Part 4 of 9)

     Chad finished his bottle of formula and went back to his desk.  Since Robin was at break, he figured he would be alone for a few minutes.  He opened the spreadsheet he kept for tracking his progress on the bet.  Only… there wasn’t any progress anymore.  There hadn’t been all week.  He simply had no way of holding back anymore.  Mel… and now Robin… were working all too hard to see to that.
     He stared at the column that tracked how many days were left.  Eight.  Just eight more days to go before he could prove what he still believed – that he could get all his control back quickly.  He knew it!  It had to be true!  And he knew his body all too well.  Mel making him incontinent in just two months was totally impossible!  Impossible!  It couldn’t be done!  He hoped.  They would find out for sure in just eight more days.  Just over a week. 
     He thought again about his decision to enjoy everything as much as he could for the few days that remained.  He smiled.  As much as he hated to admit it, all the intense humiliation he was receiving was making him feel more alive than he had ever felt in his life.  He was loving it… just as much as he was hating it.  But in eight more days it would all be over with.  So for eight more days he would extend his dream, endure whatever he had to, and find as much enjoyment in it as he could.  Because in just a little more than a week… it would all be over.
     He briefly glanced at his reasons for wanting to win the bet.  The physical items seemed stupid.  A pool table?  But yeah, if he won, he’d really like a pool table.  But compared to his main reasons, everything else seemed to not matter much.  Self-respect, friends, and a life.  They were good reasons.  They were important in life… any life!  Even his!  And they did matter… no matter how much it seemed otherwise sometimes. 
     So all those reasons were still valid.  Very valid!  He had to win this bet and he would win it.  He had no choice.  Fortunately, he knew his body all too well and he knew for sure it couldn’t be done.  He hoped.  They would know soon enough.  His testing would begin in just eight more days.

     Robin stared at her computer screen, but she wasn’t really seeing what was on it.  She was torn.  Should she really force Sissy to go to break later?  She wanted to.  Just like all the other women, she enjoyed seeing Sissy in the break room… although for her, she enjoyed it far more because she knew the truth about him.  But if he showed up in that dress, she had no doubt at all that way too many questions would be asked.  And very quickly most of the questions would start pointing at her and what she did with him.  And that, she was sure, could possibly get her fired.  And she didn’t need that at all.  She didn’t have the “protection” that Mel had arranged for Sissy, even though he didn’t know it.
     This was a business – a place of work.  It wasn’t a place where something like what she was doing with Sissy was supposed to take place.  She was really amazed that everyone had been so understanding and accepting as it was.  But then, part of her teasing with Sissy had unintentionally pointed everyone in the wrong direction as to what was really going on.  They all thought that Sissy was in love with Derek.  She almost laughed out loud at the thought.  If everyone only knew the truth!  But if Sissy showed up at break in today’s outfit, everyone would realize something else had to be going on instead.  And as she had surmised before, all too many questions would be asked. 
     So, unfortunately, she had to make sure he stayed out of sight.  But… darn it… it would really be fun!  Was there any way she could arrange it?  There had to be!  Besides, she still hadn’t found a way to make him kiss Derek in front of everyone else – as unlikely as that possibility actually seemed.  She smiled to herself as she thought how funny it would really be though.  But Derek wouldn’t think it was funny.  That much she knew for a fact!
     She turned as she heard Sissy coming back into her cubicle.  His stupid pacifier was still in his mouth – oh how she loved seeing that.  For some reason she was enjoying it more than seeing his thumb there instead.  Maybe it was the dress.  She watched as he did a quick curtsey for her, then he went to his diaper bag and removed another bottle.  He curtseyed again, and started to sink down to the floor… started, but he suddenly stopped and stared at the wall for a moment.  She watched as he quickly set his bottle on the desk and started pawing furiously at the net skirts under his dress. 
     Chad dropped his skirts and stood up straight.  He removed his pacifier and dropped another quick curtsey.  “I’m leaking again,” he said with a bit of distress.  Pacifier back.  Curtsey.
     Robin again helped to hold his skirts out of the way as he changed.  But this time, just as he finished wiping himself, just as had happened earlier in his own cubicle, she again noticed a tiny bit of pee dripping out of him… only this time on her cubicle floor instead of his.  And again, he didn’t seem to notice it.  Not at all.  Not even when he pulled the new diaper into place and taped it up firmly.  When he had finished, she pointed at the mess he had made on her floor.  “You better clean that up, before you do anything else.”  Her suspicion that he hadn’t known he had done it was confirmed by the surprised look on his face. 
     Chad curtseyed in shock and removed the pacifier from his mouth.  “Right away,” he agreed before putting his pacifier back and curtseying again.  Darn!  He hadn’t even known he had done it… again.  It was awfully embarrassing, but at the same time, he was thrilled.  His body really was acting like it was incontinent.  Despite his embarrassment, he smiled at the thought.
     As Robin watched him cleaning up his mess, she had to wonder, how could he still think he could win his bet with Mel? As far as she could still see, he had already lost!  She watched as he grabbed his baby bottle full of infant formula, the only bottles he had left, and sank down to the floor.  She watched as he put the stupid thing to his mouth and started drinking.  He appeared so used to it that it looked like he was hardly giving what he was doing much thought.  But then she realized he should be used to it, he had to drink an awful lot of those bottles every single day.  And according to Mel, there were very few times anymore when he didn’t drink out of a baby bottle – including in public restaurants! 
     But the question still remained, how could he still think he could win… if he had already lost?  Yesterday, Mel had asked her if she would be willing to be one of the judges for their bet – if judges were needed.  She had told Mel she didn’t know yet and would let her know later.  After that, they had spent a lot of time discussing how to send Sissy to work wearing clothes that wouldn’t be so “normal.”  She had totally forgotten about Mel… and Sissy… wanting her to be one of the judges.  But as far as she could see, the point was superfluous, he had already lost!
     She watched him drinking his bottle of formula.  Ridiculous!  And the words just seemed to pop out of her mouth.  “Did you know it when you peed on the floor a few minutes ago?”
She watched as he removed the bottle from his mouth and got to his feet, fighting with all his underskirts for a moment.  She got a thrill as she watched him curtsey before speaking.
      “No,” he replied, “I didn’t know it till you pointed it out to me.  I pee so often now and in such tiny amounts that I often don’t feel it anymore.”  He curtseyed and sank back down to the floor where he put his bottle back to his mouth and started drinking again.
      “So if you don’t know you’re doing it,” she asked, “which to me means you’re wetting yourself without knowing you’re doing it, then it sounds an awful lot to me like you’re already completely incontinent – which if I remember correctly is the basis of your bet with Mel.  So if you’re already incontinent, have you lost now?”
     Chad had to get up and go through his curtsey routine all over again.  “No,” he replied, “I haven’t lost.  That’s just it, at the end of the two months, in a little over a week, I still have two days to get all my control back again.”  Curtsey, back to the floor, drink the bottle.
      “And you think you can get it back in that two day period?”
     Talking with Robin was a lot of work – especially when he was on the floor and had to get up again each time… then down again when he was finished speaking.  “I do,” he replied.  “I have no doubt about it.”  Then he went through the second part of his routine getting back down to the floor again.
      “Why?” Robin asked as soon as his bottle was in his mouth again.
     Chad was getting a bit frustrated with all he had to do when she had only asked a one word question.  But at the same time, doing it was all part of who and what he was, so something inside of him enjoyed his situation at the same time… somewhat.  As soon as he was able to reply, he said, “Because I know that it can’t be done.  Besides, I know my own body too well.  I’ll probably get it all back again in a few hours at most.”  Curtsey, back down, bottle.
      “And you still believe that?”
      “Yes,” Chad replied as soon as he was able… before going through everything to get back down with his bottle again.
      “So you don’t really think that judges will be necessary for your bet.”
     Chad figured he was getting far more than his allotment of exercise for the day, just from trying to hold this conversation with Robin.  “Yes, I do,” he replied.  But instead of just sinking back down to end his part of the conversation, he stayed up and searched for some way to explain.  “It’s just that… even though I’m sure it won’t happen… I mean… what if it does take longer… not that it’s likely to.  But if that’s the case, then I want some way for us to decide the winner… fairly!”  Only then did he curtsey and sink back down into his petticoats on the floor and put his bottle back to his mouth.
     Robin nodded thoughtfully.  “Okay,” she said still thinking about what he had said.  “I think I see.”
     Chad was glad, he was tired of getting up and down and having to curtsey so much, just to open his mouth and speak so little. 
     Robin watched him drinking.  He looked so childish in that dress with all the puffy skirts swirled out around him.  Childish, but ridiculous… just like what she had enjoyed so much each time he had answered her questions a moment ago.  Maybe it was all the up and down’s she made him do each time.  Maybe it was the mass of petticoats he had to deal with – not only getting up from the floor but also back down again – not to mention when he curtseyed.  Or maybe it was the silly, but pretty, childish dress he was wearing.  In any case, she was absolutely loving watching him today.  She might not be able to deal with him as an adult anymore, but she was certainly getting a lot of joy out of watching him behave as a sissy.  More joy than she ever thought she would get.  Who would have ever thought?  This was certainly not like her old self… not that she had changed at all!
     While Sissy continued to drink his bottle behind her, she turned back to her computer screen.  She tried to work, but her mind kept turning to the conversation… if you could call it that… that she had just had with him.  He seemed to be awfully certain that he was going to win their bet – despite the total lack of control he now seemed to have.  So… what if… things really did get close?  What if judges really were needed for the bet? 
     Grabbing her cell phone, she got up from her seat.  “Make sure that bottle is totally finished before you get up from there,” she told him before she walked out of her cubicle and kept going down the hallway.  She dialed as she turned the corner.

     Mel was a bit annoyed when Andrea announced that she had a phone call because she was almost to the end of the contract and didn’t really want to be disturbed.  But Andrea wouldn’t put through any calls unless it was for something important… or from one of the people she had told Andrea she would accept calls from.  “Who is it?” she asked.
      “Robin,” Andrea’s voice replied.
     Robin was on the list and because of Sissy, Robin was important!  “Hello?” she said as soon as she had pushed the right button.
      “Hi Mel,” Robin replied.  “Sorry to bother you.  But I remembered that yesterday you had asked me about judging your bet, and now I know for sure that I want to be a judge.”
     Another judge right now was the last thing that Mel really wanted because it would make four judges instead of three.  Four judges meant that a possible tie could occur and they wouldn’t be able to render a verdict.  But…  “Are you sure?” she asked.  “You know we need you to be totally honest and fair about it.  No favorites.”
      “I’m more than sure,” Robin replied.  “And I would definitely be fair about it – no favorites as you said.  Mel… I want to judge this… if it comes down to it.”
     Mel had to wonder what changed Robin’s mind so much about things.  “Okay,” she replied.  “If we need you, consider yourself officially a judge.”
      “Good,” Robin replied.  “Listen Mel, I was just talking to him, did you know that he still thinks he’s going to win your bet?  He seems awfully sure of himself – and that’s despite the fact that he peed on the floor twice this morning already!”
     Mel sighed a bit.  The fact that he was so sure of himself was not something she wanted to hear just then.  “Yeah, I know,” she replied.   “I really wish he would just admit defeat and give up so we could get on with things, but he still thinks he’s going to win.  And to tell the truth, I have no way of knowing that he won’t be able to control himself and win this bet. 
      “So you think there really could be a chance that you two are going to need judges to help you decide the winner?”
      “I hope not!  But then, what I hope for is that I’m going to win this thing – easily.  But knowing him, by the second day, even if it looks like I’m winning, then he may insist on the judges anyway.”
      “So there is a chance that I’ll be able to see exactly how this thing comes out?”
     Mel paused for a moment.  Something in what Robin had just said clued her in as to Robin’s motive – she wanted to see exactly how everything went down as to deciding the outcome.  “Yeah,” Mel finally said cautiously.  “There is a chance… although as I said before, I’m still hoping that he’s going to just give up and admit defeat.”
      “Thanks Mel,” Robin replied.  “I appreciate it.”
      “Anytime,” Robin.
     Robin hung up her phone and stared out at the parking lot outside the plate glass wall.  They both still thought they could win, but for some reason, she got the impression that Sissy was much more sure about it.  Yet as far as she could tell, he had no control at all anymore.  He didn’t even know when he was peeing – which had to be most of the time now.  So just who was going to win?  She found herself very anxious to find out.  But that event was still more than a week away.

     Tom Robinson was standing near the desk of one of the company employees while he waited for the guy’s computer to boot up.  The process was taking much longer than usual – part of the reason he was there in the first place.  As he waited, he could hear two women a few desks away talking between their desks.  He wouldn’t have bothered listening or even noticing, except that he heard the word Sissy used several times.  He was about to try to listen harder, but that was the point where the computer he was watching suddenly blue-screened.  He shook his head.  “I’ll get someone to bring you another one as soon as possible,” he told the guy.  “We’ll have to figure out what’s wrong with this one.”
     As he left, he stopped at the desk of one of the women.  “Did I hear you mention Sissy a few minutes ago?”
     The woman was a bit surprised that Tom would ask.  “Yeah,” she replied.  “We were just saying that we hoped he was going to make it to break later today since he didn’t make it this morning.”
      “He didn’t go to break this morning?  Any particular reason why not?”
      “Robin told us it was because he was working so hard and was worried about finishing before he went on vacation next week.”
     Tom nodded.  “Oh,” he replied.  “Thanks.”  He walked off towards his office where he stopped to tell one of his people about the bad computer.  Sissy was worried about finishing before his vacation?  That was a good thing of course, but he still had all of today and tomorrow too.  From what he had seen and the reports he had gotten through email, it didn’t sound like there was all that much left for them to do on their current project.  But maybe it wouldn’t hurt to just check to make sure there wasn’t a problem. 
     He picked up the phone and started to dial Chad’s number, but he stopped himself.  He didn’t really want to hear the stupid parody of a woman’s voice that Sissy seemed to be using lately.  That was one thing Chad… or Sissy really needed to work on if he was getting a sex change!  He dialed Robin’s number instead.  “Hi Robin, it’s Tom.”
      “Hi Tom,” Robin replied.  “What’s up?”
      “I just heard through the grapevine that Sissy had too much work to do to go to break today.  Is there a problem I don’t know about?”
     Robin was shocked that Tom had even heard about that.  “No Tom.  No problem at all.  He was just into something and wanted to finish it.  You know how he gets.”
     Tom knew.  Chad… or rather Sissy… whatever… was the technical wiz of that team.  Guys like that often did things like that… sometimes staying late after hours to finish something they were in the middle of.  Actually, he was glad to hear it.  “So there’s no problems at all?” he asked.
      “None that I know of,” Robin replied.
But there was something about Robin’s voice that made Tom wonder.  Did she sound extra nervous about something?  “Maybe I should come down and check anyway,” he told her.
      “No!  Don’t do that!” Robin said a little too quickly.  “I mean, it’s not necessary.  We’re fine here.”
      “You’re sure?” Tom asked.
      “Oh yeah, I’m sure,” Robin replied.  “It’s all going just fine.  Yesterday we decided to make a few last minute changes and we’re just kind of in the middle of them.”
     Tom wasn’t entirely sure about that, but he decided to let it ride.  “Okay,” he replied.  “Just let me know if you have any problems I should know about… Either of you!”
      “No problem, Tom,” Robin replied.  “You know I will.”
     Robin breathed a sigh of relief as she hung up her phone.  She looked down at Sissy who was once again drinking a bottle on her cubicle floor.  “That was close,” she told him.  “Tom was thinking of coming down to check on us.”
     Chad shuddered inside.  It had been bad enough the first time his boss had seen him in a dress.  But Tom seeing him in this dress was absolutely the very last thing he wanted to happen!