Tuesday, April 30, 2013

The Bet - Chapter 64 (Saturday – week 9 Part 2 of 7)

The Bet
By Karen Singer

Chapter 64 (Saturday – week 9 Part 2 of 7)

     He rolled over on his blow-up mattress onto his stomach, his mind automatically preparing for the pressure he expected to feel from the glued-on breast forms.  But when that pressure didn’t happen, it was enough of a change to bring him totally out of his sleep – sleep that he had been gradually leaving for a while now anyway.  With a grunt of realization that the breast forms weren’t there anymore, he allowed himself to fully collapse the weight of his body onto the mattress.  It felt good, but at the same time, it felt strange. 
     He was awake enough now to start noticing his body more and take stock of everything.  His legs were forced wide apart by the bloated thickness of the three layers of diapers he had put on last night.  He couldn’t tell yet if they were as wet as they usually were every morning since he had drank hardly anything at all last night.  But they were definitely very wet… and definitely messy as well.  And once again he didn’t remember doing either after he fell asleep last night.
     He turned his head and the stupid pacifier in his mouth rubbed against his pillow.  It wasn’t usually a problem since he usually had to support his body more when the breast forms were there.  He remembered trying to go to sleep without the pacifier last night, but he had been having trouble sleeping and he got up to grab it, hoping it would help.  It must have. 
     But now he was awake again and his room was full of sunlight.  He didn’t know what time it was, and wasn’t even sure he cared.  Could he go back to sleep?  Why not?  He closed his eyes and snuggled into his pillow.  But sleep wouldn’t come… exactly.  His mind wasn’t exactly dreaming, and it wasn’t exactly awake either.  But instead it started thinking about deliciously erotic things that turned him on.  And he allowed himself to sink fully into those wonderful sexy images.  And inside his very bloated diaper, he felt his tiny underused penis start to grow.  The realization again brought that quick bit of panic over the pain his chastity device would cause him… but once again, he woke up just enough to remember that the device wasn’t there anymore, and he could dream these dreams to his heart’s content!  And… he did!  Purposely! 
     His mind dreamed about wearing diapers – like he was.  It dreamed about being controlled and forced to wear them – like he had been.  It dreamed about being forced to wear dresses and high heels and all sorts of feminine finery  - out in public – again, just as he had been only a few days before.  But this time it was different.  This time he could allow his body to respond fully.  This time there was no chastity device holding him back.  And this time, he was determined to ride the wave and enjoy it to its fullest!
     For the first time in a long while, his tiny little penis was no longer so tiny.  For the first time in a long while, it behaved normally – and it grew!  Normally!  And for the first time in a long while, he concentrated more on getting pleasure from it, than on getting that pleasure from the opposite side of his body – where he wasn’t supposed to “normally” get that pleasure. 
     The images of his fantasies played on, and he found himself trying to hump his blow-up mattress.  But getting the kind of stimulation he needed wasn’t happening.  His overly bloated and messy diapers were a bit too bloated.  They weren’t letting him get the right kind of pressure where he needed it the most.  Coming more and more awake, he put his hands down under him, right under where his penis was inside his mass of diapers.  As he humped and pressed his groin into the mattress, the fingers of both hands pressed up as hard as they could.  But that damn bulk of his diapers was still so much that he couldn’t feel it much more than before.  Frustrated, he pulled his hands back up and tried to figure out what he could do. 
     Getting to his knees, he grabbed his pillow and stuck that under him and he went back to work.  But just like with his fingers, the pillow did nothing for him at all… and his frustration grew.  So close!  And he was being foiled by the super bulk of his diapers!  Fully awake now, even though he didn’t really want to be, he knew that the only way he was going to get himself off, was to get his diapers off first! 
     He rolled off of his mattress and because of the bulky diapers forcing his legs so wide apart, he had to struggle to get to his feet.  He was tempted to take the diapers off right there in the middle of his bedroom, but fortunately he remembered that it was all too likely that he might wind up peeing on the floor.  Besides, his diapers were not only wet, they were messy too.  The bathroom would be the best place to go.  He headed there with his usual morning wide-legged walk. 
     In the bathroom, the first thing he noticed was his freshly cleaned, no longer wrapped in plastic, toilet – just waiting for him to use… still waiting for him to use… even once.  He hadn’t managed that little feat last night at all.  He purposely put that problem out of his mind.  He had more “interesting” issues to contend with first.
     He struggled with his plastic panties to pull then over his massive diapers and off his legs.  By the time he attacked the bulky diapers themselves, he was no longer feeling as desperate for release.  All the desire was certainly there, but the process of changing rooms and having to get everything off had interrupted the fantasies that had been playing out in his mind.  But still… he wasn’t going to let this opportunity go to waste!
     Just to be safe, before removing his messy diapers completely, he stepped into the tub.  It would be much safer there.  His diapers got carefully folded over and set out of the way in the very back of the tub.  He could forget about them for a little bit now.  His cock wasn’t so raging as it had been anymore, but he was confident that he could make it grow again.  But after being bound up in all those hot, bulky, smelly diapers, it was rather… disgusting to touch.  He turned the tub faucet water on and let it run for a minute to warm up, then he turned on the shower and quickly washed off that part of his body and his backside before turning the water off again.  Now he could get back down to it.  He was soaking wet, but it was from the shower and not anything bad. 
     But as he looked down to take matters in hand, he noticed that not only was he not hard anymore, the shower had taken care of that, but once again, he was peeing without knowing he was doing it.  Well, sort of peeing.  It was really just dripping out a little like he usually did now.  But it reminded him of his need now to regain all his control.  And the fact that he was quickly running out of time slammed home worse than ever! 
     For the first time in two months, he was no longer confident about winning the bet.  For the first time in two months, he was faced with the very real possibility that he really could lose the bet.  For the first time in two months, he was forced to seriously look at what might happen if he lost.  And that possibility was looking more and more likely with every passing minute!
     But as much as he needed to regain his control, this was still the first opportunity he had to orgasm normally – like a man!  Okay, he had to masturbate, but it was still like a man!  He grabbed himself the best way he knew how, and went to work.  He had to force all those wonderful fantasies back into his head.  But this time, with every fantasy that came to mind, the very real possibility that he could really be stuck that way for a very long time also hit him just as hard, or harder.  Despite the fact that it would usually add to his fantasies, this time it took much of the joy out of the process.  He had to work all the harder for his release because of it.  But there was no question about his perseverance.  This was the first opportunity he had in nearly two months, and he wasn’t going to waste it! 
     Fortunately, he hadn’t had a real orgasm in nearly two months, and in the end that helped him.  But the end result wasn’t anything fantastic.  Not by a long shot.  And when it was over, he wondered if maybe the wonderful orgasms he had experienced when Mel had reamed his ass might not have been better.  It was hard to tell though.  All that worry now definitely took the edge off of everything.  And now that he had finally had his “normal” release, something else was gone as well – his usual desire for all his sissy stuff. 
     She wouldn’t really force him to serve her for an entire year, would she?  But the more he thought about it, the more he remembered just how hard she had worked on him over the last two months – just how much effort and worry she had put into it… into him.  And he knew without a doubt, that Mel had every intention of forcing him to serve her for the full term.  And she was a lawyer, there was probably something in that notarized contract they had both signed that would carry at least a little legal weight. 
     So if he didn’t get his control back – very soon, then he had no doubt that he would be… screwed!  He smiled… no doubt – literally.
     He turned his shower on again, and this time gave his entire body a thorough scrubbing – but not bothering to shave his legs or anything else.  But he did notice that they didn’t’ really need it anyway since he had just done them yesterday.
     As he turned his shower off, he heard his phone ringing.  Who would be calling him now?  Mel of course.  But he was just coming out of the shower, and she would have to wait.  He wasn’t serving her anymore… unless he lost the bet later today.  But he still had no intention of losing.  In fact, he was more determined now to win than ever!

     Mel hung up her phone.  He hadn’t answered.  Was he still sleeping?  Or ignoring her?  Either way, she didn’t have any way of knowing what was going on with him.  No way of knowing if she was still winning or not.  And she was now guessing that she wasn’t.  She hated being ignored!  Why hadn’t he answered?

     Chad stared at the underwear in his hand.  His old male underwear – freshly washed – yesterday.  He was standing in the tub again because he was still dripping pee.  He had ran out as fast as he could and grabbed them, but instead of putting the underwear on right away, he had carried them quickly back to the tub again, all because he was still dripping pee.  Not a lot.  Not constantly anymore, but he still didn’t know when it was going to come out of him.  His hopes were that with the regular underwear instead of the diapers, he would be forced to be more careful… and consequently he would start to feel things normally again.  Besides, the underwear would let him know every time he wet himself.  All too often those diapers wicked things away before he even had a clue.  But now he was stuck with a decision.  Should he put them on and hope they worked… or should he go with a diaper instead for a little while more until he was more sure he could finally hold back? 
     His mind flashed back to last night.  He had tried.  He had tried hard all night!  But it wasn’t until later in the evening that he had made any progress at all.  It wasn’t until then that he had finally started feeling it again.  He had finally felt the need to pee, but not once had he been able to stop it.  And every time he felt it, he had started peeing almost immediately.  As usual, not a lot.  But even a little but was total failure.  But at least he had been feeling it again… and wasn’t just feeling it the first and most important step?  He had done that, and been proud of that fact when he had finally given up and diapered himself for bed.
     But now it seemed that in the cold light of day, everything that he had gained again last night was gone.  He wasn’t feeling it anymore.  And now he was trying to learn it all over again.  So… should he go with his old men’s underwear… or the diaper?  A little more pee dribbled out of him again.  Last night he had definitely made that progress while wearing a diaper.  With a bit of frustration, he tossed the underwear aside and grabbed a fresh diaper – but just one. 
     Feeling secure and safe, he climbed out of the tub and took care of his messy diaper from last night.  Then he shaved and brushed his hair.  But all the while, his mind was really doing nothing but concentrating on trying to determine if he was going to pee or not.  In the end, his hair wound up looking worse than it had yesterday.  Disgusted with that, as well as disgusted with the fact that he knew his diaper was a little bit wet again, he went out and got dressed – same too big pants as yesterday, different too big shirt.
     He wandered aimlessly around his apartment, much like he had done all last night, not looking at anything in particular, only concentrating on one thing – trying to feel if he had to pee or not.  And his stomach growled.  He realized he was famished.  He hadn’t eaten a single thing since lunch with Mel yesterday.  Mel!  She had called.  Should he call her back?  But he was hungry.  He needed to go get something to eat.  But he knew without a doubt that he would call her.  There was something about her… something he knew even though he did his best not to think about it.  He really cared for her. 
     He fished his phone out of his purse, and called her. 

     The minute Mel’s phone rang she answered it – rather desperately.  “Hello?”
      “Mel?  Did you call earlier?”
      “Chad!”  Relief swept through her.  “I’ve been so worried about you!”
     Of course she would be worried – worried about him winning the bet!  “I’m fine,” he replied. 
      “Why don’t you come over?” she suggested.
      “No, I’m hungry.  I’m going to grab something to eat.”
      “Why don’t you come here?  I’ll fix you something.  Or you can fix something yourself if you like.”
      “No, I think I’m just going to grab something quick and bring it back here.”
      “Well then at least let me come with you!”
     Chad thought about it for a minute.  “Sure, if you want.  But I want to go right now.  I haven’t eaten anything since lunch yesterday.”
      “Since lunch!  Chad!  Why not?  That’s stupid!”
      “So?  I didn’t feel like it!  But if you’re going with me, I’m leaving right now.”
      “I’m on my way!”
     Of course, he didn’t leave quite that fast.  He first had to get everything he needed back out of his purse again and transfer it all to his pants pockets.  But then he was ready.  He opened the door and walked out, just as Mel was coming out of her door as well.  He waited for her at the top of the stairs.
      “Good morning,” Mel said brightly, trying her best to put a smile on her face.  To her, he didn’t look very well.  And it wasn’t only his overly large clothes or his hair that looked… weird, it was a mess, even though she could tell he had brushed it – somewhat.  No, there was something about his face that didn’t look good.  He looked – worried.  But how much of that was from not eating since yesterday afternoon?  She followed him down the stairs, and followed him to his car this time.  She did her best to study him as he drove.  Yes, he definitely looked worried. 
     The trip to the fast food restaurant wasn’t far and Chad went straight to the drive-thru lane where he ordered the first breakfast the store had on their list.  He turned to Mel, “Are you getting anything?”
      “I’ll have the same,” she replied without thinking. 
     Chad passed the order through the system and drove around to the window.  Mel fished some money out of her purse.  “I’ve got this,” she said as she pulled her money out.  Chad took it without a reply. 
     Nothing was said between them until halfway through the drive home, and then Mel couldn’t wait any longer.  “Chad… I have to know how you’re doing!”
     Of course she would.  He was only surprised she had waited this long.  But how should he reply?  “I’m… working on it,” he finally told her.
      “Working on it?”
     He only glanced over at her without saying anything else.
     Mel wondered what “working on it” actually meant.  To her, it sounded like he had made some progress but perhaps wasn’t all the way there yet.  But it seemed that he wasn’t going to be very forthcoming with details.  “Why don’t you spend the morning at my place,” she suggested.
     He thought about it and shook his head.  “No.  I have to…”
      “Chad!  You don’t even have any furniture!”
      “I’ve got my chair if I need it.  It’s enough…” he turned his head toward her, “for now.”
     He could be so exasperating!  “Damn it!” she exclaimed.  “I want to spend the day with you!  Won’t you let me do that?  Please?”  She waited, but he made no reply.  “I’ll stay out of your way if you want.  I won’t even say anything if you want!  Please?  I want to be with you!”
     He looked back at her briefly before pulling into the apartment complex.  She really did seem… concerned.  And there was one other thing too, despite the battle they were currently locked into, he did care for her.  He really wanted to spend as much time as he could with her… even though she would most likely be totally out of his life very shortly.  He gave in.  “Sure,” he replied.
     Mel breathed a sigh of relief.  What was going on in that strange head of his?  But at least she could be with him… and watch him.  And… maybe she could figure out how he was doing.
     They carried everything straight up to her apartment and sat down at her table to eat.  Like yesterday, having him sitting across from her, so normally, while they ate, seemed almost surreal, but she didn’t say anything at all about that.  Instead she said, “The ladies will be here at one.”
     He nodded as he took a large bite of his breakfast sandwich.  “I know,” he said with his mouth full of food.
      “They suggested that we don’t have any lunch before that.”
     Still chewing, he replied, “I know.”
     She ate some of her own breakfast before saying, “I wonder what they’re planning?”
     He shook his head.  “I have no idea.”
      “Me either.  But it sounds… strange.”
     He thought about that.  “Yeah, it does,” he agreed.
     She leaned a bit toward him.  “Chad… please… how is it going?  Have you regained all your control yet?”
     He didn’t want to admit, especially not to her, how badly he was doing.  “I’m working on it,” he said again.
      “Damn it!  That’s not an answer!”
      “Yes it is!  I’m working on it!”
      “So you haven’t gained it all back yet?”
      “Not… all of it,” he finally admitted, thinking about the fact that he now pretty much knew every time he was going to pee, as well as the fact that he knew immediately after feeling it that he was already peeing.
     She wasn’t sure what that meant.  “What does that mean?”
      “It means… that some things have come back, but… but I’m working on it!”
     Mel felt totally frustrated.  And yet, he had told her some.  He had some of it back – which wasn’t good for her side at all.  But clearly he was very troubled about the part he didn’t have back yet – which sounded very hopeful for her.  So overall, she guessed that she was still winning.
     She ate some more of her breakfast even though she hardly tasted it.  “How about last night?” She asked.
      “Last night?”
      “Did you… did you wet yourself… you know… in bed… while you were sleeping?”
     He looked at her for a moment before sheepishly nodding.  “Yeah.  That part may take a while longer for me to control.”
     That had sounded promising to her too.  “And how about… um… the messing.  Did you mess your diaper last night… while you were sleeping as well?”
     Once again he paused before confirming it.  “Yeah, that too.  As usual, I slept through it.  But I still doubt it will take me long to get that control back too.”
     But we’re only concerned with today now.  That’s it.  Today is the day. This afternoon is when they’re all coming here to judge you.  After that, it’s all over and it won’t matter anymore.”
     “You don’t have to remind me, I know,” he replied rather sullenly.  “But what happens in the middle of the night isn’t everything!  The most important part is what those judges are going to see for themselves!  They’re only going to be interested in whatever happens right here in front of them!”
     She nodded, then pressed, “Yeah, you’re exactly right.  But I’m starting to get the feeling that it’s not going so well for you right now, am I right?”
     He stared rather angrily at her again for a moment before lowering his eyes.  “For now,” he replied.  He looked up defiantly again.  “But I’m still working on it!”
     Maybe it was the lawyer in her, but she pounced back.  “Yes, you’re working on it, but will you gain enough of it back before they get here?  Will it be enough?”  A broad smile cracked its way across her face.  “Because from what I’m picking up, it looks like you’ve already lost!”
      “Don’t rub it in!”
     She backed down a bit.  “I’m… not.  I mean, I won’t.”  Then she changed direction somewhat.  “Well, maybe a little,” she told him with a tiny bit of a chuckle.  “After all, I have put an awful lot of work into this.  I think I deserve at least a little bit of a victor’s chance to gloat.”

     He looked at her angrily for a few moments before his face changed and he actually chuckled a little as well.  “Yeah, I guess you do deserve that much.  And I guess… I deserve it too.”  His eyes suddenly shone bright with determination.  “And just think how that’s going to feel when I turn around and do it right back to you – when I win this thing!”
      “When you win?”  Suddenly she wasn’t as sure of this anymore as she was pretending to be.
     He nodded confidently.  “When I win!”
     There were broad smiles on each of their faces as she replied, “Then I guess we’ll soon see!”
     Despite the smile of certainty on his face, Chad didn’t feel confident at all that he was going to win.  Not… at… all!

     After breakfast, instead of sitting and talking, he did his best to be by himself… to concentrate and work.  And Mel did her best to leave him alone.  And all morning long, they both kept watching the clock. 
     But breakfast seemed to help Chad.  It was shortly after breakfast that he was able to hold back his pee for the first time.  Granted, it was only for two seconds before he felt it leaking past his muscle control, but they were two of the most important seconds in his life!  Now he just needed to feel the need to pee again so he could practice holding back even more.  But feeling the need to pee required that he have enough liquid in his system so he would have to go again soon.  He thought briefly about the baby bottles in her refrigerator.  He could grab one and carry it around with him like he usually… or like he used to do.  But after thinking about that, he opted for a cup of coffee instead.  The coffee did seem to help – that problem, but it did nothing for his ability to hold back.  That was going to take nothing but work and determination.  And the time was quickly running out!
     Mel watched him carefully.  Her laptop was in her lap, but she never bothered to even turn the thing on.  He paced here, he wandered there, mostly looking nowhere but at the floor.  No wonder he didn’t care that his apartment had no furniture, he never sat down.  And through it all, he carried that mug of coffee and sipped from it frequently.  She made another pot – twice while he did nothing but wander and stare at her floor. 
     Was he gaining anything back?  He had said that he had some… but some what?  What had that meant?  She saw him looking at the clock almost as many times as she did, but was he timing how long he was holding back?  She would have asked, but she felt fairly certain that he wouldn’t tell her.  And right now, he deserved the chance to do this – his way.  And still, she felt nothing but – hopeful… for herself.
     The clocked ticked its way around to twelve o’clock, and still he didn’t change his routine.  Not even the expression on his face seemed to change, except she could tell he was becoming more and more worried about the time.  Twelve-fifteen came and went, and still he wandered and sipped from his mug of coffee.  And still… she knew nothing more.  But in all that time, not once had she seen him even go into the bathroom.  And all that coffee he was drinking… how many diapers did he have on?

Friday, April 26, 2013

The Bet - Chapter 64 (Saturday – week 9 Part 1 of 7)

The Bet
By Karen Singer

Chapter 64 (Saturday – week 9 Part 1 of 7)

     Yelling a battle cry, he charged down the hill in all his sissy finery – straight at the invading enemy below.  Waving a sword in his hand and having an extra toilet bowl brush attached to the tool belt encircling his waist, he rushed down the hill like some deranged berserker, knowing that the very image of him would send paralyzing fear throughout the enemy he was about to attack. 
     His beautiful fluffy petticoats bounced and spread out around him – as if creating an impenetrable zone that would protect him from any kind of harm, while not hindering his devastating attack in the least.  His pink high-heeled feet slipped a bit on the treacherous ground of the mountainside, but he was sure-footed enough to never come close to losing his balance – a feat he knew the enemy below was in awe of!
     He reached the bottom of the hill and never stopped.  He charged full steam at the ugly enemy in front of him.  And they fell back at his approach, parting in front of him – in fear! 
     But not all the enemy retreated.  There was one who remained in his path. The biggest… the strongest… the meanest… the most feared of them all.  That one man alone remained steadfast, ready to take him on in battle!
     He charged… and the giant before him raised his shiny metal shield.  With all his strength, he brought his mighty sword down on that shield, sending out a reverberating clang like the ring of a mighty dinner bell.  The shield held, but it was scratched.  The giant raised his own sword to strike back. 
      “Wait!” he yelled.  Quickly he plucked a dust cloth from his tool belt and polished the giant’s shield until it gleamed perfectly once again.  “Okay,” he said in his sissy voice as he put his dust cloth away and raised his sword once again.
     The giant swung… and he parried the blow – and curtseyed.  He stabbed – and then curtseyed.  Parry – curtsey.  Stab – curtsey.  Over and over again.  The battle between them raged!  But as hard as he fought, that giant would not be defeated – and neither would he! 
     Breathing hard with exhaustion, the two combatants took a step back from each other, watching each other, catching their breath and sizing each other up.  The giant with his huge muscles, leather and steel protecting his body, a fearsome steel helmet on his head, and weapons bristling out from every conceivable part of him.  And the sissy, equally impressively clad in a darling pink and white little girl party dress over tons of silky, fluffy ruffled petticoats, with sweet little girl socks on his feet adding decoration above his pink high heeled shoes.  The bow in his lovely curled hair equally as fearsome as the helmet the giant wore.  And of course, his own weapons sticking out from all over his tool belt – toilet brush, dust rag, dish cloth, rubber gloves, and perhaps the most fearsome weapon of all – The Dieters Guide to Good Cooking. 
     Two equally fearsome competitors vying for domination of the battlefield.  And the spectators were – awed!
     Disdainfully, the giant threw his shield aside, and plucked a wickedly spiked mace from his belt to hold in his hand opposite his sword. 
     Undeterred, Sissy pulled his equally fearsome toilet bowl brush.  And the two rushed at each other again!
     Thrust… parry… curtsey… swing… block… curtsey… thrust… parry… curtsey...  On and on they went in vicious battle, neither one gaining any ground on the other.
     Again they stepped back to catch their breath, and again the two opponents sized each other up.  The giant wiped the sweat from his face with his arm, the sissy freshened his face as well with the application of some additional lipstick.
     The problem was, they were too evenly matched!  Unless one made a drastic mistake, neither would ever claim victory.
     Frustrated, the giant threw aside his mace and gripped his sword with both hands so he could swing it with the strength of both arms.  Sissy tossed aside his sword and kept his favorite toilet bowel brush.  Just as the giant stayed now with the one weapon he knew the best, so did Sissy. 
     It would be sheer determination that decided this battle.  Sheer determination!  And despite how evenly matched they were, and despite how fearsome the giant was, Sissy knew he could win.  He knew he could do it!  He would just have to keep fighting and fighting until the giant was slain. 
     And in his dream, the battle raged again…

      “Guilty!”  Bang!  The judge’s gavel echoed with horrible finality, sealing her fate… sealing her doom! 
      “No!” she cried in helpless appeal.  “No!”  She turned in despair to face the table that held all the plaintiffs.  Not one face showed the least bit of remorse.  Ray, looking like some powerful executive in his elegant business suit… Derek, dressed more casually, as if he had come straight from one of his job sites… and Sissy of course, wearing his blue little girl party dress – one of her favorites on him.  All of them lined up against her, and none of them seemed to feel the least bit sorry for her. 
      “Why?” she asked them all as the total despair of her situation crashed down on her.  “Why?” 
      “You could have done something!” Derek accused angrily.
      “Done what?” she asked pleadingly.  “About what?”
     But it was Ray who spoke next.  “You could have paid!” he said angrily.  “You had enough money to ensure whatever you wanted.”
      “Paid for what?” she asked.  “Paid who?”
     And it was Sissy who spoke last.  “You could have been less afraid!  You could have spoken the truth when it needed to be told!”
      “Spoken the truth?  To…”  But she knew what he was talking about.  She could have told him in no uncertain terms how she felt about him.  But she hadn’t.  She had been too afraid… too worried about appearances… and the distractions of better men around her. 
     And now the courts had leveled their decision… and in the process, taken everything away from her.  All her money, her apartment, her property, even her job… her business – all gone.  She was left with nothing.  And there wasn’t a single thing she could do about it.  Not one single thing.  And she felt so helpless… and alone.
     She had not one friend anymore.  Not one.  Nobody!  No family, no friends… and consequently, no life.  And she felt even more helpless. 
     As dreams work, everything and everyone around her changed.  And she found herself out on the cold dark street.  Alone, hungry, homeless, uncared for… unloved.  She tried and tried to think of some way to fix the situation, to get back what she so desperately wanted, but there were no ideas.  There was no longer anything she could do about it.  That time had passed.  And she had failed.  She felt nothing but alone and helpless and she knew there was nothing she could do about the situation.  Helpless.  Helpless.  Helpless.
     In the cold foggy night, she wandered the dim streets in search of help.  She stopped a man she came across.  “Help me,” she pleaded. 
     The man looked at her and shook his head.  “I won’t lift a finger to help you.  You’ll have to help yourself.  Only you can help yourself.”
      “I can’t!” she wailed.  “I don’t know what to do!”
     The man shook his head again.  “You’ll just have to think of something.”  With that, he walked off and she was left alone again.
     Think of something?  She couldn’t think of anything.  She was totally stuck. There was no way she could help herself.  In frustration, she pounded her fists on the cold stone wall of the building and screamed, “There’s nothing I can do!”
     And she woke up… wondering if she had actually screamed that last desperate cry for real!
     There was daylight in the room, but not much.  She glanced at her clock – early!  Very early!  But after that nightmare, whatever it had been about, she knew she couldn’t go back to sleep… at least not for quite a while.  She got out of bed and grabbed her robe, and automatically walked directly to her kitchen – and her coffee maker.  And even before she got to the kitchen, her mind was already thinking about Chad… Sissy… and the way the day had gone yesterday – after he had left.  And her mind automatically went back into worry mode.
     As she stood in front of her coffee maker waiting for it to finish, she continuously played back the way he had walked out on her yesterday… and the way he hadn’t answered his door when she went to find out what was wrong…  as well as the troubling phone conversation she had with him later.  She didn’t want to think about any of it, but she couldn’t help it.
     As she finally poured her first cup of coffee, she tried to force her mind to think about the day ahead.  Today was his final day of testing.  Today would determine – everything!  And because of the way they had brought in everyone to judge the contest for them, she didn’t know what kind of input toward the outcome of the bet that she would be able to manage.  She had swayed juries a few times in her career.  Could she do the same here? 
     As of the time Sissy… Chad had left yesterday, she hadn’t lost yet.  In fact, she had been winning!  But at that time, he hadn’t even tried to hold back.  He had wasted a major part of the entire day!  But she was betting that from the moment he had left her, he had been working hard to regain that control.  He had gone back to his place and holed himself up there – ignoring her… removing all distractions, just so he could work on getting his control back – and winning the bet.
     As of the time he had left yesterday, she was still winning.  But who was winning now?
     She took a sip of her coffee and turned, as she usually did, intent on carrying it into the living room where she usually sat in one of her chairs to enjoy it.  But this time, her eyes caught sight of his highchair instead… still sitting in its usual position next to her table.  In her mind, she saw him sitting there again, eating his breakfast like a toddler… bib in place, his left fist wrapped around a ridiculously tiny baby spoon, trying desperately to get a miniscule amount of the drippy baby cereal into his mouth without spilling any – and of course, so often failing.  He was so funny sitting there.  Such a delight.  Would he ever sit there again? 
     She pulled herself away and continued on into her living room, but she stopped again when her eyes seemed to be drawn to her yardstick that was propped up in the corner – the stick she had used to punish him with – so often for a while, but hardly at all in the last few weeks.  In her mind, she saw him standing there again, diapers littering the floor to protect it, him leaning over the very chair she usually sat in every morning, and she felt herself swinging that stick – and connecting with his backside.  One!  Her mind watched as he stood and curtseyed and thanked her… before bending back over to brace himself against the chair again… and raise his backside up, inviting her to hit him once again.  Swing!  Swoosh!  Slap!  Two!  As odd as it sounded, she found that she missed that as well. 
     She turned, but she didn’t even have to move to see his perch sitting in the other corner.  The hooks further up on the wall with those stupid ugly earrings hanging from it that could be attached to his ears to hold him in place.  He had spent hours on that torture device.  Hours!  At her bequest.  Hours staring into nothing but a totally blank corner.  Hours of having to endure the pain that that simple little bar would place on his feet and legs.  Hours of not being permitted to move a muscle – or she would punish him.  Hours with nothing to do… but think.  Did he think about her during that time?  Would she ever know?  Would she ever be able to sit at her table again – while watching in amazement at him stuck up on that dreaded thing and have nothing to do?  Would she ever feel that kind of power again? 
     Her gaze fell to the floor as she finished her journey to her chair and sat down.  So many little reminders of him all around her.  Even the bathroom held a stash of diapering supplies for him in the cabinet under her sink.  Everywhere she looked, she saw little things that reminded her of him.  But would he ever be there again?  Only time would tell.  And that time was now down to just a few hours.  In a way, she couldn’t wait.  But in a way, those few hours scared her to death!

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

The End Is Near

Just so you all know, there are exactly seven posts left in this story.  Chapter 64 is divided up into 7 segments, but I'm going to include all of chapter 65 along with the final segment of chapter 64. 

Since I post this thing on Tuesday's and Fridays, I"ll let you do the math as to the last day.  Just remember, it ain't over till the end!

After that, I plan on a post telling you a few things none of you probably realized about this story - don't miss it!

I truly hope you've all enjoyed this journey as much as I have,

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

The Bet - Chapter 63 (Friday – week 9 Part 3 of 3)

The Bet
By Karen Singer

Chapter 63 (Friday – week 9 Part 3 of 3)

     As soon as the first load of clothes had been removed from the dryer and he had gotten the next batch running, he took everything that had just come out of the dryer back to his apartment – without bothering to iron or even fold any of it.  He figured he could do that later, after he left her apartment for the day.  But his real reason for going back to his apartment as soon as he could, was to change his soaking wet diapers out for fresh ones. 
     Mel watched the door the entire time he was gone.  And she watched… and watched.  How long did it take to carry a little laundry right next door and come back again?  What could be taking him so long?  There wasn’t anything at his place to keep him there… except…  The door finally opened and he came back inside.  Was it her imagination, or was he walking a bit easier than when he had left.  She hadn’t bothered to really watch how he was walking when he went out.  Of course he had been carrying a load of clothes so it would have been hard to tell.  But she was betting that he had gone home to change his diaper!

     When lunchtime came, she offered to buy them lunch, or to fix it right there for him herself.  But he offered to fix lunch for them instead.  Besides, he now knew her kitchen far better than she did.  She gratefully accepted. 
     Lunch was nothing fancy.  In fact, she hardly paid attention to what she ate.  It simply seemed strange to sit across the table from him – as if he was a normal person.  Which he was – and he wasn’t.  But for today, she would have to play the game and at least pretend he was. 
     Awkward silence, followed awkward silence.  She finished her coffee before he did and got up from the table while he was still eating.  She grabbed the coffee carafe and brought it back to the table, pouring fresh cups for both of them.  Then she carried the carafe back to the coffee maker.  She started to walk back to the table, but on a sudden mischievous whim, she went to the refrigerator instead and grabbed one of his baby bottles still in there.  She set it down in front of him with a big grin as she sat back down at the table again.  “Just in case that coffee is too hot,” she explained.
     With a big smile, Chad went along with her little joke and picked the bottle up and drank from it.  But he only drank a little before he set it back on the table and laughed.  “It’s nice to drink from a normal cup for a change,” he told her.  As if to prove it, he picked up his coffee cup and sipped at the hot liquid inside – carefully this time so as not to burn himself like he did earlier.
     Mel didn’t care what he drank from… just so long as he kept drinking… at least occasionally.  Was he regaining his control?  To all outward appearances, it didn’t look like it.  But the one thing she realized that had her worried the most, was that he didn’t look the least bit concerned about it either.  He appeared – completely normal!
     Chad finished eating first.  He waited politely and sipped his coffee until Mel had finished eating as well.  “Excuse me,” he said as he started to get up from the table.  “I need to check the dryer.”
     Before Mel knew what she was doing, she reached out across the table and set her hand on top of his.  “Wait!”
     Halfway out of his seat, Chad stopped to see what she wanted.
     Mel actually felt embarrassed to ask, even though she didn’t know why she should feel that way.  “I… I have to know,” she said, “have you…  I mean, how… is it going?  Have you regained anything yet?”
     Chad sat back down and stared at her for a moment before answering.  Of course she would want to know.  “To be honest,” he replied.  He hesitated a few moments trying to find the best way to answer.  “I haven’t tried yet.”
     Mel sat straight up.  “You haven’t…”  She was totally stunned.  He hadn’t even tried yet?  “Why not?”
     Chad stood up again and shrugged.  “I just haven’t.”  He walked off quickly because it was something he didn’t want to discuss with her.  It had been hard enough trying to figure it out for himself… and he was still wrestling with the problem.
     Mel got up and followed after him.  “Why not?” she asked again.
      “I just haven’t,” he replied with his back to her as he continued walking.
      “But today is the day!  Your first day anyway.  I thought you couldn’t wait!  I thought you were so sure that you could get it all back in just a few hours that you would have started trying from the moment you woke up!  But you’re not going to even try?”
      “I didn’t say that!” Chad insisted as he reached the dryer and turned around.  “I just haven’t started to try… yet!  And I still think I can get it all back in just a few hours.  I just haven’t tried… yet.”
      “Why not?” Mel asked, the tone of her voice softening.
     Chad stared at her again for a moment.  Was it possible?  Was it possible at all that she felt for him what he felt for her?  She seemed awfully sincere right now.  Awfully caring.  But he knew what he was, a sissy!  That thought slammed into place before he had a chance to say anything more.  And as a sissy, he was all wrong for her.  He wasn’t someone she could ever – love!  He turned away from her and opened up the dryer.  “I don’t want to talk about it!” he insisted.
     He didn’t want to talk about it?  Frustrated and confused, Mel watched as he pulled the clothes out of the dryer and made sure they were all dry.  Not knowing what to think, or do, she wandered back to the living room where she again picked up her laptop… and didn’t even look at it. 
     He hadn’t even tried… yet.  Was he purposely trying to lose for some reason?  Why can’t you just lose?  She had asked that last night.  She had thought it a thousand times ever since.  Was he purposely trying to lose?  It was the only answer she could think of. 
     She watched as he purposely folded his clothes this time – unlike the first batch that he had carried straight to his apartment in a rumpled mess.  Why can’t you just lose?  And he hadn’t even tried… yet.  A broad smile broke out on her face.  One way or another, she was winning this bet.  He was either too afraid to try, or he no longer really wanted to win, or… he really had tried and found it impossible.  Either way, no matter how she looked at it, she was winning – and he was going to lose – big time! 
     Her elation wasn’t dampened one bit by the ringing of her phone.  She gladly set her laptop aside and ran to answer it.  “Hello?”
      “Hi Mel.”
      “Derek!” she said, her voice still holding nothing but delight.

     From the laundry area, Chad heard how glad Mel was as she talked with Derek.  Of course she’d be glad.  Why wouldn’t she.  Derek was everything she could possibly want in a guy – and then some.  While he was… a sissy.  Did she feel anything for him?  Why should she?  But… was it possible?  He still wanted to hope that she would.  Despite everything he knew… he still wanted to hold onto that hope.

      “Derek… no!” Mel said firmly, but there was still more than a hint of gladness in her voice.  “I’m not going out with you tonight… and not tomorrow either!  Sissy… I mean Chad’s final day of testing is tomorrow!  I’ve got way too much on my mind right now.”
     Derek was just glad that she had come to her senses again.  And she did sound really glad to hear from him.  That alone put his mind at ease.  “Okay,” he replied.  “I understand.  How is that going anyway?  Does it look like you might win?”
     Mel was tempted to tell him the truth – that Chad hadn’t even tried to hold back yet, but she decided that it might not be a good idea.  “Let’s just say that I’m still very hopeful.  Very… hopeful.”
      “So it’s not over yet,” Derek replied.
      “Not yet.  And according to our judges, no matter what, they’re going to decide it tomorrow for sure.”
      “Then tell you what,” Derek said, “I’ll call you… ‘after’ tomorrow!”
     Mel giggled just a bit.  She was still elated over the fact that she was going to win the bet.
      “Sounds perfect!” she replied.  A moment later, they had said goodbye and she set her phone aside. 

     Chad had heard every word she had said, even though he never once looked up from his task of folding his clothes.  The things that needed ironing he could do later.  Anytime really.  He wasn’t the least bit concerned about it.
     On his mind instead was trying to figure out if Mel cared about him at all.  Or was he just a fun toy for her to use and abuse.  It’s just that… there were times when she seemed as if she really did care… a lot!  But her phone call with Derek just then had slammed home harder than ever what he had thought about a hundred times in the last hour alone.  He was a sissy, and Derek was a man – a real man.  And women didn’t love sissies, they loved… men!  But… sometimes, it really seemed as if she might.

     Mel barely sat back down again when her phone rang – again.  “Oh geez!” she cursed softly as she hurried to answer it.  “Hello?”
      “Hey girlfriend!” Gloria’s voice replied.  “How’s it going?”
      “Gloria!” Mel practically sang.  Maybe she didn’t feel comfortable telling Derek the details, but Gloria was someone she could tell – anything!  Besides, she was one of the judges!  “It couldn’t be going better!” she replied enthusiastically as she headed for the living room with the phone. 
      “So he hasn’t been able to hold back at all yet?” Gloria asked.
      “He hasn’t even tried!” Mel said delightedly.
      “Mel…” Gloria replied sternly, “have you been trying to convince him to throw the bet?”
     Mel laughed.  “That’s just it… I didn’t!  But either way, he doesn’t seem to be the least bit interested in winning anymore.”
      “He may think differently tomorrow,” Gloria replied, “when we test him!  I have a feeling he’ll try very hard indeed to win then.”
     Suddenly concerned, Mel asked, “Why?  What are you going to do?”
      “Never mind!  We’ve got it all planned out.  You’ll find out tomorrow.”

     Chad listened to Mel talking with Gloria – Mel’s friend.  He didn’t have any friends.  None! Not anymore.  Derek used to be his friend, but he didn’t really feel like Derek fell into that category anymore.  No friends… no life.  And if Mel didn’t really care about him… didn’t really love him… then he was alone and uncared about… uncared for.
     And if he purposely lost this bet, how could he have any friends with the kind of life he would be forced to live?  It would be… impossible!  No friends… no life!  No friends…  The decision he had been wrestling with all day was suddenly very clear to him.  He had to win this bet now.  He had to! 
     No matter how attractive the alternative was, he was still human.  Still a person.  And people, no matter who they were, needed certain things.  Friends – people to talk to and rely on.  People you care about and who in return, cared about you.  Which in turn would give him a much more fulfilling life.  A life where he would be responsible for things… or others… or both.  Things that ultimately brought at least some measure of self-respect. 
     Self-respect, friends, and a life!  Why had he forgotten?  Why had he ignored the very things that he had held onto for so long? 
     Quickly jumbling the rest of his laundry together, he picked the entire batch up in his arms.  He almost walked out the door, but politeness… or something… stopped him.  Carrying his load of clothes, he walked into the living room where Mel was still talking animatedly with Gloria.  He didn’t bother to catch her attention or even wait for her to acknowledge him.  “I’m leaving!” he said coldly.  He would have added for the rest of the day, but he turned instead and headed directly for the door.
      “Wait a minute Gloria,” Mel said into her phone.  “You’re leaving?” she asked.  He didn’t reply.  There was something about his manner and attitude that bother her.  “Are you coming back?” she called after him, only to get no reply again.  She was already getting to her feet as he managed to open the door despite all the clothes in his arms.  “Are you coming back?” she asked again… rather desperately this time as she headed for the door as well.  But before she could get there, her own door closed in her face. 
     The phone in her hands forgotten, she hurried to open it.  “Chad!” she called as she ran out.  He was almost to his apartment.  He couldn’t get his keys out of his pocket with all the clothes in his arms.  “Wait!” she called as she hurried to him.
     Chad dropped all his clean clothes, not even trying to worry about if they got dirty or not.  Ignoring Mel completely, he fished his keys out of his pocket.
      “Wait,” Mel said again as she ran up to him.  “What’s wrong?”
     Not knowing if he was angry with her… but knowing he was more angry with himself, Chad ignored her totally.  He opened his door, and put his keys back in his pocket.
      “What’s wrong?” Mel insisted.
     Chad picked up his clothes, and turned to her.  He looked at her for a moment, before turning and carrying his stuff into his apartment… and kicking his door closed before she could enter. 
     Stunned, Mel stared at the closed door in front of her.  And that look he had just given her!  What was going on all of a sudden?  She pounded on his door with her fist.  “Chad!  What’s wrong?  What’s going on?”
     But her pleas fell on deaf ears.  She got no reply at all for her efforts. 
     She was still staring at his door in stunned silence when she heard the tiny sound of Gloria coming from her phone.  “Mel!  Are you there?  Mel?  Mel?”
     In a fog, she raised the phone back to her ear as she finally turned away from his door.  “I’m here,” she said softly.
      “What happened?”
      “I don’t know.  He just walked out.”

     Chad sat in his solitary chair in stony silence.  He had dropped all his laundry in a pile on the floor the minute he had closed the door – and then had listened as Mel had pounded on his door and called him – again and again.  He knew what he had just done… the way he had just behaved, wasn’t right.  But just then, he didn’t care.  It was the only way he could react just then.  And he was currently berating himself for not only not bothering to try to get his control back, he was now feeling guilty over the way he had just treated Mel.
     But right now… tough!
     He had put it off long enough… too long!  He should have started the minute he woke up this morning – or maybe even last night… or a week ago.  But what did it matter, he still knew he could get it all back quickly.  In just a few hours – hopefully. 
     He had wasted way too much of the day.  But starting right now… he would get it all back.  Starting right… now!  Just as soon as he ever realized when it was that he had to pee again. 
     As he sat there, feeling nothing, he realized that what he was currently feeling just then was his real problem.  He was feeling – nothing.  And his body had grown so used to pushing all the time, that he no longer knew what to do to make it hold back instead.  He didn’t even remember how any other way than pushing was supposed to feel.  And in the meantime, he wasn’t feeling – anything.  He didn’t even know if he was peeing or not. 

     Mel sat huddled up in her chair and stared at… nothing.  Her eyes seemed to constantly roam around the room, but she was seeing – nothing.  What was he doing over there?  What had gone wrong?  Why had he suddenly seemed so angry?  What had she done? 
     No answers.  He had totally ignored her when she had pounded on his door and called him.  No reply.  No answers. 
     Hour after hour, she sat in stunned silence.  Not knowing what to do.  Just waiting – for word – from him. 

     He sat there for a long time, trying to feel something, but all he felt, was frustrated.  Finally figuring he needed more liquid in his system to make him pee – just so he could learn to feel it again, he grabbed a baby bottle of her tea out of his refrigerator and carried it back to his chair where he drank it – and tried to feel – something.  But feeling nothing isn’t feeling something. 
     Finally, he got up and walked around, hoping it would help.  Since he was concentrating on his diapered area so intently, he became more aware then ever of the things that now occupied the pockets of his too-large pants.  Heavy things.  Bulky things, uncomfortable things.  He pulled everything out… his keys, his wallet, his cell phone, some change from buying breakfast, a handkerchief, his old pocket comb… and he searched for some place to put them all down.  And the first place he could think to put them – was back in his red purse again.  If there was one good thing he had to say about purses, they could be handy at times. 
     With that done, he looked at all the laundry he had simply dumped on the floor – in a major mess.  He started to sort through it all to figure out what he wanted to do with it, and gave up.  He wandered into his bedroom and turned on his pink clock radio to listen to some music.  It was nice, for a little while.  He soon turned it off again because it became – distracting – and he wasn’t in the mood. 
     A chance trip past his bathroom made him glance inside.  And for the first time in a long while he noticed his toilet, still wrapped up in all her plastic wrap.  Purposely, he went in and started removing it – quickly uncovering the tape she had put across the top with the date she had sealed it – two months earlier.  The tape came off.  The plastic all came off.  And his toilet was useful again – well, almost.  He had to flush it a few times to get the water level back.  He also had to clean it thoroughly because it smelled – despite not being used.
     And through it all, not once did he know if he was peeing or not.  He grabbed another baby bottle so he could keep trying.

     Mel tried to pull herself out of her funk.  She got up and poured herself another cup of coffee – and carried it right back to the same chair she had been sitting in for so long already.  But the coffee did help – sort of.  What had suddenly gone wrong?  Knowing it was probably useless, she picked up her phone and called him.  And listened to it ringing.

     Chad heard his phone ring.  Who would be calling him?  Mel of course.  The only person who ever called him anymore.  He had behaved badly with her earlier.  But he still didn’t care… much.  Still, he supposed she deserved at least some kind of explanation – or apology.  Not that he was too sure of the explanation himself. 
     He had to fish his phone out of his purse again before he could answer it, but by then it had stopped ringing.  Should he call her back?  He wasn’t sure.

     Mel hung up, totally frustrated again.  Why wouldn’t he answer?  Why wouldn’t he talk to her?  The lunk!  The dumb sissy lunk!  What was wrong with him?
     The phone in her hand rang and she almost dropped it in surprise.  “Hello?” she said desperately.
      “Chad!  What’s wrong?  What did I do?  I’m sorry, whatever it was.”
      “That’s just it,” Chad replied.  “You didn’t do anything.  I’m sorry about the way I behaved.  It’s not your fault.”
      “So what went wrong?” Mel insisted.
      “Nothing you need to concern yourself with.  I’m just mad… at myself.”
      “For not even trying to get my control back.  For thinking really stupid things.”
      “Like what?  What was so stupid?”
      “Never mind.  Personal things.  I forgot about some… personal things that I shouldn’t have forgotten about.  And I got mad, that’s all.”
      “Why don’t you come back and we’ll discuss it,” she suggested.
      “No.  I need to stay here tonight.”
      “Well how about dinner?  You can at least come over for dinner.  Or we can go out!  I’ll buy!”
      “No.  I need to be by myself.  I’ll either get something… or I won’t bother with dinner.”
      “Not bother?  Chad… get a grip!  Is it something I can help with?”
     Chad nearly laughed.  “No.  Like I said, I need to be alone tonight.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”
      “Tomorrow is your last day… and the testing.  Everything will be all over tomorrow.”
      “I know.”
      “The ladies… they’re coming at one o’clock.”
      “I know.”
      “Are you sure you don’t want to spend the evening here… with me?”
     Chad thought about it for a moment.  In many ways, he really would.  “No, not tonight.  Tonight… I need to be… alone.”
      “Mel… I’ll see you tomorrow.”
     Sadly, she replied.  “Tomorrow then.”  And before he could hang up she added, “Call me early!  Call me anytime!  For anything!”
      “Yeah.  Thanks,” Chad replied sadly.  “Bye Mel.”  He hung up the phone and put it back in his purse. 
     He grabbed another baby bottle and carried it back to his chair – to try to feel when he had to pee again – and to think.
     The evening started to descend.  Shadows filled his apartment, but he didn’t bother to get up and turn on a light.  “Why can’t you just lose?” she had said.  Ha!  What did she have to worry about if she lost?  A little bit of money to buy him some furniture?  And he now suspected that she had more money than she let on, so she could well afford to buy him whatever he wanted. 
     But if he lost, he would lose… his life!  By the time he was done serving her for another year, he would have no self-respect at all, no friends, and consequently – no life!  And very little chance to ever have any of that again.
     Why can’t he just lose?  This was his life they were talking about!  Not a dream!  All dreams must come to an end… because if there was nothing but dreams, there would be no life.  And this dream had now come to its end.  The dream – was over.

     Mel turned on the lamp as the evening shadows fell, but still she didn’t move from her chair.  What had gone wrong to make him suddenly change his mind and want to win so badly?  She simply had no idea.  Earlier, he hadn’t even wanted to try to regain his control.  She thought he had purposely wanted to lose.  But now?
     The thought came once again to her mind, “Why can’t he just lose?”  As she saw it, if he lost, he would still win!  If he lost, he would still have everything he really wanted.  He craved all his sissy stuff and the only way he could have it was if he lost.  No matter who won this bet – he would win! 
      “I would kiss you till your body shudders, and you know how I feel about you.”   Why can’t he just lose?
     But if she lost… she would lose everything.  She would lose – her dreams.  And if she had no dreams, she wouldn’t have much of a life.  Somehow she knew that her dream was the only thing that would give her what she wanted – a much fuller life.  And she didn’t want that dream – to be over.