My Funny Farm
By
Karen Singer
Chapter 3 – Ambushed – Part 1
of 3
I had just sat back in my recliner and closed my eyes,
intending on taking a much needed nap, when I heard footsteps clomping my way.
“Gramps! Gramps!”
I opened my eyes and quickly saw an overly excited Emily
come into view right in front of me. But
the problem wasn’t Emily…exactly. It was
what she was wearing. She stretched her
arms out to the side and said, “What do you think?”
I was speechless. She
was a vision in red. No, make that a
nightmare in red. She was dressed from
head to foot in some kind of skintight red leather outfit, that had more straps
going around it than…I don’t know what.
And the suit even included a matching red leather facemask.
“Isn’t it fabulous?”
Not the word I would have used. “I’m speechless,” I finally admitted.
“It’s so much fun!” she exclaimed happily, before running
off and heading back upstairs.
After that, I tried to close my eyes, but it wasn’t
working. All I could see was the
nightmare in red standing in front of me.
I got up from my chair. I was
going to have to find something better to do with myself for a while. I might be ready for the funny farm, but
Emily was already a patient there. And
she was supposed to be watching over me?
Who was watching her?
That evening, the doorbell rang, and Caitlin and her husband
Bill walked in.
“Hi Gramps,” Caitlin greeted me. I got a really nice warm hug from her. Such a pleasant experience, trust me!
“What’s up?” I asked.
“We’re just going to take a look at which bedroom we’re
going to use when we move in,” she told me.
And then we have to decide if we’re going to keep any of the furniture
we have now.”
“Keep it?” I asked.
“Why not?”
“If we move in here, we don’t need it. Any of it.
Not to mention, it’s all old hand-me-down stuff, and neither of us likes
any of it.”
“But if we do keep it,” Bill added. “What are we going to do with it?”
“Yeah,” I said. “I
can see your problem.” The first thought
about it that came to my mind was putting it in my big garage workshop out
back, but I purposely didn’t mention that.
I didn’t want any more junk out there than I already had.
They all moved off and upstairs. A few minutes later, I heard Emmy and Caitlin
laughing over something, and I had no doubt that Emmy was showing off her new
red leather outfit. But what surprised
me was when they came downstairs a little while later, and Caitlin was wearing
it instead, while Emily was wearing a similar outfit in black.
Jared and Bill came downstairs together, and fortunately
neither of them was dressed…uh…strangely.
None of that concerned me…much.
What I had to wonder about though, was why they all had to traipse into
my bedroom. I got up from my recliner to
find out what they were doing in there, but they all came out again before I
got to them.
“I don’t like the color,” Caitlin said as they left my
bedroom. “I think we should paint before
we do anything with the bedroom set.”
I went back to my recliner.
They could repaint the walls upstairs all they wanted. In fact, they probably needed it.
“Oh Gramps!” Caitlin said before they all headed back
upstairs. “Dad wanted me to check with
you to see if you had plenty of gas for the barbecue grill.”
“Plenty!” I confirmed.
“The tank is practically new.
Why?”
“Because the whole family is coming here again on Saturday,
and Dad said that he’s going to pick up steaks for us all. I think he’s wanting you and him to work
together on cooking them.”
That thought pleased me.
“Sure,” I told her. “That sounds
nice. I’ll get some potatoes to go with
them.”
“Don’t bother,” Caitlin told me. “I think Aunt Ashley’s already got them.”
“Oh. Okay. Still, it sounds nice.”
“Yeah,” she said with a giggle before she turned toward the
stairs.
“Caitlin!” I called after her, stopping not just her but all
four of them.
“Yeah Gramps?”
“I don’t understand,” I told her. “You and Bill have decent jobs. You’re a nurse like your Aunt Ashley, and
he’s an accountant like your father.
You’ve both got decent jobs. Why
can’t you afford your own place? Why do
you feel you have to move in here?”
“Uh…yeah,” Bill replied.
“That’s probably my fault.”
“Your fault? What did
you do?”
“Nothing,” he replied, sounding surprised.
“Gramps,” Caitlin said.
“Bill and I do have decent jobs.
We make more than enough money, but, well, Bill is trying to save it all
and not spend it. And the result is that
everything we have is pure junk. And now
he wants to move in here so we can save even more money. Hopefully, in a few years, we can buy our own
house and pay cash for it, so we won’t be paying all that interest money.”
“If we do that,” Bill added.
“We could save a lot more toward not just our retirement, but it would
help a lot when we start having kids.”
“What if the kids
come sooner?” I asked. “It
happens you know.”
“Then…moving in here will still be saving us a ton.”
“Not only that,” Emily said happily as she turned toward
Caitlin. “Just think how much fun it’s
going to be with you two living here with us.”
I saw both Emily and Caitlin giggle at that, then hug each
other affectionately. The two had always
been really close friends, let alone cousins.
As to Caitlin and Bill’s money plans though, I wasn’t about to open my
mouth and get in the way of their marriage situation, despite the fact that
they were soon going to be moving into my house.
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On Friday morning, Emily had news for me as I sat down to
breakfast and removed that damn plug from my mouth so I could eat.
“Uh…Gramps,” she said.
“Mrs. Lowrey is going to be here a bit longer today to watch you.”
That surprised me.
“Why?”
“Because Jared and I have to go shopping after work. We need groceries again, and not just for
everybody coming tomorrow.”
That much was certainly true enough. The pantry and refrigerator were both
starting to look more than a bit bare.
“Why don’t I do the shopping today instead,” I suggested.
“No!” she countered quickly.
“We’ll get it. Besides, I think
we want to look for some other stuff too.”
“What stuff?” I asked.
“Stuff you probably don’t want to know about.”
I immediately remembered that red leather outfit that I had
seen both her and Caitlin wearing a few days earlier. “Uh…yeah.
No problem,” I told her. Have
fun. Besides, I have plans for today.”
She seemed surprised.
“You do? What?”
“I’ve got to cut the grass before the family comes
tomorrow.”
She nodded. “Probably
a good idea. I’m sure Jared would do it
for you tonight, so you don’t have to, but we’ve got to go shopping.”
“I’ll cut the grass!” I told her in no uncertain terms.
“Sure Gramps. Go
ahead.”
Had I just won that argument? Impossible!
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