The Last Jeskey - Chapter 19

 

The Last Jeskey

By Karen Singer

 

Chapter 19

 

(Day 4 – Sunday)

 

Freaky

 

I spent the night as I always did, sleeping on the floor, wrapped up in my hair.  I just couldn't sleep in those beds.  Good girls don’t sleep in beds.  Besides, they don’t feel right.  And what if I fell off while I was sleeping?  No, the floor was where I belonged and where I was the most comfortable.  I always felt better when I could feel my hair wrapped around me.

As the dawn light began to filter into the room around the curtains at the window, my hands that usually held my hair tightly around me began unconsciously playing with that hair.  I immediately felt those two new things in it that hadn’t been there before.  Braids, Shantel had called them.  There was one thin braid hanging at the front on each side of my head.  When I had seen how they looked in the mirror, I had loved them.  Shantel promised she would show me how to make them myself…today.  I was looking forward to that.  The braids were…fancy.  Nice.  And I just liked them.

Most of what happened the day before I hadn’t liked, but I liked the braids.  There was one other thing I found that I liked too.  They had a rain room here with more than one rain shower coming down.  You could walk from one rain shower to another, and both of them were warm!  It was such fun!  When I had played in there, Shantel had done her best to hold my hair out of the way so it wouldn’t get too wet.  She didn’t let me stay in that room too long though because of my hair getting wet, and because so many other women were waiting to use it.  Still, Shantel promised I could play in there again today, except she had said that next time she was going to make me use soap.  I remembered that soap that Natalie had used on me in the rain room where she lived.  It still seemed strange to not have dirt all over my body.

It was also strange to sit down to eat with so many people.  And of course, it was even stranger that there were those kids in the room too.  Shantel and Lisa had taken me into that eating room and showed me how to grab a tray and some silverware, and then I had to stand in line with them and the other women until someone handed me a plate full of food.  Lisa showed me different things I could drink but I chose water.  I didn’t know what the other things were, except the coffee, and I already knew I didn’t want that.  How could anyone want that stuff?

I was surprised at how good the food was, even if I didn’t know what all of it was.  Lisa and Shantel said that maybe I could help make lunch or something for the women one day.  Or at least help serve it.  Cooking and doing things like that was women’s business, and I knew all about how to do that.  I told them I’d be glad to do it.

I was lying on the floor between the bed they had said I should sleep in and the wall.  There were women sleeping in all the other beds in the room.  Shantel and Lisa had their beds in there too.  I was glad I was supposed to be in the bed by the wall, just so I’d feel safer sleeping on the floor.  With women sleeping in all the other beds, what if one of them got up?  They’d step on me.  Didn’t these women know that good girls didn’t sleep in beds?  I just couldn’t understand that.

It seems like all the women in here didn’t know anything about what good girls are supposed to do.  In fact, not just the women in here, but all the women I had met since I left the farm.  Why didn’t all those women want to be good girls?  Didn’t they have men to teach them?   Like everything else away from the farm, it all just seemed so strange.

“Ladies.  Time to wake up.”

I turned over and sat up, but I couldn’t see who had said it.  Everyone was waking up now and starting to get up.  I got to my feet.  I had slept in the only clothes I had.  A few of them had nightgowns, but most of them had slept in short pants and some kind of shirt that had no sleeves.  Lisa said they’d try to find me something better to wear today than what I had on.  I had no idea why.  The clothes I was wearing had come from Natalie, and they were a lot nicer than any I had ever owned.  They didn’t even have blood on them.

They had given me something they called a toothbrush last night, and something else that was supposed to go with it, but I had no clue what to do with them, and I wasn’t sure I even wanted to know.  They were still lying on top of my bed that I didn’t need, along with a towel they had given me too.

Now that I was up, I wondered if they needed help fixing breakfast for everyone.  It would make me feel good to do something like that.  As I left the room, I noticed that everyone from all the bedrooms seemed to be heading for one of the two bathrooms.  Yeah, this was another place where they didn’t have a proper pee hole for the girls.  I was beginning to think that maybe women were supposed to use the bathrooms and that maybe Bo and his boys had been lying to me.  But no, they would never do that.  They had raised me and kept me alive all my life.  They had made sure I had plenty of food to eat too, even though a lot of times it was only dog food.  And hadn’t Bo even made sure I took vitamins every day to help keep me healthy?  No, guys like that wouldn’t lie to me at all.  Ever!  So why was it that out here away from the farm there was never a proper pee hole available for the girls?  Was it some kind of thing where the men just didn’t care enough?  That was the best answer I could think of.

I didn’t see Miss Kriss anywhere to ask her about helping with breakfast, but there was another old woman that seemed to be in charge instead.  I asked her about helping to cook.  She thanked me for offering but said that this morning they had it covered.  Maybe tomorrow though.  Instead, she said she wanted me to help clean the place along with everyone else like they all did every morning after breakfast.

“Sure,” I told her gladly.  “I’m good at cleaning.”

“Yes,” she said.  “I heard a little about you from Miss Kriss last night.  From what she said, I’d bet you probably are very good at cleaning.  Thank you,” she told me.  Then she turned away as I just barely heard her mutter, “Just not very good at cleaning yourself.”  I wondered what that was supposed to mean.

It’s kind of funny, I decided I liked having someone hand me a whole plate of food to eat.  And more than that, I liked sitting down at a table full of other women to talk with.  At home, the guys all ate first while I stayed out of the way and just brought them whatever they wanted.  I didn’t eat till they were done, and there was never anyone for me to talk with while I ate.  But that’s the way it was supposed to be for girls, and I always tried my best to be a good girl.

After breakfast, I helped all the women clean the entire place.  When they asked if I would help clean the bathroom, I was glad to do it.  With two other women in there helping me, it didn’t take long at all.  In fact, it didn’t take much to make sure that entire place was clean everywhere.

It was later in the morning when Miss Kriss and that other old lady found me talking in that big room with Shantel and Lisa.  Shantel was just about to show me how to make braids in my hair when they interrupted her.  “Freaky,” Miss Kriss said.  “This is Mrs. Moore.  She’s going to start your counseling today, okay?”

I had no idea what counseling was.  I looked to Shantel and Lisa.

“Counseling is probably the most important thing you’re going to do here Honey Pie,” Shantel told me.  “We all need it badly.  So do you.”

“Me?” I asked.  “I don’t even know what it is?”

“Just go and talk to her,” Shantel replied.

“And listen!” Lisa emphasized.

Disappointed that I wouldn’t get to learn how to make the braids, I got up and followed that old woman, Mrs. Moore, into another small room like Miss Kriss had.  There were two nice chairs in there and she had me sit in one while she sat in another.

“Hi Freaky,” she said to me.

“Hi?” I replied, not sure what I was supposed to do.

“I’m sorry you had to wind up here,” she said.

“Me too.  I want to go home!  I don’t like it away from the farm.  I don’t understand anything at all.”

She nodded.  “Then maybe we can start helping you understand things better.”

It took me only a moment to consider that.  “Maybe that would be good,” I replied.  “There’s so many things I can’t figure out.”

“Like what?” she asked.

“Like, why don’t you have a proper pee hole for the women.  It doesn’t make sense.  Don’t the men here care enough to let the girls dig one for themselves?  Good girls pee and poop in the pee holes, not in the bathroom.  Bathrooms are for the guys, not the girls.  And then there’s the fact that most of the women I’ve seen since I left the farm all wear pants.  Good girls never wear pants.  Pants are for men.  Girls always wear skirts and dresses.  And…”

“Stop!” she said suddenly.  “Let’s back up for a minute.  What are you talking about…pee holes?”

“The holes outside for girls to pee and poop in of course.  Bathrooms are for the men to use.  Cleaning them is women’s business of course, but we have the pee holes outside for us to use.”

She looked shocked.  “Who told you that?”

“Bo, and Steve, and Gary, and…all the guys.”

“And which one of them is your boyfriend?” she asked.

I shook my head.  “I don’t know what that is.  They’re all my uncles.”

“Your uncles,” she repeated.

“Yeah.  Of course.”

“Freaky, how long have you lived with those uncles?”

“All my life of course.  They raised me.  They take care of me.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yes.  Of course.  Except, Bo, Steve, and Ben are dead now, and they told me yesterday that Dave died too in an accident.  So now I guess it’s just Gary who will be taking care of me…if I ever get home again.”

She looked like she was going to say something, but she didn’t.  Then she said, “You mentioned a minute ago something about women wearing pants.”

“Yes!  Why are so many women wearing pants when they’re not supposed to?  Women wear dresses and skirts.  They’re made for women, not pants.”

“Who told you that women aren’t allowed to wear pants?” she asked.

“Bo and Steve…”

“Those same uncles of yours,” she said, cutting me off.

“Yeah.  Of course.  Who else?”

“And what do any visitors who come to your house say about it?”

“I don’t know.  I’m a girl.  I’m not supposed to be seen at all by anyone unless they say it’s okay.  Otherwise, I need to stay out of sight so I don’t interrupt their men’s business.”

“You mean they’ve kept you hidden your entire life, so nobody could see you?”

“I’m a girl!” I said, somewhat exasperated.  “Why can’t anyone understand that?”

“Yes,” she said.  “I can certainly see that you’re a girl.  A girl who’s becoming a very nice looking woman.  But Freaky, the things you’ve told me just aren’t true!  Women don’t pee in…pee holes as you call it.  Never!  Nobody pees in pee holes, especially women.”

“I do!” I said proudly.  “I’m a good girl.”

“I think your idea of being a good girl has been a bit warped by those uncles of yours as you called them.  How many of them were there?  Four?  Five?”

“Five!” I told her.  “I know because there’s one for each finger of my hand.”  I held out one hand and grabbed my thumb with my other hand.  This finger is one…that’s Bo.  He’s their dad.  They always call him Dad.”  I grabbed the next finger.  “This finger is two.  That’s Steve.  He’s the oldest of Bo’s sons.”  I grabbed another finger.  “This finger is three.  That’s Ben.  He’s next.”  I grabbed the next finger.  “This one is four, for Dave.  He’s a bit nicer than the others.”  I grabbed my last finger.  “And this one is five.  That’s for Gary, the youngest.  Gary likes to be mean.”  I held up my hand with my fingers spread.  “Five fingers.  Five uncles.”

She looked stunned.  “Um…Freaky,” she said.  Can you count any higher than five?”

I was confused.  “Count?  Why?  Counting is men’s business, not for girls.  Girls have no need to count at all.  I just know the fingers on my hand.”

“And how about if you add both hands together?”

She was confusing me again.  “I’ve got five fingers on this hand and five fingers on my other hand.  Five.”

“Do you know how many six is?  Ten?”

I shook my head.  “That’s men’s business.  I told you that.  Why don’t you know that?  Why doesn’t anybody seem to know what’s men’s business and what’s women’s business?  I just don’t get it.  I just don’t understand!  I just want to go home.  Home where everything makes sense!”

I realized I had been getting angry.  Angry would get me in trouble, and I already had enough trouble.  And I had been eating lots of nice food, and no dog food like I was supposed to.  Gary was going to kill me for sure!  “I’m sorry,” I told her.  “Please don’t tell Gary that I got mad and yelled.  Please!  I’m already supposed to be eating nothing but dog food all the time, and he said he’s going to punish me bad for talking to the cops too.  I don’t need anything else to make it worse.”

She shook her head.  “I don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about at all as far as Gary goes.  Dog food?”

I looked at her surprised.  “Of course.  They always make me eat dog food when I’m bad.  They punish me in worse ways too, but the dog food kind of goes along with all of it.  Sometimes they make me eat just that for a long, long time.  That’s why I try so hard to be a good girl all the time and do everything just like they want.”

“I have no doubt,” she said softly.  “Freaky, I know we haven’t been talking very long today, not as long as I planned on, but I think I’ve already had enough for this morning.  Why don’t we go and find you some better clothes to wear so you have something to change into.”

“Something besides this?  Natalie gave me all these clothes…except my boots of course.  She wanted me to wear some of her shoes too, but I refused.  Shoes like she had wouldn’t be good around the farm.  And besides, I was already worried about what Dave and Gary were going to say when they saw me wearing the clothes she had given me and what they had done to my hair.”

“Done to your hair?  What did they do to your hair?"

“Natalie has one of those rain rooms right in her bathroom at home, kind of like you have in the bathrooms here.  She let me go in it and she used something called soap all over my body, and then she used something like laundry suds that she put in my hair.  After that, she called some other lady who came and worked on my hair for a long time to get all the knots out of it.  It took forever!”

“They washed your hair,” Mrs. Moore said.

“Yeah.  In that rain room with the nice warm water.  I loved it in there.  I wished I could stay in it longer.”

“I know the feeling,” she told me.

“Come on,” she said as she got up from her chair.  “Let’s go see if we can find you some more clothes.”

“No pants!” I insisted.  “I’m a good girl!”

“I’m sure you are,” she muttered.

She took me to another room where she dug around in a few different boxes that all seemed to contain clothes.  “She handed me two pairs of panties and two bras.  “These should fit you close enough,” she said.

“I don’t wear bras.  I don’t wear panties either,” I told her.

She looked surprised.  “You don’t?”

“No.”

“Please don’t tell me this is another one of those good girl things, because I can tell you right now that it’s not.”

“No.  It’s just that…”  I sighed.  “The panties only get in my way when I have to pee or when one of the guys wants to have sex with me.”

“Sex with you,” she said.  “And they’re your uncles?”

“Yeah.  Of course.”

“And the bras?”

“Bo gave me one once.  It was so hard to figure out how to get it on, and when I did, it was just too uncomfortable.  So I never wore it again.”

“What did you do with it?”

“I left it in the bottom of my clothes bag.  That cop took it when he took all my other clothes.”

“A cop took all your clothes?”

“Yeah.  Just because they had blood on them and some holes.”

“Blood,” she said.  “On all your clothes.”

“No.  I still have two skirts and a nightgown.  He didn’t take them.  Natalie, she’s the cop’s wife, gave me these clothes I have on.  They’re nicer than any I’ve ever had before, and they don’t have any blood on them at all.  Have you ever tried to get blood out of clothes?”

“More than once,” she replied.

“It’s so hard!  Even when I scrub those spots with my brush they don’t come out.  Mostly, I just ignore it.  What’s the difference if it’s there anyway?”

She seemed to sigh unhappily.  “There’s too much there that I’d love to know about, but I’m not sure I actually want to hear it.”

I had no idea what she meant.

She tried to get me to try a pair of jeans, as she called them, but they were pants, and I refused.  She tried to get me to try some short pants, but again, they were pants.  Good girls don’t wear pants!  Why couldn’t she understand that?  She finally found me a dress.  One dress.  And she said she was lucky to find me that.  I didn’t care.  It’s not like I’d be changing my clothes anytime soon.  I didn’t usually bother changing my clothes until one of the guys decided that what he’d been wearing needed to be cleaned, which always seemed to trigger all of them wanting to change.  Since I would be spending the next few days doing wash anyway, that was always my cue to change my clothes too.

And then it came down to my shoes.  Mrs. Moore was another one who didn’t like the boots I had on.  “Not only are they ugly and falling apart,” she said, “but they’ve got dirt all over them too.”

“So?” I said.  “I always have dirt all over me too.  Or I did until that rain room that Natalie has where she used that soap stuff on me and scrubbed me clean.”

She seemed to sigh as if she didn’t know what to do.  “Freaky,” she said softly.  “Like changing your clothes, it’s time to change your shoes.  It’s just…time.”

I wasn’t sure what to think about that.  I understood when it was time to change my clothes.  The guys changing theirs let me know when that was.  I just never considered changing my boots before.  The guys never changed their boots…that I know of.  But I never washed their boots.  And come to think of it, they all had a few pairs of boots.  I gave in.  “Okay,” I told her.

She searched and searched through the boxes, pulling out a few different pairs of shoes, but none of them fit me.  I was glad.  Those shoes she tried to give me would never hold up on the farm at all.  And besides, since my boots were always ones that one of the guys had worn, they always had plenty of extra room in them so my feet would be more comfortable.  All the ones she tried to give me fit way too tight.  How could anyone like walking in them?

“I’ll look around and see if I can find a pair somewhere else,” she told me.  “You’ll just have to can’t keep wearing those ugly old boots till then.”

Why not?  As far as I was concerned, they were fine.

When she seemed to be done looking for more clothes for me, she said, “Freaky, put on a pair of those panties and a bra right now.  I’ll help you with it if you need me.”

“But I don’t want…”

“You wear them here!” she told me firmly.  “It’s not polite to go without underwear.  Especially when you’re wearing skirts!  Didn’t your uncles tell you that?”

“No.”

“Well, they should have!  It’s not ladylike!”

Like it or not, I put the panties on, and she helped me with one of the bras too.  It was almost as uncomfortable as the bra I had at home…that the cop had taken away.

What’s ladylike?