Monday, June 23, 2008

Maybe I Should Run For President

Maybe I should run for President. Could you see someone like me in the White House? (Especially knowing what you all know about me.)

At my age, I’ve certainly become a lot more opinionated than I used to be. And isn’t that something that the press would just love? And wouldn’t those opinions get me lots and lots of air time? Of course my opinions are obviously wrong, but that would only make them that much more interesting to the press. By being President, I could be of huge use to Congress by stealing most of the attention of the media to show how incompetent I really am. That way Congress would have much more time to spend on doing their job of being the ones who really run the country.

I would think that both McCain and Obama would love me running against them because no matter how you look at it, I would make both of them look good. When people come out to vote, everyone would finally have a candidate that everyone could agree on – NOT to vote for! Of course a lot of that would have to do with the way I think – which face it, is obviously very different than everyone else. For instance:

I think that in a country that has the ability to standardize which side of a car the steering wheel is on, we can do the same thing for the filler cap to the gas tank. Just think about it, everyone would be pulling up to the gas pumps in the same direction. But this kind of thinking would limit personal freedom. Especially the freedom of car manufacturers – so it’s obviously very wrong somehow (which I’m sure would get me lots of media attention).

And while we’re talking about cars, I would also push for standardizing our driving laws to be a single set of nationwide laws, not a set of laws that change from state to state. Instead of kids learning to drive at 15 in some states and having to wait till their 17 in other states, they would all have to be the same age. Of course a set of laws like that would surly be considered anti-American since it would take much of the autonomy away from the individual states who would only be left with the ability to enforce the laws – like they already have. Just think – more press time for me!

And while we’re talking about standardizing, how about just one single set of requirements for education – nation-wide! Yes, yes, I know… I would definitely take into consideration the rural and inner-city regions that don’t always do so well. But why can’t all schools around the country at least attempt to teach the same curriculum? If you think they are now, you’re wrong! I’ve seen what my grandkids are learning in school now where I live, and compared that with what other family members are learning in other states – not even close! Of course, thinking like this would probably get me into major trouble with every school teacher in the country. More press!

Then there’s my view towards the voting process itself. Has anyone noticed that our technology (not to mention our entire way of life) has changed a bit since this country was founded? Now here’s a really radical idea that’s sure to get me lots of ugly comments from politicians. I’d like to see the Presidential race limited to three different primary elections. Every state would vote on the exact same day, three different times – nation-wide, to narrow down the field of eligible candidates (like me). And ALL voting would be done by computer. Yes, I know there are still issues about that, but then we’re still having major issues with paper ballots too – not much different in my book. Besides, if we don’t make the change, we’ll never get all the bugs out of the system (as if we’d want to, the press needs those stories). Oh, and while I’m at it, I would campaign for doing away with super-delegates entirely. Is anyone else out there offended by this concept? More press for me for sure!

And speaking of being offended. I’m more than a bit offended that people from outside our country can “find” their way here and somehow wind up with free health care, when I’ve seen (in my own family) citizens here that can’t get any medical treatment at all because of no insurance. I would campaign for a free health-care system in this country. Yes, yes, I know… they’ve been working on this one for a long time. But my views would certainly cause people to laugh – and I know that everyone could use a good laugh (more votes for me). I think that since the country seems to have an unlimited budget for “peace-keeping” missions in other countries, that we should apply that same “unlimited budget” concept to pay for health care. And… And… And… stop subsidizing insurance companies since nobody would need to pay for health insurance anymore. Now wouldn’t that be a major break for business owners who are trying to provide their workers with at least some opportunity for low-cost insurance? It would probably help in a million ways – maybe even increase my paycheck by as much as ten cents a month – wow! Uh… maybe this isn’t such a good idea. People might actually like something like this. Forget I said it. But then again, the insurance companies are a major force in this country. Something like this would probably make them angry, which would lead to more press time for me. Hey, it’s a sure winner of an idea for my campaign after all.

Uh, speaking of immigrants earlier… Here’s my view on the subject… again guaranteed to give the press a field day. This country was founded on immigrants. There aren’t even many Native-Americans left who don’t have some bit of “mingled” blood in them. We’ve taken people from every corner of the world and, over the years, molded them into one nation. A nation that’s more open to differing views on many different subjects than many other places in the world. This country was once referred to as the “Great Melting Pot.” And that’s what I think we should still be. If the people want to be citizens here, then they should come… and melt! One language. One set of rules for everybody. One nation. Oh, and while were on the subject, let’s do away with all the minority laws. As I said, ONE nation. Now if that doesn’t get me some hate-press, then I don’t know what else I could possibly say!

Having me for President would also give both the Democrats and Republicans in Congress a single target to hate and ignore. In this way, they might become a bit more unified in their thinking. Every one of them would be endlessly talking about how dumb I am and might actually work together to pass laws instead of doing things simply to show how bad the other party is. Now I ask you, wouldn’t that get my name in the news even more?

So maybe I should run for President. Being someone that everyone can agree is wrong for the job would be a unifying factor for the entire country. And that’s a good thing (I think).

So maybe I should run… Uh… then again… maybe not.

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