By Karen Singer
Chapter 36 Part 2 of 2
It was a while later when Roger finished eating – from his dog bowl in the corner of the kitchen. He got to his feet to get some coffee to take back to his bedroom. He was planning on spending the evening doing internet research on sex changes. He had no doubt that Janice would approve.
Janice and Carol were still working on cleaning the dishes. He grabbed a coffee mug and filled it with coffee the way he always did.
“One moment, Mr. Brinkley,” Janice said as she quickly turned the water in the sink off and wiped her hands. “Please join me at the table for a few moments.”
Warily, Roger sat down at the table – a far cry from the way he had eaten his dinner.
“Mr. Brinkley,” Janice said as she poured a cup of coffee for herself. “I’ve noticed that your friend Stanley seems to be determined to stand by you through whatever happens.”
Roger shook his head. “I’ve tried to get rid of him,” he explained, but it seems like the more I try to push him away, the tighter he seems to stick. Jennifer too!”
“Yes, I’ve noticed,” Janice replied as she took a seat at the table as well. “As I told you before, I don’t mind your friend Jennifer helping you at all. And as I said, I even find that somewhat amusing. But your friend Stan is another matter.”
“I’ve tried to get rid of him,” Roger said again. “Believe me, I’ve tried.”
“I’m quite sure you have,” Janice agreed. “But he seems to simply be a bit more… tenacious… than I would have expected.”
“Me too,” Roger replied a bit sullenly.
“He’s simply proving what a good friend he is,” Janice told him.
Roger nodded. “He’s always been a good friend. Always! I’m afraid I relied on him a lot when my father died.”
“And I have no doubt that you’ve been there for him in the past as well.”
Roger nodded. “Yeah, a few times.”
A good friend is something special. Something to be proud of. Something to carefully maintain. It’s simply… regrettable that it has to be the case right now.”
“I don’t know what to do anymore to try to get rid of him,” Roger told her.
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“Don’t get rid of him. If he’s that good a friend and is willing to stand with you through all of this, then let him. You of course, simply can not give him even the slightest indication of my true involvement at all. Just as you can’t let your friend Jennifer know either.”
“So I should just let him hang around? You won’t do anything to hurt him?”
“Not unless I see him becoming a distinct threat,” Janice replied.
Roger nodded… and felt more relieved than he thought he would. “Thanks,” he said appreciatively. “Thank you very much.”
Janice nodded, feeling very pleased with Roger’s attitude. “Now, Mr. Brinkley. Since your friend seems so determined to stand by you… and since you both seem to enjoy fishing so much, I see no reason why you can’t go fishing with him – once in a while. As long as there is nothing pressing that needs to be done. Although I would prefer it if you limit such activities to Sunday afternoons after church… again, when there is nothing else that needs your attention.”
“I can go fishing again?” Roger asked incredulously.
“That’s what I just said,” Janice replied.
“How about next Sunday?”
Janice smiled. “If you have nothing that you need to accomplish here. I’ll even give you this one small break and let you go – provided you get a little more work done on repairing the laundry room this week – before the weekend.”
“I can do that!” Roger readily agreed. “I was planning on it anyway.”
“Excellent, Mr. Brinkley. Excellent!” Janice proclaimed. “Now I have just one more tiny little requirement for you.”
Roger just knew his life was about to go up in flames.
“Whenever you deal with your friend Stanley from now on… for anything at all… I am going to require you to deal with him as Candy… and not as Roger! If he wants to remain your good friend, then he’s going to have to be a friend to Candy instead of Roger. Is that clear?”
As he expected, his life had just been ripped out from under him again. “Yes,” he finally agreed reluctantly. He tried to look at the bright side – he and Stan could go fishing together again. But that bright side looked nothing but murky and dark when he tried to picture himself going fishing – as Candy.
“Now then, Mr. Brinkley.”
Roger just knew that his life was about to get even more difficult.
“Since I noticed that you spent the weekend sleeping in my bed instead of in your own room, then for each of the two nights I’m sure that you slept there, you will spend two nights sleeping in the cage. You didn’t think that I wouldn’t notice did you?”
Roger approached Stan about fishing the next day during lunch. He and Jennifer again set their trays down in front of him as they usually did now. And just before Stan was about to start eating, Roger leaned over closer to him and asked. “Are you up for some fishing on Sunday?”
Stan nearly fell out of his chair. “Did you just ask me to go fishing?”
“I think so,” Roger said with a slight smile on his face.
“Oh hell yes!” Stan agreed quickly. “Finally you’re starting to come out of this weird shit you’ve been going through!”
Roger shook his head. “Not quite. And I’m afraid you might not want to go with me.”
“What the hell do you mean? Why not?”
“Because if I go fishing, then I’m going to go as Candy, not as Roger.”
Stan just looked at him like he was crazy – which was definitely the truth. “What the hell for?”
“Because… I need to,” he replied.
“What the hell?”
This was something that Roger had already thought about though since he was sure that Stan would react this way. “Look,” he said. “I’ve got to start getting more used to being Candy… especially around other people. And if you’re still willing, then I guess fishing isn’t that bad a thing. Hell, I miss doing it as much as you do… maybe more. But I need to keep working on trying to become Candy too. So maybe I can combine both. You just have to put up with me wearing a wig while I’m fishing. And maybe some makeup too.”
Stan shook his head. He actually didn’t know what to think. “You know how stupid this all is, don’t you?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “But hell, if you’re still that determined to turn yourself into a woman – which I still don’t see, then as much as I don’t like it – and believe me, I don’t! Then I’m still going to stick by you through whatever you need.” He shook his head, “At least when we’re fishing, most likely nobody will see us together.”
“I thought that might be a good thing too,” Roger replied.
“You are going to wear fishing boots and not high heels in the water, aren’t you?”
Roger just laughed.
Jennifer had listened to the whole exchange. Roger had just surprised her again. Among the things she had noticed was that he was suddenly throwing his Candy name out all too easily. The other thing she particularly took notice of was that this would undoubtedly be a major step he would be taking toward becoming a real woman. This time he would be doing something to merge his old life – with the life he wanted to get to in the future!
She had started researching the subject of sex changes yesterday. She didn’t know much yet, in fact what little she did know she found all too incomprehensible. But she still had the feeling that Roger was about to take a major step here. The part that scared her somewhat, was that with each little step he seemed to take, as unrealistic as what he was trying to do sounded, he was indeed working towards making Candy more of a real person. And in the process, he would be destroying… Roger!
Janice sat with her legs up on the couch, looking through the folder that Susan Wu had sent her. The same Chinese man had dropped it off as had delivered the drugs to her a week earlier. He had left with only a small bow and not a single word.
Prominently at the front of the file was a letter from Susan that now had Janice somewhat irritated. Basically, she had the doctor’s information in the file in front of her, but she couldn’t do anything with it until she had gotten the information out of Halifax. According to the letter, only then would Susan make what was in the file – useful to her. So what was in the file? She turned the letter over and began reading.
Doctor Jessica Parker – Endocrinologist. She wasn’t all that sure what kind of doctor that Roger would need, but knowing what little she did about sex changes – which was basically nothing at all, she supposed that an endocrinologist sounded about right. Although she was only guessing as to what an endocrinologist actually did.
As she continued reading, she shook her head. The stupid woman! The stupid, stupid woman! She deserved to be in the kind of trouble she was in. Maybe after this, she would finally learn better!
Jessica Parker – married twice, divorced twice. She had two kids, a thirteen year old boy from her first marriage and an eight year old girl from her second. She had a house with two mortgages, and a pile of credit cards that were all but maxed out. Yet she made tons of money! From what Janice could see – plenty of money!
But the stupid woman had a gambling problem – and she had it bad! And to make matters worse, she had been stupid enough to borrow from loan sharks… not just once – but twice! Each loan from a different shark! And according to the figures that Susan had supplied, she had borrowed unthinkable amounts – both times! The stupid woman! She should have known better! As far as Janice could see, those loan sharks now pretty much owned Jessica Parker.
She closed the file and closed her eyes as well. She couldn’t use the information yet, but she could at least plan on how she was going to approach the doctor. Of course whatever she planned would most likely change once Susan did whatever she was planning – to make the information useful to her. Whatever that was. Right now, the best that Janice could see, was that she was going to have to plan on offering the doctor far more money for her services than she should. But from the pickle that the doctor seemed to be in, it was very likely that the doctor would jump at any opportunity to bring in a little extra cash.
The stupid woman!
Roger was looking forward to going fishing with Stan on Sunday – after church unfortunately. But at least he would be going! He knew Stan was looking forward to it too. Stan just wasn’t looking forward to going with him dressed as Candy. Roger wasn’t too thrilled about that part either.
Even the weather was… almost… cooperating. All week long the weather forecast called for a smaller possibility of rain every day… although Roger did notice that it did still rain somewhat each day… but only a little. So hopefully by the time they got to the stream on Sunday, the water might be tame enough to actually fish in. But then, a bad day of fishing was better than a good day at work – any day!
On Wednesday, he gave a major test to most of his classes, including Carol’s. He noted afterwards that she had just barely squeaked into the ‘A’ category on the test. And he hadn’t helped her with hardly any of her math in a while now. Despite his hatred for the girl, he couldn’t help but feel proud of her.
The fallen tree got removed from his backyard on Wednesday as well. Coming home from school and finding it gone was almost shocking. The only sign that the tree had ever been there, not counting the damage, was the huge root ball that they left at the edge of the woods. He wasn’t crazy about the thing sticking out over his property line, but there wasn’t anything he was going to do about it. Unfortunately, he also came home to Janice that day who had a major headache from the constant sound of chain saws and heavy equipment. He was extra careful to stay out of her way that night!
Each day after work, he dressed up completely as Candy – although it was always with the jeans he had bought. And each evening he continued to repair the damage to his house. He had to rip open the roof to repair the rafters, and he even had to rip open the walls to repair some of the broken studs inside of them.
On Friday morning, he was surprised when Janice announced that she would be gone for the weekend again… but this time, Carol was staying home with him. As far as he could see, Carol was just as displeased at being left behind as he was. He did his best to console himself with the fact that at least one of them would be gone for a few days.
Friday night, he finally installed a new door into the laundry room opening that he had covered with plywood every night. By the time he went to bed that night, all that remained to be done was painting the inside of the damaged laundry room wall… and building the new deck and stairs outside. He supposed that Janice’s demand that he build a nice big deck wasn’t really a bad one. It would certainly add a lot of value to the house… not that he’d ever see any of it. But he wasn’t through with the Whittaker’s deck yet… and now he had to build another one!
All week long, when he wasn’t working on fixing his house, or handling schoolwork, he was on the internet researching sex changes. He was learning a lot, although he realized that he was only scratching the surface of the subject. He tried to pay close attention to everything, because everything was directly pertinent to what he was about to face. And all of it scared him to no end.
But the more he researched, the more another thought crept into his mind. And the more he thought about it, the more it frightened him. Alone in his room at night, he had the time to think about things more completely. And foremost on his mind was the fact that Janice was forcing him to change his very sex. She was forcing him to become a woman. And because of her and the total brainwashing she had done to his mind, he was doing it – despite the fact that he didn’t want to do it at all. He was following her wishes – because it was her will… because it was what she had told him to do. And as much as he tried to find the courage and determination to even think about not doing what she wanted… he couldn’t. He couldn’t do it at all. He could barely even imagine fighting back or defying her in any way. All because of that impossible steel wall that still hovered at the edges of his vision – every time he stood up, and every time he sat down. All his will power to not do what Janice wanted was locked away – permanently! And he could no longer even imagine finding that power again.
And from those thoughts, he realized something worse. As much as he wished something permanently would happen to Janice to get rid of her… like a major car accident or something… even if she was gone, even if she was no longer in his life at all… she had willed it. She had told him what she wanted him to do. And because she had willed it, he would be stuck doing it – with or without her there.
Like it or not, even if Janice was no longer around, his existence as a man was coming to an end. Like it or not, he would now be doing everything in his power – to become a woman instead. He would do it all, despite the fact, that he didn’t want to do any of it at all. It was her will. Even without her… he had no choice. His existence as a man was going to end – by her will… and by his own hand. No matter how much he dragged his feet and tried to slow things down, eventually, it would still happen!
It would take a miracle now to change the new course of his life. A real miracle! And he wasn’t sure if he believed in miracles. As far as he could see… there was no hope for him at all. No… hope.