By Karen Singer
Ellie pulled herself out of Steve’s arms and quietly got out of bed. She looked back at him. His eyes opened briefly to watch her. He smiled. “Shhh,” she said quietly and went into the bathroom. She dressed quickly and grabbed her shoes in her hand. She stopped before she left his room to look back at him. His eyes were closed, he was sleeping once again. His makeup was smeared all over his face. The bra with its breast forms that he claimed he couldn’t take off looked very out of place on his chest. He had been a wonderful lover. Without a doubt the best she ever had. She stared at the red bra on his chest again. Why did all the best guys turn out to be flakes? Feeling sad and confused over that issue, she left him. The sun was just beginning to glow through the window.
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Susan checked her email again, hoping desperately for word from Karen, but still there was nothing. She had hardly slept the night before because of it. Three times she had gotten up during the night to check. But no word. Karen had never failed to check in with her before. Had something happened? She worried like a mother hen over it. No matter how she looked at it, she was responsible for the situation that Steve was in just then. She naturally worried the worst. Had he been arrested? Beaten up? Killed? She tried her best to calm herself. There was no way that anybody could connect anything to her. Forcing herself to get on with her day, she left for work.
--- §§§§§§§§§§ ---
Karen kept Steve sleeping and got out of bed. She logged into Steve’s computer to write to Susan, but what should she say? She was still totally confused. Had she failed? She kind of thought so. One thing was for sure, she had lost control last night.
The thing that bothered her most, was that Susan had created her to be a girl. And she loved being a girl. Girls were supposed to have guys as lovers. But last night she had been forced to give in to Steve’s wants and needs. And in the process, she had been totally swept away with wonderful feelings while he had loved the girl that had been here – Ellie. The result, now she felt nothing but confusion.
Sighing, she began writing to Susan with every little detail of the day and night, just as she had been created to do.
--- §§§§§§§§§§ ---
It was late when Steve finally woke up again and got out of bed. Very late. He felt wonderfully refreshed after the night before. Ellie…. What a time. He was in no hurry to do anything or go anywhere, the memories of Ellie and making love simply consumed him. He soaked for a long time in the shower, then shaved. Then he was faced with what to wear. Shopping first? Or the beach? Hoping that Ellie might be on the beach, he reached for his bikini. It was beginning to feel stiff and uncomfortable from his previous trips. He’d have to find some way to wash it later – or buy a new one – ugh!
But Ellie and Mandy weren’t on the beach when he got there. He laid his towel out anyway and laid down on it, knowing that the longer he laid there, the more pronounced his bikini tan lines were becoming. But what could he do about it?
Suddenly, there was a slight commotion, he opened his eyes to see Mandy spreading out her towel right next to his. Then there was Ellie, she spread hers out on his other side. He felt better having their company. “Morning,” he said cheerfully.
“Good morning, Sissy Karen,” Mandy said playfully.
Yuck! Sissy Karen. Did she have to tease him so much? He looked over at Ellie, she was scowling at Mandy, but she didn’t say a word. She just laid down on the beach next to him and closed her eyes.
“We’re touring the island today,” Mandy said as she spread suntan lotion over her gorgeous looking legs. “Are you coming?”
“Touring the island?” He hadn’t thought about it. He supposed that was what most tourists did. But he wasn’t most tourists.
“I don’t think so,” he replied. “I don’t think I’m here to have fun.”
“Bullshit!” Mandy exclaimed. “You like it and you know it! So we’ll plan on seeing you later?”
“No, I don’t like it,” Steve replied. How could he make these two girls understand that? But then he remembered something else. “I could use your help with something though.”
“What?” Mandy asked.
“I need you to help me get some men’s clothes.”
Mandy laughed. Ellie lifted her head to look at him.
“I seriously doubt you really need us for that!” Mandy replied. “If you wanted to, you could get some. Don’t go trying to play that silly game with us.”
“I do need your help,” Steve said again as he laid his head back down.
“Uh-huh. Then I guess we’ll see you for the tour later. Because that’s where we’re going to be.”
Steve said nothing. Would there be any places on the tour where he could buy men’s clothes? He only knew that it was going to mean a lot more humiliation – naturally.
--- §§§§§§§§§§ ---
Susan checked her email again the first chance she got between patients. She was very relieved to see the email from Karen. She thrilled to read every word. For the most part, Steve had fallen right in line. Karen hadn’t had to prod or punish him one bit. He had done it all willingly and on his own. And these two new girls, for the most part, had only added to his misery. For the most part that was, until she read about what had happened last night.
She wasn’t really that concerned over Steve making love to a girl. She was more concerned with Karen. Because for as good a job as she had done creating her, Karen was in many ways like a child. And while she knew everything that Steve knew, she lacked her own experience.
Steve was behaving himself, but Karen felt lost and adrift. Should she just let things go, let Karen handle it for herself? Or should she make some sort of suggestion to Karen. If so, then what? Leaving Karen to handle it alone was probably the best solution.
She thought back on the weeks she had spent with Steve in her office every night. Sessions that Steve no longer knew anything about. Like all guys, Steve had been fairly typical. She had had to dig to find those memories that she wanted. The memories where he had been curious, if even just a little bit, about what it was like to be a girl, or to dress like one. He had been very young, but once she found the first memory, it had been easy to find more. Not really many, but it had been enough for a start. From those memories she had created new memories and planted them deep within his brain. New memories and cravings that had not been there before. Desires to know more fully what it was to be feminine. And finally an overwhelming desire to be female.
She had sectioned all those memories and desires off where Steve couldn’t consciously remember any of them – and she had named that section Karen. And Karen was born. Her own creation. Very much like her own child. And as such, she felt responsible for her.
Steve knew nothing of Karen, but Karen knew everything about Steve. The two halves of Steve would constantly be at odds with each other, but only Karen held the keys into Steve’s half. Steve had no way to know anything about Karen, except….
Susan thought very hard about it. Steve still wouldn’t know anything about Karen, but it would open up a few of the very first thoughts and desires that she had created. She hadn’t planned on using the trigger words for a very long time yet. They might not solve anything at all for Karen. Susan still thought that her best course of action should probably be to do nothing, but this was something small. Karen was her creation, her child. It would be nothing but a band aid. But sometimes, all that was needed was a band aid and a mothers loving touch. She wrote back to Karen.
--- §§§§§§§§§§ ---
Steve hurried through his shower after coming back from the beach, or he thought he had. The clock showed that he had spent a lot more time in there than he had thought. Now he really had to hurry. Mandy and Ellie were stopping by his room before they all went for lunch, and then on to a tour of the island.
With just a towel wrapped around him, he once again faced his closet to decide what to wear. But something made him turn around and look at his computer screen. It looked white instead of being turned off. He walked over and inspected it closer. There was another message written to him in his Notepad program again. From the witch! He read it, and was thoroughly confused.
Lighting the ember
What was that supposed to be? A warning of some kind? Was it the start of some kind of witch's incantation she was threatening him with? Was he supposed to do something more than he had done already? The only thing he could think of was that it was her way of saying no more sex. But if that was the case, why didn’t she just come out and say so?
He saved the message next to the last one and turned his computer off again…and was startled to hear someone knocking on his door. He had taken too long in the shower. The girls were here already.
With just his towel wrapped around him, he opened the door. “Karen! You’re not ready yet?” Mandy said as she pushed her way into his room. Ellie followed quietly behind her. “And to think that men complain about how long women take to get ready. It must be nothing next to the time a sissy needs.”
Ugh. It was the sissy word again. Steve didn’t like it much.
“I see you got your bra off,” Ellie said. Did she sound angry about something?
Steve looked down at his chest. “Yeah, I just couldn’t seem to remove it last night.”
“Yeah, sure,” Ellie said. There was definitely something bothering her. “You know, your tan lines are getting a bit much.”
Suddenly embarrassed, Steve unconsciously covered his chest with his arms, then he dropped them again. The tan lines were very pronounced now. He was stuck with them.
“So what are you wearing?” Mandy asked, trying to get Steve to get moving.
“Oh,” Steve replied, “I don’t know yet.” He opened his closet. Just looking in the closet now was daunting. Every time he opened it he saw more and more women’s clothes in there. All of them things that he had bought for himself. And not one stitch of male clothing. He just stood there and stared...and a memory from somewhere far in his childhood flashed through his mind. He was small, and he had opened his sister’s closet to look into it. So many pretty clothes. He didn’t have any pretty clothes. What did it feel like to wear dresses? What did it feel like to walk around with your legs hanging out bare all the time? He shook his head to clear it. Where had that thought come from? Why had he remembered it now?
“Move over girl,” Mandy said, pushing him aside. She pulled a few things out and held them up, she put some back and removed some others. Had he really bought so much stuff? Finally, she held up a simple pull-over dress and another skirt-top combination so Ellie could see. “What do you think?”
“The dress,” Ellie said from the chair on the other side of the room. “It’ll be better for touring.”
“Yeah,” Mandy agreed. Then she handed the dress to Steve. “Well, come on. Get with it girl. We don’t have all day.”
Sighing, Steve removed the dress from the hanger. He pulled a pair of panties and a bra out of his drawer and carried them into his bathroom to put on. He didn’t even think about not wearing them. Was there any chance that the witch had sent these two girls to torment him?
He got the panties and bra on, and was just putting the breast forms into his bra when Mandy barged into the bathroom. “Just wanted to see if you needed any help,” she explained teasingly.
“I don’t…” Steve started to say.
But Mandy grabbed his hand and pulled him out into the room. “You don’t have anything either of us haven’t seen before, girly.”
Steve wasn’t being given a choice as she quickly pulled the dress over his head. Steve had to pull it the rest of the way down himself. Mandy handed him the wedge-heel shoes to wear with it. His heart did a flip-flop. He hated wearing the heels. But as he buckled them onto his feet, he remembered something else…he was watching his sister. More specifically, he was watching her buckle her shoes onto her feet. Pretty black patent shoes with a single strap that went across the frilly white socks she was wearing. What was it like to wear pretty shoes and socks?
He forced the memory from his mind and stood up, testing the feel of the shoes again. “Okay, I’m ready he said.”
Mandy just looked at him like he was crazy. “What’s wrong with you girl? You haven’t done your makeup yet. Come on! Get with the program!”
Steve was startled over the fact that he had almost forgotten his makeup. He had a feeling that the witch wouldn’t even let him leave the room without it – if she was still watching. Almost reluctantly, he went into the bathroom to start putting it all on. He wondered once again if maybe the witch had sent Mandy and Ellie to torment him.
--- §§§§§§§§§§ ---
Steve, Mandy, and Ellie hurried through lunch in the small café in the hotel. Steve had been so slow getting dressed that Mandy had finally done his makeup for him. In the process, she had declared that he was very lacking in a few makeup essentials. So how was he supposed to know? He knew nothing about makeup. And before they left the room, she made him dump the few things he had in his new purse into the straw bag again. “It goes better with what you have on. Don’t you know anything?”
They rushed out and just caught the shuttle bus to take them into town, and then they had to nearly run to get to the place where the tour left from. There were a lot of people standing around waiting for the tour to start. More than Steve was really comfortable with, but there wasn’t much he could do about it. And once again, all too many of them kept staring at him. If only the straw bag in his hands was big enough to crawl into and hide.
The tour bus turned out to be a small red and white open air truck with rows of seats and a fringed canopy overhead. Steve wasn’t at all sure about how safe the thing was to ride in, but he guessed that a lot of other tourists had ridden it, so he climbed into one of the seats with Mandy and Ellie. He let the two girls sit on the outside where they could see better and take pictures. He wasn’t really all that interested in seeing the sights, and he didn’t have a camera either.
The bus took them on a long journey around the perimeter of the island. There were lots of tropical sights to see, some of them were even interesting to Steve, but what Steve was really looking for was a stop somewhere where they sold men’s clothes.
Too many times the bus stopped where there was a great view and everybody got out to take pictures. Steve had to have his picture taken with both Mandy and Ellie at different places. Mandy had to nearly beg him to smile for the pictures. He wasn’t exactly happy about it.
There was one stop where everybody went in to go shopping at a small tourist place, but other than a few t-shirts Steve couldn’t find any men’s clothes in the place. Mostly, it had been a good place to buy a much needed drink.
The place that fascinated Steve the most was the stop at the underwater observatory. Once again he stared at an incredible array of colorful fish before his eyes. He could have stayed down there all day – and then some. He briefly thought about the fact that fishing was what he was supposed to be doing just then. Instead…. He looked down at the dress he was wearing and the shoes on his feet, and another memory hit him. He was young again. He had taken one of his sister’s dresses when nobody was around and tried it on…and the memory was gone. The memories were more than a bit disturbing to him. He cringed at the very thought of them. They embarrassed him. Had he really done those things? He knew he must have. He just didn’t remember ever remembering those things before.
The tour had lasted several hours by the time the bus finally brought them back to the shopping district. Steve hadn’t cared about most of it. They hadn’t passed anyplace where he could find some men’s clothes so he could get one of the girls to buy them for him. The only really saving grace about the tour had been the underwater observatory. That alone had been worth the price of admission for Steve.
“Ellie,” he said as soon as the tour was over, “Please can we go and try to get some men’s clothes for me? I really need you to do this for me.” He was begging, but he had long ago past the point of desperation.
Ellie looked at him for a moment, then finally said, “Bug off!”
Steve was shocked. He had sensed there was something off with Ellie all day. She had hardly spoken two words to him. “What’s eating you?”
Steve was sort of expecting an answer, but what he wasn’t expecting was a torrent of words.
“You want to know what’s eating me?” she started. “I’ll tell you what’s eating me. You’re a flake! That’s what’s eating me! We saw you in town, wandering around in your little tropical skirt and we laughed at you. Then we saw you out on the beach in a bikini and we laughed again. Then we decided that it might be fun to see what you’re all about. Why you dress like a girl all the time. Obviously you like it. Obviously you’re lousy at it. So obviously you want people to make fun of you.
“So we decided you were really interesting and we decided to hang with you a bit – for fun. And you really were interesting and fun. But you came up with that stupid cock and bull story about a witch making you do it. Well, let me tell you, I don’t know what else lives in that fantasy mind of yours, but don’t go trying to sell obviously ridiculous stuff to us. A witch? Bullshit! You love it. You just want people to think you have an excuse for doing it! Bullshit!
“And then…” She stopped for a moment, trying to get a grip on her anger. “And then…then you stayed down on the beach after the party. And afterwards, when I was so damn hurt because that bastard that I thought I had hooked up with wanted…” She stopped again. “Damn you. Damn you. Damn you! You made love to me like nobody ever did before! And you’re a flake! A stupid worthless waste of a man! A cheap…good for nothing…worthless…sissy…flake!
“And now you’re trying to pawn your stupid witch story off on me again, and it’s not going to work! Get a grip, flake! If you like it, then just do it! Don’t go trying to draw me into your stupid little fantasy excuses.”
Steve couldn’t make any reply. She had turned at her last word and walked away into town. He was left staring at Mandy, who just stood there with her eyebrows raised. Mandy walked up to him, then walked past him. “See you later, Sissy Karen,” she said as she walked past, following in the direction that Ellie had gone.
Steve sighed. What had he really done wrong? Well…nothing that he could help. It was just that nobody believed him. Sadly, he walked back to where the hotel shuttle bus would pick him up. He hadn’t been shopping yet as the witch had demanded. But he really didn’t feel like shopping just then. Fortunately, he also didn’t feel any compulsion just yet. Deep inside, he only felt confused.
He had to wait a long time for the bus to arrive. He must have just missed the last one. When it came, he went all the way to his usual seat at the back and waited while the bus sat there until more people came. The bus started to pull away, then stopped again to let more passengers on. Mandy and Ellie rushed up the steps and into the bus. They spotted Steve and went all the way to the back and sat on either side of him.
Nobody said a word. Nobody said a word all the way back to the hotel. Nobody still said anything as they all stood waiting for the elevators in the hotel. Nobody said anything at all, until Ellie moved and stood right in front of Steve. Once again, standing so close that her breasts touched his, she looked up into his face. “Sorry,” she said quietly. “You just had to be so damn good, didn’t you.”
The elevator doors opened, but nobody moved. “I was good?”
“Yeah,” she replied. “Real good.”
Steve smiled down at her. He was about to lean down and kiss her again, but she put her hand on his chest and stepped back. “No more.”
Steve got the message. She wouldn’t make love to him – ever again. There was a sense of loss and yearning that seemed to resonate very deep inside of him. But unfortunately, he understood all too well. He was the sissy flake after all. The elevator doors closed again. They were still in the lobby. They would have to wait for the next one.
“So,” Mandy said, trying to brighten the situation, “are you going to the club tonight?”
“Wow, you really don’t get around much, do you. You know, loud music, lots of people, dancing, drinks…guys! This place is famous for their nightclub.”
Steve shook his head. “I hadn’t planned on it. I don’t think it sounds like a good idea.”
The elevator door opened and this time they all got in. Steve punched the button for the sixth floor and Ellie punched the button for the eighth.
This time, it was Ellie who spoke. “Listen, you may as well go. You’d probably love it. You don’t want to spend all your time sitting in your room all night.”
Steve had no trouble answering that one. “Actually, that’s what I’d much rather do.”
“Don’t be silly,” Mandy replied. “Besides, it’s a great chance to get all dressed up for a change. Which reminds me, I didn’t see anything suitable in his closet at all for the club. Did you Ellie?”
“Nothing at all,” Ellie agreed.
The elevator doors started closing, but Mandy put her hand out and stopped them, forcing them all the way open again. “Come on, Sissy Karen. We’re going shopping again. Which also reminds me, you need more makeup!”
--- §§§§§§§§§§ ---
Shopaholics! That’s how Steve began to think of Mandy and Ellie. They both loved to shop and buy, buy, buy. Mandy had led the way into the hotel’s mini shopping mall, but once they got there, the girls started with the first store and didn’t finish until they had been through every single store – except the one men’s wear store. They had no interest in going in there, despite Steve’s carefully worded suggestion that they should check it out for him.
The first store had sold perfume and makeup. Mandy had made sure that Steve got all the makeup she thought he needed, and some perfume too. “What do I need perfume for?” he had asked.
“Just buy it!” Ellie said while both she and Mandy rolled their eyes.
The worst store for Steve was where they shopped for dresses that would be suitable for the club. He had no clue about styles or what he could wear that wouldn’t show any of his bra that he couldn’t take off. But fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, the two shopaholics with him were more than up to the task. He lost count of the number of dresses he had to try on in the changing room, then come out and show everybody. Of course he wasn’t just showing Mandy and Ellie, every sales girl in the store was there and any other customers that walked in watched as well. The sales girls all constantly offered their opinions and brought still more dresses for Steve to try on. Steve felt like he was on stage, putting on a show. “Are you happy now, witch?”
Mandy and Ellie and all the sales staff finally settled on a shiny gold dress for Steve. He wasn’t sure if he was happy about it or not. On one hand, he was finally finished trying on dresses for the amusement of everybody else, but on the other hand, he was buying another dress for himself – that he really didn’t want. “Can we go now?” he asked, anxious to get out of there. It had been particularly humiliating.
“Go?” Ellie asked as if she was totally shocked. “Kaaaareen,” she said, drawing his name out again. Her voice dropped almost to a whisper. “You don’t have any shoes to go with your dress!”
The same store they were in had a fairly large shoe collection too, and once again Steve found himself the center of attention for the entire store. Mandy and Ellie both found a pair of shoes for themselves first, but then they turned to Steve. They made him sit and remove the wedge heel shoes he had on while they looked for shoes for him to try on, all the while giggling and making comments about what would be best for a sissy.
They had both been going out of their way to find humiliating things to say or make him do since they had entered the store. But as Steve sat waiting for them to find some shoes for him, that was when he figured out that they were both trying to humiliate him – just so they could laugh at him. And Steve remembered something else that Ellie had said earlier, the two girls were hanging around with him just because they thought it would be fun. Well, they were both having fun laughing at him now…along with the sales staff and anyone else that happened to wander by.
He was starting to get angry about it. He didn’t want to do any of it, the damn witch was making him do it. But he hadn’t felt the witch hardly at all lately, was she watching? He was about to walk out on them all and go back to his room, but the itching suddenly hit his back again. The witch! How could she know what he was thinking? Could she read his mind too? Impossible, impossible, impossible!
One of the salesgirls came back with an armful of shoe boxes. “I just grabbed a few in his size,” she explained as she set the boxes down next to Steve’s chair.
Steve thought she seemed to be awfully excited over it. Of course she was, she had been laughing at him just as much as Mandy and Ellie. She opened the first box and pulled out a shoe. Steve saw red and a thin high heel. He wanted so badly to run away. But the damn witch was watching. High heels. It was getting too much!
The sales girl pulled up a low stool and sat on it to put the shoe on Steve’s foot. The moment it touched him, it felt like a bolt of embarrassing electricity ran through him from his foot all the way up to his head. He wanted to scream… And he was hit with the same memory he had earlier where he was watching his sister put her shoes on. Such pretty shoes. What would it be like to wear pretty shoes?
The memory stopped all action and further thought on his part. He watched almost in a fog as the salesgirl slipped the other shoe onto his other foot. Such pretty shoes. What would it be like?
Steve snapped out of it and stared down at his feet. He was wearing red high heels. He was so embarrassed by it. He hated it. But there was a tiny little spot deep within him that also loved it. It was more than a bit confusing.
“Well…” Mandy was saying.
He snapped fully back to reality. “What?” he asked.
“Stand up, silly. So we can see them.”
Stand? Oh God! He carefully levered himself out of the chair and stood up. It felt like his feet were bent at an extreme angle. All his weight was on his toes.
“Walk for us,” Mandy said.
She had to be kidding. But dutifully, Steve took a tiny step in the shoes. Then he took another one, almost shuffling one foot in front of the other. He had to be very careful about where he put his weight. The heels prevented him from putting the heel of his foot down properly. The wedge shoes he had worn earlier didn’t have all that much of a heel compared to the ones he was wearing now. And the thinness of the heel was making things much more difficult. How did women walk in the things?
“I think he needs practice,” he heard Ellie say, followed by lots of laugher from all around.
“Okay, Sissy Karen,” Mandy finally said, “take them off, we want to see more.”
Steve lost count of the number of pairs of shoes he had to try on then try to walk in. There were no comfortable shoes, only fancy ones with very high heels. Finally, Ellie and Mandy both decided on a pair of gold strappy ones. They had picked them only because the shoes would match his dress. Why couldn’t they have just picked those first? He knew the answer – just so they could all laugh at him.
Steve’s arms were loaded with bags. His straw purse was shoved up onto his arm, nearly to his elbow. The long nails on his fingers were making holding all the bags very difficult. Mandy and Ellie were still laughing and talking animatedly as they all stepped into the elevator together. But Steve only felt tired and humiliated. The witch was making him go shopping. The witch was making him do lots of things he didn’t want to do. The witch was making him go out and purposely humiliate himself in front of the entire world. And these two women had latched onto him with the sole purpose of making things worse for him, just so they could have fun.
As the elevator stopped at his floor and he stepped off, he heard Mandy behind him. “Kaaaren, make sure you wear your pretty new shoes so you can get used to them before you go to the club tonight.”
“You wouldn’t want to trip and fall in them,” Ellie added.
He really hated his life.
--- §§§§§§§§§§ ---
He laid on his bed. Thoughts of making love to Ellie filled his mind. It had been magical. He winced at his choice of words. Magical instantly brought up thoughts of the witch. It had been wonderful. Fantastic! The best ever! Incredible!
He sighed. Some tiny spot deep inside of him still yearned for the love they had made. She would be at the club later. But she wouldn’t be paying any attention to him. She would be going there in search of a real man. Steve looked down at the dress he was still wearing and the wedge shoes still on his feet. There was no way just then that he could call himself a real man.
Feeling defeated. He closed his eyes and dreamed of making love to Ellie. Later still, there were dreams of standing in front of a closet looking at all the pretty dresses his sister had. He dreamed of watching as his sister buckled her pretty shoes onto her feet. And he dreamed about trying one of her dresses on when nobody could find out. Consciously, the way dreams usually go, Steve would remember none of them. But sub-consciously, especially when they were fed to him by Karen, dreams could be very powerful.
As the late afternoon turned to evening, Steve dreamed.