My Funny Farm - Chapter 19 – Far-Fetched Fantasy

 

My Funny Farm

By Karen Singer

 

Chapter 19 – Far-Fetched Fantasy

 

Friday night, both Emily and Caitlin seemed to be so excited that I was learning to really enjoy playing with my toys, that they made sure I got an extra serving of baby food for dinner.  Wasn’t that nice of them?  Trust me though, I wasn’t concerned at all about what I was eating.  I was more concerned with watching for the slightest sign that I would have to go pee-pee or poo-poo.  Constantly worrying about it was exhausting.  In fact, one of the things I worried about the most was having to constantly worry about it.

Beyond that, I was waiting.  Waiting and hoping that James would show up soon so we could sit down and “talk.”  I wanted answers, and I wanted the truth!

Both Emily and Caitlin talked animatedly during dinner, mostly about how much fun they had seen me have “playing” with my toys.  As usual, Bill said nothing at all.  In fact, he was even more morose than usual.  Noticeably so.

“Bill, what’s wrong?” Caitlin finally asked.

Bill looked up from the food on his plate.  “What’s wrong with him learning to play?  Nothing.  I think it’s fantastic.  I’m happy to hear it.”

“Then why are you acting like you’re angry at something?”

He stared at Caitlin for a moment, then asked, “Did you go to the doctor today?”

“Yes.  I told you I was going.”

“And?”

“And everything is just fine.  Perfect!”

Bill got up from his chair, staring angrily at her.  He walked away from the table, then stopped and turned back.  “This is not the way we planned it,” he complained.  “It’s too expensive!”

“Bill,” Caitlin replied.  “It is what it is.”

“It doesn’t have to be!” Bill told her angrily before walking off and marching straight upstairs.

Were those tears suddenly in Caitlin’s eyes?  I could only wonder what that argument had been about.  But then, I was nothing but a baby.  Nobody told me anything.  One thing came through perfectly clearly to me though, since Caitlin had gone to the doctor, that had to mean she had some kind of medical issue that she was reluctant to tell anyone about.  She had said that everything was fine though.  Perfect.  But what did that mean?

As always, my chores came right after dinner.  When I removed the bag from my diaper pail, I couldn’t help but notice it was more full than usual.  It’s a good thing I changed it every other day.  I don’t think it could go much longer than that.

Loading the dishwasher and doing the laundry were becoming mindless chores.  Enough that I didn’t need to think about them that much, which was good because my mind was more preoccupied with worrying about how much I was worried about not going pee-pee right away so I wouldn’t leak.  Being worried about worrying about it was nearly driving me crazy, just like I was worried about whatever conspiracy the family had going against me.

“Hey Dad,” James said.

I looked up to see him standing in the doorway to the laundry room, and I was very glad to see him.

“Come on,” he said.  “Let’s talk.”

Yeah!  Let’s talk alright.  But this time it was going to be about what I wanted to talk about.  Did I need to pee yet?  Nope.  I felt no sign of it.  Like last week, he led us to the office where he again took the chair behind my desk.

“I’ve been looking at boats,” James said happily as I sat down in my wet diaper and removed the pacifier from my mouth.

“Wait!” I said.

He seemed startled.  “Dad, we discussed this last week.  I want to buy…”

“No!  Wait!  Listen to me.  This is important!”

He seemed confused.  “What?”

“This is the first chance I’ve had to sit down with either you or Ashley since you were here last Saturday, and something is worrying me.  A lot!”

He shook his head.  “Dad, you know you don’t have to worry about anything.  That’s our job.  You can just…”

“Stop it.  Listen!”

“Alright,” he said.  “What’s your problem?”

“Are you, or are you not, all planning on having me declared mentally incompetent so you can permanently take over my entire life?”

He seemed startled.  “Incompetent!  You’re not incompetent.”

“No, I’m not.  Not yet.  But isn’t part of your plan with all this to make me incompetent so you can have me permanently committed somewhere?”

He seemed shocked.  “Of course not.  What brought this on?”

“Last Saturday while you were working on my room.  Nichole was watching me upstairs all day, and she told me that you’re all planning on getting me to the point where you can have me declared mentally incompetent.”

“Dad, why the hell would we do that?  We want you to stop this silly suicide business, not ruin your life.  We eventually want just the opposite for you, to be completely normal.”

“That’s not what she said.  She said that declaring me incompetent would open up what she called opportunities.”

“Opportunities?  What did she mean by that?  It makes no sense.”

“That’s what she told me, and she seemed pretty certain of it.  She also said that Mike and Bill were in agreement with her about it.  It’s been worrying me all week ever since, and now before we do anything else, I just need to know if it’s true or not.”

“No.  Absolutely not!  But I promise, I’ll look into it.  What opportunities is she thinking of?”

“She wouldn’t say, but if you’re looking into things, I know that Bill isn’t happy with things either.”

“I know he argued with me over wanting to handle your money affairs himself instead of me since he’s living here.”

“I don’t doubt that at all,” I told him.  “Last week, after our talk about the fishing trips, he gave me an earful about how he should be the one handling my affairs instead of you.”

“What did he say?” James asked.

“Let’s just say he wasn’t happy about the way things stand right now.”

He nodded.  “Yeah, like I said, that much I already know.  I think Ashley will agree with me though, things are better for everyone if I continue to take care of your business.  Do you have any objections to that?”

I shook my head.  “No.  In fact, I feel safer with you doing it than him.  I trust you.  I’m not completely sure how much I trust him.  He’s never given me any reason not to, but…you’re my son, he’s just my grandson in-law.  And now hearing that everyone wants to eventually have me declared incompetent for some unknown reason, I simply don’t know what to think anymore.”

“I don’t want you to be incompetent.  I know Ashley doesn’t want it either.  It doesn't make sense.  That would be stupid.”

“And so would I if they ever managed it.”

“Which would be impossible,” he pointed out.

“Maybe,” I agreed.  “But right now, my life isn’t exactly the bed of baby roses everyone thinks it is.”

“What’s that mean?”

“Nichole!  She’s evil.  And I mean…evil!”

“Don’t be…”

“I’m not being ridiculous!  Listen.  Her goal is to make me not just incontinent, but incompetent too.  I’m sure of it.”

James shook his head.  “I’m sure it might seem that way to you, but the truth about the incontinence thing is that both Ashley and I were a bit reluctant for them to try to do that to you, but both Caitlin and Emily seemed to think it would be an important part of you becoming a baby again so this therapy can work for you.  And since they’re both living here and are your principal care givers, Ash and I went along with it.”  He chuckled.  “In the unlikely event that they do actually make you that way, I’m sure you can relearn it all in a matter of time.  If a toddler can do it, you certainly can.  In the meantime, since they think it’s so important for you, I’m afraid you’re just going to have to go along with it and suffer through whatever they want.”

It certainly wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear.  “You have no idea how much I’m worried about all that right now.  No idea at all.”

He chuckled again.  “Then don’t worry about it.  That’s the point of all this.  You don’t have to worry about anything.”

But I was worried.  Worried to death!  And afraid.  “And how about that electric zapper thing that Nichole uses on me,” I asked.  “The pain she hits me with sends me screaming every time.”

He was suddenly a lot more concerned.  “Electric Zapper?  What are you talking about?”

“When she comes over, the first thing she does is to shove something absolutely huge into my ass.  Something so big that it hurts like you wouldn’t believe.”

“Why the hell would she do that?”

“I’m sure she’s trying to stretch my asshole to make it impossible for me to hold back whenever I need to go poo-poo.”

He seemed startled for a moment, but he soon recovered.  “Something huge,” he said.

“Yes!  And after that, she attaches some kind of device to my cock and balls that she has hooked up to her cellphone so all she has to do is push a button and it shocks the hell out of me.”

“Are you sure you’re not making this up?” he asked.

“No!  I’m telling you the truth.  The woman is evil!  One-hundred percent evil!  And her goal is to make a complete imbecile out of me so she can have me declared incompetent, so she can get what she called opportunities.”

James shook his head.  “Everything you’re telling me sounds completely far-fetched.  It’s like you’re describing some kind of fantasy life.  What opportunities could she possibly get?  I’ve got all your money accounted for down to the last penny, and so far, everything is doing just fine.  Nobody but me can do anything at all with your money.  When I took over your finances, I changed all of your passwords so that nobody, not even you, can get into them.  The only other person who has those passwords is Ashley in case anything should happen to me.  There’s no way that Bill or anyone else can get into any of your accounts.”

He stared at me for a moment before he continued.  “Dad, you were a top executive at your firm for a long time.  Your salary was substantial all by itself.  But when you retired, the bonus they handed you was huge.  Plus, you’re still holding all that stock in your company.  Even by today’s standards most people would call you wealthy, and that’s not including all your other investments.  That’s also not including the money that Mom saved up over the years as well, that of course got folded into your accounts after she died.”

He shook his head.  “Dad.  Look.  Since you’re so worried about all of this, I promise I’ll look into it and see if there’s anything at all that you have to worry about…from any of us.  But rest assured, we’re not planning on having you committed in any way at all.  Just the opposite in fact.  As much as it doesn’t seem like it, we all just want you back to normal again.”

“Not everyone!” I told him.

 

--- §§§§§§§§§§ ---

 

“How’d your talk go with your father this week?” Jennifer asked her husband as James walked into his house.

“Difficult!” James told her.

“Oh no,” Jennifer replied.  “And you said last week had gone so well.”

“It did.  But this time he was totally locked into some kind of conspiracy fantasy about all of us wanting to make him not just incontinent, but incompetent.  All so we could have him permanently committed somewhere.”

“Why would he think something like that?”

“Who knows, but he seems particularly focused on Nichole and some kind of outrageous treatment she’s doing with him.  He made it sound like she’s torturing him to death.”

“Torturing him!  That’s crazy.  She’s even taking a few days a week off from work each week now to help him.”

“Yeah, I know.  But Dad is convinced she’s got other things in mind for him.”

“Like what?”

“Who knows?  All he’d say is that having him declared incompetent would open up what he called opportunities for her.”

“Opportunities?  What’s that mean?”

“Even he didn’t know, and it’s his fantasy.  I do know that Bill made it clear to him last week that he should be the one managing his finances instead of me.”

“Does he want to change who’s doing it?” Jennifer asked.

“No.  He was pretty clear that he doesn’t trust Bill.  Personally, I’m not sure I trust him either.  But I explained to Dad that all his finances are locked down so nobody but me and Ashley can get at them, and I know Ash isn’t interested in any of that.”

“What are you going to do then?” Jennifer asked.

“I don’t know.  I do think though that I should let Doctor Clive know about all this.  Especially since he seems so worried about it.  We want him to not worry about anything, and this is just the opposite.”

“It’s Friday,” Jennifer pointed out.  “Tomorrow is Saturday.  I doubt the doctor is going to be in until Monday.”

“True.  I do have her home number though in case I need it.”

“But that’s for emergencies.  Are you sure this qualifies?”

James thought about that.  “Absolutely not!  This whole thing is just a far-fetched fantasy his brain has somehow concocted.  Maybe it’s just his way of trying to get out of this therapy we put together for him.”

“That sounds most likely,” she agreed.

“I guess I should call Ash though and let her know what’s going on.  Then Monday, I’ll contact the doctor.”

“Sounds like a good plan,” Jennifer agreed.  “So, did he say anything at all about the boat you want to buy?”

“The subject never came up.”