Gramps - Chapter 19

 

Gramps

By Karen Singer

 

Chapter 19

 

Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall.  Ninety-nine bottles of beer.  You take one down, pass it around, ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall.  Ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall.  Ninety….  Okay, you all know the old song.  It would take an entire chapter just to write it all down.  I didn’t have ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, but I did have six bottles in the refrigerator.  None of the bottles I had contained beer, although I’d rather have the beer than what was in them.

When I discovered six bottles in my refrigerator on Monday morning instead of the previous five, I noticed that three of them held white stuff.  Drinking them later confirmed my worst fears.  Baby formula.  I think you can all agree that I should have kept my big mouth shut in the supermarket the day before.

My life had been ruled by schedules before.  Kimmie had relaxed that schedule by quite a bit for me now, but it was still ruled by schedules.  And yes, some of that schedule was of my own doing because of my own habits.

I got up at seven o’clock every morning, which seemed to work out well for Kimmie so she could get to work.  Most of the time I went from my bed straight into the bathroom where I shaved my face, shed my nasty bulk of night diaper, and stepped into the shower to get my body as clean as possible.  I usually spent more time in the shower than I should, just because it felt so good.  There were a few days on the weekends when Kimmie kept me in my night diaper until after breakfast, but those days didn’t happen often.  In fact, on weekends, parts of my schedule went out the window completely, but not all of it.  Especially not Kimmie’s rules for my life.

When I got out of the shower every day, Kimmie was always waiting for me.  She made me smell embarrassingly like a baby each time by putting an overly generous amount of baby powder on me before pulling my first daytime diaper in place.  Then she always seemed to take great delight in dressing me according to whatever whim she had in mind.  Lately, it was like a toddler.  Uh…a girl toddler.

Monday morning, I was pleased again to realize she was putting me in another little skirt to cover my diaper all day, along with the little girl shoes.  Oh, and of course another pair of those sweet little socks.

At eight o'clock each day, I had to try and shit in my nice clean and usually dry diaper, just before Kimmie went off to work, leaving me alone with just her camera system all over the house to keep an eye on me.  At nine o’clock, I had to try and shit again, followed by twenty minutes filming myself sucking my baby pacifier with my cellphone.  Ten o’clock, try to shit again.  Eleven o’clock, shit and film.  Twelve, shit again, then have lunch.  One o’clock, shit and film.  Two o’clock, shit, then change my diaper (finally!).  Three o’clock, shit and film.  Four, oh shit!  Five, shit and film again.  Kimmie usually came home around then, but the schedule kept going no matter what else was going on.

Every evening, Kimmie and I walked the perimeter of my big backyard.  Sometimes before dinner, sometimes after, but usually before dinner because the days were getting shorter and it was pretty dark out there.  But Kimmie still forced me to get my exercise, even in the dark.  We just carried flashlights if we needed them.

At eight o’clock, right after my pooping exercise, Kimmie cleaned me up, put me in my night diaper, and dressed me for bed.  Instead of that lightweight pretty nightgown thing that didn’t even cover my diaper, I was now dressed overly warmly in the fleece footed pajama thing.  Yeah, it was certainly soft.  But darn it was warm.  Especially with a wet diaper underneath.

My schedule ended at eight-thirty every night when she put me to bed.  Being relieved of the schedule was like a huge weight lifted from my life.  Unfortunately, it came back every morning when I woke up.  The truth was, there was no relief from it.  Not as long as Kimmie had me continuing to dance to her tune.

I remember it well, just like I’ll never forget the things that happened afterwards.  It was the third week in November when it all started for me.  For Kimmie it had started at the beginning of November, I just hadn’t known about it.  Remember that last time, early in November when Kimmie sat herself down in my lap?  (The pony conversation!  Remember?  Ponies.  Come on people, keep up here).  Well, it was the third week of November, exactly one week before Thanksgiving, when Kimmie suddenly turned off the TV on me and forced her way into my lap again.

She hugged my neck tightly, and kissed me on the cheek probably harder than she ever had.  “I love you Gramps,” she told me.  “I love you so much.”  Then she squeezed my neck again.

I pulled the baby pacifier from my mouth so I could talk.  “I love you too Kimmie,” I told her.  “Very much, but I’m still not buying you a pony.”

“Oh Gramps!” she whined  “Please?  Pretty please?  Pretty please with sugar on top?”

“No!” I told her with finality.

“But Gramps.  We could go riding together every day.  And wouldn’t a couple of pretty ponies in the backyard be soooo cute?”

“No!”

She laughed.  “I’m going to wear you down one of these days, she teased.”

“No!” I said once again, and she laughed.

“Gramps,” she said, much more seriously.  “I need to discuss something with you.  Something important.”

I looked at her, so close to me.  Her face was as serious as I’ve ever seen it.  I just sat there and listened.

“Remember, about two years ago when I got so sick?”

“Yeah Kimmie,” I replied softly.  “I remember.  It took you a while to get better.  From what Grams told me, you had a lot of trouble for years with…your body.”

She nodded.  “Yeah, I did.  What we didn’t tell everyone, because I didn’t want everyone to know, is that the last time I was in the hospital for it, they went in and did a partial hysterectomy on me.”

I was shocked.

“Gramps,” she said.  “I can’t have babies.”

I stared at her, then hugged her tightly.  “I’m so sorry Kimmie.  I didn’t know.”

“I didn’t want anyone to know,” she repeated.  “Even Grams didn’t know.  Mom knows, and I’m guessing that she may have told all my aunts, but I’m not sure.  I didn’t want even them to know.  But the way they’re all acting over how I treat you…well, I have to wonder now.”

I wondered exactly what she meant by that.  But she had told me before that the entire family knew about me.  But the family knowing was something that couldn’t be undone.  “You didn’t ask her?  You talk to your mother all the time.”

She nodded.  “I’ve been too…I don’t know.  I just didn’t want everyone to know.  Not being able to have a baby, that’s like…letting the entire family down.”

“Kimmie!  No it’s not!  Who would ever…”

“The women Gramps.  It’s a woman thing, okay?  Trust me.  But it’s something I feel really bad about.  Women are supposed to have babies, and I wanted one someday.  Now, I can’t.  The only good thing about it all is that since the operation I haven’t had any more problems.  None.”

“That’s good,” I told her.  “In fact, it’s great.”

She nodded again, but sadly.  “But it’s not so great.  I wanted to have a baby someday,” she said again.

I hugged her.  “I’m so sorry for you,” I told her.

She hugged me and kissed my cheek.  Then she took a big breath and sighed.  “So Gramps, I think that’s why I seem to love dressing you up so much every day.  That’s why I don’t mind changing your diapers every day, even when they’re full of shit…which is almost always.  That’s why I like loving on you so much.  Gramps, I think you’re like the baby I can’t ever have.  You’re becoming like the child I’ll never get to raise.  And Gramps, I not only love you more than I ever have in my life…which was a lot to begin with…but I love taking care of you too, just as if…you’re mine.  And you are mine,” she added a bit more brightly.  “You’re my Gramps.  I just want you to know how much I love you.  You’ve always been important to me, but now…Gramps, you’re more important to me than ever.”

What could I say to all that?  I hugged her again.  “I love you too Kimme.  You know that.  Very, very much.”

She hugged me again.  “Good!” she said before taking another big breath.  “Because I need you to do something.  In fact, I’m going to insist you do it.  And Gramps, I’m so serious about this, that I’ll go out of my way to make sure you do it, whether you like it or not, which I’m already guessing you won’t.”

I looked at her suspiciously, trying to brace myself for something horrible that I couldn’t imagine.

“Gramps,” she said.  “It’s all arranged.  Everyone is planning on it.”

“What?” I managed to get out of my mouth, although how I said even that one word is beyond me.

“I’m taking you home for Thanksgiving, and I promised everyone that you would be my baby girl the entire time.”

My mouth dropped as I looked at her in disbelief.

“And they’re all expecting to see you that way for Christmas next month too,” she added.

I wanted to say something.  Anything!  I think my mouth worked, but nothing came out.  Too late, Kimmie kept going.

“So Gramps,” she said softly as she rested her forehead against mine.  “I need you to learn how to act more like a baby than ever.  I need you to get used to it so you’ll have no trouble while you’re up there.  Especially around the entire family.  And Gramps, that’s going to have to include everyone, even Uncle Mike and Aunt Marie’s kids.”

It was one unimaginable thing on top of another.  The kids!  My son Michael’s two kids.  I think their names were Ben and Emily, but I wasn’t sure.  It’s hard to remember so many names.  But Ben had to be only about three years old, and I was sure that Emily had turned one shortly before Ruthie died.  The others well, they were all Kimmie’s age or older.  I thought anyway.  As I said, it’s hard to remember the details about so many people.  At least it was for me.

Could I go up there like I was?  Could I go up and act like a total fool…I mean baby, in front of all my kids and grandkids?  The thought simply wouldn’t register in my mind.

Kimmie kissed my cheek, then looked me straight in the eyes.  She held that position until I was looking straight into her eyes.  “Like I said Gramps, this is important for me.  More than you’ll ever know.  So whether you like it or not, I’m ready to force you to do it, so get used to the idea.  Besides, just remember, everyone up there already knows all about you.  And everyone up there is already expecting you to show up dressed and acting like a baby girl.  And I know some of them up there are even looking forward to it.”

I shook my head.  “That’s hard to believe.”

“I know,” she said, “but it’s true.  In fact, Mom decided she really is going to hold a baby shower for you while we’re there.  Won’t that be fun?”

I was aghast.  “A….”

Sitting on my lap, could Kimmie feel that I was wetting…soaking my diaper?