By Karen Singer
Chapter 49 Part 2 of 2
On Sunday, Roger’s corset was beginning to feel like an old irritating friend. At first, Janice had only made him wear it in the evenings or after school. But the amount of time she had made him wear it went longer and longer every day. Then yesterday, instead of wearing it when he came home from work, she had made him wear it all day while he had been working one of his handyman jobs. It wasn’t until after dinner that she had allowed him some blessed relief by letting Carol untie it so he could take it off. Now he was wearing it all day again. He sensed a pattern there. The way it was going, pretty soon she would never let him out of it. He knew it was just a silly thought, but he hoped she didn’t make him wear the stupid thing even in the shower! But with Janice, you never knew.
The church service droned on, and for once he wasn’t paying as much attention as he usually did. He was going to Cass’s Hen Party after the service. Cass hadn’t bothered to show up for church that day. He figured she was still preparing for the party. He would be following Bethany and Tracy to the party so he could find the place. He had driven his own truck to church just because of that.
He looked down at his skirt. He had worn his black dress with the white dots again today. With the corset underneath, he had tightened the belt on it two whole notches more than ever before. But did it help him look more like a real woman? He seriously doubted it, even though he hoped it really did. Besides the corset squeezing his waist… and the breath out of his lungs, he was fairly sure he had lost some weight in the last few weeks. No doubt, the corset had a lot to do with that too. It was hard to eat as much when his stomach was squeezed down to a painful nothing.
He had worn that dress many times to church now. Was it time to get another one? Why did he care? He guessed that if he didn’t really care, then maybe he better start caring. He had no doubt that a real woman would care. And like it or not, his life was heading in that direction. As much as he was somewhat afraid of going to the Hen Party later, he was also looking forward to trying to talk with someone and getting some straightforward advice. He knew Carlita was going to be there. If he could even just get with her for a while he was sure it would help.
He was a bit surprised by the sudden commotion of everyone around him. The sermon had ended… and he hadn’t heard a word of it.
Jessica giggled as she crawled after the stuffed animal that her daughter was dragging behind her. Over and over again, she would chase the toy, and eventually catch it, only to have it dragged it away again in a different direction. It was a great game and she really enjoyed the fun and the company. She still remembered the horror of the time she had spent the day before when she had been so hungry and thirsty and miserable, and there had been nobody around to take care of her. But now her daughter was there playing with her, and despite how humiliated she felt over the way she was forced to behave, she was actually having fun.
She had seen Jimmy there the day before too. He had tried to play with her some, but she could tell he was too upset over seeing her like she was… plus, he didn’t know what to do with her. But Jasmine seemed to really love playing with her. And she couldn’t help it, she was truly enjoying the baby games they were playing together.
Thank God her sister had come around and was now taking care of her. It was so demeaning to be stuck behaving like she was. So very demeaning and humiliating. But as that woman had decreed, she didn’t seem to have any other choice. Her own brain was actually punishing her for so many transgressions. And now that she could feel the shame of acting like she was in front of her own kids, she realized just how much she had wronged her children by doing what she had. Just as the woman had decreed, she now knew that she deserved this punishment. And if she could ever get back to normal again, she swore she would never gamble again! She also swore she would spend far more time with her kids.
She wasn’t totally sure how everything worked… or why everything was working the way it was, other than that her own brain was supposed to be dictating what she could and couldn’t do. Oddly, she could think, but not act in any grownup way at all. She could hear things, but just as oddly, for some reason she didn’t understand most of what was said to her.
Fortunately, she knew who everyone was, but other than that, her brain had totally locked her into this baby mode and she couldn’t seem to find any way out of it. Of course that darn weird grey wall that she saw every time she sat up on her bottom had a lot to do with that. All her ability to do anything but what that woman had dictated was locked away behind that impossible wall. The woman had willed it, and her brain was listening only to what the woman wanted and nothing else.
She only hoped that she would be able to get to work tomorrow, just as the woman had said she could. She was very much looking forward to being able to be an adult again… at least for part of the day. She didn’t know how that was going to work either, she just hoped it would really happen. And in the meantime, she was stuck in baby-mode and totally dependent on everyone else – for everything!
She knew she was going to owe her sister big time for this. She would find some way to make it up to her. Somehow. And despite how she was forced to act, she had learned something more today – her daughter – was a jewel!
“Aunt Katie,” the little girl called. “She’s wet again!”
Roger followed Bethany’s BMW and Tracy’s battered Ford into a fairly well-to-do neighborhood where all the homes appeared to be large… and the lots they were on were even larger. It was easy for Roger to see that it would cost a lot more money to live in that area than he made! Eventually they pulled into the driveway of a large Tudor style home. Since there were already a few cars parked on the lawn, Roger and Bethany both parked their vehicles on the lawn as well. A moment later Tracy parker her car right next to Roger’s truck. Together, the three of them walked across the lush green lawn toward the front door. Roger had a bit of trouble because his heels kept sinking into the soft ground. He quickly found himself putting all his weight only on his toes to prevent that.
Tracy opened the front door without knocking and the three of them went in… and Roger stopped dead in his tracks. He hadn’t been prepared to find a… guy… dressed up in a pink latex French maid’s outfit, gaged with a ball gag, his hands cuffed to a silver serving tray holding a number of glasses filled with Champaign, and chains leading from his wrists up to the collar on his neck. Further inspection showed a short chain leading from the back of the collar to a hook on the wall. The poor guy was forced to stand there holding the tray full of Champaign, offering it for anyone to take.
“Good to see you again, Sam” Bethany greeted him as she took one of the glasses from the tray. The reply she got was only muffled sounds due to the ball gag in his mouth.
“Sam,” Tracy greeted him as well as she also took a glass.
Roger looked at the guy uncertainly. Then he hesitatingly reached out and took a glass too.
“That’s Samantha,” Tracy said. “Don’t worry about the chains and the gag, most of the time, he’d pay to have someone make him do this.”
Roger nodded. “Uh… thanks… uh… Sam.” He got a nod and another muffled response back. He heard Bethany’s flamboyant voice greeting others in the room ahead and he followed Tracy in that direction. He soon found himself in a very large open area where he found quite a number of “women” already there talking with each other in small groups. He paused to look around. It was easy to see that a major percentage of the women there were really men… some being easier to tell than others. But a surprising number of them appeared to be – real women! From where he stood, he could see no sign that they had ever been men… and yet, he knew that everyone at this party was supposed to be a transgendered person of some type.
His attention was grabbed by the appearance of someone wearing a rather sexy French maid’s outfit. The “maid” carried two glasses of Champaign over to one of the groups, where “she” delivered the glasses and took an empty one from someone else. Then she headed back the way she came with the empty glass.
Not knowing where to go or who to talk to, Roger headed for Tracy who had already mingled into one of the groups.
“There you are Candy,” Tracy said as Roger moved in closer. “Ladies,” she said to the others, “I’d like you to meet Candy.” Roger was then introduced to the other ‘women.’ “Candy is doing everything she can right now to transition fully,” Tracy told them. “She’s already looking at the surgery down the road someday.”
Roger could almost feel himself blushing.
“Have you started hormones yet?” one of them asked.
“Not yet,” Roger replied. “I went to see a doctor about it this past week, but… it looks like I need to find a better doctor. This one seemed to have some… personal issues.”
“So you’re definitely ready to start them then?” one of them asked, who to Roger, looked for all the world like a real natural born woman.
Roger nodded. “That’s the plan,” he replied. But as he said it, all he could think about was that mentally, he might be dead set against doing it, but Janice’s will completely overrode any of his own wishes in the matter.
“Are you prepared for the way people will react when they start seeing the changes in you?” the woman asked.
Roger paused a moment before replying. “Well, I’m kind of hoping I either won’t get any reaction at all, or that the reactions I do get will all be good. I’m hoping the hormones will make me look more… real than I do now. As of now, the only time I’m not fully dressing any more is when I’m teaching school. And as soon as the school year ends, that will be it.”
“Are you quitting?” another person in the small group asked, somewhat shocked. “Or are they going to let you keep teaching?”
“Actually,” Roger replied, I’m trying to keep what I’m doing as much away from the school as possible. I don’t want the kids to know.”
“So you are quitting,” one of them stated the obvious.
“Yeah,” Roger confirmed.
“How are you going to support yourself?” another of them asked. “Trust me, transitioning is very expensive. And you don’t even want to talk about the price of surgery later on.”
“Um… I’ve been working for a long time as a handyman… kind of as a second job,” Roger explained. “It’s now going to be my only job. I’ve made pretty good money with it in the past. Now I guess I’ll see if I can make enough to live on.”
“You don’t repair house damage from a falling tree by any chance, do you?” one of them asked somewhat sarcastically, clearly expecting a negative answer.
“Lately, I’ve had a lot of experience with just that kind of problem,” Roger replied.
The woman looked at him surprised. “You wouldn’t happen to have a business card, would you? Finding someone to help me out has been an absolute nightmare!”
Roger shook his head. “I don’t have any cards yet, but I can give you my number if you like or I can take your number and call you later.”
The “woman” quickly dug into the small clutch purse in her hand and pulled out a pen and a small pad. “Okay, give!” Roger rattled off his phone number. The woman looked up at him when he was done. “Is it… safe… to call you Candy on the phone?” she asked.
Roger nodded. “Yeah. In fact, since I seem to be doing all my jobs as Candy now, it’s probably the best thing to call me.” There was something inside him that felt funny about saying that.
“You should really get some business cards,” another of the women suggested.
“My… um… someone else mentioned that a while back,” Roger replied. “They had the idea to put – ‘Candy girl, the handy girl’ on them.”
“Oh! I love it!” one of them remarked. “You should go for it. And I know I wouldn’t mind having one of those cards myself. Good help to fix things is hard to find.” She looked around at the rest of them for a moment before adding, “And whenever possible, I do prefer to throw a little work to anyone else like me.” The others all nodded their agreement.
“I’ll get a bunch of cards to Cass if I ever get them made up,” Roger told them.
“You said you’re now doing all your handyman jobs… as Candy?” one of them asked.
Roger nodded. “It seems so. All my jobs, and everything else in my life too. As I said, the only time I dress as… my old self anymore, is for teaching school and that seems to be about it now.”
“You’re awfully brave,” one of them noted.
He wasn’t sure what the woman meant, but to Roger, it certainly wasn’t a complement. Despite all the work Janice was making him put into looking more and more like a woman, he knew he still didn’t come close yet, but like it or not, he was trying. “I don’t know if I’m brave,” he replied, “but I’m doing my best now to try to figure out how to live more… comfortably with my new self. It’s not easy when everybody looks at you like you’re a lost cast member from a zombie movie or something.”
“Honey, it can take years to get past that point,” one of them replied. The others nodded their agreement.
“The only advice I can give you on that one, is to just try to relax and enjoy everything as much as you can. Just relax and… let yourself enjoy being… yourself.”
“That’s where your psychologist should be helping you,” another one added.
“Yeah, well,” Roger replied, “right now that’s not exactly happening.”
“Find another one,” one of them suggested as Bethany walked up and joined their little discussion.
Roger only nodded, knowing that a psychologist was definitely off of his list.
“Hi darlings,” Bethany said. “What are you all discussing so seriously?”
“Candy is dressing almost full time now,” Tracy explained, “and as soon as school finishes, she’s going to try to live completely as Candy. She’s even doing all her handyman… or is that handygirl… jobs now as Candy too.”
“Is that right?” Bethany asked with a smile. “I see you’re still moving ahead awfully fast, aren’t you?”
Roger nodded. “I guess I seem to be,” he replied. “Right now, as I was just telling them, I’m trying to find ways to be more comfortable with my new self.”
“Just be yourself!” one of them stated with certainty. If you’re moving into full-time mode, then you’re going to be faced with all kinds of situations where you’re going to have to figure out how to act. And none of it’s going to be easy. If I knew a few years ago what I know now, it would have all been a lot less nerve wracking for me. So the best advice I can give you is just be yourself… the self you want to be. Be that person and enjoy it fully. The rest will come in time.”
“Just go with it,” another of them added. “No matter what the situation, just try to deal with it and relax as much as possible.”
“Oh darling,” Bethany added, “The real secret is to have fun with it! No use worrying about whether anybody likes you or the way you look. Forget what anyone else thinks and just enjoy your life. Have fun with it! That’s what I do!”
“And nobody has more fun with it than Bethany!” one of them replied sarcastically with a laugh.
“You’ve got that right, darling!” Bethany replied all too proud of herself. With that, and her head held comically all too high, she walked off to talk with someone else.
“Dinner’s ready,” someone called. Roger turned his head to see yet another person in a black French maid’s uniform. Everyone started moving toward the doors at the back of the room that appeared to lead outside. A few moments later, Roger found himself on a huge covered deck that stretched the length of the back of the house and looked out over a beautifully landscaped yard. There were two long tables set up and Roger caught his first glimpse of Cassandra as she came out of the house and stood at the head of one of the tables.
Roger stuck close to Tracy and took a seat at the other table. He was glad to see Carlita had wound up sitting right across from him. He was also somewhat glad to note that Bethany had chosen a seat at the other table, very close to Cass’s seat. He listened as Cass thanked them all for coming and hoped they all would enjoy the dinner he had prepared. After a small bit of applause, four French maids came out… including Samantha still in his pink latex uniform but minus the chains and the gag… and started delivering food to the tables.
A few minutes later, Roger felt the pressure from a mass of short petticoats pushing against him as one of the maids leaned in to set his dinner in front of him. It looked great and smelled even better. It took only a few mouthfuls for Roger to realize that while Janice was a great cook, she wasn’t in the class that Cassandra was. Of course, Janice cooked everyday normal dishes. The food in front of Roger was more the type he would expect in a very fancy restaurant.
“What’s with all the French maids?” Roger asked softly once everyone had gotten their food.
“Oh honey,” Tracy replied, “Cassie has a couple of them come in a few times a week just to keep her house clean. Not only are they good workers, but Cass is another one who likes to help out and hire from among us. Besides, everyone here is a transwoman in some respect. Can you think of a better way to get that kind of help to take care of a party like this?”
Roger nodded. “Thanks,” he replied. “I guess that does make a lot of sense.”
“Besides,” another one added, “I hear Cass pays pretty good for their services.”
“With a house like this, I have no doubt she can afford it,” another one noted.
“What does Cass do?” Roger asked.
“Well… she wanted to be a chef,” Tracy explained. “She went to school for it and everything. Cooking I guess is kind of her biggest passion.”
“Other than dressing in drag,” Carlita added.
“Yeah,” Tracy laughed. “But things in her life didn’t go the way she planned and she wound up taking charge of her father’s manufacturing company instead. So she just cooks for things like this on the side.”
“It looks like she’s done rather well for herself though,” Roger replied.
“Very!” Tracy agreed. “According to Cass, if life had given her the chance, she would have been more like Carlita here, she would have gone all the way and lived her life totally as a woman. Things just didn’t work out for her like that.”
“You make it sound like something really bad happened. Couldn’t she still do it?”
Tracy shook her head. “Not a chance. Not and still maintain her position in the company… not to mention all that glorious money she seems to make.” She motioned with her hands at everything around them. “Put it this way, would you give up all of this for a sex change?”
“I would,” Carlita said softly.
“Yes,” Tracy replied. “But would you still do it if you could have all the money in the world… but only as a man?”
Carlita stared at her a moment to think about that. Then she nodded. “Yes,” she replied. “Sometimes, you just have to.”
Tracy nodded back. “And sometimes, you’ve just got to make do with what you can. That’s what Cass does. She might want one thing, but life makes her do something else. You’ve just got to do the best you can under whatever circumstances you have to live with.”
Roger could only think of his own circumstances though, because that was what he was trying to do, make the best of what he could with the circumstances life had thrown at him. The problem was, it wasn’t all that easy. But then he figured, life rarely was.
After dinner, everyone seemed to quickly break up into small groups again to go back into the house and talk… while the four French maids quickly attacked the job of clearing the tables. This time, Roger noted that Cassandra was no longer in the kitchen and seemed to be enjoying the role of host… or rather – hostess.
Roger found himself talking with a small group of people, this time including Bethany, who had been as outrageously flamboyant as ever – all day long. Roger was surprised to find that he had actually been enjoying himself all day. All these people had something very much in common with him. No, none of them did what they did under the pressure that he had to endure, but never the less, he found he had a lot in common with them. And he was trying to pick up pointers and suggestions everywhere he could.
During a small lull in the conversation, Roger decided to throw out a question. “Um… pardon me for asking… ladies, but… well… I don’t know any of you very well… other than Bethany here of course, and then only a little. But… well, some of you are to the point where I really can’t tell that you were ever anything other than a woman – from birth! How do you do it? Have you all had the operation already, or are you planning on it soon?”
“Oh, he’s nice!” one of them stated.
“I had my operation almost a year ago,” one of them said.
“It’s been two years now for me,” another one added.
It was a moment before another of them spoke. “The rest of us are still waiting… and planning on it.”
“All except me,” one of them said. “I’m happy living just as I am.”
“But… you’re not a woman?” Roger asked. “Because you all look too real already.”
“Like I said, he really is nice!” one of them stated.
“No,” the “woman” replied. “I like living as a woman, but I’m not going to actually change my sex.”
Roger was finding that a bit hard to figure out. “Why not?” he asked.
“Well, for some, the operation is definitely the way to go. But the truth is, it’s not for everyone. And I can tell you for a fact that I’m not the only one at this party that feels that way. There are a lot of us who just want to live like a woman, but we don’t want our… parts… changed. I don’t even take hormones.”
She shook her head. “Nope.”
“Lucky!” One of the women stated flatly. “If I could just have been born with a body more like yours!”
“How long did it take the rest of you?” Roger asked, “I know I’ll be starting on hormones soon, but how long before people stop noticing that you’re not really a woman?”
“It’s different for everyone,” one of them replied.
“Candy,” Bethany said, “I’ve mentioned it before, but you’re still too impatient about it all. Give it time. You’re trying to move ahead faster than anyone I know. Relax with it and have fun the best you can and stop trying to worry about it so much. It will all happen in time if you keep working at it. Just slow down and try to enjoy the process as much as you can. And just be yourself! Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks of you. You’re the only one that matters!”
Roger saw the other nodding their agreement. The problem was, he was moving ahead so fast only because he had no choice in the matter. And asking these questions was his way of trying to make the best of what he could. But how could he relax and enjoy being what he was, if what he was… and what he was becoming, wasn’t who he really was… and wasn’t what he wanted to be? Janice wanted him to be a woman. And what Janice wanted, was all that really mattered. So how was he supposed to cope with that?
A few moments later, he noticed all the French maids carrying serving trays of Champaign again around the room. He noted that Samantha was again chained to his serving tray and the gag was back in his mouth. He hoped he was enjoying himself. Even Samantha, as perverted as it might seem, had a way to enjoy what he was and what he was doing. But what about him? How was he ever going to come to grips with what he would soon be… and find a way to live… comfortably and peacefully with himself?
How? It just seemed totally impossible. Just like… his impossible whole life!