by Karen Singer
Chapter 13 (Thursday – week 2 Part 4)
Andrea looked up and smiled when she saw Chad walking into the office. “Hi,” she said cheerily. “Don’t you look…” she stopped, searching for the right word.
“Interesting?” Chad offered sarcastically.
Andrea nodded. “Good word. Come on, I’ll take you back.” She led him once again back to the office he was now very familiar with. “Do you still have another bottle in your bag?”
Chad was tempted to say no since then she would probably bring him something to drink in a cup instead of the bottle, but he decided to be cautious instead. “Yeah, there’s still one in there.”
“Good. Drink that and I’ll tell Mel that you’re here.”
Chad was almost finished with his bottle by the time that Mel came in to change his diapers. She had him get undressed and lay down on the floor, then she gave his bottle back to him to finish. As she began pulling supplies out of his diaper bag she said, “Cassie said you were finally messy today when she changed you. Very messy.”
“Yeah, since I left this morning,” he admitted.
“I know,” she said smiling. “I saw you.”
Chad wanted to ask why she had bothered asking if she already knew, but he said nothing.
“Cassie also said she hurt you a lot today. Probably too much. She said she was sorry.”
Chad was suddenly angry. “Then why did she keep at it? And why didn’t she just tell me she was sorry then. Why wait till now?”
“Now, now baby. That’s not for you to decide or say. Those things are up to me or Cassie.”
It was not any kind of answer that Chad wanted to hear. “Can you ask her to not do it again. It hurt. A lot… an awful lot!”
Mel shook her head. “No baby. I asked her to do it. I want you to learn. I think that what she’s doing can help you learn faster.”
“But it hurts!”
“Sorry baby. You’ll just have to learn to control yourself, that’s all.”
Chad put his bottle back into his mouth to finish it. Damn the woman… and that was the problem, she was a woman. She had no idea how impossible what she wanted was. And she had no idea how much it hurt him. But the hurt reminded him of one other problem. “Mistress,” he began.
“I’m sorry about this morning. Are you going to punish me for it?”
Mel stopped what she was doing and looked down at him. “I have to,” she said. “Are you still angry like you were this morning?”
Chad let out a big sigh. “Angry, and frustrated, and disappointed, and scared... and a whole host of other things. And I feel so… stuck!”
“You are stuck. And the sooner you come to grips with that and realize it, the better you’ll feel.”
“But I don’t want to be stuck.”
“I know, baby. But you are, so get used to it. I can see I’m going to have to come up with some little ways to keep reminding you of that for the future.”
“Why? Isn’t what you’re doing enough? Too much maybe?”
“Too much? Not if you still don’t fully understand that!”
Chad sighed and put his bottle back into his mouth again. He understood it. He understood it all too well.
His bottle suddenly finished and Mel took it from him and finished diapering him. When she was done, she got to her feet and said, “I’m going to be a little while still. I’ll have Andrea get you another drink while you’re waiting.”
Chad got to his feet too. “Please don’t,” he said. “I’ve already had way more than enough to drink this afternoon as it is. I had an extra large drink with lunch, then coffee later. I’ve been peeing like crazy all afternoon.”
Mel walked over and stroked his face. “Good baby. Very good baby.” Chad felt pleased by not only her voice but her touch. “But I’ll still have Andrea bring you another one.” And with that she walked out.
Chad hung his head. When would it ever stop?
Mel drove them to the same restaurant for dinner again that they had been to last week. Chad had already wet himself three times before they got there, so he wasn’t at all glad when Mel ordered him another large size drink. He was less pleased when she pulled out another baby bottle for him to drink it out of. He sighed, there was no winning. With more and more people around them beginning to watch him all too closely, he put the thing to his mouth and began drinking. It would do no good to delay it, she would only find some way to further humiliate him with it, no matter what.
All through dinner, Chad tried very hard to ignore the ever increasing number of people who were watching him. He could understand the small laughter and comments he sometimes overheard, but it was all the staring and finger pointing that seemed to get to him the most. He had trouble finishing the steak and baked potato on his plate because he was so uncomfortable under the scrutiny of so many people. Mel on the other hand, looked like she was thoroughly enjoying the situation, at least that’s what it looked like to him.
After dinner Mel drove them directly to the therapist’s office again. Chad was glad because he had been looking forward to it. Now if he could just stop peeing long enough to be able to relax it would really help. He had already stopped counting the number of times he had wet himself since Mel had changed him.
“Hi Gloria,” Mel said as they walked through the door.
“Hi,” the therapist returned, but her eyes were locked on Chad as she quickly made note of every aspect of his appearance. She particularly noted the purse he was carrying. With great effort, she said nothing at all about the way he was dressed since she wanted them to feel comfortable with her professionalism. “Come on in,” she said as she led the way back to the therapy room.
Chad and Mel each went to the same couches they had occupied last time. Gloria stared at Chad for a moment, then said, “If you put your purse down on the floor next to you, you’ll be a lot more comfortable.”
Chad looked embarrassed, “Sorry,” he said as he quickly did as she had suggested.
Gloria wanted to laugh, or at least chuckle, but she carefully controlled herself. She closed the door behind her and turned down the lights just a little. “Ok,” she said, “let’s begin.”
Mel was very familiar with Gloria’s beginning techniques and very soon she felt her stress melting away as her body craved even more of Gloria’s relaxation techniques. But it seemed like only seconds before she heard Gloria start to use the key words that she had given Chad last week to help put him under. She startled out of her relaxed state, worried that she had somehow missed the cue for her to not follow along anymore. But Gloria just smiled at her and continued talking in her very calming voice as she motioned her to lay back again. She glanced over at Chad, his eyes were closed. He looked very relaxed. She was suddenly jealous. She laid back down again and tried to regain what she had so quickly lost.
Chad’s mind was drifting, it felt like his body was drifting too… floating… lightweight and free, and relaxed. It had taken him a few minutes to really get into it, but Gloria’s voice had eventually brought him to this state, and he reveled in it. It felt so good. Just his amazingly relaxed body, and mind, and Gloria’s voice. Calming, relaxing. Making all his problems and stress seem to magically disappear. So nice, so relaxed, so wonderful. As he listened to her words, some phrases that she kept repeating seemed to urge him to relax even more, go deeper, then deeper still. He wanted it so badly.
Mel was startled and opened her eyes when she suddenly felt Gloria touching her arm. Gloria hadn’t even stopped talking as she continued with her relaxing techniques. As Gloria continued talking, she moved closer to Chad alone, concentrating more and more on just him. Telling him to go deeper, then deeper still. Over and over again. Deeper and deeper.
Mel almost missed it when she suddenly realized that Gloria had started planting suggestions in Chad’s brain, reinforcing the key words that she had set last week. Key words that would help Chad go under even quicker and deeper next time. Then it seemed like Gloria was back to relaxing him all over again from the start.
It took Mel a moment to realize it when Gloria suddenly began reminding Chad about his love of wearing and wetting his diapers and how much he really wanted to be incontinent… his dream. The suggestions had been mixed so thoroughly with the relaxing suggestions that they had been hard to separate.
From there, Gloria began concentrating more and more on the diapers he was wearing just then. Telling him he loved wearing diapers, the more he wore them the more he would love wearing them. He would always feel great pleasure from wearing diapers – especially wet diapers. Then she started talking about how much he loved wetting his diapers. He would get so much pleasure from it, strong pleasure, sexual pleasure. So much pleasure that once he felt himself wetting he would never want to stop it.
Gloria seemed to regress again and spend even more time relaxing him, no longer mentioning anything that seemed to do with what her purpose was. But Mel realized it was only a deepening tactic. Taking him further into his hypnotic state for what was to come next.
Gloria asked him if he needed to pee. Mel was almost startled when Chad clearly answered, “Yes.”
“It’s ok for you to pee, anytime,” Gloria told him. “You’re wearing diapers. You can relax those muscles just as much or even more than your other muscles. In fact you should relax them more than your other muscles. You should relax them totally and completely. You love to pee. You want to pee. Let yourself do it whenever you want. And you do want it, don’t you?”
“Yes,” he answered again.
“Are you peeing?” she asked.
Mel saw Chad smile. “Yes.” He answered.
“Good, very good.” Gloria replied. Then she was telling him to relax the muscles that controlled his peeing and his bowel movements even more. Totally relaxed, because he was wearing diapers and he didn’t have to worry about making any kind of a mess. He was wearing diapers. He never had to worry about tightening up those muscles again.
Then Gloria started something that really got Mel’s attention. She started putting Chad through an exercise, where he would completely relax those muscles, then she would tell him to tighten them again. But each time she had him relax them, she told him how wonderful the relaxed state felt, how normal it felt. Each time she had him tighten the muscles, she told him it felt awful, so difficult to do, not normal at all, and really not worth it – for any reason. It was too much trouble for him to bother with. A few minutes later, when his muscles were all relaxed again, she planted the suggestion that the next time she told him to tighten those muscles, he wouldn’t be able to. He would completely forget how to do it. He would no longer be able to find the feelings that controlled those muscles. Over and over again she told him that he could no longer remember how to tighten them up again. Then finally she told him she was going to count down from five to one, and when she got to one he was to tighten those muscles. She began her countdown.
As soon as she got to one, Mel could suddenly see a tiny bit of concern on Chad’s face. “I can’t seem to…” he started to say.
But the therapist was quick to reassure and relax him again. “It’s ok,” she quickly told him. Then she reinforced how good it felt for him to not be able to find and tighten those muscles. Chad seemed to relax all over again under her spell.
Then Gloria started giving him little cues to help remind him to relax. She told him that every time he ate or drank anything he would automatically relax those muscles even more. She told him anytime he saw a woman or a girl, he would do the same thing. And finally she told him that whenever he was sleeping, his muscles would always remain completely and totally relaxed.
Gloria paused in what she was doing and looked up at Mel for a moment. Mel could see the concentration that had been on her face, for a long time now she realized. But what surprised her was when Gloria suddenly raised her eyebrows as if to say. “What the hell, here goes anyway.”
She leaned back toward Chad again and started telling him to think about his diapers, especially his wet diapers. Concentrate on how they feel. Then she asked him to think back, way back to when he was a baby and remember how they felt the same. Over and over again she asked him to find the matching feelings of when he was a baby wearing diapers. Then she asked him to tell him when he had found those feelings. Chad said nothing, but Mel could see the look of concentration on his brow. Gloria kept at him, telling him to find those matching feelings.
Finally, Gloria seemed to sigh a bit. Mel could see that she hadn’t been successful with what she was trying to do and was giving up. Gloria opened her mouth to speak again, but Chad was suddenly smiling, “Yes,” he suddenly said. “I remember.”
Gloria looked startled, she looked back at Mel almost frightened. But she leaned in close to him again. “Think about how your diapers feel,” she told him, “both then and now. Make them feel the same.” Then suddenly Gloria was telling Chad to remember his mother. How he felt about his mother. He loved her. He respected her. She was his authority figure. But what Gloria started telling him next really surprised Mel. Gloria told Chad that Mel was like his mommy now. Then she had him overlaying his feelings of respect and love for his mother with Mel. Mommy and Mommy Mel. The same. Over and over again.
Finally, she started talking about remembering what it felt like every time his mommy punished him. How did he feel? How did he react? How did he behave? And that those feeling back then should now be the way he reacted every time that Mommy Mel punished him too. Over and over again she told him.
Gloria leaned back and caught her breath again, then she started bringing Chad out of it, very slowly, telling him the entire time that when he was finally awake he would never remember being hypnotized, but that his subconscious would remember to do all the things she had told him he could do. She told him that when he woke up he would feel really great and happy, happier than he had been all day. It was a very fine and gradual process. And eventually, Mel realized that Gloria was suddenly speaking about things no different at all than what she usually went through during her own relaxation sessions.
And all too soon, the session was over. Chad opened his eyes and sat up. “That was great!” he exclaimed.
“Yes, it was,” Mel replied looking seriously at Gloria. She noticed how tired Gloria suddenly seemed to look. Mel looked at her watch. She couldn’t believe it. The session had lasted an entire half an hour longer than it should have. No wonder Gloria looked so tired.
As they left the office, Gloria touched Mel’s arm and said softly, “call me tomorrow.”
“I will, and thanks,” Mel replied. “It was amazing!”
As they were driving back to Mel’s office so Chad could pick up his car, he thanked Mel for taking him to the therapy session. “Wow, you wouldn’t believe how relaxed my whole body feels, even now!”
Mel only wished she felt half as good since she didn’t get to experience but a small part of it. But overall, she considered that the entire thing had been well worth it.
But Chad was still talking. “You wouldn’t believe it,” he said, his voice sounding as if something strange was going on, “I think I’m relaxed in places I didn’t even know I had!”
Mel smiled but said nothing. She had a pretty good idea what those places were, and Chad’s comment was certainly good news to her.