by Karen Singer
Chapter 18 (Tuesday – week 3 Part 3of 7)
Cassie watched as Chad fastened his pants. “I’ll have to tell Mel,” she said, referring to everything she didn’t do today.
“I know,” he said sadly. He didn’t really care. He was in for it one way or another.
She tried to sound brighter, happier. “Hey, but we’ll have some fun tonight though.”
He was caught off guard. “Tonight? What’s happening tonight?”
“Mel didn’t tell you?”
She shook her head. “If she hasn’t said anything, then maybe I shouldn’t.” He was completely dressed now. She opened the door for him. “See you later,” she said simply.
Chad was puzzled. What did Mel have planned for tonight? And Cassie had said that they would have fun. The way she said it seemed to sound like he might have some fun too. Fun? That would be so nice. But the way things were going so far for him today, he seriously doubted that Mel would let him have any fun at all. Pain – severe pain was more like the plan for tonight!
The way he was feeling, he decided to skip lunch and just go back to the office. He was too depressed just then to eat anything.
Court was mostly a “sit around and wait” session while the case in front of hers bogged down the system. The whole time she waited, she brooded about Chad. Could it really be her fault? She really wasn’t all that sure. Ok, Gloria had made some points. Some good points she finally had to admit. But what should she do about it?
Chad brooded all afternoon. It was hard to concentrate on his work. It got even harder when Robin stuck her head in his cubicle, then started giggling and had to leave. She didn’t come back. He was glad. He was in no mood for her company, even for work. He had really screwed up this morning. Badly. His dumb temper had gotten the best of him. Then to make matters worse, he had screwed things up with Cassie too. He was in for a really rough time, and the worst part was, he knew he deserved it. He thought again about Cassie’s mention of fun. Fun would have been very nice.
Mel checked her messages as soon as she got back to her car after court. She saw one from Cassie and returned her call. “Hi Cassie, it’s Mel.”
“Hi Mel. Hey, what’s up with Sissy today?”
“What do you mean?”
“He seemed to be really out of sorts today. And I got the impression that he’s pretty depressed about something.”
“Yeah, it’s probably my fault.”
“Listen, I put the suppository in him before I diapered him again, but when I tried to stimulate him a bit, he asked me not to, and I didn’t. I know I should have done it for you Mel, but geez, I kind of feel for the guy, you know? I hate hurting him so much.”
“Yeah, Cassie. It’s ok. Don’t worry about it.”
“He said you weren’t putting any of the suppositories up in him anymore. Should I keep doing it, or can I stop?”
“No, don’t stop. Not yet at least. That’s my fault too. I’ve been getting lazy lately and not bothering. I need to get back into it a bit more. I’m planning on stopping them, but not yet. Ok?”
“Sure Mel. Whatever you want. I just wanted to let you know. He was really in a mood today.”
“Thanks, Cassie. It’s something that I have to deal with.”
“Ok, Mel. Is tonight still on?”
“Yeah, I told Sandy I’d bring him by around seven o’clock.”
“Great. I know she’s really looking forward to it. He doesn’t know yet, does he?”
“No, not yet. Thanks, Cassie. I’ll see you later.” Mel put her phone away. Gloria had been right, she really needed to talk to him. She glanced at her watch, it was the middle of the afternoon, he would be at work, and she had that darn date tonight. She pulled her phone out again and made a few more quick calls. Then she started her car and pulled out of the parking lot.
It was break time! Finally! Robin got up from her chair and paused. She seriously thought about stopping by Chad’s desk and saying, “Sissy, do you want to go to break with me?” But she didn’t. She couldn’t wait to tell her friends about it though. As she left her cubicle, she glance into his, he was working on their project. She didn’t pause long enough to see anymore. She had dirt to dish to her friends!
As soon as she got to the break room, her friends were all asking to know what she had found out. They had all reminded her earlier in the day that she had promised to get them information, and now she had, some of it anyway. She took the time to slowly pour her coffee, then slowly saunter over to the table with a big grin on her face, just to build up their excitement. This time one of her friends found a chair and prominently placed it at the crowded table for her. She sat down like a queen and sipped her coffee.
“Ok girl! Dish!” One of her friends finally said.
She laughed. “Oh God! Wait till you hear! When I walked in there, I didn’t see him at all, so I asked the receptionist about him and she didn’t even know who I was talking about. It actually took her a minute to figure it out… and get this… he’s telling them there that his name is Sissy!” There were gasps and laughter all around. None of the women could believe it.
“What does he think he’s doing?” one of the women asked.
Robin shook her head. “I don’t know.”
“He’s obviously playing some kind of weird game,” another person said.
“Yeah, but what?” Someone replied.
“So what’s he doing in there then?” Someone else finally asked.
“That’s just it,” Robin replied. “I still don’t know… and neither did the receptionist! He goes in there every day and goes to the back somewhere with one of the trainers, then he comes out again a little while later. I swear, that’s all the receptionist could tell me!”
“Weird!” one of her friends said.
“Yeah, really strange,” someone else added.
“So should we all start calling him Sissy now?” one of the women giggled.
There was a lot of laughter from all around as woman after woman went through funny scenarios of walking up to him and using Sissy as his name. Robin laughed too. She had almost done just that earlier before she came to break, but had decided against it.
“So Robin,” one of the women finally asked anxiously. “Are you going to call him Sissy now?”
Robin thought about it for a minute. “No,” she finally decided. “I get the feeling he doesn’t want anyone here knowing about that. So no… at least not yet!”
“But later?” Someone asked.
She nodded. “Oh yeah. Eventually for sure!” There was another loud round of laughter from everyone.
Chad turned quickly in his seat at the sound of Mel’s voice. He was shocked to see her standing at the entrance to his cubicle.
“What are you doing here?”
“Get your purse and come with me,” she said.
“But I’m supposed to be working!”
“Don’t worry about it. Just come with me.”
He was very hesitant, but he got his purse out of his desk drawer and followed her – all the way outside and to her car that was parked right near the door. “Where are we going?” he asked.
“I don’t know yet,” she replied. “Let’s just drive.”
Neither one of them said a word as she pulled out of the parking lot. The silence continued as they drove further down the street. Mel was just driving. She had no destination in mind she just followed the road as the awkward silence continued to grow between them. The silence was shattered when they both spoke at exactly the same time.
“I’m sorry,” Chad said as Mel was saying. “We really need to talk.”
They looked briefly at each other, but Mel had to keep her eyes on the traffic and the awkward silence began to build up again. Not knowing what else to do, Mel suddenly pulled her car off the road into the first available driveway and parked in the first available spot she could find. She shut off the engine. They each looked at each other briefly, then both of them stared straight ahead out the windshield at the stream of passing cars on the road in front of them. Neither one of them really knew where to start.
“I’m sorry,” Chad finally got out, still looking ahead at the passing cars.
“Me too,” she admitted, also looking straight ahead.
“I know I was wrong for acting like I did this morning, but…” he searched for words to explain how he felt, and when he found them, they almost exploded. “But I was just so damn frustrated! I don’t know what you want anymore! I’m trying, I really am, but am I doing something right? Am I doing something wrong? I don’t know! You won’t tell me. Last week was great, I knew where I stood and you told me everything you wanted me to do. But now? I don’t have a clue! And it’s like you use me for your own little sexual needs, then put me away out of sight and out of mind. I might as well be your damn… dildo for all you care!” She winced at his words. “I’m sorry,” he said again, much more contritely. “I don’t know what’s really gotten into me. Just take me back to work and I’ll gladly take whatever punishment you have planned for me later. I deserve it. This won’t happen again… I hope.” He sighed and kept staring out the window.
She looked over at him. He wouldn’t even look at her. She could see how frustrated and angry he still was. She stared at the purse he was holding in his lap and all the women’s clothes he was wearing on his body. This all had to be enormously difficult for him. From what she had read, almost nobody ever did the things in real life that she was making him do. Yet he had done them and she knew that deep down he was loving it. But still, it had to be so difficult for him.
“I’m sorry too,” she finally said softly. “You’re right about absolutely everything.” He still wouldn’t look at her. “It’s just that… you’ve come so far, so fast and… well, the truth is that lately I’ve just been lazy. Too lazy. I forgot that while you’re working so hard at everything that I have responsibilities too. I neglected them. All of them. I’m sorry.” Was he even hearing her? He didn’t act like it. He just kept continuing to pout as he stared out the windshield. “What can I do to make it up to you?” she finally asked.
“Don’t punish me for one!” he said flatly, continuing to stare at the traffic ahead of him.
“I’m not going to punish you. This is my fault, not yours.” Finally he looked at her. It was the first good sign she had seen.
“Can I have my old clothes back?” he asked hopefully.
“No!” He winced, but she saw him smile too. They looked at each other for a moment.
“I just need to know what you want,” he finally said. “Do you like something, do you not like something. It’s like I’ve been cast adrift lately. Like you don’t care about me at all… and I know that you shouldn’t care about me, there’s no reason for it, but still… I guess I’m just feeling sorry for myself today. That’s all.”
She nodded. “I don’t blame you. I think I’d feel the same way. Probably worse. Look, I promise to try harder again. Ok?”
He nodded this time. “Yeah. Me too. And Mel, I’m really sorry about this morning.”
“So am I Chad. I’m sorry for neglecting you so badly.” She had purposely used his real name, just as she had noticed he had used hers. They were out of character just then. No role playing at all.
“When is your divorce final?” she asked.
“The end of next week.”
“Maybe we’ll plan something special for then.”
He shook his head. “I don’t think I want to do anything. It’s too depressing.”
“Ok, we’ll see when the time comes.”
They stared at each other for a moment, each of them trying to figure out where to go next. Finally he said, “Mel, I liked it when you left me notes every day. It was easier to know what you wanted me to do or to wear. Can you do that again?”
She thought about it. “I don’t know, Sissy.” She purposely used the name she had given him this time, bringing them both back where they belonged. “I don’t think you need it anymore. You know what I want you to do now.”
“But that’s just it, I don’t know! What pants do you want me to wear? What shirt? I have no idea!”
“Those are your choices now. I want you to get used to selecting your own clothes.”
“My choices? What choices? The only male clothes I have left are my shirts. There are no choices anymore!”
“You still have choices,” she replied. “They’re just different ones now.”
“Yeah,” he replied a bit sullenly. “Very different!”
She laughed just a bit. “You’ll get used to it… in time. What do your friends at work say?” she asked.
“What friends! Nobody talks to me anymore. Nobody! Except Robin, of course.”
“She’s the one you work with?”
“Yeah, she has the desk next to mine.”
Mel was surprised to feel the pangs of jealously rearing up in her again at his mention of the woman. But she had asked for it when she brought the subject up. Annoyed, she started her car again. It was time to get moving.
“What’s happening tonight?” he asked as she drove out of the parking lot.
“Ugh! Don’t remind me!”
“Well?” he asked. “Cassie hinted at something, but she wouldn’t tell me what.”
She sighed. “I have a date tonight that I’d much rather not have.”
“So? What’s that got to do with me?”
She smiled wickedly at him for a moment. “While I’m gone, I’ve agreed to let Sandy babysit you.”
“Because she wants to. And because she and Cassie have been a big help to me so far! So I’m expecting you to behave yourself perfectly for them. Is that clear?”
He was still trying to comprehend whatever babysitting might mean. “I guess so,” he finally replied. “Hey, where are we going? My company is back the other way.”
“Home,” she replied. “You can help me get ready for my date tonight.”
Robin checked around the corner at Chad’s desk yet again. He was still gone and work was over for the day. He had been gone since she came back from break. His computer was still on, but there was no sign of him at all. She was a bit worried about him. Since it was the end of the day, she shut his computer down and turned off the light over his desk.
Before she left though, she opened the drawer where she knew he kept his purse now. It was gone. Puzzled, she went out to the parking lot. As she got into her car, she spotted his car, still there. What had happened to him? Having no clue, she drove home to her family.