by Karen Singer
Chapter 44 (Sunday – week 7 Part 1 of 9)
Fear! Fear and heartbreak! Fear and heartbreak… and humiliation! That’s what he felt. In his dream, he was sitting at his desk, while person after person came by and berated him for what he was. Over and over again, someone new came into his cubicle to tell him in no uncertain terms what a disgrace he was… how disgusting he was. The only one who didn’t, was Robin. He could clearly see her standing back in the distance just watching everything with a satisfied look on her face, as if she was glad he was getting what he deserved. And worse, he knew he deserved it.
And then, amid the turmoil of jeers, his boss, Tom Robinson showed up… and fired him! And everyone applauded. He cried, even in his dream, because he felt so bad… and because he couldn’t blame a single one of them. He could only blame himself. Amid the jeers of his friends, he was forced out of the company as he cried woefully. And still, Robin only looked silently satisfied from the distance… never saying a single word.
He nearly woke up, his sorrow almost pulling him completely out of sleep. But some dreams have a way of hanging on – even when they shouldn’t.
And somehow, in his dream, it was later… much later. And he was out somewhere – with Mel and Derek and Ray. And they all knew he had been fired. Derek and Ray seemed to both agree that he should have been. Over and over again they both told him he got what he deserved! Over and over again they both told him he was a disgusting pervert. There was no sympathy from anyone other than the small look of sorrow on Mel’s face. Yet she did nothing to stick up for him and put an end to their deriding comments.
Over and over again the persecution continued. His dreams somehow flashing back and forth between work and Robin and Derek and Ray… and Mel. Over and over again he was told what a disgusting maggot he was. How he should be totally ashamed of himself. How he should be totally disgusted with himself… and he was ashamed! But not one person ever mentioned what he could possibly do about it… how he could fix it.
He didn’t know it, but there were tears in his physical eyes that matched the sobbing he was doing in his dream state.
Finally, in his dream, he couldn’t take it anymore. He ran! He didn’t know where, he just ran. Every time he saw someone, he turned and ran a different direction, trying to get away from everyone. Till finally, he was alone. Alone. Alone, with nobody yelling at him. Nobody jeering at him. Nobody making fun of him. Nobody berating him in any way. And nobody loving him or even offering a single word of kindness.
He cried. He sobbed. Because he knew without a doubt that he deserved just what he was getting. He was sick. He was perverted. He was… disgusting! And he couldn’t help it. It was just something inside of him… he couldn’t help it! Couldn’t they see that? Didn’t that count for anything?
In his dream, someone touched his shoulder from behind. He turned and saw Mel there, smiling at him. She held him to her and he wept into her shoulder. Her caress felt ever so good. He cried like a baby as she kept telling him she would take care of him. She would fix it. But he didn’t know how she could. He was… unfixable!
She grabbed his hand and led him back toward the others. “How can you fix it?” he asked.
“You’ll see,” she said, sounding awfully kind, awfully sure. She walked him straight up to Derek. “Kiss him,” she said.
He looked at Mel like she was crazy. “You can’t be serious! How can this fix anything?”
“You’ll see,” Mel replied. “Kiss him.”
But he didn’t want to do that. Not at all! The very thought frightened him. “I can’t!”
“But you have to! You can’t fix this till you kiss him!”
“No!” Panic was coursing through his dream body now. Sheer panic!
He noticed that Derek didn’t look very happy about the situation either. Yet Derek wasn’t saying a word, he was only looking like he was horrified by the very idea of it. “No!” he shouted. “This is wrong!”
“But you have to!”
He shook his head. He couldn’t do it. “No! I can’t!”
And the loud thunderous rock music blasted out of his pink clock radio, not just pulling him out of sleep, but jerking him harshly out of a nightmare that should have woken him long before. For a moment, all he could do was to lay there and pant, trying to get his breath, trying to remember what he had been dreaming about. Torment and persecution… and something about kissing Derek. Ugh!
A bit more sanity crept into his brain and he realized how miserable the overly loud music was. He rolled off of his blow-up mattress, feeling his legs hitting some empty baby bottles in the process. From his knees he reached over and turned the music off. Whew! The silence was like a huge relief – briefly. But the silence also allowed the feelings of torment and persecution back in again. He didn’t know why, but he felt nothing but sorry for himself. What had he been dreaming about? It wasn’t good, he knew that much. He vaguely remembered something about having to kiss Derek… and then he remembered that it was now Sunday… the day of their date… and that later tonight, he was going to have to kiss Derek – for real. He felt himself suddenly squirming inside over that – and realized he was peeing madly into his diaper at the very thought of it.
Why him? And why did it have to be Derek – his friend – if he could still call him a friend. One thing was for sure, once Derek heard what Robin would tell everyone, he wouldn’t be a friend anymore. He wondered if Robin would call Derek before their date and let him know what happened yesterday. He hoped not. Tomorrow at work and its problems would come soon enough. Please! Please, one more day of normalcy… relative normalcy anyway.
He happened to glance down at the bottles on the floor before he went out to the kitchen to look for her note. They were strewn all over the place from where he had kicked them as he rolled out of bed. But something was amiss. And then he realized what it was. He clearly remembered drinking only three bottles last night before going to bed – just as he always did. But there were four empty bottles on the floor now. Where had the fourth bottle come from?
He remembered waking up yesterday with the odd bottle still in his mouth. Mel! It had to be her. Had she somehow got him to drink another bottle while he was sleeping last night? He found it hard to believe… Yet the proof was there! The appearance of proof anyway. Was it possible she was just trying to trick him into making him think she had fed him another bottle in his sleep? Was it possible she had just put one of his other empty bottles there? It was possible, but it just didn’t sound right. Had she really fed him an entire baby bottle – in his sleep? The very thought of it horrified him… while at the same time, it stirred something in his under exercised pleasure zones. He realized he was still sucking on his pacifier… that much was the way he remembered it. But… was it possible?
Not really knowing, he pulled his pacifier out of his mouth and set it on the cardboard dresser next to his pink clock radio. Then he stumbled out toward the kitchen to see if she had left him a note. He realized it was a bit later than usual… well, later than he had been getting up, that was for sure. What was going on today – other than their date later? He was afraid to find out. It seemed like every single day brought only new horrors and humiliation. It just never seemed to end. He stopped in his tracks in the middle of his living room. But did he want it to end? He thought about that for a moment, but his brain wasn’t working well enough to actually deal with that question yet.
Thirsty for a drink – even from a baby bottle, he continued out to the kitchen to find her note.
Three bottles as usual.
Don’t forget to call me as you’re putting your one diaper on again.
Maids uniform today. As usual, nothing to cover your diaper except your dress.
Grocery shopping today. You can work on your list when you get here.
There was nothing else. Nothing at all. A very short note. Not like yesterday. He still shuddered at the thought of the note from yesterday… not to mention everything that yesterday had brought. He remembered wearing his silly sissy dress to the drug store. Damn! Had he really done that? Unfortunately, he knew all too well that he had. And just the thought of it stirred his unending sexual… need. But yesterday had also brought Robin seeing him in his baby state at Sandy’s. That thought killed any sexual urge he had felt. That thought brought a whole new level of horrors… horrors that waited just around the corner for him – tomorrow!
He pulled three more bottles out of his refrigerator. He noted that two of them weren’t sealed with tape the way she usually did the ones she left for him. He could just open them and pour them out and she’d never know the difference. But he didn’t. He carried them, just as he always did, to his one and only chair, where he sat, and drank, and stared at the childishly colored pictures he had colored in the restaurants a few weeks ago. As he stared at the pictures, he couldn’t help but be reminded that it was he who had colored those pictures, not someone else. Him! And they looked completely like the work of a child… a toddler. If anyone ever saw them and found out… He closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to look at them. He didn’t want to go there.
Mel sat up on the edge of her bed. It was later than usual, but not by a lot. She had allowed them both a bit of extra rest. Of course, ‘he’… should have been up for about half an hour already. She smiled at the thought. Him getting up before her was only as it should be. He should be getting used to getting up before her every day. It would be his job soon to make her morning coffee for her – and bring it to her while she was still in bed. Waking her gently every morning with the aroma of freshly made coffee right there for her. It would be his job… very soon. Very, very soon. She hoped.
But unfortunately, not yet. She padded her way out to her kitchen to start making her coffee herself. Soon. Very soon.
Her phone rang as the coffee was still dripping into the pot. She smiled. It had to be him! “Hello?”
“Good mowning, Mistwess,” his high-pitched sissy voice replied. “I’m just putting my diapew on now.”
He sounded like such a toddler sometimes. The thought made her smile. “Good.” She glanced at the clock. “An hour and forty-five minutes, Sissy. The clock is ticking.”
“Yes, Mistwess,” he replied.
“See you in a little while,” she said just before she hung up her phone.
Chad checked his appearance in the mirror one last time before heading out the door. Everything looked… as usual. His hair was curled and styled as close to a feminine style as Cassie had been able to make it. His makeup looked… okay. He was wearing his blue stud earrings today – because they would go the best with his blue dress that he would be wearing later. He had left all his other jewelry off today. He had a lot of cleaning to do and it would only get in the way. His glued on breasts bulged out the front of his maid’s uniform awfully convincingly. The waist cincher he was wearing underneath his dress constricted his waist horribly – but not nearly as horribly as it used to. And without the girdle he usually wore over top of it when he went to work, it almost felt comfortable. Almost. The bright white apron tied around his waist actually seemed to emphasize how small his waist had shrunk since this whole thing started.
There were no pantyhose covering his freshly shaved legs today. Not on the weekends anymore… or after work for that matter either. Since Mel had started this time limit requirement to make his diaper leak every time, they weren’t allowed. Nothing was allowed to get in the way of his leaking diaper. That thought made him remember how maniacal she had seemed to get lately over how fast he reacted whenever she ordered him to show her his diaper. Exactly two seconds to get his skirt all the way up? It was impossible – and it always brought him a quick and painful punishment from her stick – which she seemed to be keeping closer than usual lately. He glanced down at the low-heeled shoes on his feet. The most comfortable thing he was wearing – by far.
He took a deep breath for courage. He was about to undergo another round… another day… another session of complete servitude and humiliation – both private and in public. And as every single day in the past had been. He had no doubt that today would probably be worse than the day before… although how that could be possible he didn’t know. Although she always seemed to surprise him and find a way. He thought again about the date they had tonight. She and Ray… and him and Derek. Ugh! The very thought sent shivers down his spine. Well, Mel wouldn’t have to work very hard to make today extra humiliating. The date for tonight practically guaranteed that!
With one more gulp of breath for courage, he grabbed his purse, his diaper bag, and the plastic bag containing all seven empty baby bottles. It was time. He went out his door and walked straight to Mel’s apartment – noticing that nobody else seemed to be outside yet. Hooray!
His knock on her door was answered after only a moment. He curtseyed. “Good mowning, Mistwess,” he said in his sissy voice.
Mel smiled broadly at the sight of him – and especially at his curtsey. She just loved seeing him do that. Well, she would give him plenty of practice again today, that was for sure. “Good morning, Sissy,” she replied as she stood back and let him in. She looked him over as he set his purse and diaper bag down under the table by the door. In his uniform, he looked – perfect! Just what she wanted to see. It should always be like this… it would always be like this – no better because he would be living with her! That is, just as soon as she won this bet! Such a bother that they had to wait.
“I have your breakfast all set for you,” she told him.
Baby cereal. Yuck! As Mel put the tray in place, affectively locking him into his highchair, he couldn’t help but think that he should be getting used to the miserable tasting glop she served him every morning. But he wasn’t. Yes, he was getting better at eating it without making such a mess, but he still made somewhat of a mess, and no, he wasn’t getting used to it at all. Worse, it seemed like most of the meals he ate were nothing but baby cereal lately, and none of it tasted very good. He had to admit though, that the breakfast cereals she gave him were by far the worst!
Bib around his neck, tiny baby spoon held in his left fist, he was soon doing his very best to shovel it into his mouth and ignore the lousy taste of the stupid mush. The baby bottle of juice she gave him to go with it came to his rescue frequently! Unfortunately, today, the bottle of juice was gone long before the cereal. Well, he would be getting more bottles today – and very soon. Of that he had no doubt. Especially since he had to keep to his strict wetting schedule.
Once he was done with his breakfast, Mel wiped him off, but she left him in his highchair – again. She brought him another baby bottle, tea this time. His fifth bottle of the day so far. Then she brought him his diet recipe book along with a pen and paper. “Should I plan for any meals with guests?” he asked in his sissy voice. Actually knowing in advance was a good thing.
“Probably not till next week,” Mel replied.
Chad nodded, that was good. Then another thought hit him. “Mistress,” he gulped before he asked his question. Actually he was afraid to ask it. “How about for me? Should I plan on making everything for one or two people?” In other words, how much baby food was he going to be eating next week?
Mel thought about that for a few moments. It was a fair question. The poor guy really did need more than baby food to live on, but he did get lunch somewhere every day. That was something. And later in the week they would probably be eating at restaurants in the evening as usual. That was more decent food. She smiled wickedly at him. “Plan on just making dinner for me every night.”
The look on her face told him more than her words and he died a little bit inside. Baby food. Lots of baby food.