My Funny Farm
By
Karen Singer
Chapter 13 – The One Week
Anniversary – Part 1 of 3
Mrs. Lowrey was back of course on Thursday. Like it or not, Caitlin decided to make me
demonstrate my new sucking routine for her.
She also had me sit there and say, “I’m nothing but a baby,” about a
dozen times for her. Mrs. Lowrey seemed
to get some kind of wicked kick out of all of it. I was starting to like her less and less
every time she showed up.
After both Caitlin and Emily had gone off to work and it was
just Mrs. Lowrey and me in the house, she made me sit there and say that same
dumb phrase over and over again for her.
“I’m nothing but a baby.”
When she stopped me, she made a point to tell me she would
be watching that pacifier in my mouth all day to make sure I was using it
right. Just as soon as I could, I was
going to murder not just my entire family, but Mrs. Lowrey too…right before I
murdered myself! And Mrs. Lowrey managed
to give me a few more reasons to murder her when she made me sit three
different times during the day and tell her that I was nothing but a baby. Could that be considered abuse? I thought so.
Somehow, I managed to actually make it through the entire
day. Emily and Caitlin fixed a nice meal
for all of us for dinner, and I mentally cheered when they served that same
meal to me. Mine of course got served on
those plastic child’s dishes and instead of a fork and knife I only got one of
those baby spoons to use to eat it with.
At least they had cut my meat up into tiny pieces for me. Still, it wasn’t baby food, and it tasted
great!
I never noticed it, but while I was doing my usual evening
chores, Caitlin, Emily, and Bill all disappeared for a while. I didn’t notice it until the doorbell
suddenly rang. I looked all around. Where were they?
“Baby!” Emily’s voice called down from upstairs. “We’re busy.
Please answer the door.”
Answer the door?
Dressed in Emily’s red dress?
The doorbell rang again.
“Baby! Answer it!”
Bill’s voice yelled down the steps.
Like it or not, I went to the door and opened it. I was surprised. It was Mrs. Lowrey.
“Took you long enough,” she said as she pushed her way
inside.
Emily ran down the steps, but this time she was dressed from
head to toe in her read leather outfit.
“Sorry,” she said to Mrs. Lowrey.
“We’re all running a bit late.”
“No problem,” Mrs. Lowrey replied. She looked over at me. “You’re not sucking properly!” she declared.
I was shocked, but I once again started the motion going
with my pacifier. Yeah, I was really
starting to hate that woman.
“Thanks,” Emily told her.
“We’re so grateful that you’re watching out for him like this.”
Was making sure I was sucking my pacifier properly what she
called watching out for me?
Caitlin came downstairs in Emily’s black leather outfit, and
Bill came down right behind her, dressed as a biker again. And then the doorbell rang. Emily quickly opened it, squealed excitedly
and threw herself at whoever was on the other side of the doorway. When she finally stopped hugging him and
moved back, Jared walked into the house.
After saying hi to everyone else, his gaze settled on me.
“I see they finally got you into a dress,” he said, noticing
Emily’s red dress that I was wearing.
His voice sounded mean. “You need
heels, makeup and a wig though. If it
was up to me, your diaper would be full of shit, and you’d stay that way all
the time.”
A nice guy he wasn’t.
He soon left though with the others, and once again I had to spend time
telling Mrs. Lowrey that I was nothing but a baby, before she told me she’d be
keeping an eye on me again to make sure I was sucking properly. Ugh! While
I played with my toys, she sat on my bed with her book, glancing up at me more
often than not to make sure I was doing as I was supposed to. Yeah, murdering her was definitely on my
list, right before I did myself in.
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Friday started out to be one of the most average days
possible in my new life. The doorbell
did ring once while I was watching TV, but Mrs. Lowrey answered it and talked
to whoever was there, before hurrying through the house and out to the
garage. Eventually she came back with a
box in her hands that she carried into my room.
More diapers? I guessed I would
soon find out. I could do little about
it just then, so I put it out of my mind.
Things didn’t get different at all until that night. It was chore-time for me. A time that I actually looked forward to
every day since I got to walk around, move around, and not be such a total baby. I was in the laundry room and had just turned
the dryer on when James walked in.
“Hi baby,” he said nicely.
“How are you?”
“Doing laundry,” I told him.
“And believe it or not, it really is the highlight of my day.”
He chuckled. “Come
on,” he said. “Let’s go to the office.”
It was only then that I realized it was Friday, and he was
supposed to “talk to me” every Friday.
My mind started going over all the thousands of excuses I had for
killing myself as he led me to the office.
He closed the door and took the nice chair at my desk while I sat in a regular
chair.
I pulled the plug from my mouth, set it on the desk where I
hoped it would stay for a while, and asked, “What’s up?” I already knew what he wanted to talk about –
me!
“I think I’m going to buy a boat,” he told me.
My head went spinning for a moment. “A boat?”
“Yeah. Remember all
those fishing trips we took, not just when I was growing up, but you and I have
gone out hundreds of times over the years.
They were great times. All of
them.”
“Yeah, they were. You
and I were pretty good fishing buddies.
But what do you need a boat for?
You can just take mine whenever you want, and you know it. In fact, you’ve done that lots of times.”
“Yeah but…. Dad, I’m
the CFO of my company now. I think I
deserve my own boat.”
“You do know that a boat is nothing but a hole in the water
that you can throw your money into.”
“Dad, you know I make lots of money and Jennifer does
too. We can afford a boat. Easily.
And that’s part of the point I think.
We’ve got money now, and the kids are all out of the house, so why
shouldn’t I buy my own boat?”
“Okay,” I agreed. “I
can see your point. I was just saying,
we’ve used mine for a lot of years.”
“Yes, we have. And
it’s a good boat, but it’s also cheap and basic. I want something really nice.”
“I always kept it running perfectly, and it’s all we ever
needed.”
“I know, but like I said, I think I want something that
everybody and look at and know I’ve got money.”
“Bah! You’re throwing
your money away. All you need is
something to get you out on the lake and that’s it!”
“Yeah, but a little style wouldn’t hurt.”
“For what? You’re out
there to catch fish! Fish that are dirty
and smell. What style?”
He laughed and we spent the next half hour discussing some
of our more memorable fishing trips. I
hate to say it, but I really enjoyed that little talk.
And then he ended it all, and got up. “Okay Dad,” he told me. “That’s enough for this week. We’ll talk more about it next time. See you tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” I asked.
He nodded at me, then walked out.
It was nice to talk about our fishing trips. It was even nicer to be called Dad once
again.
“Baby!” Emily’s voice called. “Back to the laundry!”
Oh well.
I had barely started pulling clothes out of the dryer when
Bill walked in on me. Bill, the nonentity
in the house, because he rarely ever
paid much attention to me. Which was
fine by me. I had enough with Emily and
Caitlin to deal with.
“You know,” he said, “I should be the one handling your
finances, not James. I can do a much
better job of it than he can.”
I was shocked. What
was his problem? I watched as he started
to walk away, then he stopped and turned back to me. “Keeping you from dying was a mistake! And I’m not the only one in this family that
feels that way.” With that, he turned
and walked off.
Something was troubling him, without a doubt. And it wasn’t my fault that I wasn’t
dead. I had tried to kill myself. I still wanted to kill myself. So why did he seem to be blaming me?
A little while later, I was bathed, shaved, and wearing one
of those super thick night diapers. I
had just finished laying in Emily’s lap while she fed me another bottle of baby
formula, making sure I kept to my sucking rhythm. When the bottle was done, she bopped me on
the nose again, kissed me, and told me she loved me. She didn’t put my pacifier in my mouth for
me, but it was laying right next to me on the nightstand.
Emily walked out, and Caitlin walked in. Caitlin was the one who pulled the covers up
over my nearly naked body. I fully
expected her to stick that pacifier back in my mouth again, but she
didn’t. Instead. She pulled something from her pocket and stuck
it to my lips. Since I never saw it, I
was guessing it was another new pacifier, and I let her stick it in. My eyes went wide with shock. What went into my mouth felt like a pacifier,
including the shield that butted up against the outside of my lips, but the
nipple part that was in my mouth was a lot bigger than I was used to. All of it was much bigger, inside and out!
“That pacifier is expensive,” she told me, “so I better not
see any teeth marks on it, ever!” “Now
suck…out…suck…out…”
Once again she set up that same rhythmic sucking motion,
making me do it the way she wanted. She
kept at it for a while, making sure I got the point. “Keep going,” she told me. “I’ll be back every once in a while to check
on you. I want to see that same sucking
motion all night long, even while you’re sleeping. I want you so used to it that it’s
automatic.”
With that, she kissed me on the forehead and said, “Despite
what’s probably popular opinion, I do love you.
A lot! Now suck! Properly!”
She kissed me once again, turned out the light, and walked out.
Automatic?
Shoot! But then I realized that
if they kept at me the way they had been, sucking like that just might start to
become a habit.
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