My Funny Farm - Chapter 15 – The Fantasy of Reality – Part 1 of 2

 

My Funny Farm

By Karen Singer

 

Chapter 15 – The Fantasy of Reality – Part 1 of 2

 

Having a diaper pail right next to your changing table is a handy thing.  The girls could just take my soggy and messy diapers off me, step on the floor pedal to open the lid, drop my diapers in, and forget about them.  Especially since one of my chores every other day was to take the plastic bags containing those diapers out to the trash for them.  But what wasn’t good about it was that they didn’t have to move away from me at all during the entire cleaning and changing process.  They were right there next to me all the time.  Monday morning brought that fact abundantly home so that it was very clear to me.

“Now what are you, and how are you supposed to behave?” Emily asked me as soon as she had me lying on my new changing table and buckled in so I wouldn’t fall.

Ugh!  “I’m a baby, so I should behave like a baby,” I replied, noticing that she hadn’t even started to check my diaper yet.

She looked me in the eyes and said, “Don’t stop now.  In fact, don’t stop until I say you can.”  She stood there looking at me intently…waiting.

I literally sighed.  “I’m a baby, so I should behave like a baby,” I said.  Then I said it again, and again, and again.  She didn’t let me stop saying it until she had removed my night diaper, cleaned me up, layered me in baby lotion and baby powder, stuck a new diaper on me, released the strap holding me in place, and finally dressed me in another short skirt and blouse outfit with a pair of pastel blue socks on my feet.  No shoes again.  I was still saying it as I stepped down onto the little stool to get myself off the table, and I was still saying it until she sat me down in front of the TV for my morning cartoons.

“Good!” she finally declared.  “Now tell me, is holding back and not peeing and pooping with no control acting like a baby?”

“No,” I was forced to admit.

“Then what are you going to do?” she asked.

“Not hold back?” I asked, fairly certain I knew the answer she wanted.

“You better!” she replied.  “And I’m going to ask Mrs. Lowrey to check you more often to make sure.”  She shoved that pacifier back in my mouth.  “Suck…out…suck…out…”  She kept that up for a while too before she finally walked away.  I had a feeling that it was going to be one of those days.  But come to think of it, every day for me was one of those days, and there was no end in sight.

Mrs. Lowrey seemed to get a big kick out of the way I was dressed.  She also absolutely loved my new nursery.  And true to what Emily had said, she did keep checking my diaper all day.  Did I hold back though?  Hell yes!  I didn’t care what Emily and Caitlin wanted as far as that went.  I was going to do things my way.  I was already enough of a baby, even for my warped tastes.  I didn’t need to add that little embarrassment to my list.

All Mrs. Lowrey could do about it though was to keep complaining that I wasn’t wet enough, and to threaten to tell Emily and Caitlin about it as soon as they got home.  I already knew she’d tell them.  She had proven in the past that she would do just that.  The problem was, what were Emily and Caitlin going to do about it?  That damn butt plug came to mind.  Despite worrying about it, somehow I managed to get through the day.

We were all sitting down at the table to dinner that night, when our home was invaded by a couple of visitors.  Mike and Nichole walked in.

“Nichole!” Emily exclaimed happily.  “We didn’t know you were coming.  Want something to eat?”

“No thanks,” Mike told her.  “We’re going out.  We just wanted to stop in with something Nichole wanted to discuss.”

“Oh?  What’s that?” Emily asked.

“Something Jennifer told me today, that Ashley told her,” Nichole replied.

I remembered that Nichole worked with Jennifer in the office for Chris’s construction company.  Between the two of them they did a lot of the scheduling as well as the paperwork for just about everything to do with the company.  I always had the impression that it was a pretty big job.

“What’s that?” Emily asked.

“Jennifer told me that you’re trying something new with his diapers.  Limiting them to just a few every day, and only changing him at certain times.”

“Yeah,” Caitlin confirmed.  “With these new diapers, they last a lot longer, and there’s no need to waste them.  Two regular diapers during the day, and then one of those really big ones at night is all he seems to need.”

“Don’t!” Nichole told her.

“What do you mean?  Why not?  It’ll save a lot of money, and Mrs. Lowrey will only have to change him once when she’s here.”

“Don’t!” Nichole said again.  “Listen,” she said.  “As I understand it, you want him to not hold back when he has to go, right?”

“Yes,” Emily replied.  “Caitlin and I both feel it’s important to help him feel more like a baby if he can’t control himself.”

“Well, that won’t work very well with the way you’re diapering him now.”

“What else should we do?” Caitlin asked.

“Only use the really cheap thin diapers on him instead.  The cheaper and thinner the better.”

“We can probably save more money by using the thicker ones and changing him less,” Emily pointed out.

“Maybe, but that’s not the point,” Nichole told her.  “With the thinner diapers, if he holds back, then he’s going to flood them when he goes, and as I read on the internet, they’re more likely to leak.”

“Yeah, we know,” Emily replied.

“But if he leaks, that means he’s holding back, especially if his diapers are always a little wet to begin with.  The only way he can prevent them from leaking is to not hold back at all.  He’ll have to pee a lot more often, just a tiny bit at a time so those cheap diapers can handle it.  Otherwise, you know he’s holding back, and he won’t be able to hide it.”

Emily looked to Caitlin.  “It does kind of make sense,” she admitted.

“Yeah,” Caitlin agreed.  “But I like the new diapers.  Besides, they’re super cute on him.”

“But cute isn’t their purpose,” Nichole countered.

“They’re one of them,” Caitlin told her.

“But not the main one,” Nichole replied.  “And right now, you need to get him used to not holding back at all so that it becomes a habit for him.  Once he’s to the point where he literally can’t hold back anymore, then you can switch over and use the more expensive ones.”

Emily looked to Caitlin.  “What do you think?”

Caitlin seemed to consider it.  “Maybe,” she agreed.  “But if you don’t mind, I think we should discuss it with Ashley and my dad first.  We did talk to them about our plan to use just three diapers a day.  That’s what they’re expecting us to do.”

“Yeah.  We’ll call them right after dinner,” Emily agreed.

“And while you’re at it,” Nichole said.  “I’ve got another suggestion.”

“What’s that?” Emily asked.

“I talked with Jennifer about it, and she said that now that the weather’s turning cooler and things are slowing down a bit, she can manage without me a few days a week for a while…except when payroll comes around.  On those three days when Mrs. Lowrey has to be here, what if I came to watch him instead?  And then if I need to be in the office, I can always take him with me.  It won’t hurt him to play with his toys on the floor there while I’m working.”

I saw Emily and Caitlin look at each other again.  “It sounds okay to me,” Emily agreed.  “Everyone who’s watching him would be in the family.”

Caitlin nodded.  “Yeah.  Maybe we should let Ashley and my dad know about that too.  Thanks Nichole.  That might be great.”

They might have thought it was great, but I didn’t.  And after listening to Nichole’s plan, my thoughts immediately turned to the subject of incompetence.  Nichole had already told me she wanted to take very good care of me, just to make sure I was behaving like everyone wanted – like an incompetent imbecile!  Something made me regret deciding to not tell Ashley about it when we had talked the day before.  And James wasn’t due to be here again until Friday.

As a baby, in theory, I wasn’t supposed to have to worry about anything, but the reality of it was, I was now more worried about things than anything else in years!

 

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I know both Emily and Caitlin talked on the phone with James and Ashley, although I don’t know why they bothered.  I had no doubt that both of them would agree with Nichole’s suggestions.  Still, I was surprised when Tuesday morning came around and Caitlin dressed me in one of the new thick diapers instead of digging out one of the older cheap thin ones they had first used on me.  I wasn’t sure, but I thought it was possible that they had simply run out of the cheap ones.  I didn’t dare ask though.  I was just thankful for small favors.  I didn’t need more intense training in not holding back.  The training both Caitlin and Emily were giving me was intense enough.

“Keep saying it like you mean it!” Caitlin ordered as she had me on the changing table after removing my nightgown.

Why did Caitlin and Emily have to work at all this stuff so much the same?  I had no doubt they were conspiring together all the time to make sure they both kept after me.  “I’m a baby, so I should behave like a baby,” I babbled on and on and on while she cleaned and changed me.

She stopped me sooner than Emily had done the day before though and left me firmly buckled in place on the table for a few moments before she came back again.  She wasn’t carrying any clothes for me to wear though.  Instead, she was holding my razor.  Once again, she shaved my face for me, after she and Emily had shaved my face and the rest of my body last night.  The last time Caitlin had done that was when….  Yeah, last Tuesday when I had to go to see Doctor Clive.  And it was Tuesday again.

Once she finished shaving me though, it was right back to saying, “I’m a baby, so I should behave like a baby.”  Strangely, instead of giving me girly clothes to wear, she put my nightgown back on me that I had worn for the last few nights.  Yes, it too was girly…or womanly.  Still, I liked it.  I had been looking forward though to seeing what other new girly clothes they might have bought me.  Maybe none.  Maybe I had seen them all now.

Caitlin took me out to the living room like I expected and plopped me down in front of the TV for my cartoons.  But she didn’t turn the TV on.  Instead, she sat down in front of me and said, “Since you’re saying you should behave like a baby, then tell me, is holding back and not peeing and pooping right away acting like a baby?”

I remembered going through this yesterday with Emily.  Yeah, those two were definitely conspiring together.  “No,” I told her.

“So what are you going to do from now on?” she asked.

I sighed.  “Pee and poop as soon as I have to,”

“Good.  Now say it and keep saying it.  And make me believe it.  What are you going to do from now on?”

Oh boy!  Now she was making things worse!  I preferred even those lousy cartoons to this.  “From now on, I’m going to pee and poop as soon as I have to,” I said.

“Don’t stop,” she prompted when I didn’t keep going.  “I want to hear you keep saying it.”

Ugh!  “From now on, I’m going to pee and poop as soon as I have to.  From now on…”  I hated my new life!

She kept me at it for about five minutes before she stuck my pacifier back between my lips.  “Suck…out…suck…out….”  The repetition of everything was getting to be too much.  They were doing their best to make sure I remembered everything a bit too well.  She finally moved away, and I did my best to focus and pay attention to the colorful shapes moving around on the TV screen.  They were far more preferable for me to pay attention to than all the repetitious sayings she had put me through.

There was no doubt that Caitlin was keeping me strictly to my schedule all day.  There was also no doubt that she was hounding me and checking on me more often than usual to make sure I wasn’t holding back…which I was.  I just told her I wasn’t.  Hey, in those thick diapers I was sure she couldn’t really tell the difference anyway.

During my playtimes, it felt strange to be confined to a larger area than I had before, and I was confined by an actual fence they had set up for me.  I now had a few more toys than I had last week as well, but they interested me even less than the first toys they had given me.  I had a spiral shaped ramp to roll some balls down that had pictures of faces on them (oh joy…and useless).  I also had this electronic thing that when I pressed different buttons or pictures on it made animal sounds.  Mostly all I did was stare at the thing and wonder what I should do with it.  More uselessness.  Of course, there were also the three new small stuffed animals that had invaded my fenced-in prison to go with that small stuffed doll they had given me in the beginning.  Now that doll had plenty of company: a white rabbit, a pink pig, and a pink and white unicorn.  Somebody please explain to me how you’re supposed to play with things like that.  I had no earthly idea at all, so I simply left them scattered around like the rest of my toys in that playpen.

And then there was the fleece blanket they had put in there.  That, and that alone was the only thing they had put in my play area that I liked.  It was…yes, girly, but it was also very soft.  Soft enough that my hands simply liked touching it.  I spent some time just holding onto the thing while I watched the rest of my toys doing nothing on the floor around me.  What fun!  Maybe somebody should invent toys that play with themselves.  I certainly didn’t know what to do with them.

All my wonderful, joyful playing and not holding back got interrupted shortly after lunch when Caitlin decided it was time for her to get me ready to go out to see Doctor Clive.  I thought that would be fine, but I soon decided otherwise.  On no!  Oh no!  OH NO!  And yes, I’m afraid I was pretty vocal in my vehement protesting about it.  I had fully expected Caitlin to pull out some of my old clothes for me to wear like she had done last week.  Nope!  And before you start thinking that maybe she dressed me in another short skirt and blouse outfit instead, don’t worry, it didn’t happen.  It wasn’t a skirt and blouse outfit she had for me, it was a dress!  And yes, it was short!

I literally spit that big plug from my mouth.  “No!  I can’t go out wearing that!” I protested the moment I saw it.

“You can, and you will!” she told me in no uncertain terms.  “You agreed to all of this, remember?”

“Yeah but…”

“No buts!  You agreed to it, and I know Aunt Ashley and my dad told you this was going to be part of it.”

Yes, they had told me, but still.  “Yeah but…”

“What’s it going to be?” she asked.  “Do what I say, or do we call Doctor Clive and have them take you back to the city behavioral center like she wants?”

“That’s not fair!” I protested.

“Yes it is!  This is what you agreed to.  Now either put up with it, or get yourself recommitted and save everyone a lot of trouble.”

Oh God.  What had I gotten myself into?

Not getting an answer from me, she pulled the dress over my head and fed my arms through the armholes.  Before zipping up the back of the thing, she kept me sitting up on the changing table and put a pair of white ankle length socks on me and then those black flat shoes, buckling the thin straps on them tightly around my ankles.  Once I was standing on the floor, she turned me around and zipped up the dress.

“Getting there,” she said as she surveyed her work.  “Just one more little thing I think.”

I couldn’t imagine what that would be.  The only other thing I wanted just then was a gun to shoot myself with.  If I did ever make it to Doctor Clive’s office though, I was determined to find out if she really would recommit me if I didn’t do what they wanted.  Somehow, I didn’t think Caitlin had a valid threat to try and use on me.  I was going to make sure she never tried it again.

Caitlin disappeared into my closet and came back a few moments later with….  Huh?  A wig!  A wig of long brown hair.  I stared at the thing in disbelief as she turned it around in her hands, preparing to put the thing on my head.  She suddenly reached out towards me with it, and I automatically stepped back and raised my hand to block her.

“Hold still!” she ordered sternly.  “You’re going to wear it, like it or not.”

Ugh!  I forced myself to stand still and let her settle the thing on my head, pulling and tugging it around until she was satisfied.

“Hang on a minute,” she told me.

I stood there while she disappeared again, this time out of the room.  I moved my head around.  The hair of the wig was perfectly straight and hung down below my shoulders to about my armpits.  I could feel the fringe of bangs all across my forehead.  I could feel the bottom of the hair brushing all around my head and shoulders.  I had a mirror in my room, but I had no intention of looking at myself.  Something told me I wouldn’t like what I would see.

Caitlin hurried back into the room, this time holding a comb.  She ran that comb over and over again all around my hair…I mean my wig.  “There,” she said as she stood back and surveyed her work.  “I think that should do very nicely.  It’s actually quite lovely!”

Lovely?  She had to be kidding!  I never imagined feeling so ridiculous in my life.  I took two steps in that dress and started wondering if the diaper I was wearing under it would be obvious to anyone who looked at me…as if just the fact that I was obviously a man wearing  a dress wasn’t enough.  Oh…a man wearing a dress and a wig…uh…and a big fat diaper!  I tried to turn around and look at my backside, but all I saw was hair in my way.  Did that diaper make my butt look big?  I had no doubt at all.

Caitlin sent me to my playpen…I mean my fenced in play area to play, while she got herself ready to go.  I stood in my play area and looked around at the toys with no intention at all of doing anything with them.  Not that I knew what to do with them anyway.  My mind certainly wasn’t on toys.  It was on the way I was dressed and the fact that I had no doubt that Caitlin was about to try and drag me out into public that way.

Just looking down at the toys sent strands of hair from both sides of my head  to block part of my view.  It was another one of those weird experiences of my life.  I reached up with both hands and brushed the hair back over my shoulders.  Much better.  Now I could see clearly all around me.  I turned my head a bit and some of the hair fell back across my shoulder, blocking part of my view again.  Something told me all that hair was going to be another pain in the neck.