My Funny Farm
By
Karen Singer
Chapter 16 – Who Wants To Be a
Baby?
Position: Baby.
Job qualifications:
Must be willing to put up with the most embarrassing situations on the
planet.
Pay: Diapers changed multiple times per day. Baby bottles of drinks shoved in your hand. Fine dining of different baby foods provided
for all meals.
Job Perks: The opportunity to play with lots of useless toys
while trapped inside a fenced-in area.
TV watching of the dumbest and worst cartoons ever made. Enforced early bedtimes plus two naps every
day. Constantly changing embarrassing
uniforms provided at no cost.
Applicants interested please apply as soon as possible. The current baby in our situation is sick of
his treatment and wants out. Unfortunately
for him, out is a direction that babies don’t understand.
Yeah, the battle was on, even though they didn’t realize
that yet. As I laid there in my crib
drinking my first bottle of baby formula of the day, all I could think about
was fighting back. Holding back. Not becoming the complete imbecile I knew
they all wanted me to be. Because
hanging over my head was the knowledge that their real goal was to get me
committed permanently to that behavioral center again…or maybe someplace worse. In fact, someplace worse was the more likely
possibility. I hadn’t thought about that
fact before. So as far as I could see, I
had more reason than ever to fight back and hold on to my sanity…even though
that sanity included wanting more than ever to end my own life.
Emily hurried into my nursery while I was drinking my bottle
and gave me a quick hug and a kiss.
“Love you baby,” she said happily.
“Have fun today. Wish I could be
here with you.” And then she was
gone. Hurrying off to work. You want the truth? I liked it when she and Caitlin came in and
showed me brief little bits of affection.
Who wouldn’t? Those bits of love
were precious to me. I immediately went
back to finishing my bottle and thinking about holding back as much as possible
every time I needed to go.
Suck…out…suck…out. I was so
focused on my predicament that I never realized that the rhythm of my drinking
was exactly the way both Emily and Caitlin wanted it.
Caitlin finally breezed back in just as I had finished
drinking. I briefly wondered how she had
known so quickly that my bottle had run dry.
“Hi again baby,” she greeted me as she leaned over my crib
and took the bottle from me with one hand, while her other hand stuck my
pacifier back between my lips. My mouth
didn’t seem to ever be empty anymore. Suck…out…suck…out…. She didn’t even have to say anything. I just automatically did it. She grabbed my hand and pulled me to a
sitting position while still in my crib.
“It’s a special day for you today,” she practically sang to me. And then she laughed.
A special day? What
the hell did that mean? And why the hell
was she so happy about everything? Right
now, all I was interested in was getting up on that changing table and getting
that plug pulled out of my ass. But of
course, I suspected that breakfast had to come first. Still, why the hell was she keeping me in my
crib?
She disappeared into my closet for a moment then came back
with a box. What the hell was in
it? I had no idea.
“Something special for you today,” she told me as she set
the box on the floor. She bent down and
pulled something out of it. Something
very padded and covered in childish cartoon characters. I was about to ask what the hell it was, when
she grabbed my right hand and then started pulling that thing onto my hand like
a big fat glove. I tried to pull my hand
back, but she held it firmly. “Hold
still!” she ordered sternly. “It’s going
on you whether you like it or not.”
I held still and let her keep shoving that thing over my
hand, I was too afraid of being put back into that behavioral center again to
not do what she wanted. The damn mitten
had some kind of stiff thing in it and was narrow enough that it forced my
fingers to stay straight out, while at the same time kept them stuck somewhat
together. She fastened the mitt firmly
around my wrist and went to work on my left hand. While she was busy there, I did everything
possible to try and move my fingers inside that thing, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t do anything with that hand at all. It was actually worse than those bondage
mittens that Jared and Emily had once used on me. Not only did it keep my hand completely
useless, but since it was so padded all over and my hand was stretched out
straight inside, it was much bigger than those other things had been. Caitlin finished fastening the second one and
both my hands were reduced to complete uselessness. I wanted to ask why, but that big pacifier in
my mouth sort of kept me from asking anything.
But it seemed that Caitlin wasn’t done with me yet. Not at all.
While I sat there trying to fathom those two big things covering my
hands, she went back to her box and pulled something else out. She grabbed one of my feet and began pulling some
kind of padded bootie onto it. Very
quickly, my foot went in, and I was shocked to feel something inside on the
sole of the thing. In fact, there was a
bunch of somethings all over the sole of the thing. And whatever they were, they were hard and
uncomfortable. She fastened that bootie
firmly to my foot, then put another bootie on my other foot.
“Okay baby,” she declared a bit too happily. “Let’s get you down now. She grabbed my hand and helped me slide off
my crib, but the moment one of my feet hit the floor, those things inside that
bootie felt like they were going to go right through my foot! “Ow!” I yelled suddenly and sank down to my
knees since I couldn’t stand on that foot.
It had hurt…and Caitlin was laughing.
I remembered then that Caitlin too had been interested in that BDSM
stuff. Was this part of that?
I experimented a bit with trying to get to my feet, but I
quickly discovered that any attempt to do that at all only brought me intense
pain. I looked up at Caitlin, she was
still laughing delightedly. “We wanted
to give you a chance to experience being more a real baby than usual. Which means more helpless. Since babies can’t walk and they don’t have
much finger dexterity, neither do you now.
Now you can spend the day crawling everywhere just like a real baby, and
you can enjoy having me help you with everything else. Won’t that be fun?”
She had said it like she really expected me to enjoy
it. I already knew I was in for a
nightmare of a day.
“Come on baby,” she said.
“Breakfast time. Crawl out to the
kitchen.”
Yeah. Crawl out. I had no choice but to crawl out. I had no choice but to crawl everywhere.
Surprise! I got baby
cereal for breakfast again. Actually, no
surprise at all. I got baby cereal for
breakfast more often than not. Caitlin
grabbed me under my shoulders and lifted me up so I could sit in my chair at
the table. Then she literally sat there
and spoon fed me my entire breakfast, including encouraging me to keep eating
by making airplane sounds and train noises.
I could have done without both. I
could have done without the baby food. I
could have done without the damn things she had put on me, making my hands and
feet useless. And I could especially do
without my entire life! Why the hell
couldn’t they just let me die?
After breakfast, Caitlin decided I was too heavy for her to
lift up onto my changing table, so she changed me right on the floor of my
nursery. The best part, and the most
painful part, was when she finally pulled that plug out of my ass. Once I was diapered again, I was sent out to
the living room to watch TV. My normal
schedule for the day had started. I was
just going to have to go through it all with no hands and no way to walk
anywhere. And then of course, only
moments after I started watching that cartoon, and as always seemed to happen
after having that plug removed from my ass, my bowels erupted, and I helplessly
filled the back of my diaper…and it wasn’t even wet yet! But yeah, I did wet it only moments later,
and even though I had been planning on holding back all day, that wetting had
been a bit more effortless than usual. Now
not only was I stuck crawling around all day, since they didn’t change those
thick diapers of mine as often, I was going to be stuck in a stinky, messy
diaper until after lunch. Hours
away! Ugh! I hated those plugs in my ass.
“Somebody made a stinkyyyy.”
I couldn’t believe that Caitlin would actually sing that
little bit of news to me. And why did
she have to sound so happy about it? I
certainly wasn’t. She delivered a bottle
of that delicious vanilla flavored stuff to me, that I now knew from finding
cases of it in the pantry was some kind of vitamin supplement drink. Something that was actually very good for me
to be drinking since it would help to keep me healthy…well, my body. My mind of course was another matter.
When playtime came, I crawled my stinky butt into my play
area where Caitlin once again joined me and actually played with me…and my
toys. Was she trying to teach me how to
play with those dumb things? Trust me,
it wasn’t working. Still at least one of
us seemed to be enjoying it. Hint…it
wasn’t me.
As I figured, I didn’t stop stinking up the house until
after lunch, and by that time Caitlin had a huge mess to clean up from my
bottom. All I could think about it was
that it served her right to have to deal with it since she had caused it in the
first place. From there, it was more crawling
around for everything I did.
With no usable hands, Caitlin didn’t even try to sit me down
in front of the computer. We spent more
time playing together with the toys instead.
Or rather, she did most of the playing, although I was “made” to try and
play with them too. Even if I was
interested in doing anything with those stupid toys, what could I do with no
hands? It boggled my…baby…mind.
When naptime came, she struggled like crazy to get me back
in my crib, and believe it or not, managed it.
I was actually glad. I’d rather
sleep there than on the hard floor. I’d
already had too much of that hard floor from crawling around on it all day.
Eventually, Emily came home, and she breezed in like she
couldn’t wait to get there. Why? “How’s the baby doing today?” she asked the
moment she got into my nursery where Caitlin was lying on the floor in front of
me playing with my toys.
“We’re having a good time. Aren’t we?” she replied as she looked in my
direction.
If she enjoyed playing with my toys so much, why was she
insisting they were for me? Okay. Five minutes later, things got far more weird
than they already had been all day. Both
Caitlin and Emily were lying on the floor of my play area, playing with my
toys…together! All I could do was sit
there and watch those two acting like total…uh…babies together. Besides, what else could I do with no
hands. They, for some reason, never
seemed to notice that little fact. So
far, it looked to me like their little baby therapy was working on the wrong
people. Not that I minded that at
all. I had to wonder though if they both
would prefer to be in my diapers instead of me.
Now that I would have loved to see!
It wasn’t too much longer before Bill came home and both
women must have figured out that it wouldn’t look good to him to see what they
were doing (instead of me). They both
got up and headed to the kitchen to make dinner. I just looked at them both leaving my nursery
behind, glad to see them go, even though I had been highly amused seeing how
much they seemed to enjoy playing with all my toys.
At dinner time, I crawled my wet diapered butt into the
kitchen where Emily had Bill help lift me up into my chair. Hooray!
I got real food to eat instead of baby food. The only problem was those huge mitts on my
hands. Caitlin once again fed me my
dinner while she was eating hers…until the front doorbell rang. I panicked.
Who the hell would ring our doorbell?
Most of the family always just barged right into the house, coming in
through the garage.
Emily went to answer it, and she came back a minute later
with Doctor Clive. Caitlin got up from
the table and the three of them wandered out of the kitchen in the direction of
my nursery. Five minutes later, Doctor
Clive was gone and Emily and Caitlin returned to the table.
“She loved the new nursery,” Caitlin gushed happily.
“Yeah,” Emily agreed.
“She said it was like a dream room, and she thinks we’re doing a great
job with…you know who over here.”
I was guessing she was talking about me. And then I remembered who it was that seemed
to enjoy playing with all those toys so much.
“Here comes the choo-choo train,” Caitlin said as she held
up my spoon loaded with food and started bringing it towards my mouth. “Choo-choo-choo…. Open up the tunnel.”
Yeah, I was starting to get convinced that all their baby
treatment was working on them instead of me.
A few more days and maybe they really would be wearing my diapers
instead of me. I could only hope.
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