My Funny Farm - Chapter 12 – Life Sucks – Part 2 of 2

 

My Funny Farm

By Karen Singer

 

Chapter 12 – Life Sucks – Part 2 of 2

 

Porn!  Porn!  Porn!  No, I never really stopped to think about why I was so fascinated by it, especially at this point in my life.  I had never really been into it when Rachel was alive, but there was no doubt I was enjoying it now.  Of course, I knew perfectly well that I wasn’t the only one on earth who was so drawn to it.  After spending so much time looking at those sissy sites, it almost seemed like everyone on earth was addicted to porn in one fashion or another.  In fact, how was I to know, maybe they were, and I had always been one of those few uninitiated holdouts all my life.  I didn’t fall into that category anymore.

For me, in my present bizarre and unwanted position, spending half and hour every day looking at the porn, only for it to be followed immediately by my afternoon nap period, was one of the highlights of my day.  As my minutes of computer time gradually ticked down, I was certainly looking forward to that nap…or rather, what I would be doing instead of actually sleeping…for a while.

Caitlin came in to rescue me from my computer almost the minute my time with it was up.  She already had another baby bottle in her hand as she led me back to my bedroom.  But that’s when everything changed on me again.  Instead of having me get into the bed for my nap, she had me sit down on the floor next to the bed, and she sat down right in front of me.  Yup!  I already knew what was about to happen.  More marathon confessing that I was nothing but a baby.  Except, it didn’t quite happen like I expected.

She reached out herself and removed the pacifier from my mouth.  Then she looked me in the eyes and asked.  “What are you?”

No surprise to me at all.  “I’m nothing but a baby,” I replied, now having figured out how she wanted me to say it.

“Right!” she replied.  “Remember that!”

I waited for her to tell me to keep saying it, and I wasn’t looking forward to it.  But instead, she changed it all up.

“Baby,” she said.  “I noticed that you’re not sucking on your pacifier the way you should be.  You’re chewing on it instead.”  She held my pacifier up and showed me the nipple.  “See how your teeth are chewing it up?  I shouldn’t see any teeth marks on it at all.  And the only reason they’re there is because you’re not sucking properly.  So I thought I would spend a little while today helping your learn to do it better.”

Once again in this new crazy life, I was flabbergasted.

She reached into her pocket and pulled out another pacifier, then she stuck my old chewed up one into her pocket.  She held out the new pacifier.  “Here,” she said as she reached across and pressed the nipple to my lips.  “This is one you haven’t sucked on yet, so it’s still new.”

By now, I was so used to them sticking a pacifier into my mouth that I never hesitated at all to suck the thing in.

“Now don’t let it touch your teeth!” she warned me.

I had to be careful.  It was too easy for my teeth to touch the thing.  Not that I really cared that much if I was chewing on them or not, but I was curious now about what she was trying to do.

“Okay baby,” she said.  “Now I’m going to tell you what to do, and I’m going to be watching very carefully to make sure you do it.  Ready?”

Ready?  I didn’t know if I was ready or not.

“Now suck it in,” she said.

Suck it in?  It was already in my mouth.

“No baby,” she said.  “When I say suck, I should be able to see that paci moving harder into your mouth.  And when I say out, I should be able to see you relax just a bit so it can ease up and come out a tiny bit.”

She had to be kidding!  But I realized after a second of thought that she probably could notice something like that.  In fact, I remembered watching my kids and my grandkids when they were babies as they sucked on something.  You really could see those things moving around as they sucked.

“Now try it again,” she said.  “Suck…”

I sucked a bit harder.

“Now out,” she said.

I eased up and felt the thing not pressing against my lips so much.

“Suck…out.  Suck…out.”

She kept saying it and watching that pacifier in my mouth as she seemed to set up a constant rhythmic pattern.  “Suck…out…suck…out.”  It wasn’t exactly once per second.  It was a bit faster than that, but it was something else – relentless!  “Suck…out…suck…out…suck.  Keep going,” she said as she watched me closely.  “Now as you suck like that, close your eyes.  Suck…out…suck…out…suck…out.”

With my eyes closed, I was far more aware of the sucking feeling and motion of the pacifier than ever, especially as her voice droned softly on and on, making sure the rhythm of it never stopped.

“Suck…out…suck…out,” she said.  “As you’re doing it, feel your worries and anxieties draining away.  Suck…out…suck…out, and feel yourself growing calmer and more relaxed as you do it.”

Okay, now I got it.  She was literally taking me back to what Doctor Clive had me doing, using the pacifier as a means to help relax me and get rid of my nervous anxiousness.  It was something I had stopped doing a long time ago.  Especially since I had now grown to resent that constant stupid pacifier being in my mouth more than ever.

“Suck…relax…suck…relax…suck…relax…”

It seemed to go on forever, and with my eyes closed, I was starting to become sleepy as she made sure I was concentrating on that pacifier.  Yeah, I was a bit sleepy, but it was also supposed to be my naptime, but still she never quit.  She finally said, “Keep going,” and her voice stopped, but even with my eyes closed I could tell she hadn’t moved away.  She was still watching me closely.

Suck…out…suck…out.  In…out…in…out.  I kept the motion going despite the lack of her voice.  Eventually though, I was not just growing sleepy, but my mouth was growing tired.  With her watching though, I forced myself to keep going.

All of a sudden I felt her grab my arm.  I stopped sucking and opened my eyes.

“Keep sucking,” she told me, and waited until she saw the constant motion of my pacifier resume.  “Come on,” she said as she pulled me to my feet.

I noticed she was still watching my pacifier closely.  And then she did something else unexpected.  Instead of me getting into bed, she climbed in instead.  She moved way over and rearranged the pillows so she could sit up.  “Keep sucking,” she said softly as I watched her settle herself in my bed.  “Come on,” she said.  “You know the position by now, but make sure you don’t stop sucking.”

I laid myself down on the bed, putting my head though against her breasts.  With a bit of difficulty, she reached out and grabbed that baby bottle.  She pulled the plug from my mouth and put the bottle to my lips instead.

“Suck…out…suck…out…suck…” she said softly, once again reestablishing the constant rhythmic motion that I had done with the pacifier.  The baby formula in the bottle began flowing into my mouth.  In, out, in, out.  I had to stop the motion pretty often though to swallow as she sat there and fed me the entire bottle, making sure I never once ceased to keep doing it the way she wanted.  It seemed like no time before that bottle was empty and she was pushing that paci back into my mouth.

“Suck…out…suck…out…” she whispered.  “Close your eyes.  Suck…out…suck…”  Her voice droned on for a while as she continued to hold me.  I don’t know how long her voice continued because believe it or not, I fell asleep.  Suck, out, suck, out.

When I woke up sometime later, not only was that pacifier still in my mouth, but I was still sucking with the same motion she had worked so hard to teach me earlier.  I was surprised by something else too.  Caitlin was still there in bed with me, holding me, while she was sound asleep.

Should I move?  Should I wake her?  I didn’t know what to do.  I did stop sucking though.  Sucking like that made me feel like more of a baby than ever, and I didn’t need that.  I laid there with my head still against her breast and peed into my diaper feeling the wetness wash all around me.  And still she slept.  I was just getting ready to try and move to a more comfortable position when she said, “You’re not sucking.”

Once again, I started the dumb rhythmic motion of the pacifier going in and out of my mouth.  And since she was still watching me so closely, I kept at it as she got me out of bed and sat me down in front of the TV to watch my afternoon cartoons.  I wanted to stop sucking, but she was staying way to close.  I had no choice but to keep at it, like it or not.

When playtime came after my cartoons, she didn’t play with me, but she did sit on the bed and continue to watch me closely.  Yes, I did my best to actually play with those toys.  With her watching like that, I didn’t have a choice.  I piled them together.  I tossed them around.  I did everything I could think of with them, which wasn’t much at all.  But I had no choice.  All while continuing to suck my pacifier the way she wanted.

Emily came home while I was…playing.  Right in front of me, Caitlin explained to her how she had been teaching me to suck properly.  Emily of course had to get down on the floor with me and watch my mouth just as carefully as Caitlin had for a few minutes.  Finally, she reached out and did that bopping thing on my nose again that I hated so much.  “Good baby!” she declared happily.

Since Caitlin had been too busy teaching me how to suck properly, she never had a chance to fix dinner for everyone like she had planned.  Instead, they ordered pizza…and ate it in front of me while I got to enjoy some delicious…baby food.  Oh joy.