By Karen Singer
Chapter 58 (Sunday – week 9 Part 1 of 7)
Used! And confused! That was simply how she felt. Confused… and used!
Ray and Derek were both there in her dream, lined up in front of her. And Sissy was there as well, standing off to the side. And now both Ray and Derek were demanding that she choose between them. And she couldn’t. But mostly, she couldn’t understand why they needed her to choose. Why couldn’t she love both of them?
“I’ll show you!” Ray told her angrily. He grabbed her by the hand and dragged her off to bed where he forced himself on her. And when he was finished, she simply felt used. Sissy was there then, consoling her, telling her that he understood how she felt. But Sissy could offer no help.
She was back then, standing in front of both Ray and Derek. “Now tell him that you choose me!” Ray demanded.
“No she won’t!” Derek yelled angrily. “My turn now!” And with that, Derek dragged her roughly off to bed. He was rougher than Ray, less inventive. And when he was done, she felt even more worn out and used. And when Derek had left her, Sissy was there one more time, helping her to get up. Helping her to clean up.
“Now tell him you choose me!” Derek demanded when she was again in front of the two men.
But she couldn’t. She simply couldn’t choose between them… because she didn’t want to choose between them. And she still couldn’t understand why they needed her to choose. Why couldn’t they all just get along? Like she did with Sissy. Of all of them, Sissy was the only one who didn’t make any demands on her. He was the only one who treated her with any kind of respect and tenderness. He was the only one who didn’t make her feel… used!
“Must I show you again?” Ray demanded angrily. And before she knew it, he had grabbed her hand and was once again dragging her off to bed – where she really didn’t want to go. She was too worn out and weak to resist his strength in any way at all. And all she kept thinking was… Not again. Not again.
He giggled! He crawled around the living room, pacifier in his mouth, wearing super thick diapers… and a pink ballet costume. There was a party of some type going on, but he was a baby, he had no reason to know what the party was for. He simply knew that there were lots of people there to pay attention to him… or to give him a bottle… or to play with him… and very often, to laugh at him. Or was that to laugh with him, because mostly, whenever anyone laughed at him… he giggled! Which was often.
And then Robin looked down at him and asked sternly. “When are you going to stop behaving like a baby and act like a man again?”
He wanted to giggle like a baby, but he couldn’t. Not to that question. His happy dream suddenly had something to bother him, making him much less happy. He thought about her question, but he had no answer. He was a baby. He had no idea when he would be an adult again.
He crawled away from Robin and found Mel… or was it Mommy Mel? “What do you want?” she asked. He was going to tell her he wanted another bottle, but now that Robin had asked her question, the baby word for bottle wouldn’t come out of his mouth. What did he want? Instead of a bottle, the words “self-respect, friends, and a life” came to mind. But he didn’t say them out loud. Getting no verbal answer from him, Mel walked away… and he crawled off to a corner where there were less people around.
And even in his dream he tried to make sense of what he really wanted. Did he want to be a baby? Or did he want to be an adult? Or did he just want… “self-respect, friends, and a life?” But as a baby, he didn’t seem to be smart enough to figure any of that out.
Fortunately, he didn’t have to dwell on that long as something from outside his dream forced it’s way though. Talking… a moment later, he realized he was listening to a commercial for one of the local car dealers. As he concentrated on the words, his dream was completely lost. Nothing of it remained in his mind as he opened his eyes and rolled off of his blow-up mattress. He glanced at his pink clock-radio. Right on time. Perfect. The only thing more perfect would be if Mel had for some reason come in last night and left him a note like she always did… no, like she used to. As he struggled to his feet despite his super bulky and heavy diapers, he was somehow saddened by the fact that Mel would no longer be leaving him her little notes. He had looked forward to them every day… despite how troublesome many of them were.
He automatically went to his refrigerator to grab his usual three bottles, but when he opened it, all he saw inside was empty space. Not one bottle. Nothing. He had drank the last of the bottles last night. And even then he hadn’t really had as many as he was supposed to. He figured that much of today would be devoted to making more of Mel’s lousy green tea.
Feeling oddly thirsty, he headed for his bathroom to start getting ready. He shaved his face first – still wearing the massive bulk of diapers. Those he wouldn’t remove until just before he jumped into the shower. But as he shaved, he was still bothered by the fact that he hadn’t drank any bottles at all this morning. He was bothered, and yet, for once he had a good excuse for not drinking any! For once he might actually get away with it! In fact, Mel probably wouldn’t even check! But he still worried about it. He really didn’t want to get punished for something like that. No telling how many bottles Mel might force on him if she did find out… which still seemed like a remote possibility. But still, he worried… and… he was oddly thirsty.
It was only because he was thirsty that before he finally removed his diapers to get into the shower, he went back to his bedroom and found one of the used bottles from last night. He took it into the kitchen and washed it out in the sink, then filled it. He was thirsty, wasn’t he? And he didn’t have anything else in the house to drink from… not even one glass or cup. And all he had to drink was water. So he would drink just the one bottle to get over his thirst and then go to Mel’s apartment. He knew it was highly unlikely that she would find out about how many he had really had to drink.
Taking his one bottle of water into his living room to sit in his one and only chair, he stared up at the wall of childish pictures in front of him and put the even more childish bottle to his lips. He was only drinking it because he was thirsty!
Pressed… and dressed! That was what ran through his mind as he stood in front of the mirror attached to his closet door. Pressed, and dressed. Well, mostly. He was missing his shoes. He also had to stuff his bra with pantyhose since once again he didn’t have the breast forms glued on. He remembered leaving everything at Mel’s apartment yesterday along with the uniform he wore then. He never had a chance to retrieve them when Ray had shown up. One nice thing about stuffing his bra with the pantyhose, they weighted a whole lot less than the heavy forms that were usually glued to his chest. He had no illusions at all that he would go for long without once again being saddled with the heavy forms being fixed in place so he couldn’t remove them. But he would enjoy what he could, while he could.
So now, with the exception of the missing pieces, he was about as ready as he could get. He grabbed his restocked diaper bag, the plastic bag now containing only two used baby bottles, and his purse. He opened his door and went out. It was still fairly early. Early enough that it was unlikely that anyone would be around to see him. Not that it mattered. He was dressed far less humiliatingly today than he often was. And hopefully, it was also early enough that Mel wouldn’t be up yet. He didn’t knock, instead he used his key and let himself inside as quietly as possible.
Her apartment was quiet – as if there was nobody home. He paused for a moment to consider that. Was she home? Was it possible she wasn’t even there? She could have stayed at Ray’s apartment last night. He dropped his diaper bag and purse under her table by the door, and creeping quietly in his stocking feet, made his way toward her bedroom. Her bedroom door was wide open – no lights inside. He stopped at the doorway and just listened. Breathing! He could just barely hear it. She was still asleep! Perfect. Quietly, he tiptoed away and headed to the kitchen where he immediately started fixing her morning coffee.
As he filled the coffee carafe with water, he noticed the large pot in the sink that she usually used to make his tea with. He figured she must have left it there yesterday when Ray arrived. Once the coffee was making, almost hating to do it, he opened her refrigerator and pulled out one of the last few remaining baby bottles. He put it to his mouth to drink, only because he knew he still had a wetting deadline and that Mel would be definitely checking on that when she woke up… whenever that would be. Besides, strangely, he was still thirsty.
With the coffee making and his bottle in his mouth, he looked around for something to do. His eyes again fell on the big pot in the sink. He filled it with fresh water and set it on the stove to start boiling. He figured he might as well get a start on it since he knew the job was most likely going to have to be done – whether he liked the tea or not.
Now… When was she going to wake up?
Her body felt tired, yet wonderfully loose and relaxed – the after effects of so much sex last night. She opened her eyes to the smell of coffee brewing out in her kitchen… and she smiled. Sissy was there and her coffee was ready!
Sissy! Alarmed, she rolled over quickly in bed, and reached her arm out to the side! Empty! The bed was empty next to her. Breathing a sigh of relief, she briefly remembered telling Ray sometime in the middle of the night that he had to leave… that he couldn’t be there in the morning. She must have fallen back asleep before he actually left because for the life of her, she couldn’t remember him actually leaving. At least, she hoped he had gone.
Suddenly worried about it, she nearly jumped out of bed. She turned her light on so she could see better as she looked all around. No sign of his clothes anywhere. Breathing another sigh of relief, she wrapped her robe around her and headed directly to her bathroom, as much to make sure he wasn’t there as for needing it.
Chad heard her bathroom door and ran out of the kitchen to look. Her bedroom light was on! He hurried to pour her a cup of coffee and started to take it to her bedroom… but he stopped. Should he take it there? She wasn’t in her bedroom right now. Maybe he should just hold it and wait to find out where she would go. Feeling like that was the better option, he stayed where he was and waited – fresh cup of coffee in his hands.
Mel finished in the bathroom and opened the door – not knowing if she wanted to go back to bed, or simply get up and go into the kitchen. But when she opened the door, she caught sight of sissy – her morning coffee already in his hands and waiting for her. The sight of him in that maids dress ready to serve her sent a bit of a sexual tingle through her body... despite how sexually sated her body was from last night. And when she saw him curtsey to her, that thrill doubled.
The coffee looked good. The sight of Sissy there like that looked better… despite the fact that she now noticed he wasn’t wearing any shoes. Then she remembered, she had hurriedly thrown them into her closet yesterday along with the rest of his uniform.
The coffee in his hands looked good. But she was also still exhausted from last night, not to mention, wonderfully limp inside. Sissy was her servant. Much of a servant’s job was to simply wait. Despite the smell of the coffee, she said, “I’m going back to bed. Don’t wake me.” With a smile on her face, she did just that.
Chad was a bit stunned. She was going back to bed? But he had her coffee all ready for her! Feeling a bit dejected, he took her coffee back to the sink and dumped it out. Was she going to go back to sleep? Or did she want her laptop? Or… He saw the faint light from her bedroom lamp going out. Back to sleep! Now what was he supposed to do?
He picked up his baby bottle and nursed on it while he checked the big pot of tea that was almost ready. Almost ready, but not quite. He would have sat down in his highchair like he did yesterday morning since he knew his diaper wasn’t close to leaking yet, but his highchair was obviously missing. He figured he’d be collecting from Sandy’s apartment later. He had seen it in the kitchen for so long now that it appeared to be a major hole in the room.
Not knowing what else to do, he carried his baby bottle out toward the laundry and started sorting. He dared not make any noise by turning on the washer. She had said not to wake her.