by Karen Singer
Chapter 40 (Wednesday – week 6 Part 6 of 6)
As Chad climbed up into his highchair, he was so hungry that all he could think about was what she was going to make him eat for dinner. There were plenty of leftovers from what he had cooked, and he had even made a plate for himself and put it in the refrigerator like she – used to – demand. He had to wait while she put the tray in place, locking him into the chair, and then while she tied the bib around his neck. He was overjoyed to see her going to the refrigerator. He was less thrilled to see her pull out another baby bottle. But then she reached in again and brought out the plate he had put in there. Yes! He was less thrilled when she opened the cabinet and started looking through all the jars of baby food she had. He watched as she pulled a few down to look closer at the labels. Some she put back into the cabinet, others she set on the counter. Obviously, she was going to give him a mix of good food and baby food again. But at least he would be getting something decent to eat too.
He watched as Mel pulled out another of his silly childish plastic plates again to put his food onto. He watched as she began dumping jar after jar of the baby food out onto the plate… filling the plate. And he watched as she picked up one of his tiny baby spoons along with the plate of baby food. And then she totally ignored the plate of really good food that he had prepared and carried the plate full of nothing but baby food to him and set it down on his tray in front of him. What about the good food that he had prepared? Why couldn’t he eat that? It was right there on the counter? She could have just picked it up and given it to him! He was tired of baby food! And… he was so hungry!
Mel loved the totally crestfallen look on his face as she set the dish full of baby food in front of him. He still hadn’t moved to eat it when she set the full baby bottle on his tray as well. He just looked up at her with a hurt look on his face. “You better eat it up,” she told him, “because that’s all you’re getting.”
Chad still couldn’t seem to bring himself to pick up the tiny spoon to begin eating. All he could do was watch as Mel picked up his plate full of good food from the counter… and dumped it all into the trash. It wasn’t till then that he reluctantly picked up the spoon, in his left fist like he was supposed to, and began eating.
Mel didn’t even try to hide the sly smile on her face as she had dumped his food into the trash. She was very much aware of how little he was probably eating, but she figured that another night of baby food for dinner wouldn’t hurt him. They would be eating out in restaurants for the next few nights, Sunday night too, for that matter. No, one more night of baby food wouldn’t hurt him at all. Besides, he did have to maintain his ‘girlish’ figure. She almost laughed at that… till she remembered that he had lost so much weight now that his figure really was starting to look girlish. Astonishingly so! But then wasn’t that kind of like denying him his male body shape too?
She poured herself a fresh cup of coffee and sat down at the table to watch him eating. Enjoying once again how babyish he looked as he ate now – despite the fact that he seemed to be spilling less and actually getting much more of it into his mouth. She could tell he wasn’t the least bit happy about eating the baby food instead of anything better. But he’d just have to live with it. She was rather enjoying the situation.
But that thought reminded her of what Gloria had said – she was enjoying it, but what about him? What about his feelings? Gloria had said she should talk to him about it… that it was important. But was it? Was it really? She supposed that it was, but… but… but she wasn’t sure she really wanted to know what he thought. Besides, the terms of the bet spelled out all too clearly that what he thought didn’t matter in the least. But… but… something in the back of her mind told her that somehow things had begun to go beyond the simple terms of the bet. And for whatever reasons, his thoughts and feelings had to matter too. Fortunately or unfortunately.
But did she really have to know what he thought? She thought about that very thing for a few minutes. She had plans. She had goals. And every one of them depended on him! But again, did she really need to know how he felt? She knew she didn’t want to ask him – not at all. Or was it… that she was afraid to ask him. Unfortunately, that was the real problem right there. She was afraid to ask… afraid to know.
She had done things with him lately… No! She had done things ‘to’ him lately… horrible things – to most men. Unimaginable things – to most men. Painful things – to most men. Unbelievably humiliating things – again, to most men. But he wasn’t most men. He was a sissy. And he was her sissy. But would he stay her sissy?
The terms of the bet said so! The terms said he had to stay her sissy – like it or not! So did it matter what he thought? No! Did it matter what he felt? No! Nothing mattered except what she wanted! And she was going to win this bet – no matter what!
“Sissy,” she started tentatively. “I know we’ve had this little talk once before, but that was a while ago. I guess I need to know… How am I doing? Am I satisfying your sissy needs? Am I fulfilling your dreams?”
Chad was almost done with the food on his plate. He was for once fairly proud of how little a mess he had managed to make this time. But her questions caught him totally off guard. He was so surprised that she had even asked. It seemed to be such a serious question that he asked in his sissy voice, “Can I speak in my normal voice?”
“No! You can’t!”
He shook his head. “Don’t ask then.”
It wasn’t the fact that he had refused to answer that bothered her. It was everything that was implied by the tone of his voice. And that failure bothered her to her very core. Somewhat angry, just as much at herself as with him. She got up from her seat and strode into the living room, leaving him behind in the kitchen alone. She sat down in one of her chairs. She should never have asked. She never needed to ask in the first place! Asking had been a big mistake! Now she was angry at him… and herself. Damn it!
She closed her eyes. She wanted to cry. Instead, she got up and went back to the kitchen. He was watching her intently as he tried to get the last little bits of the baby food off of his plate – with his fingers instead of the little spoon. The action looked more infantile than ever… but it brought her no enjoyment at all. She picked up her coffee cup and took it back to the pot to warm it up. She took a sip. Then she went straight back to the table and sat down again. She didn’t have to ask him anything at all! It wasn’t necessary! All that mattered was what she thought – nothing else! “Okay. Just for the next few minutes – and that’s all! You can talk in your normal voice.”
Chad had been licking the remnants of the baby food off of his fingers when she said that. It wasn’t that the baby food was that good – it wasn’t! It was just that he was so hungry. He pulled his fingers out of his mouth and stared at her, surprised at her change of attitude. “What is it you want to know?”
Mel shook her head. “I don’t really know! Are you satisfied with the things I make you do? Does any of it still fulfill your silly stupid fantasies? Am I fulfilling all your wildly warped needs? Am I… Am I…” She stopped right there. In a softer tone of voice, she braved the real question. “How do you feel about… me?”
That one surprised Chad even more. How did he feel about her? He wasn’t really sure he knew what he thought about her. There were all too many things to consider about that! “Is anything I say going to make any difference at all in the way you treat me? Or the things you make me do? Or have any effect on how much you punish me? Or change anything at all about how you’re approaching me and the bet?”
This time, it was her turn to be surprised… again. She seriously considered his question for a moment, then reluctantly shook her head. Probably not… Definitely not! I can’t chance it! I have to win this bet! I’ll do whatever I must to win. You know that. I can’t back down in the least now. Especially not now. Not when there is so little time left.” She looked away for a moment then back at him again. “I do care about you though. You have to know that.” Why had she said that?
He nodded. His question had been worth the shot. And she cared? He was hungry damn it! He needed more food! Better food! “You have a funny way of showing it.” He replied a he stared at his now empty plate. “And I guess then that anything I say doesn’t really matter at all. So why ask?”
She wasn’t sure if his question stung her or not. The odd thing was that it really didn’t surprise her. Hadn’t she been wondering the same thing? Why had she even bothered to ask? She got up from the table. “No more male voice – ever!” she told him in no uncertain terms.
She wasn’t sure if she felt angry, or not. She wasn’t happy, she knew that. She roughly untied his bib and used it to wipe his face and hands, then she cleared his things off of the tray and removed it. “Clean this kitchen up!” she ordered. Then she left him alone again. She went directly into the living room where she turned the TV on and tried to watch it, but the reality was, she had no idea what was playing on the screen at all.
She was totally justified in the way she treated him. Totally! She didn’t have to change anything. He had no say in anything! Nothing that he thought mattered at all! Nothing! All that mattered was winning the bet! Nothing else! Once she won, that would be it! He would be bound to her for a full year after that. And beyond that? Well, she’d work that out when it happened. Either way, he wasn’t going anywhere! And what he thought didn’t matter in the least! She had a funny way of showing that she cared?
Chad wasn’t sure what had gotten into Mel, but he did realize that he had just made a big mistake. He should never have answered like he did! Never! Now he had just made things worse on himself than ever. Of that he had no doubt. All he had to do was to look at the way she was acting to see that. And then… then… then there was the way he felt too. He felt bad because he hadn’t answered decently.
But then, how did he feel about her? The question was way too complicated. There was no easy quick answer. On the one hand, he was scared of her – very! Yet on the other hand, she was fulfilling all of his dreams – and then some! Yet on the other hand… on the other hand? On the other hand he worshiped her. Yes, something within him worshiped the ground she walked on. Maybe it was because she was fulfilling his wildest fantasies – and then some. Maybe because, even though he had never seen her naked, she had allowed him to feel her body – all over. He, a stupid sissy, had been allowed to hold her naked body next to his… to caress her… to make her feel happy – even though he himself got nothing at all out of it – no sexual pleasure anyway. But that was another matter!
So what was his real answer? How did he feel about her? The truth was, the answer was way too complicated to put into words. And there it was. The real truth. It was… complicated.
Despite his better judgment, he went directly into the living room… and curtseyed. “Mistress?”
“What is it? Are you finished in the kitchen?”
“Are you leaking?”
“No yet. I…”
“Then what do you want?”
Chad almost left. Obviously, she was still in a bad mood. He supposed he was lucky that she didn’t beat him half to death – yet. “I… I just wanted to say I’m sorry for the way I answered.”
She looked up at him. “It doesn’t matter!”
“But I don’t want to make you angry!”
“I’m not angry!”
Chad was surprised to hear that. She certainly was acting like she was angry. But then he remembered that his wife… make that ex-wife… had often done the same thing – said she wasn’t angry when she was actually furious. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry. The truth is, that the way I feel about you is complicated… very complicated. I’m not even sure I can put it into words.”
“Don’t bother trying. Just go finish cleaning the kitchen. And when you get that part done, start some laundry. I’m watching TV.”
Chad knew when to leave it alone. “Yes, Mistress,” he said with a sigh. He curtseyed and walked off quietly. Sometimes, the best thing you can do, is to do nothing at all.
Mel stared at the TV set without seeing it. He was sorry? It was complicated? Men! They never know how to express their feelings. All of them are nothing but unfeeling idiots! Well, Sissy certainly deserved every bit of the humiliation she was capable of dishing out. Every bit!
He was sorry? Damn it! Did he have to try to be so nice about it? Damn him!
Chad tiptoed around the house as he continued to clean – as far away from her as possible. He even worried about the sound the washer and dryer made as he ran them. But the only thing Mel ever did was to look in his direction as the sound of the washer started – and then she went back to watching the TV show again. As he worked, he drank furiously on his bottles, trying desperately to get his diaper leaking on time. And fortunately, he was rewarded for his effort. He certainly didn’t have much time left, but he did make it on time! He hurried into the living room and curtseyed politely again. “Mistress, I’m leaking,” he said softly.
Mel had been staring mindlessly at the TV for a while, then somehow, she had actually gotten caught up in the movie and was enjoying it. He was leaking? She checked the clock. Well, she supposed he better be leaking! Much of the anger that she swore she had never felt had melted away. Calm reasoning returned. She stared at Sissy. So nice in his uniform. So rewarding. The perfect servant. And, dare she say it, he really did fulfill many of her needs. Many very intimate needs too. If it hadn’t been at the height of her period just then, she would have let him satisfy a few of those intimate needs. But unfortunately…
As she stared at him, reminding herself of all the many ways he pleased her, she saw the nervousness cloud his face again. And then he curtseyed for her again… and nothing else. Something about his curtsey made her swoon inside a bit. She just loved seeing him do that! In spite of the way she really felt, a smile came to her lips. “Go grab a bunch of stuff to protect the bed, Sissy. Let’s get you changed.”
The smile and tone of her voice felt like heaven to Sissy who was worried beyond belief about what she might do. And worse, he was still mad at himself for upsetting her. He hated upsetting her, not because she might punish him, but because… he just hated doing it! He curtseyed again. “Yes, Mistress.” Then he ran off to grab some diapers to protect her bed. Protect her bed? That was different… a little.
While Chad was laying out diapers and towels to protect her mattress, Mel went to her desk drawer and pulled out her collection of ropes. A few minutes later, she had him thoroughly tied spread eagled to her bed. Knowing that he wasn’t going anywhere and that he couldn’t touch himself if he tried, she began removing his sodden diaper. A moment later, his chastity device was on full display.
She looked at his little penis inside the device carefully. It looked just as tiny and… lifeless as ever. Pathetic! But that was exactly what she wanted it to look like. Especially since she was denying him any feeling from the stupid thing at all. She unlocked the device and began taking it apart – piece by piece. Once his little penis was free, she looked closely at it again. Free of the plastic containment, she could see it better – but it didn’t look any better, not at all! Perfect! Pulling his sodden diaper back up over him – just in case – she carried all the pieces of his chastity device out to the kitchen where she washed them thoroughly.
Chad tried to stretch a bit, just to move a little from the position he was stuck in, but he couldn’t move hardly at all. He had felt – delicious cold air on his wanting member for just an all too brief moment. As he laid there, he tried to remember that wonderful feeling, tried to relive it. Fantasy! Wonderful fantasy! Feeling anything other than the hot unyielding confines of the chastity device had become a very rare experience now. He realized that he would get to feel that bit of fresh air again as soon as Mel came back. Unfortunately, he knew that the feeling would be all too brief once again. But still, he was looking forward to it.
Why couldn’t she have simply left his diaper down, exposing him completely? Then he would be able to enjoy the feeling of open air on that little piece of his body the whole time she was gone. Unfortunately, he knew the answer to that question all too well. It was because she couldn’t be sure that he wouldn’t start wetting all over the place while she was gone. Unfortunately, he knew that she was right to think that. It was a disturbing thought because it was a sign of the progress she had made on him toward the bet.
He watched as she came back into the room. He enjoyed the intense pleasure as she wiped him clean, then shaved the few stray hairs that she found. The open air felt even better then. He enjoyed even more as she spread some kind of lotion all over that part of him, protecting everything down there from the confines of the plastic prison.
He didn’t enjoy it as she started to reassemble the device once again – on him. Each added piece brought its own measure of disappointment and misery. Till with one final click, the lock was closed again, and he was imprisoned once again. It was a miserable feeling.
Mel looked down at him with a feeling of satisfaction the minute his chastity device was locked on again. There was no way he was going to get hard again now… not that he had been able to before. She just didn’t want to take any chances. She toyed with the thought of playing with his backside a bit, forcing one of the toys in and out of him. But that brought him too much pleasure… and if she couldn’t get any tonight, then he wasn’t going to get any either! Instead, she untied his legs and rolled him over, and shoved another suppository up inside of him – instead of anything that might bring him pleasure. She rolled him back over onto his back again and left him – to find a stack of his oversized super think diapers.
Chad was a bit surprised when he realized that Mel was diapering him for the night. Three of the super thick diapers that she had gotten for him added a huge amount of bulk between his legs – which he really kind of enjoyed. It was almost as much of a struggle for him as it was for Mel as she pulled and worked to get them into place and especially as she tried to get the diaper pins through all of it. But as usual, she finally got it. A pair of plastic panties stretched tightly over top of the bulk made him feel secure – safe. Only then did she release him from his bonds.
“Go home now, Sissy. I know you didn’t get much sleep last night. Don’t forget to clean your earrings and don’t forget all your bottles before you go to sleep. I’ll be in later to leave you a note.”
Chad tried to curtsey… to thank her, but his curtsey was extra awkward in the super think diapers he was wearing. “Thank you, Mistress. I am really tired.”
She nodded. “Good night, Sissy.” From where she stood in her bedroom, she watched as he gathered up all his things. Then, clad only in his bra covering his glued on breasts, his waist cincher, his super thick diapers with plastic panties over top, and his shoes, he went out her door to his own apartment.
She stared at her open bedroom doorway for a few moments after she heard her apartment door closing. How could he possible think that she didn’t care? Couldn’t he tell that everything… all of it… was for him? For his fantasies? To fulfill all of his needs? She cared a tremendous amount!
How could he possibly think that she didn’t care?