Monday, May 12, 2008

Lonely Adventure Journal - Day 1

My goodness, what a busy day. I had driven my wife out to visit with her mother and father for the next two weeks and I left their house at about 3 am for the 10 hour drive home. Fortunately, I had great weather for driving. I had planned what I wanted to do as much as I could, so I stopped at a Wal-Mart along the way to shop. I didn’t find any shoes in my size at all, and no skirts in my size either (major disappointment). So I bought some “baby” supplies and pantyhose there instead. That done, I kept driving and later stopped at another Wal-Mart along the way. No shoes again, but I did manage to buy a nice print skirt and a top to wear with it in my size (I hoped). One more stop along the way at a drug store for depends and suppositories and I finally made it home, but still no shoes – one of my major wants for the next two weeks. So once I checked on the dog (neurotic a usual, but just fine), I headed out the door for a bit more shopping, only this time I was wearing a pair of black pantyhose under my clothes.

I headed into town, straight toward a large shoe store that I hoped was still there, and it was, and it was busy! Who’d think that so many women would be out shopping then. But, for some unknown reason, I wasn’t all that intimidated or scared. Maybe I was just overly tired and determined, but I went right in and searched the shelves. Yes, it was embarrassing for me to realize that so many people were watching me look at all the women’s shoes, but I kept at it, diligently searching for something I wanted in my size (preferably 10 ½ or 11). I finally settled on a pair of black pumps with a nice high slim heel (I love pumps like that), but I also wanted a pair of heels that would buckle onto my foot so I couldn’t just slip out of them too easily. That was a bit more of a problem – especially finding something suitable in my size. I finally found a pair with a very high heel and a wide strap that would buckle around my ankle, but the largest size I could find was a size 10. Well, I used to wear size 10, so I took a chance and bought them too. With all the women shopping in there (along with a lot of kids) I didn’t feel it was too wise to try any of the shoes on in the store, so I carried them to the counter and handed them to the guy who was behind the counter. Thank you, thank you, he didn’t say a word about them being for me, only asked if I found everything all right. In fact, he acted like men buying women’s shoes was the most normal thing in the world – I wish it were!

So when I got home, I finally got undressed, inserted my first suppository, diapered myself, and got dressed. Thankfully, both pairs of shoes fit really well – especially the size 10 pair. Then I finally got my blog started.

Once I had finally posted my first blog entry, it hit me. I was “locking” myself into a set of rules that would make life very difficult for me. I would be forcing myself to be a big sissy baby for the next two weeks. And I was already having second thoughts about some of those rules. For one thing, I was already getting really tired of sucking on my pacifier, for another, did I really want to wear pantyhose to work? But I had set my own rules and had also published them, and I’m going to do my best to comply with them.

So for day one, how did I do? Some good and some bad I guess, mostly I did pretty well. I never took one step in my house (and it’s a fairly large house) that wasn’t in high heels. Yes, my feet did start to get sore, but I know that that’s all part of it. The pumps that I bought have a 3 ½ inch heel, and the other pair with the straps have a 4 ½ inch heel. I love them both, but I’m going to have to get used to wearing heels again.

I never even considered using the toilet and used my diapers for everything. Fortunately, nothing ever happened from that first suppository I inserted. I guess that emergency rest stop on the highway cleaned me out pretty well. But… I was so tired last night when I diapered myself for bed, that I forgot to insert the next suppository. One rule broken!

I did manage to keep the pacifier in my mouth at all times – when something else wasn’t in it. I only drank from my baby bottle and when I was done, the pacifier went right back in again (yes, it’s still there now).

I edged-milked myself into another baby bottle before my night diapering and while I thought I had gotten a lot out of me, I was surprised to see how little there actually was.

All evening long, I had to work at keeping myself relaxed so as not to interfere with when I had to go. It seemed to be particularly difficult yesterday. But… wonder of wonders, during the night, something must have clicked, because my muscles seem to be almost “locked” into that state. I slept fitfully, but better than I expected. I woke up often to wet myself all night. But there were definitely a few times when I realized that I was wetting myself before I knew I was going to. Now, if I could just sleep thought it all. That would make me very happy!

So now, it’s a little before 6 am on the second day. My three diapers are very full. I can’t even think about putting my legs together. I can only waddle when I walk. And it’s time for my daily waddle on the treadmill.

So far, only one rule broken. I haven’t decided weather to punish myself tonight for it by wearing the heels to bed. I hope I don’t.


Wow, the treadmill was interesting to say the least. My diapers are so thick that they’re keeping my legs spread fairly wide. Wide enough that when I walk on the treadmill, my feet are sometimes touching the runners on each side. I normally start out around 3 mph and use that as my basic speed, but that was way too fast today. I had to start at 2 mph instead and I finally worked my way up to 3 mph. My waddle is forcing me to take much smaller steps than I thought. The entire time I was on there, I felt like a little toddler holding the hand of a grownup and trying desperately to keep up. It was so difficult that I kept forgetting about trying to keep my muscles relaxed – and they weren’t. I had to keep trying over and over again to relax them while I walked – hence the reason for the exercise in the first place.

One other note, I’m also starting to wonder if maybe there isn’t something else in the back of my diaper besides pee. I only remember passing a little gas last night and nothing else, but I won’t know for sure till I can change for work.


Pretty Sissy Dani said...

I highly recommend Payless and Target for attractive shoes in size 10 and 11. I've never tried on shoes at Target, but I've done it several times at Payless and never gotten even a glance.

Riley said...

I have great luck at thrift stores for high-heeled shoes, or a local costume shop/alternative clothes store. I like heels, but sometimes i feel more like a pair of mary-janes with ruffled socks :)

Karen Singer said...

Thank you for your suggestions. I have bought shoes before at both Target and Payless. But the last time I was in our local Payless store they had a very dismal selection. That would probably have been my next stop if I hadn't found anything.

And mary-janes - someday I've GOT to get me a pair!