Wednesday, May 14, 2008

This is a Rant!

ANGER!!! Deep Searing ANGER! Sorry, I have to apologize, but yesterday was one of those days that really re-stoked the fires of rage that have been dwelling within me for the last year. Rage that has quietly been growing for a long, long time. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I do.

I got a call late yesterday afternoon from my wife. He youngest son (my stepson) called her (way out where she is) to tell her that he was in desperate financial trouble again. This is something that has been going on for years and years. Anyway, instead of going home last night, I had to make an almost two-hour drive to where he lives to get him and his family some money. If it wasn’t for their three kids, we would have washed our hands of their financial problems years ago. But instead they have cost me all my savings, my entire retirement account, and put me into debt to an amount that is more than many people make in a year.

My wife knows how much I am getting angry over all this, and it’s driving her crazy with guilt – since it’s her son that’s done this to us. But at the same time, it is her son and she loves him deeply.

To be sure, he tries so very hard all the time. He’s really a great guy. His wife on the other hand – well lets just say that years ago I categorized her as a professional beggar and since then she’s done nothing but prove me right. Ok, this time (again) it’s not his fault. About a month ago, he showed up late Friday afternoon along with all the rest of the people who worked for the company he was with at the time to get his paycheck. Well he got his check and some other news as well. The company was closing right then and there. No warning of any kind to anyone. Now, it’s happened again! Only this time, the company didn’t even hand out any paychecks. He’s been sitting at home trying to do something, but he has no gas in his car to get to a job if he could find one. He has no minutes available on his cell phone to call anyone about a job, and he and his family are hungry. I ask you, what am I supposed to do? He has absolutely the worst luck – and it’s always been like this.

So anyway, by the time I got home late last night, I was still too upset to even want to think about anything sissy. I stayed in “male” mode and went to bed. I woke up again a little while ago (about 4 am) to go to the bathroom, but when I went back to bed again, I started to really miss my diapers. The longer I laid there, the more I thought about them. So I got up again, and I’m once more diapered, pantyhosed, high-heeled, and have my pacifier back in my mouth (the old friend).

So I apologize for the delay and the rant, but these things happen to me from time to time and I know they’ll happen again. This is one of the reasons why I can never reveal my inner self to anyone, because for my entire life, so many people have always needed and depended on my male self. It’s always been this way, and I guess it always will. I’m proud that I’ve been able to help so many people in so many ways throughout my life, but just once, I’d love to be able to enjoy the real me. So as I’ve said before, I take what little I can get, when I can get it, and I appreciate it all the more when I do. My plans for yesterday are now moved to today – and I’m actually looking forward to it.

I’d like to say a huge thank you to everyone who left comments for me. You’ll never know how much I appreciate it – really!

By the way, I know it’s getting to be summer time, and women never wear them anymore, but has anyone noticed how wonderful pantyhose feel?


Pretty Sissy Dani said...

Let all this serve as a reminder--we all need it occasionally--that as much as the "sissy" is a part of you it is largely play-acting. It is not who you are...who you are is the devoted husband and stepfather and step-grandfather who dropped everything to deal with this problem.

That you can do that is proof that you have not let this fantasy take over your life (as some have been known to do), that you still have your head on straight and can live in the real world. My prayers are with you and your stepson and those innocent grandkids.

Karen Singer said...


I thank you for your comment... from the very bottom of my heart. It means a lot to me. Thank you.