Thursday, August 14, 2008

Inroads

For the last few days, I haven’t written much at all about my other side. My baby side. But today I need to.

If you’ve been following along, I’ve been wearing diapers 24/7 for a few weeks now – including to work. Last week, I also purchased some hypnotic recordings to help further my babyishness. But I’ll get to those in a bit.

Living in diapers is absolutely not for everyone. I don’t recommend it. But it’s one of my personal pet interests and I find it very humiliating – so therefore, I love it. And somehow I make it work alongside of my interests in dressing feminine. The two interests coexist in me and both demand that I pay homage to them.

First of all, let me admit right here and now, that I do use the toilet sometimes. But it’s only at work and only for bowel movements. All the rest of the time I use my diapers. I’m still having a hard enough time coming to grips with the fact that I’m actually wearing diapers at work – and I’m wetting them. I’m not going to make things worse by being messy and smelly too. So when that happens – only at work, I make use of the proper facilities. But that’s the only time I do. All the rest of the time, my diapers are there to be used, and I use them just like the baby that I am. I just have to deal with it later, and really, it’s no big deal. One odd thing that I’ve noticed about this is that for some unknown reason, my system has become very regular. I usually go two or three days without a bowel movement, but lately it’s been like clockwork every day. Odd.

Also, only while at work, I always fight peeing in my diapers. I don’t drink hardly anything during the day to keep my wetting to a bare minimum. There are a lot of times I would really love a cup of coffee, but I don’t dare. And when the urge hits me, I hold it and try to release it just a tiny bit at a time. I usually change after lunch and this has worked fairly well for me.

I no longer pee at one time what most people would call a lot. What I now call a lot is really very little, but I do it very often. So often in fact, that combined with a few other things, I don’t always know I’m doing it.

Last week I purchased a series of three related hypnotic recordings from Warp My Mind. The first recording is designed to make you pee uncontrollably all the time. The second one builds on that and instills the fact that you are a baby because you wear and wet diapers. The third one builds on the first two and also installs some typical baby behaviors. I found the first recording to be very powerful and interesting. The second one was almost the same as the first but not as much interest to me. The third one however really intrigued my lust for humiliation. That is the recording I have been listening to exclusively now for the last three days. It spends much of the time reinforcing your inability to control your wetting so you wet all the time without knowing you are going to. You can’t control your bladder at all under any circumstances. You can’t even pee in a toilet because you no longer know how to control your bladder to make yourself pee. Then it reinforces the fact that only babies wear and wet diapers, and since you wear and wet diapers, therefore you are a baby. Finally, it begins to tell you about all the new baby behaviors you have to adopt because you are a baby. Some of them are behaviors for all the time. Some of them are only for when you’re alone or in safe company.

I still don’t know if I can really be hypnotized. I think I probably can, but I’m always too much interested in moving on and getting past the induction part so I can find out what it is they want to talk about and what their techniques are. But these recordings are different. I listen intently from the very beginning. The more I listen to them, the more I continuously find myself agreeing with everything that’s being said in the recordings as being so true – over and over again. While I still seriously doubt that I’ve ever fallen into a trance, I have found some major differences in my life.

For one thing, after listening to any of the recordings. It’s more like I truly have no control at all of my peeing. It’s almost like that area of my body is no longer attached. I can feel things happening down there, but I can’t do anything about it. Nor do I want to do anything about it. I find more than ever that I really love wearing and wetting diapers. But at the same time, I’m trying hard to be able to control myself while at work, and yesterday morning I had some strange moments for quite some time while I tried to figure out if I was really controlling myself or not. I had a very hard time figuring out how to tighten those sphincter muscles again. And I wasn’t sure or not if I was wetting myself or not. I did eventually get it all sorted out again, but it took a bit. Interesting.

Then there’s the other night. I was listening to the recording talking about needing to suckle either on a woman’s breast, or a pacifier, or my thumb. And I suddenly decided to put my thumb into my mouth. I’ve never sucked my thumb before. But once it was there, I absolutely couldn’t remove it till the recording was almost over – quite a while. It was like it was glued there.

Finally, there’s last night. Once again I put my thumb into my mouth for about the last twenty minutes of the recording. No problem. After the recording though, I decided to pick up my pacifier and put it into my mouth. And that’s where it has stayed – solidly! And it’s still there just as solidly right now. For the first time ever, I slept with it all night – tightly against my lips. Not held loosely at any time. Firmly.

At one point last night I decided to have a little snack of some chocolate pie. I cut my piece of pie, and suddenly found myself with a problem. I didn’t want to remove my pacifier. Fortunately, I had my new baby bottle at hand and I forced myself to remove the pacifier so I could eat. I have no doubt that the baby bottle helped. But as soon as I was finished eating and drinking my bottle, the pacifier was glued right back in place. And this morning it’s still there exactly the same way. I drool a lot – like a baby, but that’s perfectly ok. It’s such an interesting experience.

I wonder if any other behaviors will pop up. Only time will tell.

1 comment:

Sissy Daryl said...

I'm so happy for you, that you have embraced nappy wearing 24/7. Good for you. I agree it's not for everyone but I myself have often thought I would like/need to be in nappies 24/7. There is nothing that feels more safe than being in a nappy.
x x x