Friday, August 29, 2008

Sometimes I Do Stupid Things

This adventure has been wonderfully long. Longer than any of my other adventures by far. And yet I want it to go on forever! The longer I’ve been able to be a sissy, the more I want it – and want it badly! Maybe that’s why I keep thinking of stupid things to do. Things I wouldn’t normally even think about doing. Like last week when I went to MacDonalds. That was stupid – but exciting. I still can’t believe I did that in that so obviously feminine top and makeup. Of course they couldn’t see my heels or my jeans as I sat there in the car.

But yesterday on the way home from work, the urge to bring out more of my sissy side was hitting me really hard again. The only problem is that I really needed to cut my lawn since all the rain we’ve had lately has made it really look bad. Soooo… a few ideas slammed their way into my brain – and stuck there.

I have about two acres of grass that needs to be cut. I live in a very nice development where our front yards are fairly small, but our backyards are humongous. With all that grass to cut I use a riding lawn mower to take care of it – a fairly nice John Deere; not very fast, but it gets the job done - eventually. Oh yeah, my entire back yard is surrounded by a six-foot wooden fence. Yes, the neighbors can sort of see through the cracks in it, and since we all have two story houses, it’s very easy to see what’s going on in everyone’s backyard.

Ok, back to the story. As soon as I got home from work last night, I got myself back into diapers again (whew – I couldn’t wait again). I had a quick dinner and talked briefly to my wife. Oh yeah, as soon as I finished diapering myself I also did my fingernails again (remember how long they are?). Pantyhose over the diapers, my male jeans, and a t-shirt. I wanted so badly to put my girly flats on too for cutting the front lawn. I actually started to do it, but I thought better of the idea (good thing).

My overly long fingernails glistening, I went out to the garage door and opened it so I could get my lawn mower out. I really didn’t think the color of my nail polish was all that noticeable – till the sunlight hit it. Suddenly it was an entirely different color and it looked like something you could see a mile away. Funny how different light does that. But I plucked up my courage, got on my lawn mower, and drove out of the garage.

How wonderful it was. None of my neighbors were out. I just worried they might notice my nail polish if they saw me through their windows. I had the front yard all to myself – thankfully – but only for about five minutes! Then my neighbor across the street decided to come out and work with his weed eater in his front yard. I was inwardly panicking more than just a bit.

But a few minutes later, things got much, much worse… You see, I have these other neighbors that live right next to me. A whole houseful of people live there (a lot). They’re all wonderful, friendly people. But… well, they have this habit of practically “living” out in their garage – they just like to all sit there together as if it’s a front porch (they have one but they never use it). Six of them. Two ladies and two guys. All sitting talking. And my yard – where I have to work at cutting the grass comes up to probably less than twenty feet from them. Yikes! I was so tempted to go back into the house to take my nail polish off. But like I said, sometimes I do stupid things.

I continued to cut my lawn like there was nothing wrong at all. I didn’t notice them particularly paying any attention to me (thankfully). Then my neighbor across the street decided to start waving while he was working (just saying hi). I held on tight to my steering wheel and nodded my head towards him. I’m sure he knows it’s more important to hold tightly to that wheel than to wave my hands in the air. Unfortunately, that’s when I noticed his wife had also joined him in his front yard, and she waved too. Such nice people.

Did anybody notice? That’s all I could think about as I continued to cut my front yard. Maybe if my nails weren’t so long they wouldn’t be so noticeable. But the fact is they were (and still are). The bright pink color on them was terribly obvious to me. Please, don’t let anybody look too closely. Just let them see what they want to see – a guy on a lawn mower. My biggest worry was the women. I know for a fact that they notice so much more!

Anyway, I did finish my front lawn just like that. It took a little over half an hour to do it and it was nerve wracking all the way. But then I opened my gate and drove into the back yard – and went into the house to change.

To cut my back yard, I not only wore nail polish, but my highest heels and lipstick too. Remember, the neighbors can still see my entire back yard and what goes on in it from their second story windows.

I spent the next two hours like that cutting grass till it got too dark to finish. Did anybody notice – I don’t know. How could they miss my nail polish while I was out front? I didn’t see any of them giving me strange looks though. But that doesn’t always mean anything.

I know I shouldn’t have done what I did, but I’m just so desperate to express my sissy side I guess – especially in light of my adventure coming to an end now. I’ll probably be leaving in the middle of the night to go pick up my wife. I’ll only have tonight to dress for a bit for the last time. Then everything will have to be packed away and hidden.

I don’t know if I’ll get a chance to write anything tomorrow morning before I leave or not. I’ll try. I do know I’ll write as soon as I get home again. I’m very much looking forward to seeing my wife again, but at the same time I’m dreading giving up my sissy existence.

The world is full of “if-onlys” and realities. And somewhere we have to find the compromise in the middle.

Be happy.


Pretty Sissy Dani said...

Most people only notice if you do something to bring attention to what's unusual about you. Probably even waving back--palm out as most people do--wouldn't have done it. It's too quick, your hand is in motion, the color is facing you, not them.

maiddiane said...

Hello Karen,

There is nothing stupid about what you did. In my opinion, expressing your inner self in public is just the opposite. It's exciting and liberating. i can really relate to the risk and angst regarding neighbors. i am frequently tempted to go outside in female attire. There is no easier opportunity than your own back yard. But what will the neighbors think?

i totally understand about the outside light too, as you know. It's amazing what a difference it makes.

You have a great blog going. Keep it up! i'll be reading more.

sissy maid diane